me and my S.V.D. - Page 2 - EvBoard

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 01-10-2006, 02:14 PM

Someone has to die
it's not unfear
it's just the way of life!

I've cried so hard
I couldn't get in mind
It seemed to be a lie!

But day will change a night
there will be hope
and may be even light!

Someone has to die
today, tomorrow,
it won't go easer next time!

Someone has to die
another lives long life...
and we are not them who decide!

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 01-14-2006, 04:49 PM

So… I typed another few things I’d like to share with you…

This one has no name… it’s about caring for someone who has bad period in life… and sees no way of going out… for very long time!

No! It’s just can’t be the same again!
Stop the earth! She thought it couldn’t be worse!
But every time she has new line
To which she has to fall… so long… so long!

I! I just can’t help myself to step
Behind her line! I can not find
The words of entity to let her be
Like it was million years ago… so long… so long!

She! She cries and cries at night
And whispers words to knock the door
Of empty heaven… But it hasn’t
Heard her for so long! Oh! So long!

Why does it happen to her?
Every step is another fall!
She breaks her head with this wall…
But then she asks “what was it for?”!

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 01-14-2006, 05:14 PM

I was looking for some hope
My eyes were closed and hands were roped
The wind… it wasn’t soft
I thought I lost my God!
I was frozen in this Helll
And I had no one here to tell
My tears, my fears and my pain
And now I have no force to say “Help!”

Caligari_87 · 01-15-2006, 05:06 PM

Very good stuff. Again, it seems like your English is a little rough in spots, but that's a small problem. What matters is the feeling, and that's very strong.

It's interesting, because the poems are both surreal and tangible; They seem like a dream that could never happen in real life, but when you're in the dream, it feels real.

That's a fine line to toe, and you do a very good job of it. The short one, "Help", and the untitled poem are probably my favorite of these three. Keep up the good work!

EDIT: you asked if some of your mistakes could be pointed out: This is constructive critisism, so don't take it the wrong way.

In "Help", the line "I froze while being in the hell" doesn't quite work, although I know what you're trying to say. "Hell" is a name of a place, not an inanimate thing, so it doesn't have "the" in front of it. That's the most obvious error. It also sounds kind of odd the way it's written. You might want to revise it thus: "I was frozen in this Hell"

There's a few more small things in some of the other poems too, but they're not enough to worry about and I'm not sure how you'd change them without rewriting the whole poem, so I'll leave it at that. All said, you've done a really good job and I look forward to seeing more!

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 01-15-2006, 06:03 PM

2 Caligari_87: I really-really thank you for your words and edits!

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 01-20-2006, 06:20 AM

I did these poems not long ago (this week)... they're not really well rhymed... but I've found them nice! And the second seems funny to me

so...

Lullaby

Shhh! Don’t cry!
I am your dream tonight!
I’m just a memory!
I’m just a sight!
I kiss your eyes
And you will see the starlight
This will be a perfect dream…
And it’s all right…

I’ll take your hand,
I’ll show you nonexistent land
Just let me lead you
Through this sunset!
Believe you won’t regret
And I will never come back
To ask you
Did you forget…
Me?

I do not love you
But I miss, it’s true!
I miss for every single moment of November!
Have you filled my space inside of you?
Because I did…
And I won’t come back… Ever!

I’ve forgotten you
Forever
Since November… but tonight
I will sing you lullaby!
I will find your heart
I’ll carry it from inside
Of our dead love!

Shhh! Don’t cry!
I am your dream tonight!
I’ll be with you for the last time
Till morning starts…
…and that’s all right!
Good night!

My Name is Autumn!

Hello! My name is Autumn!
Or you may call me fallen!
And I am sadnessholic
I am so good with sorrow!
I whisper words in rain…
My clouds are so grey…
I mean it when I cry,
You have no place to hide!
I have wide opened eyes…
I hate all fakes and lies
But I believe in love!
It makes this heart too warm…
It makes my day too limpid…
So you see real life in it
Imperfect life of ugly world
That’s sinking in my love!
You know, my name’s Autumn!
I’ll never be forgotten!
And if you don’t pretend
You won’t ask me why I’m sad!

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 01-20-2006, 06:28 AM

...and this one was written in this summer or even earlier! It's so hard sometimes to see someone's trying to understand you but can't...

You

You’re looking in my eyes
And searching for my pain
You feel it and you cry
Of knowing that I try to hide again!
You’re asking me to stay with you
To let you hold me, cure that pain!
But it seems to be the endless wall
I withdraw into myself, run away again!

I’d love to hide in you
But there’s the wall of words of mine
They’ll bury me and soon
There will be no door and I’ll die!
I’m so scared of being deaf
Why don’t I hear your voice?!
Why do I turn away in myself
If I want to be yours!?

I’m sorry for my silence
For being strong in every way
For stupid self-reliance
For loosing myself in that pain!

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 01-20-2006, 06:38 AM

there was a time when I tried to draw! It was several years ago! I don't really know were my works good or not, I just liked to do this, so I've got a small gallery of my works! I want to show some that I like much!

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 01-20-2006, 08:02 AM

...also I did something in color! These two are my favorite! (I can't scan them, because these are too large, so I had to make photos)

Caligari_87 · 01-20-2006, 09:54 AM

Lullaby rhymes fine through most of the poem, I thought. All of those were really good; I liked them.

As for the drawings, those are awesome. I've never been able to draw anything near to that. You should really keep it up! You've got a knack for it.

01-10-2006, 02:14 PM	#11 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 24 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	someone has to die Someone has to die it's not unfear it's just the way of life! I've cried so hard I couldn't get in mind It seemed to be a lie! But day will change a night there will be hope and may be even light! Someone has to die today, tomorrow, it won't go easer next time! Someone has to die another lives long life... and we are not them who decide! Last edited by Svetlana-S.V.D. : 01-10-2006 at 03:33 PM.

01-14-2006, 05:14 PM	#13 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 24 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	Help I was looking for some hope My eyes were closed and hands were roped The wind… it wasn’t soft I thought I lost my God! I was frozen in this Helll And I had no one here to tell My tears, my fears and my pain And now I have no force to say “Help!” Last edited by Svetlana-S.V.D. : 01-16-2006 at 07:19 AM.

01-15-2006, 05:06 PM	#14 (permalink)
Caligari_87 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Do you want to know? No, do you REALLY want to know? You don't. Age: 21 Posts: 115 Points: 755.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 755.00 Donate	Very good stuff. Again, it seems like your English is a little rough in spots, but that's a small problem. What matters is the feeling, and that's very strong. It's interesting, because the poems are both surreal and tangible; They seem like a dream that could never happen in real life, but when you're in the dream, it feels real. That's a fine line to toe, and you do a very good job of it. The short one, "Help", and the untitled poem are probably my favorite of these three. Keep up the good work! EDIT: you asked if some of your mistakes could be pointed out: This is constructive critisism, so don't take it the wrong way. In "Help", the line "I froze while being in the hell" doesn't quite work, although I know what you're trying to say. "Hell" is a name of a place, not an inanimate thing, so it doesn't have "the" in front of it. That's the most obvious error. It also sounds kind of odd the way it's written. You might want to revise it thus: "I was frozen in this Hell" There's a few more small things in some of the other poems too, but they're not enough to worry about and I'm not sure how you'd change them without rewriting the whole poem, so I'll leave it at that. All said, you've done a really good job and I look forward to seeing more! __________________ Roses are #FF0000 / Violets are #0000FF All my base / Are belong to you Last edited by Caligari_87 : 01-15-2006 at 05:17 PM.

01-20-2006, 06:20 AM	#16 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 24 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	there is something new! I did these poems not long ago (this week)... they're not really well rhymed... but I've found them nice! And the second seems funny to me so... Lullaby Shhh! Don’t cry! I am your dream tonight! I’m just a memory! I’m just a sight! I kiss your eyes And you will see the starlight This will be a perfect dream… And it’s all right… I’ll take your hand, I’ll show you nonexistent land Just let me lead you Through this sunset! Believe you won’t regret And I will never come back To ask you Did you forget… Me? I do not love you But I miss, it’s true! I miss for every single moment of November! Have you filled my space inside of you? Because I did… And I won’t come back… Ever! I’ve forgotten you Forever Since November… but tonight I will sing you lullaby! I will find your heart I’ll carry it from inside Of our dead love! Shhh! Don’t cry! I am your dream tonight! I’ll be with you for the last time Till morning starts… …and that’s all right! Good night! My Name is Autumn! Hello! My name is Autumn! Or you may call me fallen! And I am sadnessholic I am so good with sorrow! I whisper words in rain… My clouds are so grey… I mean it when I cry, You have no place to hide! I have wide opened eyes… I hate all fakes and lies But I believe in love! It makes this heart too warm… It makes my day too limpid… So you see real life in it Imperfect life of ugly world That’s sinking in my love! You know, my name’s Autumn! I’ll never be forgotten! And if you don’t pretend You won’t ask me why I’m sad! Last edited by Svetlana-S.V.D. : 05-02-2006 at 03:18 PM.

01-20-2006, 09:54 AM	#20 (permalink)
Caligari_87 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Do you want to know? No, do you REALLY want to know? You don't. Age: 21 Posts: 115 Points: 755.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 755.00 Donate	Lullaby rhymes fine through most of the poem, I thought. All of those were really good; I liked them. As for the drawings, those are awesome. I've never been able to draw anything near to that. You should really keep it up! You've got a knack for it. __________________ Roses are #FF0000 / Violets are #0000FF All my base / Are belong to you

01-14-2006, 04:49 PM	#12 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 24 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	So… I typed another few things I’d like to share with you… This one has no name… it’s about caring for someone who has bad period in life… and sees no way of going out… for very long time! No! It’s just can’t be the same again! Stop the earth! She thought it couldn’t be worse! But every time she has new line To which she has to fall… so long… so long! I! I just can’t help myself to step Behind her line! I can not find The words of entity to let her be Like it was million years ago… so long… so long! She! She cries and cries at night And whispers words to knock the door Of empty heaven… But it hasn’t Heard her for so long! Oh! So long! Why does it happen to her? Every step is another fall! She breaks her head with this wall… But then she asks “what was it for?”!

01-15-2006, 06:03 PM	#15 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 24 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	2 Caligari_87: I really-really thank you for your words and edits!

01-20-2006, 06:28 AM	#17 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 24 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	...and this one was written in this summer or even earlier! It's so hard sometimes to see someone's trying to understand you but can't... You You’re looking in my eyes And searching for my pain You feel it and you cry Of knowing that I try to hide again! You’re asking me to stay with you To let you hold me, cure that pain! But it seems to be the endless wall I withdraw into myself, run away again! I’d love to hide in you But there’s the wall of words of mine They’ll bury me and soon There will be no door and I’ll die! I’m so scared of being deaf Why don’t I hear your voice?! Why do I turn away in myself If I want to be yours!? I’m sorry for my silence For being strong in every way For stupid self-reliance For loosing myself in that pain!

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