RavynJayne

I'm in a relationship that I was happy with about a week ago. Suddenly, things hace been happening that I don't approve of. Plus I did some snooping around (for the sake of my happiness) and found out the guy I'm with has been considering going after some other girl simply because I refuse to succumb to his sexual needs. His actions and habits are making me feel insignificant. I've been around alcohol, drugs and porn for as long as I can remember. For once, I want to know what it feels like to be in a relationship that doesn't require any of the above mentioned. My happiness is at stake here. I know I need to make the necessary moves, but I don't know what to do anymore. Any suggestions?

Scott

Quite simply, if his primary concern is satisfying sexual urges, you shouldn't be with him. Only he can stop his addictions. Don't be collateral.

Mal

You don't need to have someone in your life that treats you like that. If he really cared about you he would wait until you were ready for a sexual relationship, not go and satisfy them with another woman or even consider doing that.
It doesn't matter that he's not into the other things because he's still messing up. There is no need to settle for anything but the best. Every woman deserves a man who will treat her right and it sounds like this guy may not be the one.
Maybe you should confront him and let him know that you found out what he was planning and tell him how you feel about it. I, personally, wouldn't be able to trust someone who had even been considering cheating on me again.
I hope that things work out for you.

Rina

If he wants you for sex, and is not willing to harbor your needs, He is not worth your time.

His needs are important to, but it sounds like you need to have a relationship that isn't one of which you need drugs or sex. Your need is stronger than his want. You need to tell him that you can't go thru the pain again, and if he wants you for his sexual pleasure, He can't have you.

angel82

I think you should confront him and ask him why he feels he has to go to another woman to fulfull his sexual needs. He should be understanding and caring as to what you want. If you don't want to have sex right now he should be supportive of that and just wait until you are ready. If he isn't supportive and understanding now and is going off with another girl.. then i would have a good meditation on everything and think what is it about him that makes you feel like you love him and is it enough to make you feel like you are in complete happiness with him. With him being unfaithful I am sure that he isn't the right guy for you. There are tons of nice guys out there who would want to make you happy and wouldnt pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. Believe me, I've found mine and i couldn't be happier.. and i've met a lot of sleezy guys (not that i've dated.. but have talked to and have seen through other friends/sisters) the nice ones are there just keep looking He's not worth you

Apryl

The fact that he is willing to cheat on you in the first place proves that he does not care about you as much as he might say he does. Confront him and leave... It's hard, but let yourself be the strong one.

Lirael

Some how I don't see this happening...
The disadvantage of the male 'super-ego' that pops up way to common is that when they are of a mindset, with the popular idea being sex, they will normally do the same, not settle for anything else. I'm not saying either in this situation are right here, but it comes down to two things:

• RavynJayne wants him to meet to her needs: ie no porn/drugs/sex. This is perfectly acceptable and against popular belief there are a lot of guys out there who are looking for the same thing in a relationship.
• Her boyfriend is looking for a life that will allow him to proceed doing these things, again, this is perfectly acceptable as well.

I don't see this as a matter of who is right or who is wrong, its a matter of compatability.

The area that put him in the gray and her in the right is his apparent ability not to be straightforward with what he wants with her.

RavynJayne, my opinion is that you confront him, not in a angry/displeased or distraught way, but to just sit him down and be upfront. If he is looking for these things in life, if they are truely what he wants, then that's perfectly fine.

And then tell him that he won't find them with you.

He can make a choice at this point but this is hard to tell whether he is going to stick to his word or not, and this comes down to how well you know him (not think you know him). If he says he is willing to take these addictions out of his life, make sure he is doing it for the right reasons. To force him to quit based on your wants and needs aren't fair and normally don't last, the issue will come up again sooner rather then later. If he does it as a thing to better his life and happyness, which does align with what you are after in relationships, then I wish you the best...

RavynJayne

I'm leaving this weekend to visit my family for a few weeks. So I'm hoping this visit will help clear my thoughts. What a way to celebrate Halloween. He knows he's done wrong and this isn't the first time he's pulled this off. I'm willing to forgive him but I cannot go on living like this.

sk8erfreak86

If he has done this before, how do you know the next time he isn't going to go all the way? If you cannot trust him, then why are you dating him?

RavynJayne

I confronted him about it and told him what was going to happen once I left. Needless to say it was an overly emotional meeting and I'm happy to say I dumped him. Thanks for the advice everyone.