Goddess-Of-Dark

Thank you all once again...though you all say the same, and no one has given me advice how to try to save everything we've had...

LadyJo80, first of all I don't think I need therapy - though I feel miserable right now, but strong enough to go through this...if I get some help, it's good, if no - well, I'll cope with everything myself.
And I hadn't loved myself even before he appeared in my life, but I have always respected myself, which is the most important thing. And i can assure you that it IS love...and this person didn't just give me what i needed, but always gave more...

perfect ghost, if I said something like "I feel like I want to die", it's just a feeling for this moment, well...it's too much said. Of course, I won't ruin all my life though this wond is very, very deep...but I'll try to live a happy life, for I think I'm worthy to be happy like everyone is (but I won't deny that now he's the only person who can make me happy)...and I still believe that I'll be able to do something, and it will be fine.

xfvictim2000, thank you very much for your words... of course, in my life I do something for myself, and will do, it's obvious...but my love was just something that gave me enough strength, it was the greatest encouragement and inspiration for me. But still, though I feel I'm losing so much, I dop carry on with my life...I still try to do something in this situation...I never give up!

agentpudge, have to disagree with you that people who don't love themselves can't love someone else and be loved...it's just a prejudice. I know other people who don't love themselves, there are enough such people, but it doesn't mean they can't have pure and genuine feelings for somebody.

SoundOf Silence..."he didn't want to hurt you, and so he doesn't want to see you anymore"...but this hurts much more... Would you just accept it and give up if you were me?..

DarkRockGoddess

Like i said sweetie "Love, Love, Love, you have to love. ANd if you don't get love right you have to [let go for a while] and move [forward]. And then you have to remember that you've [let go] or else you can't move [forward] and if you don't move [forward] you'll surely end up... bitter". Trust me when i say it only feels that way for the moment but things change everyday and one day i can GUARANTEE and BET MY LIFE that one day you'll wake up and know this happened for a reason and you'll be able to take comfort in knowing that you loved and were loved and still ARE loved. And one of the reasons i'm thinking he told you this is because that's the universe's way of giving you the opportunity to start loving youself hun

Jane

I have to say that I'm becoming incredibly suspicious of you right now. It has suddenly dawned on me that you might just be out seeking attention, and perhaps it relates to the situation you described, perhaps it doesn't. All I'm aware of is that you are not taking any of our advice to heart. I can see it in your words... it's like everything is going in one ear and out the other. It seems like you don't like what everyone has to say and that you were hoping for different responses.

I'm not stupid; I know when I'm wasting my time and when I'm not. I wanted you to know that I offered my advice and I told you the way things work and the way things are, and I can tell you a whole lot more than you know, but only if you're willing to listen to reason and understand. I'm very sorry that you didn't listen to me when I told you that you were in a bad spot and you needed to change. You're going to find yourself down a dark and dangerous path (it's not a place you want to go) and when you finally decide that you want help and want enlightenment, it'll be too late for you then.

I'd try and be a bit wiser and a bit more open minded. Especially when you want advice from us. The point of something like this is that you are stuck in your situation and you aren't as rational and as understanding about the situation because you are too involved. I am giving you a good, solid objective opinion, and I obviously realize that it's your decision whether or not to throw it in my face, but in the end, you're hurting yourself and this thread will have been meaningless.

Listen girl, I'm used to being walked on and I'm used to being overlooked and I'm used to not being taken seriously. I know the game you're playing; I'm as stubborn as they come... but it's not going to get you anywhere acting like that. If you don't heed the advice in this thread from me and the others, then you will wind up in a worse place than I'm in now. It'll be an unhealthy place and the only difference separating you and me will be ignorance. I would hope you'd want to be smarter than that, but I'm just not sure with you. You don't seem to seriously want any help, and seem all too content about flaunting how much you know and how much you're in love.

Well if that's what you really feel - I don't care. I'm not like everyone else on this board, I'm not nice and I don't baby people... I'm brutally honest, and I admit, I'm honest to a point of being utterly mean and ridiculous. Suck it up. I decided to be a bit more personal with you because I know a lot about these kinds of situations, and I was trying to help you, because I've been there and I know that no one wants to go there.

Sorry I wasted your time, I'm sure you'll get over it though.

End.

Knerys

There are a couple things that concerned me about this. First was the not loving yourself comment and that has been well covered. Second is the fact that this is an online relationship.

Speaking from experience, a relationship that started on line can be very open and you can easily fall into a comfort zone that lets your guard down. Now I know your young and yes love can be fleeting at this time when it seems so concrete, but becoming that intimately connected with someone whom you have never met face to face can be dangerous. I certainly hope that you have exchanged pictures and possibly talked on the phone to start with. It's easy to fall into this kind of relationship becasue you can pretend things are the way you want them to be. There is no face to face interaction and the gaps can be filled in with whatever it is you believe is right. Maybe he has changed. Maybe he was never interested in you that way. Maybe the long distance is finally taking it's toll, but no matter the reason, you have to try not to let yourself be pulled down by an emotional connection that is lived through a medium.

I know everyone is different. At your age I was head high in text books and IB exams, my concerns and priorities were different. But you need to take a step back, breath out slowly and see that it's not the end.

If you find that you really want to try and work things out. Send him a message, email, pm or whatever and simply state what it is you want, then give him the time to respond. If he does, go from there, and if he doesn't, it's time to let go.

But, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, if you don't feel you want to put in the effort, maybe that's a sign that you should move on too.

Goddess-Of-Dark

Jane, first of all, I'm not seeking attention. If I wanted to, I would do it somehow else. If I speak about something, I'm sincere, if I say it really hurts me, it means that I'm truly hurt. And I do listen to your advice, everyone's advice is rather useful, I just said that I don't want to surrender, and there's still hope in my heart that I'll be able to do something to take it all back. I see you want to help me, and highly appreciate it.

Knerys, thank you for your words...but why everyone thinks the reason is that I don't love myself? You misunderstood me if you think that I don't love myself because I love him, I just think I should change a lot in myself before I'll able to love myself Also he told me the reason is not in me...
Distance has never been such a great obstacle for us...we dreamt so much of getting close, and promised each other it would happen..Yes, we exchanged pictures, but haven't talked on the phone... we live too far away from each other. But I know he was (or still is???) interested in me, I know all he said was truth...we know each other as well as no one else knows us, we know everything about each other, we've always trusted and helped each other, he's been the closest person to me ever.
And of course, i mailed him, telling everything that would help, but he hasn't read them, hasn't been on evboard for a week already...he has disappeared, and i worry if everything's all right with him also...it all seems very strange...

perfect ghost

That is because sometimes there is no saving what there once was and that is when it is time to move on. Everyone here is trying to help you get over this... Sometimes it is better to let go,holding onto the good memories and just knowing that you once had something and it may not be possible to have it any longer. Because the fact is, time goes by and people change...

I used to have this friend who was my best friend all through grade 9, I know he liked me and one point and I know that at one point, I liked him.Anyways,what we had was undescribable, it was perfect, and we were so close. When I came back after the summer,we hadn't talked since June and we didn't really see eachother anymore. I knew it would never be the same because too much time had passed. Whenever I see him, I miss how it was, I miss what we used to have but the fact is, it isn't like that anymore... We drifted apart due to being in different grades and he doesn't have MSN so we rarely ever talk. But what I realised is that sometimes it's better to let go, then to try so hard to hold onto something that you probably can't fix. Have you ever heard that quote " if you love something let it go"? I never used to think that made sense,because I thought, that if you loved something, wouldn't you hang on forever? But I learned that sometimes you just can't because it hurts more, it makes things so much more complicated... Sometimes, there is nothing left to salvage.

I hope all is well.

SoundOfSilence

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goddess-Of-Dark SoundOf Silence..."he didn't want to hurt you, and so he doesn't want to see you anymore"...but this hurts much more... Would you just accept it and give up if you were me?..

i can imagine that it is hard but what do you want to do? you cant force him to do something which he does not want to...
maybe you should try to talk to him again and assure him that you will be always there for him and that you really wants to help but dont know how...
girl, life is unfair, you cant have everything. if he still does not want to see you anymore, you have to go on. and you still know that he loves you.

best wishes,
nadine

Thatisdumb

Okay I think things are taking a bad turn on this thread...a lot of misunderstandings. You know everybody's basic opinion- it's hard and we feel for you, but you're going to have to move forward. You made it sound like the end of this was the end of your life, so we were all worried for you. Now you're saying that you WILL get through this, etc... so I'm confused. But nobody is giving you advice on how to salvage your love for a reason. If it's meant to work out- it will, and you don't need our help. If not, like you said, you have the strength to carry on. You don't need us telling you what to do, you'll be fine.

Snow White

my darling girl, Im sure this is the last thing you want to hear, but all of these responses are just about exactly what I would say too. It hurts more than maybe anything you've ever known right now, but if you can't be happy alone, you'll never be happy with someone. You're just not there right now. You're still unsure of who you are. Don't you wanna be you? Instead of someone you've made yourself to please someone? Because unconciously, thats what we do when we're unsure of ourselves and dedicating everything to someone. I'm 23 and still trying to figure me out. When I was 15, I thought I was so different from everyone- and no matter what anyone said in matters of love, I was just positive that I knew better because I was following my heart. I was SO WRONG. Be strong, you will survive. It does get better, I promise. I think the best thing you can do--- whether you guys end up together or not--- is just give him that space. Life is lonely. Period. Work on making yourself better without him. Live your life- you only get one.
love, amy

Dark Aurora

In "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis there is a part where a woman talks about love. You can only truly love without need, from what i've read it seems that you "need" this kid, and without him you can't survive(I know its only a form of expression, but still...)
Its a great book, a little confusing on the first read, but its really short so read it a few times, it gave me a little different outlook on life.
Talking to someone online and talking to someone in person is totally different, I know a lot of people who act 'normal' in person but once you talk to them on aim they're a total different person.
I don't know who this kid is, but are you sure its really a kid? There are some really fucked up people out there, I know you've exchanged pictures, but you do need to be careful, the world isn't always a safe place.
Don't base your whole life around him, chances are that you'll never meet. Its ok to be friends with him, but to base your emotions on a person you've never even met is a little pointless.