Mandy's Stuff - EvBoard

shadows_friend · 10-28-2005, 06:22 PM

hey all,
i used to have a thread in here of my poetry and stuff but i lost it when we had the big crash ages ago.
Well anyway, i need your comments on a song i wrote. My friend wanted me to write him one and i usually just write poetry so this is kinda new-ish for me.
but let me know what you all think...

Trust

Seventeen years
At your side
I never left you once
I never made you cry
From when i was a baby
Till far into my life
I'm not going to leave
I'll always be here

(Chorus)
I thought it was natural
This trust we have
But now i see
It was forced, so sad

I can't bear
To see you hurt
I cant let them do it
But i guess for me
Revenge is worse
I want to stay
Don't make me leave
Try a bit harder
Keep me a little longer
I'm your child
It's meant to be

(Chorus)

Child, Mother
Daughter, Brother
They all share it too
Why wont you trust me
Like all the others do?
What have i done
To deserve this?
I'm shedding many tears
Over this trust we had

(Chorus)

I thought it was natural
This trust we had
But now i see
I wasnt worth the love
I wasnt worth the lies
The lies of our trust
I dont want it forced
It just hurts so bad.

perfect ghost · 10-28-2005, 06:35 PM

hey. I think that you have some good idea's there but maybe try not to be so literal... Maybe try using some more metaphors and stuff, it makes writing a lot more interesting. But like I said, I think it's good, maybe it could just be a bit more descriptive. Keep it up!
Alana

shadows_friend · 10-28-2005, 08:16 PM

hey thanks heaps. I need all the advice i can get because my mate just started a band and he wants me to write their first song for him so i dont wanna give him one thats real crap!! so yeah, any advice would be much appreciated

Matise · 10-29-2005, 08:53 PM

omg!! =o!!
woo that make's me fell good hey thanx for posting it !
you will do more?
because i love it <3

shadows_friend · 11-07-2005, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matise

omg!! =o!!
woo that make's me fell good hey thanx for posting it !
you will do more?
because i love it <3

hey thanks. im not much of a song writer, i'm more of a poet. im studying for exams at gthe moment though so i'll probably write some more stuff after then, probably in about two weeks...
thanks

shadows_friend · 12-23-2005, 01:06 AM

She sits in the corner
Drenched in tears
wanting to get out
but held back by her fears
Filled with confusion
Thinking of those times
When she was cared for
Before all the blue crimes
Used and abused
Day after day
She lacked the usual strength
She knew within that lay
Her tears fell again
She screamed to the sky
It helped only her fear
As she stopped her cry
Her strength returned to her
Her anger came too
The faceless ghost came
Rang her memory so true
He hurt her before
But never will again
Her strength was more now
She knew she was to reign
She sits in the corner
Drenched in her tears
Afraid no longer
She had beaten her fears

if_i_bleed · 12-23-2005, 01:30 AM

ohh wow.i think they are really good!

Heaven.queen · 12-23-2005, 04:52 PM

Yeah! They are really good! congratulations! =)

Im_Broken · 12-24-2005, 03:16 PM

Great stuff. Hope you post more soon!

shadows_friend · 12-29-2005, 10:56 PM

Hey thanks for your comments guys. I know all mine kinda relate to the same thing... which kinda sucks.. but one of these days i'll suddenly have a brainwave with a whole new style!! haha

He walks through the door
promise in his eyes
She doesnt want him there
she doesnt want his lies
"I want to start over"
He speaks the words so true
"I dont want you here"
She replies, oh so blue
He wants to make things better
As her eyes start to glisten
He promises to change
But to him she wont listen
All she can think of then
Is his drugs and all his lies
She cant handle it anymore
With him a part of her dies
He doesnt understand
What goes on in her mind
He just wants to fix it
He knew she was one of a kind
He regretted what he did
He regretted making her hurt
He never wanted her involved
Now she felt like a piece of dirt
Tears now streamed down his face
And she stopped in fright
Maybe this time it was true
Maybe there was light
She took him in a hug
Hoping he was true
She never wanted to lose him
Now it was just like new.

10-28-2005, 06:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
shadows_friend Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: New Zealand :) Age: 20 Posts: 87 Points: 122.34 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 122.34 Donate	Mandy's Stuff hey all, i used to have a thread in here of my poetry and stuff but i lost it when we had the big crash ages ago. Well anyway, i need your comments on a song i wrote. My friend wanted me to write him one and i usually just write poetry so this is kinda new-ish for me. but let me know what you all think... Trust Seventeen years At your side I never left you once I never made you cry From when i was a baby Till far into my life I'm not going to leave I'll always be here (Chorus) I thought it was natural This trust we have But now i see It was forced, so sad I can't bear To see you hurt I cant let them do it But i guess for me Revenge is worse I want to stay Don't make me leave Try a bit harder Keep me a little longer I'm your child It's meant to be (Chorus) Child, Mother Daughter, Brother They all share it too Why wont you trust me Like all the others do? What have i done To deserve this? I'm shedding many tears Over this trust we had (Chorus) I thought it was natural This trust we had But now i see I wasnt worth the love I wasnt worth the lies The lies of our trust I dont want it forced It just hurts so bad.

10-28-2005, 06:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
perfect ghost Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Toronto,Ontario Age: 19 Posts: 737 Points: 1,929.93 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 1,929.93 Donate	hey. I think that you have some good idea's there but maybe try not to be so literal... Maybe try using some more metaphors and stuff, it makes writing a lot more interesting. But like I said, I think it's good, maybe it could just be a bit more descriptive. Keep it up! Alana __________________ Lock the last open door,my ghosts are gaining on me...

10-29-2005, 08:53 PM	#4 (permalink)
Matise Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: under the blue sky Age: 18 Posts: 1,219 Points: 924.06 Bank: 6,024.90 Total Points: 6,948.96 Donate	omg!! =o!! woo that make's me fell good hey thanx for posting it ! you will do more? because i love it <3 __________________ ThE LaSt FaLlEn AnGeLs EvAnEsCeNcE FaN cLuB

12-23-2005, 01:06 AM	#6 (permalink)
shadows_friend Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: New Zealand :) Age: 20 Posts: 87 Points: 122.34 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 122.34 Donate	She sits in the corner Drenched in tears wanting to get out but held back by her fears Filled with confusion Thinking of those times When she was cared for Before all the blue crimes Used and abused Day after day She lacked the usual strength She knew within that lay Her tears fell again She screamed to the sky It helped only her fear As she stopped her cry Her strength returned to her Her anger came too The faceless ghost came Rang her memory so true He hurt her before But never will again Her strength was more now She knew she was to reign She sits in the corner Drenched in her tears Afraid no longer She had beaten her fears __________________ Do you remember when we met? You told me this gets harder.. well it did. Check out My Stuff

12-24-2005, 03:16 PM	#9 (permalink)
Im_Broken Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,397 Points: 470.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 470.00 Donate	Great stuff. Hope you post more soon! __________________ -Rach- ((Check out my stuff)) when it starts to rain break out the slip and slide

10-28-2005, 08:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
shadows_friend Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: New Zealand :) Age: 20 Posts: 87 Points: 122.34 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 122.34 Donate	hey thanks heaps. I need all the advice i can get because my mate just started a band and he wants me to write their first song for him so i dont wanna give him one thats real crap!! so yeah, any advice would be much appreciated

12-23-2005, 01:30 AM	#7 (permalink)
if_i_bleed Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: tennessee Age: 17 Posts: 29 Points: 111.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 111.00 Donate	ohh wow.i think they are really good!

12-23-2005, 04:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
Heaven.queen enjoy the silence Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Buenos Aires Age: 21 Posts: 2,191 Points: 2,778.86 Bank: 13,709.23 Total Points: 16,488.09 Donate	Yeah! They are really good! congratulations! =)

12-29-2005, 10:56 PM	#10 (permalink)
shadows_friend Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: New Zealand :) Age: 20 Posts: 87 Points: 122.34 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 122.34 Donate	Hey thanks for your comments guys. I know all mine kinda relate to the same thing... which kinda sucks.. but one of these days i'll suddenly have a brainwave with a whole new style!! haha He walks through the door promise in his eyes She doesnt want him there she doesnt want his lies "I want to start over" He speaks the words so true "I dont want you here" She replies, oh so blue He wants to make things better As her eyes start to glisten He promises to change But to him she wont listen All she can think of then Is his drugs and all his lies She cant handle it anymore With him a part of her dies He doesnt understand What goes on in her mind He just wants to fix it He knew she was one of a kind He regretted what he did He regretted making her hurt He never wanted her involved Now she felt like a piece of dirt Tears now streamed down his face And she stopped in fright Maybe this time it was true Maybe there was light She took him in a hug Hoping he was true She never wanted to lose him Now it was just like new. __________________ Do you remember when we met? You told me this gets harder.. well it did. Check out My Stuff

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