Hey yall...

Okay so my friend told me last week that she had child molesting thoughts and she asked for my help....I'm clueless...
She told me she was molested as a child and thinks that may be why. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, she thinks the thought of it is discusting; that the people who do it are horrible. She can't stop thinking about it and she doesn't know what she's supposed to do, and neither do I. She hates the thoughts, she is afraid of herself because she can't help but think about those things no matter how much she doesn't want to do it. She related it to the depression some mothers get after their babies are born, meaning they don't want to hurt their babies but they can't help the thoughts.
She wants help, but she's afraid to talk to her therapist or mine or any about it because they may lock her up and or tell her parents(she's only 17), which really isn't what she needs.
I really want to help my friend but I have no idea how I can...do any of yall know someone this has happened to? Or do yall have any information, or know how we can get help without her parents having to know...
We would really appreciate it....Thanks...

Wendy

Get her to explain to the therapist what she's thinking, and why she thinks that she is thinking it. There's no way they're going to lock her up if she has not done anything yet.


If she actually thinks that she might do something of that sort though, one of you does need to tell someone.

Does she have someone particular in mind?

Get her to explain to the therapist what she's thinking, and why she thinks that she is thinking it. There's no way they're going to lock her up if she has not done anything yet.


If she actually thinks that she might do something of that sort though, one of you does need to tell someone.

Does she have someone particular in mind?

She says there's no particular kid...just any. I told her they prolly wouldn't lock her up but if her parents found out they would put her back into a ward

I think she should definatly tell the therapist. Thats what they are there for. She may try to ask the therapist to keep this confidential unless it becomes a serious problem (i.e. she actually acts out). I think it is awesome she has trusted you with this information, and your doing everything to help her through it. Your a great friend :)

Get her to explain to the therapist what she's thinking, and why she thinks that she is thinking it. There's no way they're going to lock her up if she has not done anything yet.


This is true. If her therapist is a good therapist ( i don't know how long she's been with them) Than he/she may understand. I wouldn't be worried about her getting sent away or something. If she can explain what she has been thinking and why ... then maybe her therapist can get to the root of the problem before she lets her thinking about it too much take her over.

She told me she was molested as a child and thinks that may be why. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, she thinks the thought of it is discusting; that the people who do it are horrible. She can't stop thinking about it and she doesn't know what she's supposed to do, and neither do I. She hates the thoughts

Maybe there is something in her past that happened when she was molested, or she can't get the past out of her mind at all. She may have to try to get ahold of her past and not let it control her before the thoughts of molesting someone else go away. I'm not a therapist, but I know how much the past can control my thoughts now and the future.

I wish the best for you and your friend. Hope you get the answers you need

Christy

How would her parents find out?

Does this girl have a boyfriend?

Hey yall...

Okay so my friend told me last week that she had child molesting thoughts and she asked for my help....I'm clueless...
She told me she was molested as a child and thinks that may be why. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, she thinks the thought of it is discusting; that the people who do it are horrible. She can't stop thinking about it and she doesn't know what she's supposed to do, and neither do I. She hates the thoughts, she is afraid of herself because she can't help but think about those things no matter how much she doesn't want to do it. She related it to the depression some mothers get after their babies are born, meaning they don't want to hurt their babies but they can't help the thoughts.
She wants help, but she's afraid to talk to her therapist or mine or any about it because they may lock her up and or tell her parents(she's only 17), which really isn't what she needs.
I really want to help my friend but I have no idea how I can...do any of yall know someone this has happened to? Or do yall have any information, or know how we can get help without her parents having to know...
We would really appreciate it....Thanks...

Wendy

I can understand why your friend wouldn't want to tell a therapist, but honestly, that may be the best thing to do. The illness you were referring to (in new mothers) is known as Postpartum depression. It is extremely serious, and is most often caused by a hormonal imbalence. We can't control what is going on with our body chemically, and the guilt experienced from uncontrolable thoughts can often ruin someone emotionally. Please, please, guide your friend towards professional help. The thoughts may eventually fade, but why stick it out? There's absolutely no point in waiting to feel better when someone may be able to help right away. I know this is different from postpartum depression, but they do sound similar, and P.D. is something I know a little about. Since your friend has no intention of actually hurting herself or anyone else, I highly doubt that a therapist would even tell her parents if she requested that it be kept confidential. Sadly, people disregard illnesses like this and somehow believe that they can wish it away. But the truth is, everyone needs help. The fact the your friend has confided in you is a sign that she relizes she can't deal with this on her own. I stongly encourage you to seek professional help. It sounds like your friend has already been through enough as it is, and she doesn't need the guilt of those thoughts. Hope this helps!

She needs to get help. Talking to a therapist is the first step. There is a thing called patient/doctor confidentiality. Her parent's shouldn't find out what is being said in there. But the therapist may know what to do to help her.

Hey you guys,

She told me she's been thinking about this for 4 years at least now...they're getting more frequent now and she isn't sure why...this is why she told me. She doesn't think she will do it like tomorrow but in the future she can see it..she told me she's terrified to have kids.

Nope she doesn't have a boyfriend..she's my girlfriend actually...
thanks for the help you guys..

Wendy

I think she really does need to tell her therapist, because that is her first step to getting help. Then, hopefully, her therapist will know how to help her. I wish her the best of luck with everything!

I think we're planing lunch with my old therapist...but I can't promise nothin she doesn't really want to tell. I researched it some more and it said she may have Obsessional OCD and they perscribe Laxapro (sp) for it but not sure about that...yall know what it is or what it does?

I was on something really similiar to that for OCPD. It just makes it so your not so concerned about every.little.fucking.thing. All the time. So you can live life not worried that if you don't close your bedroom door, your best friend will get hit by a semi, or everytime you leave a CD case face down, all the band members will be killed in a freak accident.

And it's not a permanent thing. It messes with the chemicals in your brain until it is able to produce them on it's own.

i'm glad she's getting help....You sound like a very good person/girlfriend for her to have around. I'm sure she really, really appreciates that.
<3

Everyone on this board is completely correct in saying she needs help. I used to have those kind of thoughts, at right around the same age. It became an obsession. I came too close to doing something terrible only because I didn't want to trust my therapist with the news. When I came as close as I did I got really scared and told him immediately. He helped me tremendously. It'll help your friend realize she's not alone and that there is a way to diminish these thoughts. Trust someone who's been through it.

I think she really needs to talk to a therapist. It is hard for just one person to deal with. I to was molested as a child i think she might be feeling well it happened to me why should I or should I not do it to someone else. She needs to get to the understanding to why she has these feelings. And to learn to keep them at bay or deal with them without hurting another.

Everyone on this board is completely correct in saying she needs help. I used to have those kind of thoughts, at right around the same age. It became an obsession. I came too close to doing something terrible only because I didn't want to trust my therapist with the news. When I came as close as I did I got really scared and told him immediately. He helped me tremendously. It'll help your friend realize she's not alone and that there is a way to diminish these thoughts. Trust someone who's been through it.

What did your therapist do for you?

I talked to a friend of mine who was also molested her therapist said it is natural especially if your going through hard times. They told her that the only thing to really do was to not act on the thoughts. That is what seperates the good from the bad. And in regards to her/his own children in the futre my friend also now has a child of her own and it changed everything for her. She could never hurt her own child like she was hurt because she knows how it feels. The only thing I can say for sure its take it one day at a time.

I talked to a friend of mine who was also molested her therapist said it is natural especially if your going throu hard times. They told her that the only thing to really do was to not act on the thoughts. That is what seperates the good from the bad. And in regards to her/his own children in the futre my friend also now has a child of her own and it changed everything for her. She could never hurt her own child like she was hurt because she knows how it feels. The only thing I can say for sure its take it one day at a time.

Thanks, hopefully this works for her too. She cancled lunch with my old therapist she doesn't want the help now. So I don't know what will happen.

Wendy

My hunch is that she still wants the help, but is apprehensive (nervous) about it. She doesn't know your therapist and may be afraid he/she will tell on her. Try to be as reassuring as you can while insisting that she go.

Plus, this is not really a problem you want to discuss at the lunch table (especially in public). "I have thoughts about molesting little children...how's your pastrami on rye?" See what I mean?

At any rate, whether she wants it or not, your friend NEEDS help. She is getting to the point where she is almost a danger to herself or others. I'm not saying I think you should tell on her, but I do think you should insist that she get help. If you don't, and she does hurt some little kid, won't you just feel horrible?

Another thought on whether a therapist will tell or not:

When I was in therapy at 17, I asked my therapist whether she would tell anything I said to her. She said that legally she can't tell anything unless I'm going to hurt myself or someone else, or if someone is going to hurt me.
It depends on whether he/she thinks your girlfriend will actually hurt someone or not.

I was molested. Hurt horribly by the molester. he didn’t even get that far didn’t even penetrate or anything. I hate to say it. Its partially cause I fought back that played a role in why he hurt me later on I am sure. I remember sitting on the porch next to him after wards in shock. For some reason he didn’t do anything to me until later when I told my parents what he did. Some reason he got away with all of it to. But any way I never had even one thought about doing it to any one else. I feel real bad for your friend. That is so sad that she is having those thoughts. I don’t know what to do in her situation. You could remind her it wasn’t your friends fault. That your friend is a wonderful person. That your friend needs to think of helping kids protecting them so they don’t get hurt like your friend did. She should though go see a therapist it will help allot. All though I never saw one but probably should have.

Hey,
this is also what I don't quite understand; my friend was hurt horribly, by the guys and by her mother. Her mother didn't touch her but two guys that she still see's everyday did. She confessed to her mother about these two ppl and she yelled at her, she called my friend a liar. Things came out about it and her mother made her lie in court; because one of them was her mothers boyfriend. Ever since then her mother has never forgiven her and my friend has never forgivin her mother...7 years later.
She was hurt so bad, but she still has the urge to do it...I've tried to get her to go..she knows my therapist she went with me a few times to my sessions when I was going through really hard times. I was also molested and couldn't dream of hurting others the same this is why I'm also in the dark...

Wendy

The best thing for your friend. Is for you to stay friends with her. Watch her!! all the time. Bring her places were there are people her own age. Take her to movies. Even trips sometimes helps. I know my friends would take me places to help me forget. That’s the key if she wont go see a therapist. Then keep her distracted make her forget even if its just a moment. It certainly helped me forget being shot and tortured later on tore my legs apart. But when he molested me I bit his shoulder. Leaving teeth marks there. So who knows may be I left scars. The only reason he got me is cause my parents weren’t home during these times neither was any one else in my family. I wasn’t suppose to be home either. But later on my friends kept me as distracted as they could. Only once did I ever have a thought about it and I couldn’t be that way. After wards I cried cause I knew what I was thinking was horribly wrong. I knew from that moment on I couldn’t do that. But just remember stay her friend keep her distracted. It helped me a lot in my situation. Look what happened to me!