Goddess-Of-Dark

...For a long time I hesitated if I should post it here, but the situation I'm in is really hard, and I think I need your advice and help.

So, for half a year I'm in love with someone, and this time has been the happiest in my life. We have loved each other so dearly, always understood and supported each other in everything...everything went perfect (except one thing - we live in different parts of the world and haven't even met, we found each other here on evboard and then talked only in the net, but it has
never been a great problem to us, our feelings to each other were the only significant thing)...and now my beloved doesn't want to see me just because he's had some problems recently and he's "tired of hurting me" (everything that hurts him hurts me, of course, I'm really worried about the one who is the dearest person in the whole world to me, that is normal, that's
the way it works). And I'm afraid that such a minor thing can part us...I really don't know what to do, for if I lose him, I'll lose the essence of my life, there will be nothing to live and move forward for. Now I feel like I want to die...I don't know if he thinks that it's better to leave me and break all my life, break my heart than just to hurt me with a thing that is minor if to
compare with what is happening to me now. Advise me what I should do or tell him...how to save our love that I know is still alive
And I really want to help the one I love, but don't know how...

Thanks in advance to everyone who responses to this.

...Maybe he will read this all himself...Well, if so, it proves one more time how dear he's to me...

TheLady

YOU are the essence of your life, not someone else. You cannot live for someone else, or by someone else. You must live for yourself.

I understand you have strong and deep feelings for this person. But, if he chooses not to unload his problems on you anymore, there is nothing you can do. he obviously cares for you so much that he is unwilling to hurt you anymore. Do not revolve your life and sense of worth around his life.

Sweetie, you are young. Too young to be so wrapped up in this emotional turmoil. Allow him to live his life, with or without you in it, and do the same for yourself. Love yourself first, and him second.

Thatisdumb

With this I entirely agree. I know just because you're young doesn't make thease feelings any less valid...but you have SO much left of your life, and to spend it sick over ANOTHER PERSON is a complete waste. Could you imagine spending the rest of your life this way?? NOT fun. I understand it's rough, but it's just one of the many bumps in your long road in life. Something else will come along in good time, maybe not LOVE, but something that else you can live for. Something that's YOURS that nobody can touch. This is the time in your life when you can be the most selfish and focus on yourself and yourself alone. PLEASE take advantage. Enjoy your life....you'd better get busy living, or get busy dying (okay, Shawshank Redemption quote..)

DarkRockGoddess

Preach OOON babe! Yes sweetie once again LadyJo is right. you're feelings for him aren't unvalidated but saying you'd have NOTHING to live for if he doesn't want to unload his problems on you anymore is a bit rash. Take it from someone who's "been there, done that" at exactly your age. Although ur guy lives on the otherside of the world it doesn't mean the releationship is insignificant. And forcing it can only make things messy hun BELIEVE me. I'm gonna take this opportunity to post part of some advice that i just about live my life by from a book my dance teachers gave me for my birthday... "Love, Love, Love, you have to love. ANd if you don't get love right you have to [let go for a while] and move [forward]. And then you have to remember that you've [let go] or else you can't move [forward] and if you don't move [forward] you'll surely end up... bitter".
i feel somehow really connected to your problem because i kinda went through the same thing with my ex bf and we weren't together too long but still. And now i used to cry so much thinking it was never gonna get better and now... ...so PLEASE PM me if ur still feeling this way because i'll go into more detail that could really help you through this hun.

Goddess-Of-Dark

Thanks to everyone for advice...but have to disagree with you. I don't love myself....just him...and if I fall in love with somebody, the feeling is deep and for a very long time...I believed this love would last forever... And I can't just let the dearest person ever go... I just know I can't live without him... and he has told m the same. I know that I still love him and will love, whatever happens.
About something that is mine... without him this all is losing meaning, I live like my heart is torn out of me, and there is no advantage in this situation...this is probably the hardest moment of my life, and I can't enjoy it now, and it's too much said about the complete waste...because this another person is the closest one in my life.

But thanks for support, people, anyway

TheLady

Well, then the only advice I can give you, and not to be rude, is therapy.

How can you love someone when you do not love yourself? You should not need his presence in your life to make your life worth living.

We have all had broken hearts. Many people on this board have had their hearts torn out of their chest, leaving a gaping hole and emptiness. but, you get through it. you realize there is more to life than just one person, whether they live next door or 1/2 way around the world.

Everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason for what is happening to you now. the reason is not always immediately clear. you are too young to be trying to revolve your life around him, around anyone.

No one wants you to be unhappy and miserable. We are all telling you these things to make you realize that there is so much more out there than this ONE person. Regardless of age, it cannot be true love if you do not love yourself. living for the other person is not life, it is dependence. You may THINK it is love, because this person gives you what you need. Depend on and love yourself FIRST, then open your heart to others.

perfect ghost

What I have learned in the past is that you can't base your happieness on something you can't controll or else you are going to get thrown around and hurt and there's nothing you can do about it if you let others' impact controll your emotions. You really do have to make things happen for yourself and not always worry about when others are going to make them happen for you.

My parents aren't together whatsoever, although they are technically still married, they don't have anything to do with one another. It's really screwed up, anyways, my mom found someone else, he's a bit younger than her, but she is totally and madly in love with him. And she has had her heart broken so many times by this guy that now whenever something even small happens, she acts as if it is the end of the world. And maybe it seems that way to her, but I've seen it happen, and it isn't good. I am sure it is a wonderful thing to be in love, but not to the point where you would die if the relationship suddenly died, that's not healthy.

While it is nice to have others in your life who you care deeply about, it's not good to get so consumed in them that you let them destroy you. Enjoy being with them,enjoy the bliss they give to you, and love them back. But ultimately you have to make yourself happy, and someone who I respect greatly has opened my eyes even wider to see that.

You just have to remember that there are so many people in the world, and you are so young and your life is just beginning, don't let one guy ruin the rest of your life. You will find someone, but don't give up before it has even begun.

xfvictim2000

Hunny...don't get me wrong on this. But that is craziness! I am not going to say you are to young for love. Love knows no age. But you Are just 15. Believe me when i tell you that there is going to be a lot of love in your future. But there is going to be a lot of heartache too. You can't have one without the other. It's like light and dark, good and evil... I won't get all philisophical about it, so i'll just give you an example of my own experiences.
I met my ex-boyfriend when i was 17. He waited until the day i turned 18 to ask me out (he was 20). We were together for 4 YEARS! That's like, forever, Especially in your late teen-early twenties years. I am 22 now, and after 4 years of spending almost everyday together, and loving eachother day in and day out everyday of it, he PCS'd to Arizona. I am Still stuck here in Okinawa Japan. I am going to Washington next, so there isn't much for us as a couple right now. It tore my heart out with a bear-trap when he left. Everyone said we should have gotten married, but I wasn't ready. Now i don't have the only guy i've ever loved (that isn't related), he is half way around the world...and that spectacular 4 years of my life is over. But i get up every morning, go to work, and carry on with my life. Why? Because that is just what you do! You can't just stop living when things don't go the way you want. Life is full of ups and downs, happiness and dissappointment. That is why it is Life. So pick yourself up and start living Your Life for YOU! Because at the end of the day, you're still you, and living for "someone else" isn't going to change that. You will be a lot happier once you realise that, i promise you! Good luck with it hun! Be strong! It'll get better.

Jane

I have something to say about this, because it's very serious and it's struck a deep, dark nerve inside of my dead heart. The replies and advice you've been getting were great and I completely agree. The fact that you said you don't love yourself, my heart breaks at that. You will never have a pure and an everlasting love with anyone until you love yourself, it will not happen.

Six months is not a long time. One year is not a long time. You are becoming far too invested in this person. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing, or that you two should stop caring for each other. But it seems like you are letting this single guy seep into your life, becoming your world. What I'm saying is that it is unhealthy for you as a person to be carrying on in this relationship the way you are. You have to be able to have a good and happy life without him. That's a sign that you're ready to have this relationship - the idea of love is that it doesn't make your life worth living, it just makes your life perfect... like the ice cream on the cake. Your life needs to be worth living first, before the love. You will not be able to grow and thrive as a strong individual until you learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are. How can you expect this guy to love you if you don't love you?

I'm going to wish you all the luck in the world with this, but please heed my warnings and don't become too emotionally invested in this, be smart with it. 9 times out of 10 you're going to wind up with a very shattered and broken heart, and you might only cause yourself more distress. I want you to be able to be a good, healthy person... I can't stress how important it is for you to take care of yourself first like the others have said.

Take it from someone who learned that lesson the hard way. Take it from someone who never took care of herself and never loved herself. The further damage you do, and the deeper you get pulled in - the harder it will be to climb out and be saved. It's a place that no human beings should find themselves in, and every human being that gets there deserves to be saved from it. Just be careful... no one wants to see you hurt. And if this guy cares so much for you, as it seems, he will understand and support you and will tell you these things that I'm telling you. Good luck.

End.

SoundOfSilence

the advice which have already been posted are great and very useful and you still have a problem. loving him is not the sense of your life. really, okay you have very strong feelings for him but you are still very young - and you will meet many other people in your life and fall in love again. he did not want to hurt you and so he does not want to see you anymore - because he loves you. and that is his decision and you should accept it - because you love him.

best wishes,
nadine