Honest and/or constructive opinions please. :) Your favorite line could help too. :cool: I'm not sure if it's finished or not, I wrote it yesterday but I keep changing things.

I stare and look depper at the mirror looking back
Reflection's forcing me to see through the mask
A sharp look upon the things I'll miss
Visions of what I could have taint me
I've lost my sight and embraced my sins
Broken and longing to break free
Though the fragments tell a different story

I tried but couldn't stop judging every reasoning I had
And my dreams were overshadowed by decieving walls
Walls in me that would remind me how much has faded
Since I found my way to the devil's roads

I tried to fight away everything I hated believing
Wanted to make you proud of the lie I created
Followed all rules but lost my target.
Pretense is growing and everyone's smiling
While I'm dying with a smile for you

It's good!! I think the first line would sound better if you said 'it looking back', but otherwise it was really good.

Hmm... I think "Broken and longing to break free, though the fragments tell a different story" is my favorite line. Or lines. Whatev.

i lov the first 2 lines of the last part, i dont like that the first 2 lines ryhm, i dont like that at all, too many words i think, but ok, i wrote tons of songs, i have destroyed so much of my work becuase i look back like 3-4 months and realise what shit it was, for me tho no matter what i write its never good enough, i cant read my lyrics becuase i know il have to ust rip them up

I loved your song,mainy the last...paragraph :P
"Wanted to make you proud of the lie I created"...i really loved it...
Congratulations ;)

I like it a lot. Really the only thing I think could be changed is certain little words/word groups that sound a little strange. For instance:

In the first line, it would sound better if you said "I stare and look deeper into the mirror looking back at me"

"I tried but couldn't stop judging every reasoning I had" - You might wanna change it to "every reason I had" so it flows better.

Also, when you said " I tried to fight away everything I hated believing"- I keep wanting to read it like " I tried to fight away everything, I hated believing" Or maybe "I tried to fight it all way, I hated believing the lies" Or something. Maybe it's just me but I think with a comma, it would be a more profound statement and have only a slightly different meaning.

On a happier note, the song is nice and full of lots of imagery and intricacies, so it's like a story, which is great.

I really like the last two lines of the first paragraph. This last part is my favorite, and I'm guessing this might be the chorus?

I tried to fight away everything I hated believing
Wanted to make you proud of the lie I created
Followed all rules but lost my target.
Pretense is growing and everyone's smiling
While I'm dying with a smile for you

I like the song a lot. You're a good writer!