Hi...This is something I've been thinking about for a very long time now, so I thought maybe some of you guys would be so kind as to grace me with your opinions...

All logic should suggest that children who have been coddled and have led a sheltered life would be oblivious to the cruelty of the world, as they have only been exposed to the nicer things. This would no doubt have been a happr existence, and a childlike innocence would be present. However, I found that the truth of this world hit them much harder when they found out. This is understandable, as they would have not otherwise learned and the truth would therefore be ever more painful...

I suppose my question(s) to you are:

a) Do you think being coddled ultimately hurts the child or preserves some of their innocence for longer?

b) For either, what do you think makes parents/guardians/other people coddle a child?

c) Lastly, do you think finding out such a harsh truth after an otherwise peaceful life would seriously and permanently harm a person, or do you think it helps them to become stronger and have a greater understanding of themselves and the people around them?

Thank you to anyone who reads or replies...I'd just like to know what you guys think...

-Christina

a) Do you think being coddled ultimately hurts the child or preserves some of their innocence for longer? It depends how much "coddling" we are talking about. I think too much shelter will only harm the child more often than not. It may preserve their innocence for longer, but when something dramatic/tragic/traumatizing does happen, it may be harder for a person to grasp.

b) For either, what do you think makes parents/guardians/other people coddle a child? Several different reasons. Only two are sticking out in my mind right now - one, a parent may be thinking they are only doing their child good by sheltering them, whether it's not telling them if their pet died, or not letting them step out the door. The other reason I'm thinking of (and something I'm more familiar with) is possessiveness.

c) Lastly, do you think finding out such a harsh truth after an otherwise peaceful life would seriously and permanently harm a person, or do you think it helps them to become stronger and have a greater understanding of themselves and the people around them? After an entire life of nothing but shelter, I do believe it will be harder for that person when something painful does hit them. If they've never fallen "ill", then how can they build a stronger "immunity" for the future? However, at the same time they will be made a little stronger to handle the next bad thing.




Tragedies and mishaps are all part of life, another part of experiences and growth. If that part of life is always sheltered away from someone, then they will be missing out on living fully. There cannot be bad things without good; there cannot be good things without the bad.

^^^^^^^^^

Perfect post.



I've also found that sheltered kids tend to rebel more. My cousin was totally sheltered, but she would do anything she could get away with, which often times revolved around sex. Why she had to tell me this is beyond me, but I've heard and seen some pretty horrifying things. Her mom would constantly tell her that she couldn't listen to this music, couldn't watch this movie, but didn't seem to have a huge problem with letting her have boyfriends, to a certain degree. Mistake.

Now, MY kids aren't going to be allowed to do anything. Nothing. No dating till their 29, can't leave the house except for work and school related events, and no allowance. Well, maybe the boy can do whatever he wants, BUT THE GIRL WILL BE AT HOME. So no pregnant business can happen.*dirty perv boys and their nastiness...* :p

I've also found that sheltered kids tend to rebel more. My cousin was totally sheltered, but she would do anything she could get away with, which often times revolved around sex. Why she had to tell me this is beyond me, but I've heard and seen some pretty horrifying things. Her mom would constantly tell her that she couldn't listen to this music, couldn't watch this movie, but didn't seem to have a huge problem with letting her have boyfriends, to a certain degree. Mistake. Yes, and that's another thing that being sheltered can bring. A child will grow up with the need to be "free" and when it comes to the real world will be very naive, moreso than a kid who wasn't so hidden from the world. Which could lead to trouble.

I do have firsthand experience on that, as I was a child who was kept inside the house, away from the real world (the irony being that part of the real world unknowingly came inside the house to me, anyway).

BUT THE GIRL WILL BE AT HOME. So no pregnant business can happen.*dirty perv boys and their nastiness...* :p What if you let the boy do whatever, and he gets a girl pregnant? :)

And that's kinda funny, because that was exactly the excuse my dad gave me whenever I wanted to go out with a boy...he was always like, "I was a teenage boy once, I know how they think!" :rolleyes: Whatever.

I will use my step sister as a prime example to these three questions.

A) Being coddled (if done constantly all through life) ultimately hurts the child because they end up living in this dream fantasy land that nothing can hurt them and they can do anything they want and the world will continue to revolve around them without consequence. In addition to that they don't learn a lot of the fundamentals of life and how to cope in certain situations like times of stress, failure, and negative things of that nature. When they have the opportunity they will also tend to rebel but not always outwardly. I think they learn to live a double life, one to please their parents and one to please the dark side of themselves. This again is true for my step-sister.

B) A lot of guardians blame themselves for a lot of things gone wrong in their life so they take their child and hide them away from the harsh realities of existence. They have some need to shelter and protect the child, for instance my stepsister is the only child of my step-dad and the only grandchild of her grandma. Since she's the only one she got special treatment and got this veil draped over head about the real world and what life is all about. Her failures in life are almost a direct result of her upbringing. When she was little she lived with her mom and dad until their divorce. She then lived with her dad until he met my mom and then they married. We all lived under the same roof until she started 8th grade. All the kids at her old school made fun of her so she transferred schools and went to go live with her mom. From then on her mom's only objective was to make sure she was under her roof to collect the child support money, and that was about all. So imagine total freedom from 8th grade through the rest of your life but being a total loser as a human being and not ever knowing why anyone hates you when it's simply because of who you are and that who you are is because of how you were raised. She comes off as this high class bitch because that's how her family made her think but everyone else who's lived in the real world who doesn't play that game knows she's not. So when parents do this it's really for themselves it seems, not for the benefit of the child at all.

C) I think to some degree it causes harm, but at some point you wonder why the kid can't just open up their fucking eyes and see what's going on. In my step-sisters case she doesn't realize she can make it in the real world on her own. She doesn't apply herself and just expects things to continue to fall into her lap and just happen for her and grammy will pay her way through life. Because she never learned punishment or consequences she's now with a lesbian friend searching for a dominatrix to have a threesome with. Suddenly she's gay for what appears to be only for the sexual interaction she can have with girls. This leads my family to think that her never ending need for attention and for being babied pairs her up better with a woman because of the femininity that they posess and their ability to mother each other. I realize this is not true in every case but for my family and what is going on in our life this couldn't be more clear. And lack of punishment and lack of rules and morals have led her to seek that kind of punishment elsewhere in the form of sexual acts where she can be naughty and be punished, humiliated, and violated because those were things her family never did to her and those were things that her family didn't make a part of her life. My sister and I came from a pretty dysfuntional family. We saw firsthand all of society's ills with exception to sexual abuse. Now the two of us are living healthy stabile lives in loving environments that include a loving partner (in our case men) and we are more interested in the love aspect of the relationship then the sexual one.

That's how I can relate it to my own experience anyway. One thing though is that I do not think she's 'just' a lesbian because I think lesbians are women who love other women and she's clearly not 'in love' with anyone. She's just a slut who went from whoring around with several guys a night at once to suddenly sex with women and looking for group orgies and S&M. I don't think that was solely her family's fault but the need for that comes from somewhere and I sure as hell don't have that need and neither does my sister.

Being coddled (if done constantly all through life) ultimately hurts the child because they end up living in this dream fantasy land that nothing can hurt them and they can do anything they want and the world will continue to revolve around them without consequence

This sounds a lot like me...only I wasn't coddled, I just live in my own world, where anything can happen. You know, if you don't dream crazy and wild, then crazy and wild things don't happen. You have to chance it, and learn to live with the fall, because for every 10 falls, there is one that lives up to the dream, and that more than makes up for it! :D

to suddenly sex with women and looking for group orgies and S&M.

no comment
;)


EDIT:What if you let the boy do whatever, and he gets a girl pregnant?

And that's kinda funny, because that was exactly the excuse my dad gave me whenever I wanted to go out with a boy...he was always like, "I was a teenage boy once, I know how they think!" Whatever.

well, isn't it obvious, I'm going to teach the boy all I know about the 'scene' and he can follow my example. But, I'll make it perfectly clear, that if he does anything wrong, I won't let it slide, and that if he's old enough to get a girl pregnant, he's old enough to get a job and take care of it, because I won't. *of course I would, but it's fear that works best... ;) *

I guess I could let the girl do some things, but no dances...and no dating...and no holding hands or kissing...and no physical contact with the oppostie sex if not in sport format. :D

Hey, thanks to everyone who posted. It's really interesting to read all of your opinions. *hug* At least now I know other people feel the same and are not as blunt and oblivious as others...Thanks again:D

*not blunt and oblivious*

:D

Well, when you post cool threads, people reply! :cool:

and no physical contact with the oppostie sex if not in sport format. :D
Oh, but don'tcha know that sports are the gateway drug to sex?




;)

Oh, but don'tcha know that sports are the gateway drug to sex?




;)

:(

There's really nothing I can do is there...fine. I'll give them a box of condoms for christmas, cigarettes, porn, and tequila. That ought to keep them out of the house for a while. ;)

:(

There's really nothing I can do is there...fine. I'll give them a box of condoms for christmas, cigarettes, porn, and tequila. That ought to keep them out of the house for a while. ;)
Oh, trust me, they won't need porn...

They'll be making their own.




Okay, I need to leave this thread, this has turned into a faaaar different kind of debate.

Oh, trust me, they won't need porn...

They'll be making their own.




Okay, I need to leave this thread, this has turned into a faaaar different kind of debate.

Damn you!!!

*pulls hair*


*runs somewhere on the board*


*hides*

:D

[QUOTE=Shivercide]Oh, trust me, they won't need porn...

They'll be making their own.


lol - how the hell did we go from coddling children to home-made porn videos?!?! *sigh* lol thanks guys for replying, though:D Glad I triggered something

Oh, trust me, they won't need porn...

They'll be making their own.


lol - how the hell did we go from coddling children to home-made porn videos?!?! *sigh* lol thanks guys for replying, though:D Glad I triggered something

ooops... :o


That is kind of weird! :p

This sounds a lot like me...only I wasn't coddled, I just live in my own world, where anything can happen. You know, if you don't dream crazy and wild, then crazy and wild things don't happen. You have to chance it, and learn to live with the fall, because for every 10 falls, there is one that lives up to the dream, and that more than makes up for it! :D
To some extent this is true but at the same time you have to have some grasp of reality so that you can at least cope while you wait for your dreams to come true. Life is full of risks but you don't have to take them blindly or go after things at the expense of the people around you causing them to suffer financially or emotionally on your behalf so that you can taste success that you didn't work for or deserve. At some point going from following your own dreams to walking all over people to make things happen for you just doen't seem right.

Whether my step-sister wants to blame her parents for her life or herself and her ignorance and stupid choices, either way to me she's a disgrace as a human being and a failure in life. I can say this because she's a part of my family, she makes me sick.

But back to coddling...The reason I think you have a good understanding of keeping your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds is because you already explained that for every 10 falls one chance may be the one. You already know that failure is a possibility and you can take it and clean yourself off and try again.

Let's look at employment for example with my coddled step-sister. She refused to get a job and so her father and grandmother had to pay for her to live in NY and pay over a thousand dollars a month for her apartment. She refused to get one even with a 4 year college degree that her father paid for because she wants to be a pop singer. So until her dream comes true she can find a million and ten reasons why her life is a living hell and why daddy should keep paying for it. And as for my step-father, he's the stupid ignorant ass who keeps giving in too. It wasn't until only 2 months ago that he told her she was going to be cut off that she finally got employment (not as a singer because she isn't good). She's 23 years old though! And the singing too, she isn't good at but her family won't tell her to her face. They just let her go on thinking she's good. Her 4-year college degree is in voice. WTF is that!? Voice!? So even again they're trying to protect her. Well it was a huge slap in the face twice when American Idol told her she sucked. Now let's see, how do you deal when your family tells you you're phenomenal but AI tells you you're horrible and you interned at Island Def Jam and even they wouldn't offer you a job, or any help whatsoever? See how in some ways too her family is still screwing with her and trying to protect her but they're not because they are making it seem ike professional (Island Def Jam) opinions don't matter. But they do. She's not good. That doesn't mean she can't be but it means she isn't. And lying to her and telling her she is, is wrong. She could be seeking more professional help with singing but she thinks she's great on her own and doesn't bneed it because her family tells her she's great. If you can't be honest with your family who can you be honest with? You know it's like that other saying too, friends come and go but family is always tere for you. So they need to just let her have it. No more pusst-footing around (eeew, gross mental pic there). They need to apoligize for their mistakes, she needs to apoligize for hers, and then go into the rest of life like adults.

It blows my mind too my sister and I are part of this fucked up mess and really have no say or input because it's our step-family. Grrrr :mad:

Wow, that sounds bad. You see, I was almost exactly like her, except my dad kept me as grounded as he could, until I realized on my own that the odds of me being a guitarist for a living, no matter HOW good I am, is not a smart risk. He always told me to have a back up plan, and for a LONG time, I didn't listen. Then, when I took a year off from school after high school, and was just playing guitar all day everyday locked in my room, he got pretty pissed. After a pretty intense conversation, I realized that he was right, but i still didn't want to believe him. It was when I was looking through college brochures and found all these jobs that I could do with different degrees that I decided to prioritize a little. Now that I look back, it really was a stupid 'reality'. If I had put half as much effort into school as guitar, I'd be at an amazing school.

The weird thing is, I wasn't really coddled. Well, During high school, i didn't go out much, because my car broke, and my dad wanted me home to watch my brother. Aside from that though, I wasn't reinforced into bad habits, my dreams were pushed, I was active in extra curriculars, and I actually had a pretty realistic life. I don't know where my tendancy for thinking the impossible can happen at any moment came from. It doesn't help that this has been the most amazing summer ever, WAY beyond my expectations... :p

I feel you on your sister though. She needs to mature, and realize that everyone is not living their lives for her. It's really bad when you reinforce people like your sisiter and their dreams and behavior. They tend to become above themslves, assuming that whatever she hears that's good is the exact truth, and everyone else is lying. I'm glad she finally got cut off, and now, after working a little, she can learn to appreciate money, and appreciate everything your family has done for her.

Ok so I was home schooled until sixth grade.
Now I don't want to get too in depth but I wouldn't say I was coddled
I just was presented with a certain view of the world. I derived many ideas about the world from my christian upbringing. So while I still believe I learned things didn't work exactly the way I thought. When I eventually went to public school I was socialy inept and stuborn to change. This continued through College. I tend to have a very serious personality. So I joined the Army and basic stripped me down and I found there wasn't much at my base. So I went through a very tough couple of years. In the end I went through a big change which left me more spontanious and more able to act where my social ineptness and natural serious nature got in the way. So it was bad from the point that I could not socialy interact well. But I believe it also gave me a strength and determination I might not else have had. I'm over here in Iraq right now and doing well. When it comes right down to it I'd say a little isolation may be good. It can teach you to think on your own and give you great strength. But too much can be very damaging and of course different personalities will allways react differently. Myself and my four brothers are nothing alike. Well I hope I could help

The Price of Freedom is Eternal Vigilance. - Thomas Jefferson I think

Wow, there's a perspective i wouldn't have thought about, and I have to say I see insights to it. I can understand that. And thank you very much for what your doing over there. You guys are treasures! :D

Wow, that sounds bad. You see, I was almost exactly like her, except my dad kept me as grounded as he could, until I realized on my own that the odds of me being a guitarist for a living, no matter HOW good I am, is not a smart risk. He always told me to have a back up plan, and for a LONG time, I didn't listen. Then, when I took a year off from school after high school, and was just playing guitar all day everyday locked in my room, he got pretty pissed. After a pretty intense conversation, I realized that he was right, but i still didn't want to believe him. It was when I was looking through college brochures and found all these jobs that I could do with different degrees that I decided to prioritize a little. Now that I look back, it really was a stupid 'reality'. If I had put half as much effort into school as guitar, I'd be at an amazing school.

That sounds like me :p My mom and I got into a BIG fight over this. My mom actually confiscated my guitar for a few weeks (kept it hidden under her bed for a few weeks) Needless to say I was PISSED and at the time I almost hated her. But now I realize that she was right.

Unless you're extrordinary at an instrument, you'll prolly never "make it". I'm pretty good at guitar, but there really isn't anything I can do that the next guy can't. Even bands that put out several albums and are really famous need to work day jobs to afford a living. Very few people can actually live off the money they make with their music, and even fewer can have a good life. The point is, becoming a musician is a BIG gamble. The way I thought of it before was, if I didn't gamble, I would regret never taking the chance. But the real way to look at it is, if I had gambled and lost, I would've wasted my whole life, and regret it forever. If I somehow get a chance to play professionally and make lotsa money, I prolly still would. But now I would never think to put music before school. It's just not worth the risk.


Now to the actual topic of this thread :p

I think coddling kids is not good for them in any way whatsoever. I was coddle sooooooo much as a kid, mainly because I had really bad asthma and had to be on steroids which fucked up my kidneys pretty bad. And I guess my parents didn't want anything bad to happen to me again. But the coddling has had a really negative impact on my social life. In grade 6 I was as naive as your average preschooler. Hell, I don't think I even knew what sex was at that age! I didn't understand a lot of stuff going on in school. And that made me a loner. Now, I'm anything but naive. I've made a lot friends in high school, and seen a lot of things I haven't seen before. Some of those things came as a shock, some I found weird at first. Many of those things bad, but in a way, it was good for me to understand them, because now I understand how the world works. There's no use shielding a child from the bad things of the world. Firstly, that's impossible unless the child has no contact with the outside world whatsoever. Secondly, it'll have a bad impact on the child's social life. And finally, it's important for a child to know how the world works. The real world is far from perfect; nothing like a fairy tale or a bedtime story where everyone lives happily ever after, and a child needs to understand that. Otherwise, he/she would just end up screwed over and without friends.