Does anybody else find this a MASSIVE problem? I'm gay, but I don't go out on the gay scene, because I don't enjoy it - I hate the music, and a lot of the people are SO shallow and bitchy. I much prefer going to rock, metal and indie clubs, but the only problem is it's difficult to meet guys there. You can't exactly walk up to people and say "excuse me, are you a big queer too?" - they don't tend to like that....LOL And I'm not camp at all, which means nobody ever knows I'm gay.

Does anybody else have this problem? And how do you overcome it?

Hmm I'm not familiar with the problem, however, I must say I understand why you're pissed=p

Anyway, I used to know these guys (friends of each other) and they were all gay..what is my point? Well, if you meet one gay person, you can be sure he'll have gay friends too. I think you really have to get to know friends of friends etc.

Don't you know someone who knows more about meeting places that are not that extreme? Anyone?
I think you shouldn't focus on 'finding' too much. Not all places where gay people hang out are that stereotypical. I'm sure there are exceptions.
Try, really.

No easy problem. Haha (non serious crap) those people I just mentioned live in Stafford.. Ok sorry. Just thought it was funny how the whole town seems to be/is gay.

I've noticed gay people are more often Rock/metal fans than Hiphop lovers. I think people who enjoy Rock music have that state of mind which makes them more open to all these subjects.

I think you need to give new opportunities a shot. This is a difficult case, it's really a matter of having luck and being at the right place at the right time. Good luck :)

I'm not gay, but regardless of sexual orientation, it is hard to meet people to start a relationship with. My advice is to go to the places you love, and just look for friends. Soon enough, you will either meet someone who is gay, or at least has a gay friend with similar interests as yours.

have you considered trying online dating. Again, I know people of all sexual orientations who have had success in dating online. Just be careful, as you could be talking to anyone, and sadly, it could be someone looking to hurt you.

Be true to yourself. Don't change your appearance so other people will KNOW you are gay, and if you don't enjoy the gay clubs, don't go to them. I am sure there are plenty of people out there who feel exactly the same way you do, and who are looking for someone like you right now.

dont hide, just be yourself.
i'm not gay but i respect ppl who are homosexual. it's not a problem for me but i understand you. dont go to places which you dont like. you are homosexual but that does not mean that you are not allowed to go to places which you like. there you can find more friends then in the gay scene because there you meet ppl who have the same interests like you.

best wishes, nadine

As LadyJo said, I am not gay either.

We have one thing in common. I love metal and dark music yet, I dress very conserative. I don't listen to the type of music that most of my fiends listen to. Gives us something to talk about, I guess.

There are a lot of people who are members of sub-communities who have issues the groups that they are identified with. A lot of pagans, polyamorous individuals, homosexuals, and transgenders (among others, though the last two in particular) find themselves in this boat.

For the last three categories (and to a degree the first, depending on what area of the US you live in and other socialized factors), this affects dating.

Best solutions I know of are to find subcliques or individuals of the scene that you like and can get along with and network from there. Have you tried joining organizations just in general (e.g., the SCA)? Making friends is a good way to meet people and meeting people, just in general, is a good way to find a date.

Online services are also good--even those without a dating focus (see myspace and friendster).

Hmm... well I'm not quite sure what to do. I agree with the advice given. But I do have another idea. You could try getting a xanga. One of my best friends who is gay found a boyfriend through xanga. I think it might be something to consider.

They key is being friends with different groups of people. Know people that you can trust, and just ask them once in a while if they know anyone else. Yeah, it's hard, trust me, but there's a way to do it. The girl I'm friends with is one of those girls who all of the gay kids like, and I don't know... eventually you'll find a gay guy who isn't a whore and a flaming faggot, and then you'll be happy. But otherwise, yeah, you sound like me. Don't go for the flamers, especially if you're keeping it to yourself and then you have to let them go when you get annoyed with how much they love Paris and they throw a fit and tell the world.

NOT good.

Ben

Since you seem to be in good humor about this, let me just say you are the ONLY gay metalhead I've ever met in my life haha.

Don't worry so much about looking, and just have fun. Things come when you least expect them...


<3

Meet people outside of indie, metal, and rock clubs?

And noiw for my final thought. Although it may seem difficult to meet people of a similar sexual orientation that are into this kind of scene (as can be seen from the advice given above...'I'm not gay, but...' LOL), never give up. There's always hope. As one of the advisors above stated, 'things come when you least expect them'...(like oncoming traffic?). In conclusion, never give up hope. Love will find you. And if it doesn't, that's what god invented porn for. LOL

YEah...I hear about this problem all of the time....gays have it rough when it comes to meeting people. The scene sucks, and outside of that, who knows? You have to make judgements that could offend some people. It's a thing straight people usually don't have to worry about and they take that for granted. I feel for you.

I know TONS of gay/bi alternative guys. You just have to know where to look. Since I don't live in your area, I can't offer any other advice. Actually, I don't know if the gay scene is the same in Britain as it is in America. Hmmm....
Anyway, I would recommend letting people know you are gay, if you aren't already, and other gay men will probably say, "Oh, me, too." And the straight people might know of the kind of hang-outs your looking for or might know other people you'd be interested in. It's hard and not always safe to come out, so be cautious if you decide to take that advice.

I am gay myself, and consider myself to be "gothic"... so I know where you are coming from. My best advice is to try online dating. There are many places where you can meet other alternative gay guys... just take a look at VampireFreaks.com, there are literally TONS of groups targeting GayGoths, etc.

I am gay myself, and consider myself to be "gothic"... so I know where you are coming from. My best advice is to try online dating. There are many places where you can meet other alternative gay guys... just take a look at VampireFreaks.com, there are literally TONS of groups targeting GayGoths, etc.
What is goth? And is it really considered alternative? I would actually consider goth the closest to gay cliche you can get without actually being of the gay scene. I mean, as far as stereotypes and cliches go-- you've got the flamer gay cliche, and then i think the closest to that would be goth. So is that really alternative gay? I guess it is, at face value, opposite of the gay scene, but...

And because of the limitations to dating that gay people would have- many already do date online. But the way it looks, say, on myspace, most of them are flamers. But then, i havent seen all the thousands of people. You could try that- do you have any connections to friends or anyone who can assist?

What is goth? And is it really considered alternative? I would actually consider goth the closest to gay cliche you can get without actually being of the gay scene. I mean, as far as stereotypes and cliches go-- you've got the flamer gay cliche, and then i think the closest to that would be goth. So is that really alternative gay? I guess it is, at face value, opposite of the gay scene, but...

And because of the limitations to dating that gay people would have- many already do date online. But the way it looks, say, on myspace, most of them are flamers. But then, i havent seen all the thousands of people. You could try that- do you have any connections to friends or anyone who can assist?
It depends on how you look at the word "Goth" and "Gothic Culture"... if you take goth as... 1. being artistic 2. being yourself 3. finding strange beauty in the world 4. Seeing the poetry in life and emotions 5. identifying yourself through art/style ... then yes, gothic is alternative...
But if you look at goth as... "OMG I am so depressed, just look at my black clothes! I want to world to feel my pain..." Then yes, goth is cliche... I prefer the first one.

Does anybody else find this a MASSIVE problem? I'm gay, but I don't go out on the gay scene, because I don't enjoy it - I hate the music, and a lot of the people are SO shallow and bitchy. I much prefer going to rock, metal and indie clubs, but the only problem is it's difficult to meet guys there. You can't exactly walk up to people and say "excuse me, are you a big queer too?" - they don't tend to like that....LOL And I'm not camp at all, which means nobody ever knows I'm gay.

Does anybody else have this problem? And how do you overcome it?

Ok. So here we go. I had that problem once. Still do actually. My music tastes however, have nothing to do with who I am. Yeah I am the typical gay male, I think Cher should be president and I worship the ground Madonna walks on. But thats about it. If you looked in my CD collection and on my computer you would find a lot of rock and hardly any pop.

People seem to think that Gay Men have to listen to Cher and Madonna ALL DAY and EVERY DAY. I disagree. Thats offensive to me in some ways. It makes it sound like that if I choose NOT to listen to them, that I am not gay.

I finally realized that no matter what I have playing in my head phones, I still end the day being gay. So I stopped caring what people had to say about that.

As far as the Gay Scene, you are absolutely right. I am sorry I love every gay man in the world...but jesus christ.....Midol. Invest in it.


To touch on the club thing, we actually have a Alt Gay club in alabama. I think its in Mobile. Troopers is KINDA alternative...but not so much.

I used to have that problem. I hate going to cheesy clubs and I only go out on a friday night as it is the only night they play rock music lol. I was single for a long time as I would never go out any other night apart from this friday night and most of the gay clubs are open on a Saturday.

Lucky for me I found my beautiful girlfriend at one of these rock nights but she made me go out for her birthday to a cheese night lol. She loves all types of music which I respect her for it but I am very happy to stick to my rock lol. Problem now is I found myself singing to this most rediculos song which I hate with a passion lol, somebody help me :)

People seem to think that Gay Men have to listen to Cher and Madonna ALL DAY and EVERY DAY. I disagree. Thats offensive to me in some ways. It makes it sound like that if I choose NOT to listen to them, that I am not gay.


There's a gay kid at my school like that. Actually, he's the only "out" one, so it's a REALLY bad image for anyone else that would think about coming out. It's very bad. I used to be in band, and I roomed with him when we went to New York, and I tried to explain to him that philosophy. But yeah... ugh. It's really annoying how people think you have to act a certain way if you want to be gay. I have the voice... a little bit... but that's about it for me.



Ben

It pisses me off when gay guys act way out faggy.... Im gay and ive got tons of friends that would guess otherwise, showing that I suppose I act "straight". I don't think people should act by their orientation, personality and orientation are two COMPLETELY different things!

My advice is to simply back off from trying to find ne one if your still in high school, people are too immature to realize the seriousness of releationships at that age...

Ne one got advice for a guy who's gay and has parents and siblings that hate, dispise and are completely against homosexuality?? - cause thats my situation..

It pisses me off when gay guys act way out faggy.... Im gay and ive got tons of friends that would guess otherwise, showing that I suppose I act "straight". I don't think people should act by their orientation, personality and orientation are two COMPLETELY different things!

My advice is to simply back off from trying to find ne one if your still in high school, people are too immature to realize the seriousness of releationships at that age...

Ne one got advice for a guy who's gay and has parents and siblings that hate, dispise and are completely against homosexuality?? - cause thats my situation..

I'm in the same situation with my family. They don't like homosexuality or just about anything that has to do with it. Have you told them that you are? If you have, they are still going ot have to accept you for who you are and they can't change that.

If you do let them know- let them understand that you didn't willingly pick your sexual attractions. This is just the way it is. WHat IS your choice is to follow your sexual attractions or not, thats really all you can do for yourself. As for making the other party understand-- they should just take it and move on.

If you do let them know- let them understand that you didn't willingly pick your sexual attractions. This is just the way it is. WHat IS your choice is to follow your sexual attractions or not, thats really all you can do for yourself. As for making the other party understand-- they should just take it and move on.

Yes exactly. Your parents do need to understand that it wasn't your choice to turn gay as well as it wasn't mine. If your friends or other people want you to act different even though you're gay, then they aren't very good friends. Unless you don't want to act that way, then I understand.

Since you seem to be in good humor about this, let me just say you are the ONLY gay metalhead I've ever met in my life haha.

ahem!! i'm gay and i met my bf at a rock/metal concert :P
hehe

as for MrMellow - porn is good, but not as good as the real thing ;) ... my personal experience with full on gay people weren't too good...my best relationship (which I am still in and have been for the past 2 years) is with bi/other people...I'm like you (gay, but not faggy fag) and trust me there's a whole lotta ppl like us :) ... you just have too look.

I don't know about where you live, but where i live there are certian parts of the town where its notorious for bi's to hang (like clubs and stuff) and theres also parts where alot of gay people hang (I know you've already established that that's not your scene).

Apart from that, i think online dating or chat rooms are the best way too go (but only use trusted ones)

good-luck

Yes, i do, im gay, and i dont go to places like that, I agree with you about the whole music and club thing, thats why i made a myspace. cause it helped me experess my feelings and plus you can meet guys there that have the same feelings ya know what i mean. But i do understand what you mean. if you have a myspace then u can go to my page the URL is

http://www.myspace.com/entwined55

If you want too u can send me a friend request but send me a message too telling me who you are cause i wont accept the ppl i dont know. Ok well gtg peace out!

www.mogenic.com

Mogenic's amazing. It's an online community for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender teenagers from all over the world.

I know we've got a lot of people on the board who'd love Mogenic. So, If any of you guys sign up, Feel free to add me as a friend! My Username's the Same as it is on here; Heliosis.

Yes, i do, im gay, and i dont go to places like that, I agree with you about the whole music and club thing, thats why i made a myspace. cause it helped me experess my feelings and plus you can meet guys there that have the same feelings ya know what i mean. But i do understand what you mean. if you have a myspace then u can go to my page the URL is

http://www.myspace.com/entwined55

If you want too u can send me a friend request but send me a message too telling me who you are cause i wont accept the ppl i dont know. Ok well gtg peace out!
.................................................. .Changin subjects really quickly.
Myspace. IS NOT. Where you want to meey your next Boyfriend. or boytoy. or even a pitty fuck. Myspace....is just no. Dont do that.

Now. Just a few notes i have after reading over the last few posts.

For those of you who are going on about "not telling your parents, they dont need to know" I disagree with you. 210%

My mom, knows I am gay. Do I tell her who I have a crush on? No. Does she know who I have had sex with? No. I will say this. If you are sure, that you ARE Gay/Bi HONESTY is the best choice. For the longest time I denied it to my parents. When I came out, they kinda were like. O.O CHURCH! But soon realized, its MY life. I was 18. They really didnt have a say so anymore.
Thats just my thoughts on that.

Now. For meeting places etc.

I am not to fond of hooking up at clubs etc. Everyone is different. But I dont see the point in going out and risking things just to get your kicks for a few hours. Honestly think about it for a second. When you sleep with somebody you are sleeping with everyone THEY have slept with. Why take a risk? Know the person before you give it up ;). Now dating wise, sure go for it. I have met some Nice guys at Troopers.

I don't know why people let their sexual preference choose where to 'hang out'. If you just want to go and hook-up with someone, that's what those clubs are for.

but if you're someone who has an ounce of dignity, you'd probably best avoid them for anything but light amusement. Go to places that you want to go, and do the things that you personally enjoy.. and if you click with someone you can usually tell if they're reciprocating anyway, without running around with a rainbow flag.

Oh and bisexuals are devil worshipping hedonists who WILL cheat on you... :eek:

(interpret that as you wish)

Oh and bisexuals are devil worshipping hedonists who WILL cheat on you...

thats not true....i havent even heard that generalization before....maybe you've just had a bad experience with one or maybe their different with women... bi's IMO are just gay people who don't act too gay or too straight

Oh and bisexuals are devil worshipping hedonists who WILL cheat on you... :eek:

(interpret that as you wish)

And after all the talk in here about not being stereotypical or making generalizations, that's got to be the most hypocritical thing I've read in this thread. Watch it, Pyroclastic; you could offend people who are bi and have never done that. Your own experience does not equal reality.

I have noticed a lot, that a lot of people who are "goth" and "emo" and such things, are gay/bi a lot. Which kinda is the other way round, or opposite or whatever. I guess it just depends where you live and who you're around a lot.

Oh and bisexuals are devil worshipping hedonists who WILL cheat on you... :eek:

(interpret that as you wish)

I would like to know how you came to such an amazing conclusion. Sure, the word may be biSEXUAL, but that doesn't mean they can't mantain an EMOTIONAL relationship... the word sexual only covers preference. *sigh* another ignorant comment, but your advice before that was kinda good...

I have noticed a lot, that a lot of people who are "goth" and "emo" and such things, are gay/bi a lot. Which kinda is the other way round, or opposite or whatever. I guess it just depends where you live and who you're around a lot.

It can be quite misleading when "goth" or "emo" guys are involved. Some of them (at least in my experience) simply use homosexuality/bisexuality as another "trend" to their "alternative" lifestyle.

I don't know why people let their sexual preference choose where to 'hang out'.

I agree with you. I'm gay, and I have a lot of gay friends, and a lot of straight friends, and a lot of bi friends. I have a few gay friends who will only hang around in gay clubs and gay youth groups, and I even have a gay friend who won't speak to straight people if he can help it. I have some straight friends who would never be caught dead stepping into a gay pub, even if it was just to say hi or to pick me up to drive me home (which happens on occasion).

I don't see the big deal. I hang out in gay pubs/clubs, because I like to sit and have a drink with my friends, and I like to dance, I hang around my town and my college where the population of the group I'm with is mostly straight, because I like the company of those people. Sometimes it's nice to be somewhere where you can openly be yourself (I'm kind of camp, but hey, that's who I am) without receiving odd looks, or glares, but I don't think I could limit myself to only going places that are full of gay people. For a start, that would seriously limit the amount of places I could go around here. :p

Oh and bisexuals are devil worshipping hedonists who WILL cheat on you...

I've had two bi boyfriends, and both cheated on me openly. However, my best friend's fiance is bi, and they have a very steady relationship. Generalisation is no one's friend.

I can see the many dilemma's presented in this thread and I can actually relate to many of them.

Being bi myself (Contrary to one's belief, we're not devil worshipping cheaters), it's hard for me to find a guy to at least settle down with. I myself, am a guy (If you didn't guess), and I've been through a hectic time with guys in general and it's even come to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I most likely will be going to a gay club this Saturday but I mean, I don't know what to expect and I'm not expecting anything good so it's not like I'll be disappointed.

Just to stir this topic a bit, do you guys think those who call themselves "bisexual" are simply progressing themselves to being gay? Because, I'm not sure if I am gay because I do have feelings for girls from time to time. So I just wanted to see what your thoughts were.

Right. So. After reading the last few posts. I feel i should flame a little.

So Bisexual are cheaters eh? Thats funny. Seriously. Because its not true.
A straight man is just as capable of a gay man to cheat. Don't go around saying that because in the end, it makes you look like a moron.

Dating, Meeting people etc.

Kay. Not really my best subject, but here we go.
I am not going to sit here and tell you that love will soon come.
I am not going to sit here and tell you just to hang in there.
I AM going to sit here and tell you to get out and about.
You need to attempt to find love, before love can find you.
Sitting here and sulking about it, is NOT going to change anything. I learned this lesson the hard way, and trust me its not the way you wanna learn it.
Now. With that said. I'll move on to my next topic.

If you decide you wanna go for the online hook up thing, please. For the sake of everything possible. Do it safely. We are talking about meeting people you have only known on a COMPUTER. The person at the other end could very well be the next Ted Bundy.

Reffering to the guy above me...I don't think BEING bi is a way of "becoming" gay. Some people will tell others they're bi when they're really gay...just to get them used to the idea and then come completely out later on. For me, sexuality is a gray area. I like who I like, but not based on gender. I'm a bit like you..I tend to want to pursue the same sex (I'm female BTW) just to see if it's something I really want. Like..maybe if I was with a girl, I'd decide I only wanted to date women (or never again)...and have no more confusion. Or maybe it would just fufill my curiousity, and I would no longer feel the need to desire women. Who knows. I think the fact that I've never had the tiniest romantic involvement (and I'm not talking about sex...virgin) with a woman makes me so curious that I think about women a lot more then men and have a lot more crushes on them. But I do like men...I just don't feel as mystified and intrigued about those types of relationships. I doubt this answered your question at all, so maybe I was more explaining to myself then to anyone else :p

first being gay isnt wrong ...alot of people on here could be gay frist im goth and i have alot of bi, gay friends.....i mean people are curious and when i first dated a girl i was amazed by how much we had in common and i just liked girl from there on and i just feel so much better being a lesbian i mean everyone has the prefrence but thats mine....be who u wanna be...and people do think like when they see a goth girl shes automatically bi or gay but thats only the case sometimes.....but the bi's i dont know...there so confusing...they like both so its like which one do u truly want though....all my bi friends they date girls but they always go right back to the guys and im just confused by them...if ur bi and reading this can u plz explain that to me!:)

they like both so its like which one do u truly want though
Who you want is determined by your choice, not if you're bisexual or not. Who you are sexually attracted to is determined if you are bisexual- you are attracted to both males and females.

Often, a misunderstanding is that bisexuals are in transition, which may or may not be true. Bisexuality is your sexuality. Living a bisexual lifestyle, unless you are going out with a girl and guy at the same time, is impossible. Being bisexual is to be attracted to both men and women. But since, in a monogamous relationship, you commit to only one man or one woman, many bisexuals are looked as either "more gay" or "more hetero" depending on their partner.

But bisexuality itself is just the attraction to both men and women. Sexual attraction doesnt not automatically mean preference. This is wherea lot of people have misconceptions about bisexuality.

Who you want is determined by your choice, not if you're bisexual or not. Who you are sexually attracted to is determined if you are bisexual- you are attracted to both males and females.

Often, a misunderstanding is that bisexuals are in transition, which may or may not be true. Bisexuality is your sexuality. Living a bisexual lifestyle, unless you are going out with a girl and guy at the same time, is impossible. Being bisexual is to be attracted to both men and women. But since, in a monogamous relationship, you commit to only one man or one woman, many bisexuals are looked as either "more gay" or "more hetero" depending on their partner.

But bisexuality itself is just the attraction to both men and women. Sexual attraction doesnt not automatically mean preference. This is wherea lot of people have misconceptions about bisexuality.

SO true. I'm not a sexually active person, but I'm sexually atracted to both genders..but if I were to date a woman, it would be a homosexual relationship, and male- hetero. No matter who my partner is, I'd consider myself bisexual, because I'm attracted to both...not because I sleep with everybody. Not sure if that made sense...

I AM going to sit here and tell you to get out and about.
You need to attempt to find love, before love can find you.
Sitting here and sulking about it, is NOT going to change anything. I learned this lesson the hard way, and trust me its not the way you wanna learn it.


I'm not sure if I fully agree with what you just said. I do agree that in order to meet people, you do need to go out and about but you can't just go out and think to yourself "I'm going to find the man/woman I'm going to fall in love with" -- It just doesn't work that way.

I've been looking for the past two years, and maybe basing it on my experience is wrong, but I think that in order for a relationship or love to truly happen, you shouldn't go out looking for it. A lot of people say love comes in the most unexpected times and I don't think you can make anything happen just because you want it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can't really time love. Love will come at its own pace -- But I'm still waiting for that to be true.

I'm not sure if I fully agree with what you just said. I do agree that in order to meet people, you do need to go out and about but you can't just go out and think to yourself "I'm going to find the man/woman I'm going to fall in love with" -- It just doesn't work that way.

I've been looking for the past two years, and maybe basing it on my experience is wrong, but I think that in order for a relationship or love to truly happen, you shouldn't go out looking for it. A lot of people say love comes in the most unexpected times and I don't think you can make anything happen just because you want it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can't really time love. Love will come at its own pace -- But I'm still waiting for that to be true.


Agreed. Hasn't anybody heard the song "Can't Hurry Love"?? It's not about going out and hunting for it...it's about being receptive to it. Putting yourself out there and not being closed to new experiences that could allow you to meet new people or help you grow. Pursuing somebody if they interest you, and ending the courtship if it doesn't work (but learning from it all the same). I just happen not to be closed to eaither gender being one I fall in love with...improves my chances maybe? Hah..that's really not why but anyways, I also don't think there's nessesarily only ONE person who will be THE ONE. If you marry or commit to them, then of coarse they become that...but there's probably a good amount of people in the world who you could have a wonderful relationship with. It's just all about finding one of them and committing to one another, if that's what you want.

Does anybody else find this a MASSIVE problem? I'm gay, but I don't go out on the gay scene, because I don't enjoy it - I hate the music, and a lot of the people are SO shallow and bitchy. I much prefer going to rock, metal and indie clubs, but the only problem is it's difficult to meet guys there. You can't exactly walk up to people and say "excuse me, are you a big queer too?" - they don't tend to like that....LOL And I'm not camp at all, which means nobody ever knows I'm gay.

Does anybody else have this problem? And how do you overcome it?
lol i had that problem!! i hate the whole gay secen lol i managed to find gfs but it not easy i just hate the whole rainbow crap... anyways.. i think just make friends if you put your self out there i find peopel will usually come to you :)

heyy everyone, I know I haven't been a part of this board for too long but I've read through a lot of the posts and everyone seems super nice and supporitive and I really need to get something off of my chest, I really don't know what to do right now and any advice would be so much appreciated. So here's my story...

I'm a lesbian, I 've known this for a while now and at first I tried to deny it and tell myself I wasn't but eventually I've given in and accepted it, but this is where it gets complicated, I love my best friend to pieces she means the world to me, she is straight and I would never risk our friendship on a relationship anyway but the problem is for awhile now I've just really felt that I need to tell someone, to just talk to someone about it. when I'm with her everything is fine we're together almost 24-7 but now more than ever I've been having strange mood swings where I just want to blurt it all out but I'm so scared it's going to affect our friendship. We're so close and I don't want things to seem weird or awkward for us if I tell her. I also think that she has an idea that I am a lesbian, the other day she mentioned that she has never seen me check out any guys and she's been asking a lot why I've been turning down every guy that's asked me out. I'm going through a lot in my life right now too and she has always been there for me no matter what and I don't know what I would do if I lost her, but I just really feel like I need to tell her, I just don't know if I should keep waiting to tell her and the other thing is that I don't know how I would go about telling her. Any advice would be so appreciated, I'm really confused and even though I'm not alone I feel like I am.

I'm a lesbian, I 've known this for a while now and at first I tried to deny it and tell myself I wasn't but eventually I've given in and accepted it, but this is where it gets complicated, I love my best friend to pieces she means the world to me, she is straight and I would never risk our friendship on a relationship anyway but the problem is for awhile now I've just really felt that I need to tell someone, to just talk to someone about it. when I'm with her everything is fine we're together almost 24-7 but now more than ever I've been having strange mood swings where I just want to blurt it all out but I'm so scared it's going to affect our friendship. We're so close and I don't want things to seem weird or awkward for us if I tell her. I also think that she has an idea that I am a lesbian, the other day she mentioned that she has never seen me check out any guys and she's been asking a lot why I've been turning down every guy that's asked me out. I'm going through a lot in my life right now too and she has always been there for me no matter what and I don't know what I would do if I lost her, but I just really feel like I need to tell her, I just don't know if I should keep waiting to tell her and the other thing is that I don't know how I would go about telling her. Any advice would be so appreciated, I'm really confused and even though I'm not alone I feel like I am.

Well, I've had that problem actually. But with guys I find that it's a little different.

I love my best friend to death. He's a year older than me, and I find myself always thinking about him and wishing we could have a relationship - even though he has a girlfriend and stuff. He's knows about me and doesn't care, and I admitted to having a crush on him. But he's kind of a hornball... so he does stuff with me. Is that weird or what?

I wouldn't suggest telling her or anything, because I can't guarentee that she'll fall for you. I just find it weird that my friend fell for me. Well not fell, more like... uses me for love in the spare time. Whatever, it's something. There isn't exactly anyone else close to me that's gay!

Jessica, i think you should tell your friend.

You've already stated you wouldnt risk your friendship, which is good. because you've already accepted that she might not like you more than a friend.
But you mention how much you want to tell her, just to get it off your chest, to be honest with someone. To have them know and accept you for who you are. That trust and openess is the basis of a real friendship.

As for her reacting to it, you mention she already suspects. If she hasnt made any negative comments about being gay (and it sounds like she hasnt) then i say go ahead and tell her.

Well, I have a dilemma.

A lot of my close friends know I'm gay/bi, whatever, and I don't know if I should tell my sister. The thing is, she is fine with gay people and what not and she said she even loves talking to gay men. She feels a bit uncomfortable around lesbians but, she doesn't hate them or anything. And whenever we talk about something, we somehow land on the topic of homosexuality and she always says "I wouldn't hate someone if they were gay" and she has a baby who is about 8 months and she's like, "If he ever turned out gay, I wouldn't hate or disown him. As long as he's happy, I'm happy". One time when we were in the car with my brother and dad, she brought up a story about two twins where one was attracted to trucks and one was attracted to dolls (There were both male). My dad said that it was wrong for the parents to encourage him by giving him more female toys (He's fine with gay people but he doesn't like to encourage it or something, confusing) and later she told me that she didn't agree with him. She said that if a kid wants a doll or if her son wants the Dora doll, she'll buy it for him. She think it's wrong not too.

So, I mean, this is all her talking about her son but I mean, he's just a baby and I'm a full grown guy. Well, not full grown as I'm 17 but I don't know what to say to her. We have gotten closer and I'm not sure if her opinion would change because I'm her brother and she really is excited for my future wedding. I don't know, I mean, will she reject me?

Thanks if anyone can help :)

OK, a collection of advice...(and also, I need more)....

In regards to telling your parents, Don't tell them until you feel ready. I'm gonna wait until I've finished university and I've moved out of their house. I did try to tell them once before, but there was some unpleasantness which I won't go into. Had to tell my dad it was a phase so he'd let me back in the house. I don't particularly mind, though, coz my friends and brother and sister are SO supportive it's unreal.

To the guy that asked about telling his sister, I think you should just go for it....if you know she's OK with gay guys (and actually likes to talk to them), I don't see her having that much of a problem with you. Even if she does, it'll only be shock and she WILL get over it. You can tell the homophobes from the people that just need to adjust. It is pretty big news if you don't see it coming, after all.....

OK, I have a new, weirder problem......

The last few blokes that I've ended up...'going with' have apparently been straight. Which was fun at first (I mean, hell...it felt amazing - I kept thinking 'God, I'm so good, I'm actually TURNING people!'), but now I'm sick of being a straight experimentation device. And I've gotta say, it seems to be getting out of hand. It keeps happening with guys who I actually like and who I thought were gay, but then they tell me (and so do a few of my mates) that apparently they're straight. And some of them have had girlfriends, which has made me feel SO bad.

At the same time, I don't understand how somebody can say to me 'sorry - I'm not gay, I was just drunk'. I've been pretty hammered in the past, but I've never started to think 'ooh, women! now there's an interesting idea...' So, what's the deal there? Should i just carry on and see it as no-strings fun (coz after all, some sex is better than none), or should I just wait patiently for what seems like an eternity for a normal, non-camp gay guy that wants to go out with me to show up?

my friend has the same problem. she can never find any lesbian or bi women she's compatible with. best bet is i agree with above just online dating if ur careful and meeting people thru friends. thats how she met her last girlfriend.

good luck!

Ok. First of all, I agree with whoever said that your sexual preference shouldn't determine where you hang out. I don't do the whole gay bar or hangout thing. I wouldn't be caught dead doing it. You know, most straight people don't find their significant others by going to clubs and bars. A lot of them find them at their jobs, at school, through friends, or whatever. They don't need to go to a bar to find someone. I don't think that gay people should have to do it that way either. What. Just because we're gay we have to go to a special place where gay people meet to find someone special? And I hate to say it but if you're going to these places just to look for a guy or a girl in hopes of falling in love, you're just as sad as Lisa Loeb.

And to bring up the whole telling the family issue again.. Don't. Do. It. Unless. You're. Ready. Trust me. My sister is not against homosexuality but my relationship with her changed in a bad way when I told her that I'm bi. Unless I'm with a girl that I really, really like, they don't have to know.

OK, I have a new, weirder problem......

The last few blokes that I've ended up...'going with' have apparently been straight. Which was fun at first (I mean, hell...it felt amazing - I kept thinking 'God, I'm so good, I'm actually TURNING people!'), but now I'm sick of being a straight experimentation device. And I've gotta say, it seems to be getting out of hand. It keeps happening with guys who I actually like and who I thought were gay, but then they tell me (and so do a few of my mates) that apparently they're straight. And some of them have had girlfriends, which has made me feel SO bad.

At the same time, I don't understand how somebody can say to me 'sorry - I'm not gay, I was just drunk'. I've been pretty hammered in the past, but I've never started to think 'ooh, women! now there's an interesting idea...' So, what's the deal there? Should i just carry on and see it as no-strings fun (coz after all, some sex is better than none), or should I just wait patiently for what seems like an eternity for a normal, non-camp gay guy that wants to go out with me to show up?

Don't settle. Never settle for being the "experiment". You're lowering yourself to just being a sex object which you know you're not.

It seems to me you want a relationship and I would think you'd want a guy who felt the same way. Will it take a while to find that "one guy"? Probably. But it doesn't mean you have to wait forever; browse around and see what's out there. Will you run into straight men wanting to experiment? Yes; but it doesn't mean you HAVE to experiment with them.

You can't rush love or relationships; things will happen for you in time.

I hope this helps, I'm not the best at advice.

And some of them have had girlfriends, which has made me feel SO bad.

At the same time, I don't understand how somebody can say to me 'sorry - I'm not gay, I was just drunk'. I've been pretty hammered in the past, but I've never started to think 'ooh, women! now there's an interesting idea...' So, what's the deal there? Should i just carry on and see it as no-strings fun (coz after all, some sex is better than none), or should I just wait patiently for what seems like an eternity for a normal, non-camp gay guy that wants to go out with me to show up?

I think that's hot. =X

You're right about how being drunk typically doesn't reverse one's sexual orientation. I think it's more that it allows suppressed desires to start roaming free, however briefly. It's easy to imagine guys who are wrestling with bisexuality to want to bury the attractions and select the boring "being straight" option. (YES, BORING.) If it takes liquor to bring those same-sex inclinations to the surface, those boys obviously aren't ready to break free from the societal mold. And we don't want those men anyway, because all they're good for is a little drunken fling that's disposed of just like... oh, nevermind. :o

Now if you're asking about whether or not you should continue to be randomly hooking up with these guys, I'd say... it depends. As long as you're not endangering anyone else, I don't think it's anyone's place to be trying to "right" the subjective moral compass. There is the inherent danger in sleeping around of course, *NOT TRYING TO IMPLY ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL HABITS* no matter what kind of precautions you take--so personally, I'd try to save it for the really hot ones. lol. But then again, beer goggles make everyone hot, don't they? My cousin has a rule that when he goes to parties, he makes a mental note to stay away from those he deems unattractive while he still has the capacity to differentiate between fine and unfine. I'm not quite sure how that works, but it must.

I'm curious to know what your state of mind is when you're hooking up with these guys. Are you just as drunk as they are? From what you said, it seems like many of the guys with wavering sexualities were intoxicated. If anything, I think it'd feel even more amazing to be able to (if temporarily) turn a sober so-called "straight" guy. Either way, at least you have the satisfaction of being their dirty little secret. 8O

The verdict: do your thang. And post a picture, thx. *EvBoard singles*

OK, I have a new, weirder problem......

The last few blokes that I've ended up...'going with' have apparently been straight. Which was fun at first (I mean, hell...it felt amazing - I kept thinking 'God, I'm so good, I'm actually TURNING people!'), but now I'm sick of being a straight experimentation device. And I've gotta say, it seems to be getting out of hand. It keeps happening with guys who I actually like and who I thought were gay, but then they tell me (and so do a few of my mates) that apparently they're straight. And some of them have had girlfriends, which has made me feel SO bad.

At the same time, I don't understand how somebody can say to me 'sorry - I'm not gay, I was just drunk'. I've been pretty hammered in the past, but I've never started to think 'ooh, women! now there's an interesting idea...' So, what's the deal there? Should i just carry on and see it as no-strings fun (coz after all, some sex is better than none), or should I just wait patiently for what seems like an eternity for a normal, non-camp gay guy that wants to go out with me to show up?

I thought i'd come back to this thread to explain to a couple of morons that my words were sarcasm, but there seems to be degree of conviction in this post.

A lot of people who claim to be bisexual, aren't infact bisexual, rather they view the same-sex encounters as a fetish.

I think you should only fuck people whom you respect, and they respect you. Dignity is an important thing to have, and whether you realise it or not you're doing yourself no respect by being fetishized.

Sadly, people do associate your sexuality with your whole being, so to say they fetish you sexually will mean your whole life gets encompassed in this. If you're happy being classed as that, well then good to you, but you end up propogating the same sentiment that feminists feel whenever they see Paris Hilton :p

p.s. you mightn't realise it yet, but most straight guys are camper if not campier than your average gay guy.

It's rather ironic that a lot of gay guys fall into the same trap and the word 'straight' sets them off, it's like reverse fetishization. Crazy-ass world. Besides, it's takes more guts to be gay/lesbian/trans than it does to be hetero, not that there's any choice in the matter, but when put in such a situation you have to adapt and evolve. Opposed to stagnating among the masses.

Anyway good luck, I'm fairly prudeish anyway so maybe im just jealous. Send some of the todge this way, fucker. :D

Im not gay, but i'm bi and i have that problem too. But in my opinion that's not the bigges problem, because i think that in our days gay people pnly think about sex, and they don't want relationships. For me that is the big problem..

OK, to answer some questions (and to point out some irony)

Was I just called a slut by somebody? LOL

And yes, I'm always drunk.

And I have had no dignity for a good four years. :)

Also, went out last night and actually hooked up with a guy....who was gay and everything! (I presume, coz we're going out for a drink next week).

Hurray! I knew if I bitched on enough I'd get someone.

Like true moshers, we met while dancing to Soil - Halo. He bought me a drink, I nearly fell down the stairs....it was all very romantic. LOL

OK, to answer some questions (and to point out some irony)

Was I just called a slut by somebody? LOL

GASP. Heavens no, that's what *THE CLAUSE* was for. <3.

And yes, I'm always drunk.

And I have had no dignity for a good four years. :)

I was originally reaching for the "lolcano" (http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y14/Ihateretail/lolcano.gif) image when I read that, but I think I've changed my mind to =(.


p.s. you mightn't realise it yet, but most straight guys are camper if not campier than your average gay guy.

Ok, can you clarify for the non-Brits what exactly "camp" is? That isn't a word we use over here.

Anyway good luck, I'm fairly prudeish anyway so maybe im just jealous. Send some of the todge this way, fucker.

lol WE GOT SOME DIVAS UP IN HERE! <3. *doesn't know what "todge" is either, but assumes it's something dirty*

As far as you defending your old post, I almost posted awhile back being like, "Am I the only person that read that as sarcasm?" but I figured SO MANY PEOPLE couldn't possibly be wrong and maybe my cynical mindset failed me for once. But it's good to know it hasn't.

It's always risky posting sarcasm on message boards. I have times where I think I write something blatantly sarcastic, yet I'll still get someone who interprets it otherwise. It's an acquired art form, being able to detect it.

you need to watch a few 'carry on.... films' ;)

camp, is basically the brit version of what you guys call flamer. (i saw that posted a tad back). the flick of the wrist, runs like a girl, and all the other gay stereotypes you can think of.

i have the same but opposite problem as MrMellow. i cant find a funny, smart, kind, sweet, loyal, and easy on the eyes girl, who isnt straight.:(

I have the same problem, I can't find a nice girl who's not straight or 'bi-because-its-fashionable' (please note i have nothing against real bisexuals). I've seen people who were really into heavy rock start listening to will young just because they realised they were gay, it really annoys me. What this country needs is more hot gothy lesbians lol.

OK, to answer some questions (and to point out some irony)

Was I just called a slut by somebody? LOL


Look what thread you're in ... :p

Oh and bisexuals are devil worshipping hedonists who WILL cheat on you... :eek:


your a complete ass! im bi and im not a devil worshiper nor would i cheat!

Okay, I've had it and I have to say something. This thread doesn't exist to debate homosexuality, bisexuality, or heterosexuality. Furthermore, PyroclasticFlow has made it abundantly clear that his comment about bisexual individuals was a (perhaps poorly timed or executed) sarcastic joke. This is not the place to go off about it. I've had enough tangents. This is a place to seek and give advice. Thatisall.

Okay, I've had it and I have to say something. This thread doesn't exist to debate homosexuality, bisexuality, or heterosexuality. Furthermore, PyroclasticFlow has made it abundantly clear that his comment about bisexual individuals was a (perhaps poorly timed or executed) sarcastic joke. This is not the place to go off about it. I've had enough tangents. This is a place to seek and give advice. Thatisall.

It's kinda awesome how you always post in blue, then you post in red and it looks like it reflects your mood...

Anyway, two points (or a question and a point) I would like to ask...

1. Is it possible to find someone without coming out? Kinda hard, but I would think it's possible...

2. It's all in the eyes: If someone interests you, you should keep eye contact. Straight guys will not keep it long enough to notice and uninterested gay/bi people won't either. Also... when someone is intersted in someone, their pupils will dilate... in a controlled lighting, you could try to notice how they react to which genders. (kinda hard, though, I think...)

It's all in the eyes: If someone interests you, you should keep eye contact. Straight guys will not keep it long enough to notice and uninterested gay/bi people won't either.

That's double edged. I've read that eye contact could also mean a guy could be subconsciously trying to assert his dominance *isn't an alpha male*. Eye contact plays the main role for me, but I also try to consider other reasons for why they'd be looking at me. Like my blue hair. <33.

But usually I end up defaulting to, "Yeah, he wants to hit it."

Yeah, that might just be for guys who want to "hit it" and aren't scared to admit it lol. Guys who are really, truly interested might be very nervous and have problems holding eye contact. I've definately seen a lot of both type. :p ;)

Also, the eye thing won't really work for me....I'm actually partially sighted (I know, that as well as being insanely tall (6'7"), gay AND goth....OK, the last one's kinda my fault, but for GOD'S SAKE!!! LOL). So we need to come up with more obvious ways of finding out if people are gay. But possibly more subtle than going round asking everyone.....