MoonlightShadow's Stuff - EvBoard

MoonlightShadow · 01-12-2005, 03:16 PM

MoonlightShadow here,

I felt like finally making a contribution to this section of the board. I love writing songs and poetry and I thought I'd share some of my best stuff. Every so often I'll come back and add something new, so enjoy!

"Fallen Angel" - MoonlightShadow

No one lives here anymore,
This haunted house has countless horrors in store
Bruises where there once were stars,
Now all that's left on my soul are scars
The curse of my existence hangs over my head -
I love you so much, but I wish you were dead!

I've fallen too fast, too hard, too completely
in love with someone who doesn't want me
Can't get out, can't break out, can't ever get free
I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me!

My head, it aches
From this parade of never-ending fakes
The world has become a freakshow:
The only reality I know
My love is unwanted, unwanted by you
I've fallen into the void, I only wanted the truth

I've fallen too fast, too hard, too completely
in love with someone who doesn't want me
Can't get out, can't break out, can't ever get free
I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me!

I could've been yours, you could've had me
But you wanted her, she's the only thing you see
But does she want you, or is it just an act?
If she let you down, would you take her back?
Would you nitice me if my wounds bled?
Do you ever think of me in the back of your head?
But in your eyes I've become a stranger:
Your one-and-only fallen angel...

I've fallen too fast, too hard, too completely
in love with someone who doesn't want me
Can't get out, can't break out, can't ever get free
I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me!

...I could have been yours you could've had me,
but what never was, may never be
In your eyes, I've become a stranger:
Your one-and-only fallen angel...

By: MoonlightShadow

little Ally · 01-12-2005, 04:13 PM

Hey!, It's beautiful, i mean it, you dod a great work with feelings and images...
*claps*
Little Ally

mystic_flare · 01-12-2005, 06:27 PM

I really love it.

It's a powerfull poem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoonlightShadow

I've fallen too fast, too hard, too completely
in love with someone who doesn't want me
Can't get out, can't break out, can't ever get free
I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me!

...I could have been yours you could've had me,
but what never was, may never be
In your eyes, I've become a stranger:
Your one-and-only fallen angel...

My favorite part.

Keep up the good job!

rain_clouds · 01-13-2005, 08:57 AM

Lovely poem hun, very mystical

*gives rep points*

XXX <3 rain_clouds

MoonlightShadow · 01-14-2005, 02:44 PM

Moonlight Shadow again,

Thanks for the praise!

Here is something else I wrote:

"Night" - by: MoonlightShadow

Night is falling,
Darkness crawling
Creatures of night
Come into the light
Lunar eclipse,
Something's adrift
In the silence
There is a presence
Light and shadow
Hand in hand,
Good and evil
Roam the land
Disapearing, vaporzing
Rising up and then capsizing
Far away -
yet closer still
Down in the valley
And over the hill
Somewhere out there
Watching you
Something's out there
Watching me too
Arise night spirit! Take thy flight,
Fly away into the night!

- MoonlightShadow

GirlWithAMic · 01-14-2005, 04:44 PM

For the first piece: I really liked the first stanza, that was good. But the rest of it got cliche. That subject has been written about that way many, many times. There were some nice phrases here and there, but overall it got kind of bland. Also, for both pieces, the AABB rhyme scheme gets old fast. It reads too sing-songy and is reminiscent of nursery rhymes. ABAB sounds a lot better, but it's also hard to do well.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but to me the point of this forum is constructive criticism, so that's what I try to give.

raindrop829 · 01-14-2005, 06:05 PM

i really like your poems! they are mysterious and spiritual...i like the way you compared a soul to a haunted house...i think you are very talented and i really want to see more! keep posting your stuff! God bless

MoonlightShadow · 01-18-2005, 01:28 PM

Here is something new

"As I Fall" - MoonlightShadow

Sleeping, waking
In my dreams it's all fine
Looking, searching
For a reason why
Why'd you leave me all alone?
I'll disconnect my telephone
Because I know you'd never ever call
If only you'd catch me as I fall

Bleeding, needing
Falling from my tower
Watching, waiting
Caught in a rainshower
I see all and I listen
But if I never hear you again
I might as well never listen at all
If only you'd catch me as I fall

I've let you get so far away from me
Where were you when I needed a friend?
What happened to the good old days?
Did you ever know me at all?
If only you'd catch me as I fall

Leaving, grieving
I've lost a good friend
Wanting, needing
What I'll never see again
I just wish you'd dissapear
Then I'd have nothing to fear
I must try not to feel at all
I know you won't catch me as I fall

sweetwater · 01-18-2005, 11:54 PM

great poem MoonlightShadow...

MoonBunny30 · 01-19-2005, 12:57 PM

Wonderful work!! I do look forward to reading more soon!

01-12-2005, 03:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
MoonlightShadow Junior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Canada Age: 21 Posts: 96 Points: 84.67 Bank: 1,119.81 Total Points: 1,204.48 Donate	MoonlightShadow's Stuff MoonlightShadow here, I felt like finally making a contribution to this section of the board. I love writing songs and poetry and I thought I'd share some of my best stuff. Every so often I'll come back and add something new, so enjoy! "Fallen Angel" - MoonlightShadow No one lives here anymore, This haunted house has countless horrors in store Bruises where there once were stars, Now all that's left on my soul are scars The curse of my existence hangs over my head - I love you so much, but I wish you were dead! I've fallen too fast, too hard, too completely in love with someone who doesn't want me Can't get out, can't break out, can't ever get free I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me! My head, it aches From this parade of never-ending fakes The world has become a freakshow: The only reality I know My love is unwanted, unwanted by you I've fallen into the void, I only wanted the truth I've fallen too fast, too hard, too completely in love with someone who doesn't want me Can't get out, can't break out, can't ever get free I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me! I could've been yours, you could've had me But you wanted her, she's the only thing you see But does she want you, or is it just an act? If she let you down, would you take her back? Would you nitice me if my wounds bled? Do you ever think of me in the back of your head? But in your eyes I've become a stranger: Your one-and-only fallen angel... I've fallen too fast, too hard, too completely in love with someone who doesn't want me Can't get out, can't break out, can't ever get free I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me! ...I could have been yours you could've had me, but what never was, may never be In your eyes, I've become a stranger: Your one-and-only fallen angel... By: MoonlightShadow Last edited by MoonlightShadow : 07-27-2005 at 01:48 PM.

01-13-2005, 08:57 AM	#4 (permalink)
rain_clouds Ice Queen Join Date: May 2004 Location: Anywhere But Home Age: 20 Posts: 412 Points: 1,040.41 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 1,040.41 Donate	Lovely poem hun, very mystical gives rep points XXX <3 rain_clouds __________________ Hunt me, As i lay dead, Find me In you head, Crawling beneath, The spiders web

01-18-2005, 01:28 PM	#8 (permalink)
MoonlightShadow Junior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Canada Age: 21 Posts: 96 Points: 84.67 Bank: 1,119.81 Total Points: 1,204.48 Donate	Me again! Here is something new "As I Fall" - MoonlightShadow Sleeping, waking In my dreams it's all fine Looking, searching For a reason why Why'd you leave me all alone? I'll disconnect my telephone Because I know you'd never ever call If only you'd catch me as I fall Bleeding, needing Falling from my tower Watching, waiting Caught in a rainshower I see all and I listen But if I never hear you again I might as well never listen at all If only you'd catch me as I fall I've let you get so far away from me Where were you when I needed a friend? What happened to the good old days? Did you ever know me at all? If only you'd catch me as I fall Leaving, grieving I've lost a good friend Wanting, needing What I'll never see again I just wish you'd dissapear Then I'd have nothing to fear I must try not to feel at all I know you won't catch me as I fall Last edited by MoonlightShadow : 07-27-2005 at 01:51 PM.

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01-12-2005, 04:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
little Ally n00blet Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: In my own world, deep inside of my mind Age: 20 Posts: 14 Points: 351.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 351.00 Donate	Hey!, It's beautiful, i mean it, you dod a great work with feelings and images... claps Little Ally

01-14-2005, 04:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	For the first piece: I really liked the first stanza, that was good. But the rest of it got cliche. That subject has been written about that way many, many times. There were some nice phrases here and there, but overall it got kind of bland. Also, for both pieces, the AABB rhyme scheme gets old fast. It reads too sing-songy and is reminiscent of nursery rhymes. ABAB sounds a lot better, but it's also hard to do well. Sorry if I sound harsh, but to me the point of this forum is constructive criticism, so that's what I try to give.

01-14-2005, 06:05 PM	#7 (permalink)
raindrop829 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On the Boulavard of Broken Dreams Age: 18 Posts: 223 Points: 194.25 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 194.25 Donate	i really like your poems! they are mysterious and spiritual...i like the way you compared a soul to a haunted house...i think you are very talented and i really want to see more! keep posting your stuff! God bless

01-18-2005, 11:54 PM	#9 (permalink)
sweetwater Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 862 Points: 142.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 142.00 Donate	great poem MoonlightShadow...

01-19-2005, 12:57 PM	#10 (permalink)
MoonBunny30 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: In my own dark and peaceful world Age: 21 Posts: 48 Points: 365.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 365.00 Donate	Wonderful work!! I do look forward to reading more soon!

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