Yesterday we got a certified letter in the mail. My step-daughter's sneaky mother attended a support increase hearing without letting my husband know she would be there. He got a letter but she told him it was about something else and not to worry about it. Then, she shows up for the hearing herself and gets an extra $325 a month in support. He lost by default because she tricked him.She will now be getting over $500 a month for one child and we have 3 to support ourselves on the salary of a correction's officer. They go off his gross earnings which are signifigantly more than his take home pay after taxes and health insurance are deducted. It hurts needless to say.

I do not argue that support is his obligation but when the amount being taken monthly hurts our other children is it fair? I have also been told if he and I were to ever divorce I would only get $100 per child in support because this other child's financial needs come first. This is from a support enforcement agency. I think what actually happens is the entire support amount is recalculated and divided amongest the 4 children he would have to pay on not to exceed 18% of his total monthly gross income. Those women think I have just fallen off the turnip truck, I have had several run-ins with them before about overpayments and such.

What pisses me off the most is my step-daughter's mother just had another child with a dude who skipped to Mexico so he did not have to pay support, so essentially we are paying for that child too. She is on public assistance as well. She does work but it doesn't pay very well or something because they are still on foodstamps.

It's not like we don't buy things for this child either. I spent over $600 alone on her in clothes and neccessities while she was here for vacation. Sent a $100 check so she could go to summer camp her mom would not pay for.

Had I known her mother was going to pull this shit I think I may have thought twice before buying her so much. The problem was her mother sent her in rags, which I know is not the only clothes she owns, it was just her mom's way of making us buy more clothes for her.

I am just appalled by how underhanded and sneaky she was in this whole approach. Last time she tried to get more money the judge told her no way because we had 3 children of our own to support. He gave her $25 more a month. He is not making much more than he was then. This time she lied and was able to meet with the bleeding heart women of Support Enforcement who could give a shit less if he had 10 other kids to support as long as this one was getting paid for. Technically that 18% is not supposed to be taken if a man has other children and a wife that does not work. Allowances will be made if the man is there to defend himself. That bitch saw to it that did not happen.

What this does is cause very hard feelings between that child and my children because my kids will go without while her mom lives off the system and spends the child support on shit for her new baby and herself.

Anyway, do you feel this is right? Should a man who is married with another family be forced to pay as much as a single man without any other children?
Tell me what you think.

Holy crap. Over $500 for ONE kid? And off a correction's officer's salary? That should be criminal. It means over $6000 a year, and since you have three other kids, that's quite a pounding to your finances.

Anyway, the child support system is really skewed, since some people who receive it use it as their primary income. Maybe if he was single, that'd be okay, but it's still a lot, because he keeps in touch with her and you said you buy her things when she comes to see you.

That's just staggering to me. Sounds like she's using the court system to her full advantage.

Edit: Since this is a debate thread, I should probably choose a side. People with other families to support shouldn't have to pay as much as single men, but I don't really see the system changing anytime soon. Men just seem to get screwed over, and that makes me sad. I like men.

My parents divorced when I was 8. I have 3 siblings, and my father remarried a woman who was also divorced, with a son about my age. My mother never worked or had an income to help with the bills. . it was HIS responsibility. I was always hearing about how little HE had, and how much SHE needed to make ends meet, yet we lived rather well, IMO, even attending Private school that was VERY expensive.

The fact that your husbands ex-wife stooped to such abhorant subterfuge is probably bordering on contempt of court. I'd get an attorney and bring the matter, along with the letter, in front of a judge. That she LIED over a legal matter makes her subject to scrutiny and in my opinion the full weight of the Courts should be brought against her. yes, your husband is obligated to HELP with the childs upbringing, but not to the point of becoming a pauper.

You cite support and gifts outside the divorce arrangements. I'd stop them right now, no matter your wish to be lavish with the child. You are NOT bribing the child by giving them gifts, nor making them think you are a better person. You are merely saddling yourself with further debt and financial problems. Make HER, since she now has the extra money, pay for EVERYTHING. I'd also take steps such as a Personal Ad in the paper, decrying what she did, becoming very vocal in local assemblies over the lack of righteousness of her actions, and as I earlier suggested, take the matter of her lying about the contents of the hearing before a JUDGE.

IMO she was VERY wrong. . take every action necessary to prove this and re-set your child support payments to a proper level.

The idea of "Default against the Father" is a very archaic, and foolish notion. Women may be less able to financially support themselves and a child, but herein lies the entire crux of the argument for STABLE families. Both the ex wife and ex husband made a commitment that, even though they are divorced, will keep them in association for this entire childs life, whether they like it or not.

whether you will get equivalent child support payment is not really a consideration, though it does show the bias of the system you are under, which is a joke. . .

Just to clear this up, he was never married to this woman .Did not even have a real relationship with her .She was a friend with benefits, the condom failed. Sorry to be so blunt but that is the way it happened.

To make matters worse she did not bother to tell us the child was even on the way until after she was 3 weeks old. She claims she was going to give her up for adoption but couldn't go through with it. By that time he and I had already been married for a month. There are no words for how shocked I was, but I believed in my marriage vows and loved my husband very much. I stuck with him thru all the crap that went on for months.

He was with her the month before he and I got together, so it wasn't like he had cheated on me. We had a whirl-wind courtship, engaged 6 months and got married.It has been interesting, but I have never once held this situation against the child. She did not ask to be born.

Anyway we are discussing an appeal as we speak. I am not sure how far it will get him since technically they are taking 18% of his monthly income, which the law allows.

We are kind of dealing with a her word against his situation as well. I'm sure she just went to the adjustment and told them well if he isn't here that is his problem. Oh yeah, she lied big time but proving it is a entirely different story.
I'm not so sure we can.

What I am the most angry about is this money is not really to help my step-daughter out but rather to make up for the money she is not getting on her new baby. Why should we have to pay for another man's child?

It's insane, the system supports women more than men, just because they gave birth to them, does that mean we have no rites and views at all?

Yesterday we got a certified letter in the mail. My step-daughter's sneaky mother attended a support increase hearing without letting my husband know she would be there. He got a letter but she told him it was about something else and not to worry about it. Then, she shows up for the hearing herself and gets an extra $325 a month in support. He lost by default because she tricked him.She will now be getting over $500 a month for one child and we have 3 to support ourselves on the salary of a correction's officer. They go off his gross earnings which are signifigantly more than his take home pay after taxes and health insurance are deducted. It hurts needless to say.

I do not argue that support is his obligation but when the amount being taken monthly hurts our other children is it fair? I have also been told if he and I were to ever divorce I would only get $100 per child in support because this other child's financial needs come first. This is from a support enforcement agency. I think what actually happens is the entire support amount is recalculated and divided amongest the 4 children he would have to pay on not to exceed 18% of his total monthly gross income. Those women think I have just fallen off the turnip truck, I have had several run-ins with them before about overpayments and such.

What pisses me off the most is my step-daughter's mother just had another child with a dude who skipped to Mexico so he did not have to pay support, so essentially we are paying for that child too. She is on public assistance as well. She does work but it doesn't pay very well or something because they are still on foodstamps.
If she is on foodstamps, I promise you this child needs all the help she can get. Please don't hold this against this little girl. I know you said you wouldn't, but sometimes, in the back of our minds, we do, accidentally. I know you are a good person, so don't let it happen. :)

It's not like we don't buy things for this child either. I spent over $600 alone on her in clothes and neccessities while she was here for vacation. Sent a $100 check so she could go to summer camp her mom would not pay for.

Had I known her mother was going to pull this shit I think I may have thought twice before buying her so much. The problem was her mother sent her in rags, which I know is not the only clothes she owns, it was just her mom's way of making us buy more clothes for her.
It was very nice of you to spend time and money selecting clothes for your stepdaughter. Maybe those are the only clothes she has. Remember, they are on food stamps.

I am just appalled by how underhanded and sneaky she was in this whole approach. Last time she tried to get more money the judge told her no way because we had 3 children of our own to support. He gave her $25 more a month. He is not making much more than he was then. This time she lied and was able to meet with the bleeding heart women of Support Enforcement who could give a shit less if he had 10 other kids to support as long as this one was getting paid for. Technically that 18% is not supposed to be taken if a man has other children and a wife that does not work. Allowances will be made if the man is there to defend himself. That bitch saw to it that did not happen.
I feel really sorry for you about how underhanded and sneaky this b-witch has been with you guys. I would beat her up or something if I could. You deserve better.

What this does is cause very hard feelings between that child and my children because my kids will go without while her mom lives off the system and spends the child support on shit for her new baby and herself.
Your children, in my opinion, are too young to be told about this. As you said, your stepdaughter did not ask to be born, so why punish her by giving your own children a grudge to hold against her?

Anyway, do you feel this is right? Should a man who is married with another family be forced to pay as much as a single man without any other children?
Tell me what you think.
I think that the 18% should be equally split between all children he has fathered, including the ones within your wedlock. So that one child should only get like 4.5% of his monthy income. In my opinion. And I also think that you guys should know better than to trust that bitch's word. If I were you, I would show up every time I was notified of a court proceeding, no matter what she says. I also think you should beat her up, but that's just me. ;)

<3 Mary

I work with a woman who has *7* other brothers and sisters. The father and mother had been divorced for about 4 years. In that time the father has gone to living at the Salvation Army because he couldn't afford anywhere else. He received some unemployment for a long period of time, of that he was able to live off about 100$ a month. That money he had left over was still under the amount of child support he really owed.* They were basing it from 5 year old data.

He was legally poor. Like when the Governor gets on TV and talks about poor people, that was him. He could have gotten a job, but he had been injured at his last job. Eventually his pay ended. They came and arrested him in the next few months. He failed to pay child support from the NO income he had. He was living off public support, 100%.

*Too make up for that: they increased the amount they were asking. They wanted more money. Worst part? The mother doesn't even really want it, she makes well over 100,000$ annually. This was entirely the state sticking up for a mother by beating a father into the poor house. She sometimes pays him money so he can buy things for himself.

That is insane.

Edit: Got so caught up in the moment... So yes, they do favor the female in most cases, in some of those cases that is the right thing to do, but in a lot of cases this is unjustified. They need to look at it as an even playing field, but in your case they couldn't because they only had half the field. Worse yet, He has bad chances of fighting that decision because he failed to show the first time, which is equal to a guilty plea.

Have you considered trying to get custody of the child? I don't know if that's something that you and your husband are willing to do, but it sounds like she would be a lot better off with you than with her mom.

It sounds like you are in a much better position to care for that child rather than the mother, so why not?

Greatest. Idea. Ever.

Good one, ToB! The judge will hopefully see that you are eminently more capable of taking care of her than her mother is. I mean, you're a stay-at-home mom, and how cool is that? I think you should definitely go for custody. That way she has to pay YOU child support, and the child will be happier in the end.

<3 Mary

Have you considered trying to get custody of the child? I don't know if that's something that you and your husband are willing to do, but it sounds like she would be a lot better off with you than with her mom.

It sounds like you are in a much better position to care for that child rather than the mother, so why not?

When the little girl is 12 she can legally decide if she wants to come and live with us according to state law. My husband and I asked her while she stayed with us if she would like to come and live with us but she said she would not because her mom needs help with the new baby. Lately, her mother has been really cynical towards her. She even told my husband that she almost packed up all her stuff and was going to leave her on the door step. We told her she can come and live with us anytime she wants.

I think this could possibly happen in the next few months. We'll see what happens. We are trying to be amicable as possible in this whole thing but she pulled such an underhanded move , it is obvious she is not going to play nice at all.

I agree the child would be much better off with us. She is a handful when she is here but that is because her mom has told her so much crap about the wicked evil stepmonster. I set alot of things straight this summer because I was so sick of hearing how I had ruined her life because I did not leave her Dad and let him marry her mom. That was never even a consideration! Just her mom living in a pipe dream. It has been that kind of attitude on her Mother's part that kept that little girl away from us for many years. My husband is just starting to bond with her.

Let's be honest. How well do you really know your kid when you can see her once a year? From the ages of 3 to 7 we did not see her at all. The mother would not allow it. We did not have the finances to hire a lawyer to fight for custody. There was alot of bad blood there.

It is a tough situation all the way around. I do feel it would be in her best interest to have her living with us. However, it is very hard to have a mother declared unfit. :(

However, it is very hard to have a mother declared unfit. :(
Not Impossible.

20.