Last March I found out I was pregnant, Id been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, they werent a happy 2 and a half years though, I had to put up with a lot of abuse both phsyical and emotional, I was naive to stick with him but I thought I loved him, I was only 15/16 and so I stayed with him, accepting his apologise and such and giving him his endless second chances. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant he beat me up so bad I ended up in the hospital, He subsequently told me he didnt want a child, not now and that he wanted me to have an abortion, being young and naive I went through with a termination. Not long after I had the abortion I split up with my boyfriend and didnt really have anything to do with him up until a drunken night about 3 weeks ago. I bought two home pregnancy kits and both showed up positive and Ive been to the doctors and I am pregnant, Now Im undecided on what to do, I havent told the father yet and thats something Im not looking forward to after his reaction last time.

For the past 3 years Ive also been self-harming and for the past 7 months Ive been treated for depression, as much as I know this whole episode is my own problem, my fault, no-one forced me into anything, I can feel myself sliding deeper into the depressive state Ive tried so long to get away from.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you

LIke...stop.

For reals.

Stop.

Thats...the advice you'll get. Stop. Stop it all. A guy who beat you up for being pregnant (let alone- you having sex with him to get pregnant)... gets you pregnant again- drunk?

Just stop it. I dont wanna be rude but... you're just adding on to more of society's problems. And i know that came off as rude and offending- but change doesnt happen without challenge- you need a rude awakening. So you plainly need to stop. I have no advice more than "stop" for someone who managed to get pregnant twice, from the same guy. And by stop I dont mean just... drop it 100% and wipe your hands of it- im sure there is some process and progression for it... but in essense- this needs to the stop. Its just too much. No one likes paying for the bad choices someone else makes.

Most people wouldn't agree with this, but i think it is the best thing for you. I think if you want the baby, to never tell the father. You don't want a man like that in your life, seriously you don't. 2 1/2 years is long enough with him and you shouldn't of had to go through all that. But i am sure you know that.

But really you have to decided if you want the child. If you can cope with a child at the moment, and if you can cope with his cild. Will it just remind you of all those years with him?

If you do decided to have it, you really needed to pick yourself up. I really no how it feels to get in the habbit of self harm, it is like a drug, once you start its hard to give up. But maybe the baby is a reason to help you out of that, to give you modervation to stop. But then when the baby comes, will the stress and presure make all the habbits come back again. I am finding that all those bad thoughts and habbits are coming back with pressure and stress, and i know of a girl who has a baby and she got depression and tried cutting her wrists. So are you in a emotional state for a child and will you have the suport?

I hope these questions hope with your descision, but really its what you want. i'be never been in your situtation so really I don't know what else to say.
Good luck, and always feel free to pm me if you wanna talk privately about stuff ;)
<33

Well first of all... I agree with Nemo. LEAVE HIM. Lose contact with him, if possible never see him again. No one deserves what you went through with him.

I know it is horrible for a child to grow up without a father/dad around but it would be better than having him around. Your child will be robbed of his/her childhood and young innocence by being expsed to violence and hate from his parents, the people who are sopposed to instill love and compassion into his or her mind.

Good luck to you :)

Last March I found out I was pregnant, Id been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, they werent a happy 2 and a half years though, I had to put up with a lot of abuse both phsyical and emotional, I was naive to stick with him but I thought I loved him, I was only 15/16 and so I stayed with him, accepting his apologise and such and giving him his endless second chances. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant he beat me up so bad I ended up in the hospital,I know you have to know that this is unacceptable behavior on his part. The scariest part of this is that a guy who abuses a girl will probably always continue to abuse that girl as long as she is in a relationship with him. I urge you to cut all ties with this guy. You don't need this drama, and he is harming your opinion of yourself.

He subsequently told me he didnt want a child, not now and that he wanted me to have an abortion, being young and naive I went through with a termination. Not long after I had the abortion I split up with my boyfriend and didnt really have anything to do with him up until a drunken night about 3 weeks ago. I bought two home pregnancy kits and both showed up positive and Ive been to the doctors and I am pregnant, Now Im undecided on what to do, I havent told the father yet and thats something Im not looking forward to after his reaction last time. If you tell him, he's going to ask you to have an abortion again. Nothing in the law or anywhere else requires you to tell the father that you are pregnant. If you want to keep the baby, I would wait until after it is born to tell him, and I wouldn't tell him nicely; I'd tell him in court, during the child support hearing. Other than that, I would have no other contact with this guy. He is abusive and a clearly contributing cause to your depression and feelings of self-loathing, although there may be other factors.

For the past 3 years Ive also been self-harming and for the past 7 months Ive been treated for depression, as much as I know this whole episode is my own problem, my fault, no-one forced me into anything, I can feel myself sliding deeper into the depressive state Ive tried so long to get away from.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thank youFirst of all, let me say how pleased I am that you have sought out professional help for your depression and self-harming behavior. That is the first step in letting go of those problems. Secondly, blame is not the issue here. Time spent doling out shares of blame for problems like these is a useless waste. Instead of worrying about whose fault it is, I would suggest spending that time trying to resolve the tough decisions you are now facing. If you need to talk, I and many others are willing to listen (in a PM).

To recap what I just said:
1. Stay away from your ex, and don't tell him about the baby.
2. Continue seeing your mental health professional and following his/her recommendations.
3. Don't dwell on poor decisions or blame.
4. Spend your time productively, considering the options you now face.
and one more...
5. If you're going to be sexually active, you need to seriously consider some form of reliable birth control. Abortion does NOTcount as a reliable form of birth control.

Some of this might be hard, but in the long run it will make life so much easier.

you're just adding on to more of society's problems.

i really couldnt have put it better myself... people are probably going to be pissed at me for saying what im about to say but i really dont care this is my opinion and everyone is entitled to one and i want to voice mine.. so here we go.

i think its just as much of the womans fault as it is for the man in an abusive relationship. i dont sympathize at all for any man that puts his hand on a woman nor will i ever do it myself. i feel its the mans fault the first time for hitting the woman or doing whatever he does to her. he should be punished and the woman should be smart enough to know that it is going to happen again and leave his ass. its the womans fault for not getting rid of him. so that makes it both their faults. everyone always blames JUST the guy. Its true that once a guy abuses a girl he will probably do it to every girl he is ever with. so if ever girl he is with doesnt let it get that far or leaves his ass whenever he does it then he will be some lonely old man in prison right?

on to the pregnancy.. if you would have left his ass the first time he started acting violent then you would have never gotten pregnant with him in the first place. but since you kept on with him then you got pregnant and thank god you got an abortion and wised up after he beat the crap out of you again and didnt talk to him.. good job on you.. you saved yourself alot of grief. you were off to a great new beginning....

then you get pregnant again.. BY THE SAME FUCKIN HOOSIER!!! im sorry that i dont sympathise with you at all. but i feel it is your fault as much as it is his fault for it happening again...

my advice.. i think you should get another abortion.. because you are OBVIOUSLY lacking the mental capacity and arent even in the same ballpark of the state of mind you have to be in to even HAVE a child let alone raise one.. so if you did have it, someone else would have to take care of it. it wont be the father cuz hes a freakin psycho.. you will probably never get child support because most likely he will go to jail.. and then your child will not have a father and the child will be born with the same genetic make up of that loser. so you will probably never make anything of yourself if you have the child because you will most likely barely be able to raise it yourself if family services doesnt take it away or your parents arent forced to raise it.. so in the long run.... itll be a burden on you, your family, the father, and pretty much everyone.. mostly you..

as for the self-harm... give me a freakin break.... why would you "harm" yourself? i dont care what anyone in the world says.. people only do that shit for other people to feel sorry for you and to get peoples attention.. why not get peoples attention in a different way and make something of yourself and be a positive influence to other people. everyone is a role model to someone, which kind of role model do you want to be?

First of all, you must decide if you want the baby or not, and from your post, I get the idea that you want to have the child?

If so, you need to leave this guy. If he beat you up the first time you were pregnant, the same thing will happen again if you tell him.

Leave him, you have another person to think about now, your baby. You don't deserve to be beaten by a guy like this.

Him getting you to have an abortion shows that he controls you. It also means that you are weak for not standing up for your rights, and refusing him.

Some guys like to control their women, and the way they do it is by beating them, and telling then that if they left him, no one else would have them. The women in this situation often believe it, because they have experienced nothing but verbal and physical abuse for years, they believe they are worthless, and that no one else would want them, so they stay.

Please don't hurt yourself, it won't help you feel better at all, it will make you feel worse. I am guessing you self harm because you feel worthless? Lots of people self harm because of that very reason. Please don't do it, you are better than that. Don't let this guy control your life. Live your life the way you want to live it, do what you feel is best for you, whether that means having another abortion or keeping the baby. There is a lot of support available out there for you, you won't be alone in this.

Perhaps you could ask your doctor if they can find a support group for you to go to? There are groups from women in violent relationships, it might help you to listen to their stories, and hear how they escaped their own abusive relationships.


Suff1cate, don't be so harsh on her. It is not her fault for being in an abusive relationship, and as much as we like to think, it is not so easy for the woman to just up and leave.

Suff1cate, apparently you don't know what happens in an abusive relationship.

I did a week of community service with my college this week. Part of what we focused on was Domestic Abuse, and let me tell you, your attitude is exactly why there are more animal shelters in the US than emergency shelters for women running from a dangerous ex (three times more, to be exact).

The abusive relationship is about control. The abuser wants to control the victim by any means necessary. When you're in a situation like that, where you're getting beaten down physically, mentally, emotionally and sometimes sexually, you're not going to be able to do much. Many of these women have no jobs of their own because their partner doesn't allow it...so where would they go? They've been isolated, any self-esteem they might've had is completely shattered, and they have no means of providing for themselves. OH yeah, and they're really hurt because of all the abuse.

Personally, I have not had any relationship at all with a guy that went beyond friendship. However, once you read/hear the stories we were presented with, I highly doubt that you'll continue that line of thinking.

I worked at a place in Boston called 'Second Step'. It's a place where women who can't stay at the emergency shelters anymore come to find a place of their own to stay, to go to work or school so they can provide for themselves, and where their children stay and go to school. I played with the children for half the day before going on to actual work (like scrubbing the woodwork and windows to get it clean)...and these children were so beautiful and smart and amazing. And one of them had a DESIGN of cigarette burns on her arm. These men dont' just abuse the women, they abuse the children as well. Many women run away JUST because they want to protect their children. How in the world can you say that ANY of that is the woman's fault?

And I won't even get into your attitude about self-harm, because that's screwed up as well. Or your attitude about abortion. So many women never recover from it; do you REALLY want to give her extra emotional pain on top of what she's already going through?

My advice to you is to fix your attitude. Your opinions don't necessarily have to change, but that entire post was really rude and just showed how little you know about these issues.

This entire forum is moderated for everyone except mods. If I see a post of yours that's that rude again, I won't let it through. Plain and simple. And if I see more, I'll get a Mod to intervene. That is all.

BeMyEscape, for the sake of my post length, I'm going to just say that I agree wholeheartedly with SangReal's post. None of this is your fault, and I think you've already started on the right track of picking yourself up by getting professional help. I wish you the best of luck with your child and your own life.

i think its funny that good advice is only what people WANT to hear and not what people NEED to hear. i guess i am too harsh and blunt for my own good. and i guess expressing my opinions arent a good thing either unless they are the same opinions as everyone else. pardon me for being different.

people are probably going to be pissed at me for saying what im about to say but i really dont care this is my opinion and everyone is entitled to one and i want to voice mine.Yes. You are entitled to your opinion, however, the first amendment does not extend to the evboard.

as for the self-harm... give me a freakin break.... why would you "harm" yourself? i dont care what anyone in the world says.. people only do that shit for other people to feel sorry for you and to get peoples attention.. It's obvious to me that you've never, ever, had mental health issues. If you've ever had, you wouldn't even begin to say something like that.

What I'm about to say goes for you, suff1cate, and Nemo as well:

You two need to use some goddamned tact (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=tact). While I actually agree, to varying degrees, with some of the stuff you've said in this thread, the manner in which you said it is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Nemo, this is the second time in recent days when one of your posts has caught my attention for lack of tact.

I fully recognize that I can be an asshole. Sometimes, it's accidental (I like to think of it as raw, natural talent), other times it's intentional, but one skill I've had to learn in my short time here in this world is tact (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=tact). Learning to use tact is not some jedi skill or unobtainable ideal--it's a basic necessity of functioning in a civil society. Both of you would be wise to consider this an opportunity to learn some tact.

Suff1cate, apparently you don't know what happens in an abusive relationship.

And I won't even get into your attitude about self-harm, because that's screwed up as well. Or your attitude about abortion. So many women never recover from it; do you REALLY want to give her extra emotional pain on top of what she's already going through?

My advice to you is to fix your attitude. Your opinions don't necessarily have to change, but that entire post was really rude and just showed how little you know about these issues.

That's really what came into my mind when I saw said post, and a little of that came into my mind when I read Nemo's post.

If he has been abusing you then you don't have to tell him of you are pregnant.. if you want the child then keep him/her. But as SangReal said.. keep away from him. He is not good for you and you must remember that.

i think its funny that good advice is only what people WANT to hear and not what people NEED to hear. i guess i am too harsh and blunt for my own good. and i guess expressing my opinions arent a good thing either unless they are the same opinions as everyone else. pardon me for being different.


No one is saying you have to have the same opinion as everyone else, you are welcome to your opinion, but, I think, what angers, is that your post offended. You just have to be careful about what you say, word your posts in a way that will not cause offence to others.:)

i really couldnt have put it better myself... people are probably going to be pissed at me for saying what im about to say but i really dont care this is my opinion and everyone is entitled to one and i want to voice mine.. so here we go.

i think its just as much of the womans fault as it is for the man in an abusive relationship. i dont sympathize at all for any man that puts his hand on a woman nor will i ever do it myself. i feel its the mans fault the first time for hitting the woman or doing whatever he does to her. he should be punished and the woman should be smart enough to know that it is going to happen again and leave his ass. its the womans fault for not getting rid of him. so that makes it both their faults. everyone always blames JUST the guy. Its true that once a guy abuses a girl he will probably do it to every girl he is ever with. so if ever girl he is with doesnt let it get that far or leaves his ass whenever he does it then he will be some lonely old man in prison right? Okay, I won't even go into the ignorance or total lack of consideration for others that you're showing. But what I will say is that you have NO UNDERSTANDING of the psychological dynamic that goes on in an abusive relationship. I'll put it simply to fit the requirements of your intellectual capacity.

First, the guy hits the girl. The guy, who doesn't really want to take the blame for his unacceptable actions, tells the girl she deserved it. The girl, trying to reconcile her experience with the maxim that bad things rarely happen to good people who don't deserve them, agrees with him. The more a guy abuses a girl (or the more a girl abuses a guy), the more negatively the abused person perceives herself, thinking she deserves it or can't do any better than him, and that at least this relationship is better than being alone with no relationship at all.

on to the pregnancy.. if you would have left his ass the first time he started acting violent then you would have never gotten pregnant with him in the first place. but since you kept on with him then you got pregnant and thank god you got an abortion and wised up after he beat the crap out of you again and didnt talk to him.. good job on you.. you saved yourself alot of grief. you were off to a great new beginning....

then you get pregnant again.. BY THE SAME FUCKIN HOOSIER!!! im sorry that i dont sympathise with you at all. but i feel it is your fault as much as it is his fault for it happening again... This is not about fault. You are only making it harder for this girl to focus on the future instead of blame. It is always 100% the abuser's fault for abusing someone, and 0% the abused's fault. Not leaving is a bad decision, but the psychological dynamic of an abusive relationship is not the best place to make a rational decision.

my advice.. i think you should get another abortion.. because you are OBVIOUSLY lacking the mental capacity and arent even in the same ballpark of the state of mind you have to be in to even HAVE a child let alone raise one.. so if you did have it, someone else would have to take care of it. it wont be the father cuz hes a freakin psycho.. you will probably never get child support because most likely he will go to jail.. and then your child will not have a father and the child will be born with the same genetic make up of that loser. so you will probably never make anything of yourself if you have the child because you will most likely barely be able to raise it yourself if family services doesnt take it away or your parents arent forced to raise it.. so in the long run.... itll be a burden on you, your family, the father, and pretty much everyone.. mostly you..This is the most damned insensitive thing I have ever read. You have no sympathy for other people, so why the hell are you here? Have you said anything constructive? No. All you're doing is tearing her down when she desperately needs building up.

as for the self-harm... give me a freakin break.... why would you "harm" yourself? i dont care what anyone in the world says.. people only do that shit for other people to feel sorry for you and to get peoples attention.. why not get peoples attention in a different way and make something of yourself and be a positive influence to other people. everyone is a role model to someone, which kind of role model do you want to be?It's really not about attention-seeking behavior. It's about being in an abusive relationship that makes you feel like cutting yourself is the only way to feel in control of your life (NOT that this is good or acceptable behavior). You have obviously never faced any issue of deep psychological import in your life. I feel sorry for you and your serious lack of common human decency. That may work in Iraq, but not here.

I think the Advice Moderation Queue all agree that posts like the one you just made are unacceptable and will not be let through in the future. Grow a heart.

While I agree that by doing things like self-harm,you are causing many people problems, other than yourself, I do not agree with people saying"how could you do that" because untill you are in that position yourself, you can't judge others for making those decisions. Everyone makes mistakes, it's one of the many facts of life. But if no mistakes are made,people do not learn how to better themselves and learn from what they did wrong. Nobody is perfect. That is clearly stating the obvious,yet is something many seem to forget.

Many people do not self-harm for attention. They don't do it because they are selfish, they do it because they are scared. They do it because they feel worthless. It becomes an addiction, like alcohol or drugs, and people find themselves trapped and it becomes something very hard to get out of. Like any addiction, your body begins to feel that it needs it to survive.
Although,there are,of course, people who do these types of things for attention, but that is easily seen through. It is quite easy to seperate those who want nothing more than attention,and those who need help.

I totally disagree with the fact that everyone does it for attention. Actually, you don't even know that most people do it....Because most people tend to hide what they do from people,they cover their scars or whatever. It is the people who go around showing everyone,bragging about it, who are the one's who are seeking attention.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions,of course. But this is an advice thread,am I wrong? So shouldn't positive feedback be given indstead of only negative?

BeMyEscape-I am sorry you were in an abusive relationship,it's hard, I know. I've been hit by my father a couple of times fairly recently, and it's not a nice thing to have to live with. But my best advice for you is to stay away from him,don't let him back into your life. I agree with what most people here are saying, about not telling the father because what would that prove? He sounds like an awful guy, and I don't suspect you would want your child to grow up in such circumstances as you dealt with. If you want to give your child the best possible life you can,stay away...far away...I have gone all my life living with an alcoholic,somewhat abusive father, and it is not easy. Though I have never been seriously harmed, I know that it is just about the worst feeling. Having your father take a fist to your head. When these things happen, I feel so sorry for anyone else in the same position because I know how awful it can feel.

Best of luck.

Alana

This is so sad. What is the deal with this guy. Why do you stay with him. You know there are plenty of other men out there for you. Heck guys like me who are single going to college who might not mind you so much. Why don’t you stay away from him. Find some one else. Who will not only make you feel better about your self. But actually love you not for sex but for you. I wish I could do more for you. Make things work better some how. But I am sitting here at my computer so I can not do it for you. You have to do it your self. It might be hard but I know you can do it. No matter how you feel. I know you can do it. Just think how nice it will be to have some one new. Who will be happy with you and your happy with him. If you would just let go and leave this jerk of a dude and go to some one else. Remember your powerful to he is not the only thing in this world that exist. Neither is he the only man out there. There are plenty of fish in the sea as some one told me once. Dont even tell him about his kid. Cause he will give you the same bull. Its your body your choice thats what it is.

Sangreal, I agree with you 100%!:)


I can't imagine how BeMyEscape must have felt when she read that post, especially the part that said she should have an abortion because the baby would be a burden. I just didn't know what to say to that. Or, actually, I did, but if I had have said what I felt, I would certainly have offended, which is something I try not to do.;)

First off, I'm so sorry some people were so unsympathetic. What you're dealing with is immensely difficult--I can't even fathom it. Even so, I thought I'd put in my $0.02 cents, if you don't mind...

Last March I found out I was pregnant, Id been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, they werent a happy 2 and a half years though, I had to put up with a lot of abuse both phsyical and emotional, I was naive to stick with him but I thought I loved him, I was only 15/16 and so I stayed with him, accepting his apologise and such and giving him his endless second chances. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant he beat me up so bad I ended up in the hospital, He subsequently told me he didnt want a child, not now and that he wanted me to have an abortion, being young and naive I went through with a termination.

First off, if you're being abused, GET OUT. Get out of the relationship. Tell someone. A friend, a friend's parent, a teacher, a parent. Just get out of the relationship and to a place where you will be safe. You shouldn't have to face this alone, no matter how alone you feel right now. You don't deserve that. If this guy is willing to beat you up when you're carrying HIS CHILD, it's obvious he has no regard for your life or an innocent baby's. You DO NOT have to take that from him.

Not long after I had the abortion I split up with my boyfriend and didnt really have anything to do with him up until a drunken night about 3 weeks ago. I bought two home pregnancy kits and both showed up positive and Ive been to the doctors and I am pregnant, Now Im undecided on what to do, I havent told the father yet and thats something Im not looking forward to after his reaction last time.

First off, as the father, he has a right to know. That being said, you shouldn't have to tell him by yourself, especially after what happened the last time. DO NOT tell him by yourself. Make sure you're somewhere safe with other people when you tell him that you're pregnant. If you have any documentation of the abuse (phographs, anything), you can go to the police. Now I know that sounds scary, but is it worth your life? The life of your child? You may even be able to go without photos to get a restraining order. That would mean he couldn't come within a certain distance of you, the place where you live, your work, etc. Basically, just make sure you're safe, but that he's informed.

I haven't even touched on the whole pregnancy issue. How do you feel about that? Are you ready for a child? Could you handle having a child that could possibly remind you of the abuse? Remember, you can always place your child in open or closed adoptions. Termination is also an option, but one that I, personally, have problems with. I realize it isn't my body or my life, though. I've heard of studies that show fertility decreasing after 2 abortions, but I don't remember where the studies are. It's either 2 or 3. Above all, your safety and the child's safety are important.

For the past 3 years Ive also been self-harming and for the past 7 months Ive been treated for depression, as much as I know this whole episode is my own problem, my fault, no-one forced me into anything, I can feel myself sliding deeper into the depressive state Ive tried so long to get away from.


SI is so incredibly difficult to break. I know sometimes I SId because I had absolutely no one to talk to, no way to get anything out. You are not alone. I know some of us are only here online, but we are here and we do care. You can always PM me. The fact that your boyfriend abused you IS NOT your fault. Oftentimes, survivors are blamed for not getting out, but there's so much more to it than that. The majority of survivors leave multiple times before they're gone for good. I think the average person in a domestic violence situation leaves 3 times before they stay away. Point being, it isn't as easy as just walking away. No one forced you in to anything, no, but you were being beaten. If you left...well...you know. Yes, you made some mistakes and some things were avoidable, but DO NOT take the entire blame for this on your shoulders. It was his choice to hurt you. It was his choice to act in a way that took away your pride, dignity, and power. But, now you can take your power back from him. It takes time and help to get out of depression and SI, and this entire thing is not your fault.

Please PM me if you'd like to talk.

Last March I found out I was pregnant, Id been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, they werent a happy 2 and a half years though, I had to put up with a lot of abuse both phsyical and emotional, I was naive to stick with him but I thought I loved him, I was only 15/16 and so I stayed with him, accepting his apologise and such and giving him his endless second chances. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant he beat me up so bad I ended up in the hospital, He subsequently told me he didnt want a child, not now and that he wanted me to have an abortion, being young and naive I went through with a termination. Not long after I had the abortion I split up with my boyfriend and didnt really have anything to do with him up until a drunken night about 3 weeks ago. I bought two home pregnancy kits and both showed up positive and Ive been to the doctors and I am pregnant, Now Im undecided on what to do, I havent told the father yet and thats something Im not looking forward to after his reaction last time.

For the past 3 years Ive also been self-harming and for the past 7 months Ive been treated for depression, as much as I know this whole episode is my own problem, my fault, no-one forced me into anything, I can feel myself sliding deeper into the depressive state Ive tried so long to get away from.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you

I have a friend (a coworker of mine) that is going through the same situation. She has been married three times, and from what i know the last two were abusers. This last guy (btw, they are still married) is a crackhead, beats her up on payday and steals her money. We just have gotten paid this last Friday, and apparently, the next day he tried to get the money from her, but she wouldn't let him have it. So, he grabbed a bat and hit her with it. I don't know how many times. But, in the end, she was able to grab the bat away from him and cracked him upside his head with it. (needless to say, i am very proud of her) I keep telling her that she needs to leave this guy, but she won't. And that's the same advise that I am going to give to you. Leave him buried in the past, and never look back.

beMyscape...

First of all, you have to be cnscious that nothing of this is your fault, no matter what other people say.

For God's sake, leave that guy!!! well, everybody here has already said that to you, but you need to hear or read it as much as necessary...

Officially, a father has the right to be informed... but that kind of father???? NO! stay away from him, if you can put distance between you and him - yes, get a restraining order and travel if you have to- if you want to get him know after that and by somebody else, not you, it's ok. but don't tell him before.

Continue with your therapy, because if you have a low self-steem you will most likely be involved in abusive relationships, with that guy or with another guy. You have to put yourself first, you have to know that you're not another person's other half, you are a complete human being and the other person is another complete human being. You have to love yourself, to make yourself happy first, before you can have a healthy relationship with somebody else. Make your dreams come true. study what you want, work, make things, feel that your life is worthy in function of yourself, not in function of somebody else.

About the baby... he's not guilty of anything. Evaluate yourself, ask yourself if you are ready to have it and raise it. If you can't do any of those thing, get an abortion (altough it's not the nicest of the options). If you feel that you can have it but you can't raise it (economically, emotionally or...), have the child - then give it in adoption to a family that loves the baby and gives it a goos life. You can start calling families right now, you can choose if you want a closed or an open adoption. If you feel you can have it and raise it, do it, go for it, without forgetting about yourself. In any case, keep that child away from that man, and don't be eager to give the child a father. You and your child will be happier without a father than with an abusive one.

And just get into another relationship when you are cool with yourself first.