Most of us experience the passing of a loved one, a friend, or a mere acquaintence. Nearly all of us have sympathy for the untimely passing of someone due to an act of violence, a car wreck, mental anguish, an act of God, or a rare physical ailment. Sometimes death is just a quiet, natural defeat of a person at ripe old age. A minority of people never have death even come close to impacting their lives due to a short life-span or just sheer luck. No matter our person experiences with someone passing away, there is one thing we all share. We will all die one day. We will close our eyes and never wake up. This is a very frightening prospect to many a person, including myself.

People are generally fearful of what they don't understand. It is, to my beliefs, the reason why we have religion. We need to feel like we have a purpose and that we're not just some bag of meat living out some meaningless existence. Some of us, including myself, have no religion. We either disregard any possibility beyond being a bag of meat or we just state we have no idea what to expect when it comes to certain aspects of reality, and therefore do not claim to know. I have dealt with my share of losses. I've lost many friends to MD, a friend to cancer, multiple suicides, a car wreck, alcoholism, and old age. Nothing, however, impacted me as hard as the loss of my sixteen year old brother Mike on Tuesday, April 7th, 1998. It remains to be the most painful moment of my entire life, but also the most beneficial.

I don't want to die.
You aren't going to live forever, whether you want to or not. None of us are. But that shouldn't suggest you shouldn't care. Live life. Travel, socialize, learn, and make every day fulfilling because none of us are guaranteed another day.

I want to die.
We may not be given another chance to be a conscious entity capable of free-thought and the little pleasures we take for granted, like the smell of chimneys during winter, the joy of a good film, or the pleasuring tastes of a good piece of fruit. Imagine all of the people you will be impacting if you decided to act on this. If you're mournful over a loss and it leads you this far, consider the same thing happening to someone who cares about you. Life isn't easy, which is why striving for a payoff is so noble.

I'm afraid of death.
Most of us are. None of us have any idea what is after this life. It could be another life in another world, reincarnation, eternity with your God, the life you have now all over again, a torturous world to pay for our wrong-doing, a world thought up by your mind, or nothing at all. It's better to just not think about. It's an easy thing to say and hard to deal with, but the sooner you're accepting that you will one day die, the more free you will be of torment and fear. Yet another reason we have religion.

They were too young.
None of us are guaranteed an ideal death. We could go by a slow and painful death, the illogical acts of another human being, or we could pass without pain in an unconscious state. However someone dies is how they die and there's nothing we can do to extend that once it occurs. It's an unfortunate thing that some people do not get to live life to its fullest, but as I said, none of us are guaranteed a death we want.

Why did this have to happen to me?
It is not a singular event. It doesn't just happen to you. It happens to the person that passes on and every person that cared for them. It isn't some cosmic joke being played on you just because you did or said something wrong. Instead of being selfish and wondering what you could have done to prevent their passing, look at the bigger picture.

I could have done something to prevent this.
We sometimes do something that, due to a chain of events, might lead us to believe we could have prevented another's death. Also, some of us forget to say "I love you" just before someone stops breathing or even say something something horrible and not apologize for until it's too late, as if our words or action directly impacted the fate of someone. It just isn't so. Yet again, any one of us can go at any moment for any reason. If we continually felt like we were responsible for an unavoidable chain of events, then we would feel guilty for every single death that directly impacts us.

Someone I love died. Screw my religion.
You can't blame your religion for an unavoidable event. You might as well blame sock companies for getting sand in your socks when you go to the beach. Yet again, it isn't some cosmic joke designed to make you feel bad. Not to mention, mostly everyone who dies had someone who loved them. You wouldn't want a friend or family member giving up on their beliefs if, say, you passed away.

I just want them back.
Someone who passes away will remain alive forever if we keep their memory fresh and vivid in our hearts and in our mind. And who's to say they aren't back or watching you?

About six months before the passing of my brother, I was having a silly fight any twelve year old would have with their brother. He made me angry, and in a flash of hatred, I spouted "When you die, I'm not going to cry at your funeral. I'm going to laugh." I have gotten over the fact that I was twelve years old and I didn't know any better and that my words probably didn't affect a thing, but not a day goes by I don't regret saying that, and how I never got to tell him I loved him. After nearly failing the seventh grade due to my sadness, I saw the film Schindler's List. With the impact of my brother's death and the magnitude of what the film was conveying, I figured something out.

Life is fragile for us all. It isn't guaranteed for any one of us, preventable or not. We should appreciate every moment we are given because it just might be our last. Life is indeed a rare gift and it would be illogical to let it slip through our fingers. Don't view death as some sort of punishment. Just see it as proof that we should appreciate every breath in our lungs and take advantage of life that many do not get to exploit, and that no one truly dies if we keep them in our memories.

Such deep words...I'm touched by what you have said, I fully agree with you (though I didn't have to live through what you have told about)...it's true.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your brother, I know how you feel, but it was a long time ago...even if time doesn't heal your wounds entirely, you feel better as more time passes.

I loved reading this post... Very well said... I think most people are definitely afraid of dying because of the fact that they are unsure of what will happen, because the truth is,no one living can possibly know that. I think all(or at least most humans) fear what they cannot change, realizing there is nothing they can do to make the situation go away or make it better.

Death affects everyone, in some way.... Whether you choose to get over it, dwell on it for the rest of your life or just simply deal... I am sorry about your brother and I am sure it is very hard for you....

When I was nine, I lost my grandpa to cancer, and what bothered me the most is that I never got to say goodbye...He was like the dad I never had...he was always there,when my dad was too busy being a loser and getting drunk. I respected him even in my younger years,and I still respect him now, even though he is gone. I just tried to look at it that even though I didn't get to see him and say goodbye in his last moments of life, I think it may have been better that way...To remember the better times, the times where he wasn't in pain... Easier said than done, I know....

But one thing I have always believed is that Life is death. We all live and we all die. There's nothing you can do about it.

Thanks for posting this, I think it was really well written, and I love to read people's valuable opinions on things like this.

First, let me say thank you for writing that, those words were very well written. Second, I am sorry about your brother. I've lost my mom, grandma, my other grandma, and grandpa. So I've gone through a lot as well. Losing my Mom was very tough and my grandma took over and gave me what I needed. She passed away recetnly and it's just so hard. She was on morphiene(sp?) and so all we could do was talk to her, I didn't know if she could hear us. I was with her when she died, I saw it all happen. It was terrible, but I now know she isn't in pain.

Thanks again for posting that.

very VERY well said... i too have had to deal withmy fair share of deaths. cancer, heartattack, old age, alchoholism, suicides... all at a fairly early age and i think experiencing it early braces you for everything life's gonna throw at you and it makes it easier for you to deal with it when you're older "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" ... there's no question i agree that life is short however bad situations around you aren't necessarily the end of it, if that makes sense.

as I am never here... but still I decided to share.
I have a good feeling that I am going to be dealing with the death issue (again) in the VERY near future.. The remaining uncle I have had a stroke a week ago friday, and I'm not quite sure how I am going to deal with this one. For instance, he's the only uncle I have left. The other 2 died when I was young. The last funeral I attended that I was familial to was when I was 15, when another uncle died. (the one in the story, the end of april.... do the math)
I know when we get older we have different ways of expressing the pain of things like death, but for some reason this one is different for me. I can't explain it, but I'm finished babbling about it.

deb

I went to my best friends dad's funeral Saturday morning. I couldnt handle it when my friend got up and spoke about him..needless to say I needed a tissue.

I was avoiding this thread since Scott has posted it, but today I finally read it.
It has brought this sad and painful feeling inside, back to live again.

Coping with death? I don’t know how to cope with it, I really don’t. My only hope is time and support of the loved people.

Being afraid of the death? I’m not afraid of my own death, I’m only afraid to lose people I love. It takes all your straight to accept the fact that one of them is gone, that you won’t have a chance to give this person another hug, to say another sweet words. There’s nothing more terrible for me than living with these feelings. You don’t have to deal with all of that if it’s your own death.

I could have done something to prevent this.
And what about I feel guilty for this? What if some of your actions directly leaded to a death of this person? How to deal with that?

I’m very sorry for all your losses guys; I really hope that these people are in a better place now.

The one thing I know I’m infinitely grateful for is the thing called memories.

I've had to deal with quite a few close deaths to me. And they never seem to get easier. I've learned that time is not only my worst enemy, but my best friend. It's going to take time. Death is something that you will never get over. But in time, as the days go by it gets easier as the days go by. Will I fully get over the deaths of my papaw, my uncle, my grandma, or my good friend? No. But i don't dwell on that. I think about the good times that i had with them. Do I still cry? Yes occassionally. But i try to not let it pull me down to much. I just think they are in a better place. If you need to talk. Let it out. There is someone out there that understands. Death just doesn't happen to one person. Everyone goes through it ;)

I just heard the news today. One of the kids in our school passed away. Its soo sad. Apparently he had a brain tumor that had spread.

I didnt know him personally but I know of him. He was so nice. Its so sad.

thanks soo much! A girl i had danced and gone to school with since i was 3 (im now 16) died on a school camp.

:(

Death can be painful as hell for us. But I dont think its painful for one who died.
Thats what help me through my hard days. A Friend of mine died in a crash eight weeks ago and I still have to deal with it but it´s getting better each day that passes.

the only thing that can make us feel a bit better after someone passed by is to accept the death as a part of life. like scott said everyone has to die. some will die earlier, some later. and it's sad that some ppl has to be near the death to realize how wonderful and invaluable life is.


<3 nadine

While there are many deaths that are close to me. There is one that I just can not let go. Which is sort of odd, being that it happened 18 years ago this Oct.

Before I was born, my mom got pregnant with who would have been my older brother. He was born a few months early like I was, but died about a day and a half later. When I was about 7, my mom and dad finally told me really what had happened, and at first I didn't want to believe it. I started thinking about him a lot... and to this day I still do. I began to write a lot, and draw things a lot.... to this day, I think that incident has made me enjoy what I do today. I honestly think it has.

He would be 2 years older than me... and I always catch myself thinking, what would he look like, what would he be intrested in, would we talk about everything, or have sibling rivalry. I get pictures in my head of what I think he's be like..... Would he like me, would he help me, would we do things together, what would he love to do? Would our family life be any different? How would we have dealt with everything in life.... Etc etc.

Being that I was a premature baby as well, that has made the fact that there would have been another child in our family even harder. I was 2 and a half months early, and was in the hospital for several months. Sometimes, without even noticing that I do it... I catch myself thinking "why didn't I die... instead of you?" Because he was only a month or less early I think.

It will be 18 years this Oct. And I am still thinking about how awful it is..... And I don't understand why I think of this so often. And I have always been afraid to mention it to my parents. When my dad got remarried, we went to the grave site, and I cried the whole time and on the way back to the reception I really wished he and my grandfather(died a couple months after I was born) could have been there. He is in my thoughts everyday.... and I don't know how to cope any better than that.

You have moved me to tears. It sounds like you've been through some great therapy. :) I have enjoyed this post more than any I think I've ever read on this board. Just promise me you'll listen to your own words- because no matter how much we know them and say them, those thoughts and feelings will always come up. One thing- something cool my therapist told me that I think you'll appreciate: We all fantisize about the millions of things we could have done differently to prevent the death- and you know what? That actually helps you heal. It has some medical name I can't remember- but the way we mentally play out all of the different circumstances, ending with the survival of our loved one, the more we heal. . . because in a way, we feel like we got to see it through with every happy ending possible, and that is not what happened, so it helps us process it. I don't think I explained that very well. :( It made sense when she said it. Anyway, just don't think that thinking those thoughts is wrong. Its part of your brain's instinctive healing. . . I relate to you. And as you well know, many many people do. Rock on, brotha. You have learned much. This seriously touched me. You should write a book or something.
love
amy

Scott, I do not remember if I have told you or not, but Eric's death as been bothering me recently. Though, it is not just me it is bothering. This is effecting Brooke, as well. Yesterday I came to this thread in hopes to use it as a resource. As I read through the thread, I began to realize some things. I just want to say thank you for making this thread available to me, love. I love you.

*hugs*

You have moved me to tears. It sounds like you've been through some great therapy. :) I have enjoyed this post more than any I think I've ever read on this board. Just promise me you'll listen to your own words- because no matter how much we know them and say them, those thoughts and feelings will always come up. One thing- something cool my therapist told me that I think you'll appreciate: We all fantisize about the millions of things we could have done differently to prevent the death- and you know what? That actually helps you heal. It has some medical name I can't remember- but the way we mentally play out all of the different circumstances, ending with the survival of our loved one, the more we heal. . . because in a way, we feel like we got to see it through with every happy ending possible, and that is not what happened, so it helps us process it. I don't think I explained that very well. :( It made sense when she said it. Anyway, just don't think that thinking those thoughts is wrong. Its part of your brain's instinctive healing. . . I relate to you. And as you well know, many many people do. Rock on, brotha. You have learned much. This seriously touched me. You should write a book or something.
love
amy

I agree completely with what Amy is saying here, death and especially death in the family is one of the hardest things a person can go through. The form of therapy Amy suggested is exactly the type of thing that can help you cope and move on. You can sit down and face the facts, I mean really face it then you can move on. You blame yourself, you blame God, you cry, cry some more. Then you can move on, maybe not right away but with time the pain will fade. I promise.

Thankyou for creating this thread Scott, and making it available to all those in need it's really meaningful:)

- Ashlee x

You have moved me to tears. It sounds like you've been through some great therapy. :) I have enjoyed this post more than any I think I've ever read on this board. Just promise me you'll listen to your own words- because no matter how much we know them and say them, those thoughts and feelings will always come up. One thing- something cool my therapist told me that I think you'll appreciate: We all fantisize about the millions of things we could have done differently to prevent the death- and you know what? That actually helps you heal. It has some medical name I can't remember- but the way we mentally play out all of the different circumstances, ending with the survival of our loved one, the more we heal. . . because in a way, we feel like we got to see it through with every happy ending possible, and that is not what happened, so it helps us process it. I don't think I explained that very well. :( It made sense when she said it. Anyway, just don't think that thinking those thoughts is wrong. Its part of your brain's instinctive healing. . . I relate to you. And as you well know, many many people do. Rock on, brotha. You have learned much. This seriously touched me. You should write a book or something.
love
amy

Scott is one of the wisest people on this board, period. :) All of us could learn from him; I know I have personally.

See Scott?! Someone ELSE thinks you should be writing a book and being America's philosopher and stuff. I'm not the only one! ;)

Rock on, Amy. I thought about that and it does make sense. That is kinda cool.

This sounds weird but I didn't think you'd be checking this forum out, but it's cool that you did. You give pretty good advice, IMO :)

For my fellow Advice Mods: is she moderated in here? I know Band Members aren't for every other forum...does that extend here or do they have to be approved in here like everyone else? Just something I wondered.

For my fellow Advice Mods: is she moderated in here? I know Band Members aren't for every other forum...does that extend here or do they have to be approved in here like everyone else? Just something I wondered.

*is a mod in general*

When I checked last night, she was moderated. I don't know if I'm able to change that too, but I'll look into it.

I have always had a different understanding, well concept if you will, of death and dying.

First off, I am not afraid whatsoever to die. I accept it as a natural progression in the scheme of things. I believe highly in an afterlife, and even reincarnation. To me dying is not the end of but the beginning of something unknown. Yet it still does not frighten me.

I lost a best friend when I was 16. Her death taught me much about moving on. Shortly after that I came to terms with the monster deemed death. I began to understand what I now accept as truth. To every beginning must come an ending. To every ending there is a beginning.

I am not sure how, perhaps because I was so close to her, kind of tuned into each other, but I knew from the moment I heard my aunt had Cancer she was going to die. Everyone else was so optimistic that she was going to get this miraculous cure. I prepared myself from the moment I heard. On one hand it was so odd and devastating having this knowledge she was leaving us but on the other, I found it a small comfort to be able to accept her time had come.

When she died, my mother, grandma and her sisters almost lost their minds. It was heartwrenching to watch them. I felt so selfish because I had kept my secret. I did not prepare them the way I had been. I couldn't.

My mother was shocked by how stoic I was. She kept saying she wished she had my strength. I felt such the fraud. It was only recently I told her I knew from the moment the phone rang that my Aunt was passing on.I had spent that last month accepting and preparing. After she had gone, I wanted to be strong for everyone else who had been so hopeful.

That year, we had 4 family deaths in 6 months. My father-in
law, grandpa, and aunt all within 3. It was a definite learning process in coping. I did not
grieve because of my own sadness but rather saw the pain my children, husband, and mom were facing. Seeing how crush they were was actually harder on me than dealing with deaths themselves.

Come to think of it, ever since I was a child I've accepted death as inevitable.
I came to terms long ago with my own mortality. My mom says I never really cried much when someone died but was always the first to be comforting to everyone else hurting so badly.

In life I have faced much loss. Dear friends, beloved family, and many many little souls who had not yet begun to live.My history of miscarriages is perhaps one of the hardest forms of death I've ever faced. I wonder everday what if? when it comes to each of my babies who never came into this world for whatever reason.Some people may say well its not really a death if they were never born. I beg to differ.

I often ask myself why do I grieve these losses more so than I do when someone who was apart of this world dies? I think it is the grief for what could have been, what they would have grown to be, the life they were never allowed to live. Those little fingers and toes I never got to count...

The gift of life is such a simple concept, something we all tend to overlook everyday. Yet once we take that first breath we are apart of something so amazing. It's that loss that makes it so hard to understand.

I appreciate everyone's replies and I'm sure anyone who has been through such things are equally as grateful. The best way to deal with things is to realize you aren't the only one in said situation.

I know this sounds cliche and like a raving fanboy but Amy, your music has helped me. It's why I came to this board, why I met the beautiful members of it, and how I dealt with my own shit enough to open up and let someone in. I credit my friends and my wonderful girlfriend for giving me the strength to finally deal with my inner-most demons. I hope everyone here who remains silent to such events, personally and publicly, finds something that can be the strong beacon that they need to finally open up and deal with what's inside.

I have accepted my probable fate and it barely bothers me anymore, but many around me still can't fathom what I'm going through and they react to it. I try to say I'm no less fortunate than anyone else, but that's because I know who I am and what my body is and where it will eventually take me. My point is, if you can be strong for yourself, you can be there for others when they need it.

You have moved me to tears. It sounds like you've been through some great therapy. :) I have enjoyed this post more than any I think I've ever read on this board. Just promise me you'll listen to your own words- because no matter how much we know them and say them, those thoughts and feelings will always come up. One thing- something cool my therapist told me that I think you'll appreciate: We all fantisize about the millions of things we could have done differently to prevent the death- and you know what? That actually helps you heal. It has some medical name I can't remember- but the way we mentally play out all of the different circumstances, ending with the survival of our loved one, the more we heal. . . because in a way, we feel like we got to see it through with every happy ending possible, and that is not what happened, so it helps us process it. I don't think I explained that very well. :( It made sense when she said it. Anyway, just don't think that thinking those thoughts is wrong. Its part of your brain's instinctive healing. . . I relate to you. And as you well know, many many people do. Rock on, brotha. You have learned much. This seriously touched me. You should write a book or something.
love
amy

I definately agree.... It is amazing what you can do yourself with your own mind. I have, as well as everyone else here, let them live through me, and that is the best therapy I can give myself....

If we are comfortable doing so, we should make a book with our stories of survival of different losses of our loved ones. That would make a great Evboard creation. And include this quote from Amy herself.
I dont know how far this idea would go, but I would love to .... if everyone else would too....

*Yes, I personally agree, amy should be a moderator for the advice group.... that would be so cool. And she seems to have a lot of great Advice *thinks back to the post about school bullying...*

-Thx Amy!

Christy

This post was fantastic. I'm sorry about your brother...his death is the same day as my birthday... :(

I agree with everything you said...my mom died about 2 months ago and I went through a brief "I could have done something" phase that no one knows about.

I hope a lot of people read your post and listen to it.

Scott, what you wrote was amazing, and I really appreciate you making this thread. My grandfather died 2 days ago from bone cancer, and I've been having a really hard time dealing with it, especially since I most likely won't be able to attend his funeral. The good thing is that my family has known that his death was approaching for a few months now, so we were able to spend a lot of time with him. I'm all cried out right now, but when I start to tell myself any of the things you listed, I will definitely look to this thread. Thank you.

LurkerofShadows - I'm so sorry for what you've been though. I have an idea of how you feel - I'm am the oldest child (out of three) in my family but before me my mother was pregnant with another child, a boy, who she only carried for a couple of months before he died.

I think that I've learnt to cope with it - it never really effected me a great deal when I was young, but during my teenage years I used to think about him a lot just like you do - I would wonder what he would have been like and whether he would have stuck up for me and taught me to fight (when I was getting bullied at highschool). I don't remember what age I first found out but even before that I used to dream of having a brother (I have two sisters).

I'm ok with it now, however, I will never forget that child who never got a chance to experience the wonders of this world. The only thing I have to do now is to find the words to write a song for the brother I never knew. It's the song I've been trying to write for most of my life and I know that one day I will be able to.

It will get easier and I hope that in time you can smile at his memory.

I kind of know how you feel,because I have lost many family members,but some of them I never knew.I did lose my Grandfather a couple of years ago,but I didnt know him very well.
recently my cat that I rescued and bottle fed and,pretty much raised went missing.But like you said,its not knowing what happened or what will happen that scared and saddened me the most.But even then,its probably nothing compared to what has happened to you.I also feel like I am going to cry,my heart is beating really fast,and there is alot of pressure on my head.
But it will get better over time,just be strong and you will get through this hard life.Just remember,as lame as this might sound,even if you dont see "them" there phisically,just know that they're still there,watching you and guiding you through your hard times.

love,Tierney

I need help with something... ( going into story)

For a long long time, my older sister was sick.. She had diabetes since she was 13 and I guess it sucked. When I was born.. she was 19 and a freshman in college. As I got a little older(5-6), I can remember her always being in the hospital all the time. Whenever she would call us, It seemed like she was getting better. When My mom and I would go see her at her house, she seemed fine, the day we got there... But like the second day she'd some how get really sick and have to be taken to the hospital:(. Once I got to... maybe 9, I started to think that it was my fault for her being sick.. because everytime I came near her she got deathly ill.


When I was 12 , My sister was...31 . She was suppose to get a kidney/pancreas transplant christmas of 03. The first few months after the transplant were fine. But then something happened.. I dont know what it was but I can remember my sister's husband calling my mom the day before my birthday telling her that she needed to be in Phoenix A.S.A.P.

I spent My 13th birthday alone, at home, crying my head off ( Dont know why). But then when my mom came back home march3( she was gone for 3 days) she told me that I had to go visit my sister in the hospital because my sister missed me.

When I got to my sister's hptl room.. I almost cried.. I didnt know that the transplatend organs rejected and caused an infection in my sisters abdomen. When I saw her... she looked 13 months pregnant.. It was a nightmare:eek: .




My mom and I came home. My sister's health was constantly up and down.

The Good Samaratin hospital(where she was at) released her the first week in july, even though she wasnt well enough to be home.

She was only home for maybe a week... then she died. I still feel like its my fault she's gone.. My mom and tim tell me that she was sick.. FOREVER..

The night my sister died, she called us before she went to sleep. I remember eeves dropping on her conversation with my mom... tammie " Mom , I want you to know, that Tim doesnt like being left alone. ANd that if anything ever happens to me, I want you to come take care of him until he's ready to move on" my mom " Ok"


that night she passed away, a week after we moved to AZ...

We were there for 6 months..

Sometimes my mom looks at me, and cries. I dont know why. She tells me I look so much like my sister and act so much like her.. Maybe thats why.

Now that Im 14, and its been a year since she died, my brother in law and my family(including myself) have little contact. I feel kinda bad:confused: ..

I dont know what to do.. For the last year, barely anyone in my family cant look at me without bursting into tears. It makes me feel like IM responsible for my sisters death..


So some one... please help me:(

I'm really sorry that your sister passed away, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, but death is part of life.
I have had too much death in my life and it's hard. But there is always 2 perspectives to every happening. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't focus on the negative side (if that is what is happening).
I am glad to hear that you still grief because that tells me that your sister is still alive in your memories.

Knowing something in your head is different than feeling something in your heart.

logically, you KNOW your sister's death was not your fault. But there is some nagging inside you that makes you think it is your fault. this happens in almost every death case. Someone thinks it is their fault, that there is something they could have done.....

perhaps some grief counseling would be good for the family. Death is always hard, but when someone so young is taken, it really takes an emotional toll on the family. A young neighbor of mine died, and her mother was besides herself at the funeral. She kept saying "a parents should not have to bury a child, it is not the natural order of things".

Your enitre family is grieving, and needs to move on from this horrible event. getting on with life does not mean you don't love and honor the person who passed away. it just means you are carrying on their memory in a positive light. I am sure there was so much more to your sister than a sick girl who died too young. it is important to remember her whole life, not just the tragic end.

Man, this thread is a drooping flower with a raised petal.

I've experienced death a few times, but never close, and it never hit me hard. About nine years ago, my best friend's mother died, and last year a schoolfriend died of a heart attack stepping onto the bus. Strangely, I never cried once. I've had people pick on me all my life, and that, coupled with my Asperger's Syndrome has made me pretty cold socially. I don't get it myself. I get worried that when a time comes that I really have to experience a death, I'll just combust or something.

I love Ev's music because it's about facing your demons rather than ignoring them, which I consider to be very healthy. When people just sweep their troubles under the carpet, it will never turn out well. On the religious side of things, I'm a kind of semi-agnostic - I think there's probably something responsible for our our existence, but I have no faith in any religious scriptures like the Bible. To me, it just seems too inconsistent.

Life is scary, death is scary. At the very least, it's unknown, and everyone fears what they don't understand. That's where racism and religious intolerance comes from. As far as I'm concerned, we just have to play the hand we're dealt, do what we can in life, then leave our mark, as so to give knowledge and happiness to forthcoming generations. That's our purpose - to place one more brick on the pyramid, one more book on the shelf, one more painting in the gallery. Give your children what you have, then let them walk a path.

LurkerofShadows - I'm so sorry for what you've been though. I have an idea of how you feel - I'm am the oldest child (out of three) in my family but before me my mother was pregnant with another child, a boy, who she only carried for a couple of months before he died.

I think that I've learnt to cope with it - it never really effected me a great deal when I was young, but during my teenage years I used to think about him a lot just like you do - I would wonder what he would have been like and whether he would have stuck up for me and taught me to fight (when I was getting bullied at highschool). I don't remember what age I first found out but even before that I used to dream of having a brother (I have two sisters).

I'm ok with it now, however, I will never forget that child who never got a chance to experience the wonders of this world. The only thing I have to do now is to find the words to write a song for the brother I never knew. It's the song I've been trying to write for most of my life and I know that one day I will be able to.

It will get easier and I hope that in time you can smile at his memory.

That is the way I started out…. It affected me when I was younger, but not as much as it has now. I look and see just how much he as missed, and how much he could have done. I don’t think of it so much as his gone now, I guess, but I do still think of him. Like Amy’s dad said….. I agree that their memories shouldn’t be put away in a box, even if the memories aren’t for very long. I know he hasn't gotten to experience very much, and now never will. But I don't shove his memory of being here away. He never had the chance, but I know he was here for a short while


Thank you for your support. I truly do appreciate this thread. And I think everyone else in here does as well.

Thank you for posting that. I must admit that it wasn't until today that I actually sat back and read the whole post, but today is a day that I really needed to.

My friend Danny was killed in a car accident 6 years ago, and today would have been his 21st birthday. He was 15 when he died. He was in a car with 3 of my other friends, Cole (14), Louella (15), and Dylan (17) when their car was struck by a drunk driver on his way home from fishing. They died on impact, and so did the drunk driver. The police said it was the worst accident sight they've seen in over 20 years.

When I heard the news, I was at work. My sister called me and all she could say was "Danny's dead." She was still in shock. My sister and Danny dated for many months, and was her deepest love. I dated Danny's older brother Dave for a few months, so I got to know both of them and their family well. When I heard the news, I didn't believe it. We drove to Wisconsin for the funerals, and I still didn't believe it. It wasn't until we went to the crash sight with the other kids from the town that it sank in. I remember leaving him a Dr. Pepper and a teddy bear. He loved Dr. Pepper. I wasn't as close to the others as I was to Danny, so I just signed "rest in peace" on the banner.

When I got back to Maryland, I looked up the newspaper article online so I could print it out for a memorial collage to put on my wall. I was bawling out of anger. They named the victims, and screwed up Louella's name. I wanted to yell at everyone and everything when I saw that. She was Native American, her last name being Blackdeer. They said her name was Louella Black. This is when I started my anger phase. When you're grieving, I realized that it's a step-by-step process, and it wasn't going to be easy.

For the past 6 years, I have become very vocal about people driving drunk. I have become the Designated Keyholder at parties, and even if they're sober I tell everyone before they leave to "drive careful." When out on the road, if I see someone swerving, I will call 911 and report them. I know what it's like to lose someone (or in my case, 4 people) because of one person's neglegence, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure no one else has to go through that.

I've channeled all of my grief from the incident into making sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. It has helped with the process, knowing that what I've been through can give me the power to possibly save lives. It's hard to grasp how important something is to you until it's taken from you, and it's even harder to grasp that tragedies can happen until they happen. There's a big part of me that wishes I could have done something to save them, but I know now that their deaths has given me the strength to take action, and stop it from happening again.

I know some of this was rambling, but it's hard to explain just how much of an impact this has had on my life. I hope this made sense, and I hope that this will send a message to everyone that you should never get behind the wheel of a car if you've been drinking. Not only will your life be in danger, but you're putting other lives in danger as well.

Think before you get in that car. Saying you're not okay to drive could save a life.

Thanks for listening.

Alarandiia, that's very admirable, you should be very proud of yourself. Statistics say that 10% of casual drinkers become alcoholics, and the roads are very dangerous - in all countries. It's sick when there's such loss over beer, and so preventable. I absolutely never drink - I'm not sure if I trust myself, and it'll probably increase my lifespan a little.

You will have saved many lives up to this point, I'm sure. Keep your position, and save many more.

I went to my best friends dad's funeral Saturday morning. I couldnt handle it when my friend got up and spoke about him..needless to say I needed a tissue.

I was like that. At my Uncles funeral (wow its coming up to a year ago).
On the way up there we were all laughing (my two best friends came for support) and talking having fun. I felt bad because it was a sad day. We were even happy waiting out side of every one to turn up.
Then once we entered and i saw the coffin, i just started bawling. Probably because i hit reality that he had finally died. He had fought the brain tumour for 12 years or something, and so many times over the years they called us to the hospital because they thought he was dying, but then the next week he was home and full of life again. So we just got used to him bouncing back. So seeing the coffin was a reality that he wasn't coming back.

I didn't stop crying through the whole service, I cried more that my cousins. I felt so bad that i depended on them to comfort me when i was meant to be strong for them.
But then they have always been so strong, and it was afterwards they needed me and i was stronger then.

Also, i think it is twelve years now, that i lost my baby sister. Though she was a still birth, so she never got to live out in the world. I feel so guilty and Its so wrong, because sometimes i forget about her. Like this thread alone i see how people have lost siblings and i thank my lucky stars that i haven
t had to go through that. But then tonight it hit me. In a way i did. It probably didn't hurt as much because i didn't know her and i was so young. But she was still my sister and i still wonder what she could have been like today. What she likes, what she looks like and what her personality is like.
But thinking about all that brings sadness and pain, so maybe its better not to think about it. But i hate how i forget about her. I hate how we never go visit her grave on her birthdays and at Christmas anymore.

Thank you Scott your post makes the pain more copeable. Only wish i had that advice when my uncle died. It took a week the get that ugly feeling out of my gut. Thats the worst feeling i have ever had.

I haven't had to deal with much death. Mainly pets. And not very recently. No one whom I was extremely close to. But I can imagine, to a small degree, what each of you must go through. No, I can't imagine it fully, nor do I know exactly what you are going through. But I can imagine it slightly.

I know that many of you think it's your fault when someone dies. But it's no one's fault, because it is the natural order of things. A pebble can not stop the onward rush of a waterfall, nor can a human stop the onward rush of time. We're all pebbles, being shoved and jostled, molded and smoothed. And though there are difficult parts of the journey, we all know that we will become something beautiful, smooth, even if it is just for a fleeting second before we are worn away to nothing. Our pain makes us strong, because we know we must go on, even though in the end, we are all going to walk the same path. After all, there's nothing else to do but continue on our current paths until the final one.

Hello Scott,
You have touched on many heartstrings for quite a few of us.Your perception of the intangibles in this life are certainly well thought out.
I would like to relate some of my experiences with you and anyone else that may be interested.
My first loss was a robin that was quite sick.At 8 years old,the loss was pretty tough.I had fed and nurtured it,and hoped it would survive.Alas,I got over it.The family pets were very loved,we always had a dog and a cat around,we played with them endlessly and they became like family.No matter what breed of dog we had ( usually small Heinz 57's)I insisted on telling my friends it was part wolf.When each of these loved animals died,I would become very moody, and depressed.I never accepted that they were not with the family anymore.As time went on and I was almost a teenager, I had more reflective passings to deal with.An older cousin,who was my hero,commited suicide when he was only 21.I watched the faces of my aunt and uncle and their remaining 4 daughters at the memorial service.What depths of grief they felt was beyond my understanding.I felt terrible at their loss, but again,I moved on and got over it.
As I moved through my teen years,tragedy struck many of my friends in the form of car accidents,suicides,overdoses and murders.So much pain for so many families.As bad as I felt each time I lost a friend, I moved on and got over it.Mind you, to this day none are forgotten.
As I got older and focused less on making sure my weekends were the best thing in my life.I actually got a job,got married and had three beautiful children.The everyday struggles to keep the kids and my wife comfortable continued for some time. I kind of lost touch with some of my relatives and friends.
What was happening was everyone in my circle of relatives were getting older and I wasn't paying attention. Uncles and aunts, grandads and grandmothers,were passing away and I always felt so bad,again I got over it.
When my dad got ill, I told my mother ,reassuring her that he'd be fine. The reality that my father was in any real difficulty wasn't something I could even comprehend.With each successive heart attack, reality began to tear at me.Finally when he had a final stroke, my mother and I arrived at the hospital at his last breath.This was death.This is deep loss.This is your father.
My first thoughts centered around my dear mother.They had been married 42 years.Her tears came from the furthest depth of her heart.
Six months later my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer.Her doctor told me that it was terminal and she had 3 months to live.I couldn't grasp this information completely.Emotional shock is real.My wife and I visited her every day at palliative care for 2 months.We tried to prepare for the inevitable,and when it happened,sadness engulfed my every pore.
As my father had served in the military he was given a military headstone.It was put in the ground one week before we buried my mother beside him.
Five years passed and I did move on .The natural cycle of nature had taken place and I could accept that now.
I didn't see the freight train approaching as it smashed into my life in the wee early morning of October 8,1996.My oldest son died in a car accident coming home from his girlfiends house.He would have turned 18 on the 15th of October.
The problem for me after we had to release him from this life was,Where is he?Where has he gone?The true test of my heart and faith was immediate.This reality was a metaphysical leap.What DID I believe? If you lost your child or baby brother at the mall,how desperate are you to find him?Magnify that feeling a million times and you get a glimpse of my desperation.
So this is the dilemma for many people who lose a loved one.Fortunately for my wife and I( and I hope this doesn't sound wierd) we have had very real contact with my son.My lack of faith brought me to tears a few times in the beginning.I'm learning about this life slowly.Take your time everyone,there is so much to discover.
Thanks Scott

my grandmother died on my moms side when i was nine. it made me sad.she died just 3 s after my 10th birthday. she was living with us for a light bit until she died. she was staying in our office after she died i slept in there for days. she died of cancer she was a very livly person. she spoke spanish. and always had a joke up her sleve. plus she just had her stye i cant explain it. i got over it by thinking that she wasnt gone that i could talk to but just not in person and she would not reply.

This is very vague, but I'm past the point of caring, so excuse me.

I was just notified of the death of my father.

I'm not exactly sure how to feel about this. My dad was an alcoholic, and he hasn't been living at home for the past month. They found him in his hotel room and they're loathe to tell us ANYTHING about how he died. And since today is a holiday, the coroner's office is closed.

I haven't cried once. I'm actually in the process of calling all of my friends and letting them know, and spending all of my time on the Internet because it's keeping me sane. And I plan on lighting, like seven cigarettes at once, because I feel completely displaced from my body. I feel like a fucking machine. My mother is in shambles. My sister is MIA. And I feel completely alone, and filled with cement.

I don't know what else to write. My sense of wit and sarcasm has disspiated in the aftermath. There's nothing else to say.

Later.

I know this is small comfort, but what you are going through sounds perfectly normal given the circumstances. Go see a counselor.

I was honestly afraid of reading this post...it seems as though people I love have been passing away recently--two very dear teachers and mentors passed away in January and June (or was it July?), and it's just been one of those subjects I avoided. It's wonderful to see someone handle it with such care and honesty.

Have you ever read The Meditations (Marcus Aurelius)? Or The Prophet? I've been reading the former for class, and it's amazing. The Prophet is one of the most incredible books I've read in my life, and both have helped me come to terms with so much of life.

Just my $.02.

Thank you for sharing and writing.

Earlier I did post about my brother, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about all of it—death in general. The way the circle of life is supposed to work. How just and unjust everything really is….

Last year, 1 of our teachers died, a student died of diabetes, another student got killed on his bike on the highway, my great-grandma died, 2 weeks later her husband, and then my great grandmother on the other side 3 weeks after that. A couple weeks later, my uncle died of cancer, a battle he lost after only a month or so. He died right before Thanksgiving. It hit all of the holidays and his birthday was in January. At the end of the school year it was announced that one of my classmates brothers died in a car accident when he was hit while drinking and driving. Then over the summer, I found out 2 more of our teachers died from this school district, and a former teacher I had at another school died of a heart attack in her sleep. And a girl who graduated died a couple weeks later from taking a curve to fast, she got run off the road. Her car was a complete mangled mess.

It felt like I was being punished because my family and people I knew were dying....all around the time when I was having problems already with my past and my family and stuff. It only added to the stress. I thought I was going to die because it was completely driving me into madness (no pun intended)

It is all very upsetting, and we definitely feel like we don’t know how to cope at all. And maybe it’s just me, but when someone dies, you begin to think not only about their life, and dreams, and activities, but also the others that you’ve lost before them. Maybe it’s only me, but I guess that wouldn’t be a first. I guess I dwell a lot, and when it comes to death, or loved ones dying, it makes it that much worse.

Reading this thread make me realize how lucky I've been not having lost any really close relatives or friends. I really dont know how I would cope it. Dealing with the death of my best friends mother was enough. Although I really didn't know her, it was horrible to see how my friend reacted to it. He was completely lost and it seemed that there was nothing anybody could do for him. If you can call it luck, he was 12 and i was 13 years old, so he got over it pretty quickly.

Almost the same was to see one of my fathers oldest and best friends dying. After they found cancer from him he only lived for a month or so. I'm so happy my father and mother are still together, I dont know how he would have coped with it without her.

When these things happened, I really didn't know what to do. I've never had anyone I could really talk to about everything. So when something very sad happens, I just try to act normal with people, but when I'm alone I feel lost. I do get over things pretty quickly, but I can't even imagine what would happen if someone from my family passed away.

I lost my grandpa on January 31st 2003 when he had a stroke and his whole left side became numb because he had water in his lungs from doing kidney diayalis (sorry if I spelt it wrong).When he was in the hospital he had an anyerism and they were going to operate on his head but he died before they could do it.Even though it's been over two years I still miss him :( .

Like so many others here I too can relate all too well with what you had to say. My first incounter with death was when I was 5 years old - my sister was 16 and had passed away (a rare disease). I didn't understand what death meant - at the wake I remember going up to the casket and knocking on it and telling my sister to come out and play with me....

Fast forward about 9 years....I lost my best friend in the whole world - she was like the sister I had lost years earlier - I was so angry, pissed off at God that he would take yet another person from me. This time I actually went through the grieving process and became very rebelious - getting suspended from school all the time and resorting to violence when I was angry.

3 years later I lost my grandmother that I was very close to - and 2 more friends - it still doesn't get any easier the more you experience loss. Then the worst and most painful experience with death was losing my father to cancer in 2000 - he battled for 3 years and watching him slowly die was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. When he passed away I basically lost my sanity and common sense. I was a daddy's girl - and my dad was my best friend - the pain was too much for me to handle - so I turned to drugs and partying. I went off the deep end in a major way - taking so many risks and making so many horrible choices.

It's a miracle I'm alive - I stayed with that lifestyle for about 2 years before finally dealing with my pain instead of trying to kill it in other ways. I've had 5 major surgeries and survived spinal meningitis (3 times) - and those don't even begin to compare with the emotional pain death can bring. I don't know why I decided to spill my guts......I guess maybe hoping to in some way let someone else know what they are feeling is common and they are not alone.

Thanks for listening...err....reading.

Like so many others here I too can relate all too well with what you had to say. My first incounter with death was when I was 5 years old - my sister was 16 and had passed away (a rare disease). I didn't understand what death meant - at the wake I remember going up to the casket and knocking on it and telling my sister to come out and play with me....

Fast forward about 9 years....I lost my best friend in the whole world - she was like the sister I had lost years earlier - I was so angry, pissed off at God that he would take yet another person from me. This time I actually went through the grieving process and became very rebelious - getting suspended from school all the time and resorting to violence when I was angry.

3 years later I lost my grandmother that I was very close to - and 2 more friends - it still doesn't get any easier the more you experience loss. Then the worst and most painful experience with death was losing my father to cancer in 2000 - he battled for 3 years and watching him slowly die was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. When he passed away I basically lost my sanity and common sense. I was a daddy's girl - and my dad was my best friend - the pain was too much for me to handle - so I turned to drugs and partying. I went off the deep end in a major way - taking so many risks and making so many horrible choices.

It's a miracle I'm alive - I stayed with that lifestyle for about 2 years before finally dealing with my pain instead of trying to kill it in other ways. I've had 5 major surgeries and survived spinal meningitis (3 times) - and those don't even begin to compare with the emotional pain death can bring. I don't know why I decided to spill my guts......I guess maybe hoping to in some way let someone else know what they are feeling is common and they are not alone.

Thanks for listening...err....reading.

It's gotta be healthy to spill your guts.It sort of clears the air.Ah,your one of us, the walking wounded,welcome.We should have fragile buttons on.Unfortunately we have to carry on,smile when prompted,look interested,meet people etc.There is a wisdom that comes with great suffering,you seem to have an abundance of that miztwist.

death is iminent. but that doesn't make dealing with it any easier. it is hard as hell when someone who you are close to dies. it feels like nothing will ever be right again. you spend the rest of your life wishing you could see them again just one more time, hoping that when you di you'll be reunited. nothing will ever make death easy.

but that doesn't mean that life doesn't go on. its a cliche but true: time heals. it can take a very long time and feels like it's never goning to happen but one day you wake up and it hurts that bit less. soon enough you're able to love the person you lost and think about them and smile.

i lost my mum to cancer when i was 7 and im now 19. personally i dont think im completely over it yet and in some way i dont think i'll ever be entirely ok. there's always gonna be times when she should be there and she's not. but in some way she'll always be with me.

something im finding really hard atm is waiting for death. my gran is very old and i can see her fading. i don't know what i'll do when she dies. it's gonna take all i have not to go under when it happens. just thinking about it puts me on the edge. but theres nothing i can do to stop it so i have to get on with life. my gran would hate to see me so sad.

my one piece of advice for someone who's lost a loved one is live for them. do everything they never got to do, live life to the full and be happy that you new them. think about how they blessed your life.

also talk about it. don't keep your grief inside as it'll just destroy you. i speak form experience. whether its online or in person, just talk. i am here for anyone who needs to talk. sometime talking to a stranger you don't have to face can be better. im not saying i have a ll the right answers but i will listen.

It's gotta be healthy to spill your guts.It sort of clears the air.Ah,your one of us, the walking wounded,welcome.We should have fragile buttons on.Unfortunately we have to carry on,smile when prompted,look interested,meet people etc.There is a wisdom that comes with great suffering,you seem to have an abundance of that miztwist.

Thank you for that.....and I agree - is does bring wisdom and compassion - and the saying "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger" - rings so true. Sometimes I don't think I am strong at all - in fact I usually view myself as weak - that is until someone else points out how strong I can be with a situation or problem.

To anyone going through a difficult time - I too would be more than happy to talk with you - sometimes just having someone listen while you vent or cry makes you feel so much better. Hang in there - the pain never totally goes away - but it does get a little easier with time (IMO). Giant (((((HUGS))))) to all!

I lost a friend on friday in a motorcycle accident, actually. It was on his birthday, he was a perfect guy and great to his wife of just under a year. And this helped. Any other advice would be great though, it still hurts a lot.:(

She died Sunday and the funeral was today, it was also her 22nd birthday.

I just wanted to tell anybody that reads this:You hear it a lot, but you never act on it. Do me a favor, if you miss someone, stop missing them and go visit them, hang out, laugh, and don't take it for granted. Life is very short.

I have come back to this thread once again-- for a third time. My brothers birthday is tommorow. I have looked up and printed out directions on how to get to the cemetary, and I am buying roses to put there, because there hasn't been anything on his grave for QUITE sometime. Tommorow will make 18 years ago he was born. 18 years ago he died. And 10 years ago was the date I found out.

Please keep him in your thoughts. I don't know what to do.

I don't even know where to start really. A pyschotherapist I spoke to a couple of weeks ago tried to make me understand that talking to people was good for me, it helped me heal somewhat.

But some things can't change. To this day I still can't speak to anyone about the death of my father. Some how this seems to when typing rather than talking. As long as I can remember my father was a stay-at-home dad, and not until I was about 12 or so did I know he had a heart condition which prevented him from working.

Also as far as I can remember my mother and father slept in separate bedrooms, to me growing up this was normal.

When I was 14 he was admitted to hospital to have a heart valve replaced. I wasn't even aware or made aware how serious this was.

How many weeks he was in hospital, but every week I expected him to be home soon.

Apparently (the word 'apparently fills me with shame and disgust) he picked up an infection in the hospital and died. Even to this day (6 years later) no one has told me the circumstances of his death, least alone my mother. And this is my grievance I suppose, she scattered his ashes wothout telling me, and I have nothing left from my father except one photograph.

Growing up I realised my parents stayed together only for us, and now I can't tell anyone that my father died, its still just too painful.

When times are hard I miss him so much, and I never said goodbye to him which kills me.

I don't know if this post contravenes forum rules but it how I feel and I'm posting it.

Yah...all this freaking bad stuff is happening over Winter Break. It's like everybody's dying. My bff died and my great-grandma died too. My great-uncle had a stroke and is know in a coma. *sighs* And then my parents got into a MAJOR car crash...:( . The docs said the might not live. I'm all pissed off now. Grrr.

The way you wrote this was just really deep and emotionall. I mean not everyone can get over the grieving and why they died. but this post should really help someone cope with whoever they have lost. plus I am sorry about your brother I lost my mother over a year ago due to drugs and I can in a way relate to how you feel.

Yesterday I lost my grandfather to liver cancer and prostate cancer. I prefer to think of him not losing the battle with cancer, rather he just didn't want to fight it anymore. He had cancer for a little under a year, and I admire him for his courage in facing this dilemma.

Life has been hell these past few weeks. We knew he would pass eventually this week, because it got so bad. I hope that wherever he is now, he is in peace.

Thankyou for making this thread.

While there are many deaths that are close to me. There is one that I just can not let go. Which is sort of odd, being that it happened 18 years ago this Oct.

Before I was born, my mom got pregnant with who would have been my older brother. He was born a few months early like I was, but died about a day and a half later. When I was about 7, my mom and dad finally told me really what had happened, and at first I didn't want to believe it. I started thinking about him a lot... and to this day I still do. I began to write a lot, and draw things a lot.... to this day, I think that incident has made me enjoy what I do today. I honestly think it has.

He would be 2 years older than me... and I always catch myself thinking, what would he look like, what would he be intrested in, would we talk about everything, or have sibling rivalry. I get pictures in my head of what I think he's be like..... Would he like me, would he help me, would we do things together, what would he love to do? Would our family life be any different? How would we have dealt with everything in life.... Etc etc.


Wow, I know maybe It's kinda late answering to your post now,but I didn't have read it. It is incredible, your experience impressed me so much more I expected, because I was through the same situation, except that not my brother neither me were prematures, but my mom had serious problems during pregnancy even with me,she almost dies when my brother born (He lived only 48 hours) and again when I born, he would be 3 years older than me, besides, 3 years after I born, she 'got pregnant' (sp?) again but who was supossed to be my little brother (or sister I don't know) didn't born (only was 3 months of pregnancy), so, through the time I've tried to understand why I'm the only child of my mom, I don't know and though It don't affect me but It used to when I was a little child, I fighted with that and I've learned to carry on maybe It had to be like that, anyway I'll took the advice of amy that appears under your post.. It's strange but I've never told about this never but your history moved me to do it. Thanks It's good to share things like this..

Thank you so, so much for this. I am still struggling to come to terms with the death of my dance teacher Jill, and this has really opened my eyes and helped me very much. Thank you.

It will be a year in early February when my uncle left... In a month before his death we (our family) knew that he was really sick! and noone could do anything with that, even the greatest doctors... and he died not knowing that he had canser (may be he suspected, but noone told that)! So... noone was ready for that...
It was unbelievebly hard for me because of my mother! He was her only brother... She loved him so much and they were really close... and above this in a half year before his death my uncle turned over all city to save my mothers life (she was very sick and was near her death about three times, and he was always there aroynd to get everything she needed, even if it was impossible!) he tried to do everything he could to save her... and after a half year she couldn't do anything to save him! noone could! and it was so hard when she started to blame herself! I was like her shrink... I was really worried about how not let her to go crazy...
I had a feeling that I held my breath and was just watching for my mom! I was so scared about her!
Everyone told me that I was so strong...
...and I wanted to disappear! because I couldn't let myself cry, I couldn't let myself think, I couldn't let myself to cure my pain - I just put it somewhere aside! The strongest memory I have is ringing in the ears from weeping allover! It seemed that whole world became a one cry and it tried to tear up me!
And then, when I understood that we are living further... I could cure my sadness by myself... noone knows how many nights I've cried .. and what poems are about that death... and what nightmares I had had!
But for me finding that peace in me even with a thousend tears wasn't so hard as to hold my mom! She was like insane...
...and after this my own death begun to scary me in some way! she has noone but me! and if something's happening to me, who will hold her? I saw that pain when her brother died, and I don't want to hurt her! The one way I see to do with this is not thinking of it much!

I lost my dad in 2000 and really hurt me that i lost the one thing that kept my family happy i tried not to blame myself or anyone around me. I think you should remeber that you probaly kept your brother happy and you loved him well. The first 5 months were terriable but i soon learnt at least i gave him my love and tried to make him happy so just try to know it could never be your fault and you did your best for him.

i keep having nightmares since my friend died. I dont have like every night but every once in a while. I cant watch anything where trees fall without sobbing. I really dont want to go to a shrink tho.

I just wanted to say thank you very much for posting this, its helped myself and so many people.

Death will always be a hard thing for people to deal with, we all feel like there could always have been a different outcome if we would have done something differently.

My step great grandmother died about 2 years ago, she was such an amazing woman and absolutely perfect for my great grandfather. They had been married for about 6 years when she was diagnosed with cancer, the same kind that slowly killed my grandfathers first wife. My whole family was torn to pieces thinking, oh no..not again. I will admit that I was angry that once again I would have to watch my greatgrandfather loose the love of his life. I was bitter towards her at times, not realizing that it was apparent in the way I talked and such. I was at church one sunday and my grandmother asked me to help my greatgrandparents with the service and just following along with things. I couldn't stand to be near her, just everything about the situation made me so angry. I apparently snapped back in such a way that it made my greatgrandmother fairly upset and at the time I didn't care. She died two weeks after that and at her funeral I refused to cry.

Now when I look back at pictures of how close I was to her before she was diagnosed it tears me to pieces to think I treated her so horribley when all she wanted to do was be strong for the family. She wrote me a letter before she died explaining to me how amazing of a person I was, I couldn't help but hate myself.

I still have a hard time dealing with my actions, but I've come to the terms that hopefully she knew that I loved her deeply and that my actions were just an angry child trying to avoid everything.

*nods*

Thanks again for posting this.

Some simular thing has happened to me, too.
My brother died, and now It's just me and my sister.
But when you look at my parents you really see that they miss him with us, you know... a male to take care, not just girls.
And that suck.
But I got so worried about them for that, that I become to do some 'guys' stuff like playing guitar and all that, actully I like that really much, but the more cool thing it's to see that they don't miss that anymore.
I'm not a boy and they know that, neither is my sister, and they had excepted us, just the way we are.
Love my family for that.
Hope everyone here can have a 'happy ending' is that kind of stuff the way I did it.
(:

and never worry... whatever has to be, it's gonna be.
you can't change your future.

;)

The thing that scares me most is death. In some ways it's a rational fear because none of us are certain what will happen. To another extent it's extremely irrational because it's inevitable. But I think as well we need to accept it. It all just reminds me of this wonderful poem by William Bryant (Thanatopsis) and how we need to accept it- that everything will be okay.

Thank you so much for posting this. It's both beautifully written and very, very true. The problem is, as was said earlier, that there's a big difference between knowing, understanding logically the things you wrote and understanding them emotionally, believing them.

Me? I'm sheltered, I guess. I always have been, in almost every way. . . but especially when it came to death. My paternal grandmother passed away when I was a year old, and while I do think about her often (I am sometimes told that I look like her and even that I act like her; many people, upon hearing that she died of breast cancer, give me a weird look and mumble something about 'skipping generations' and 'increased likelihood') it's never been something that I've had to deal with outright.

A month and a half ago, about, one of my parents' really good friends died. Most of my family lives in Israel, and so my parents friends have become my family here; though I hadn't seen this man as often in the past few years, he'd always been like an uncle to me. In early October, I sat next to him at the Rosh Hashana dinner table. I heard someone say something to him about tests and doctors, vaguely, but I didn't pay much attention to it. People were always going to the doctors for tests, and while it sounded serious. . . he was fifty five, relatively healthy--if you'd told me that night, weird explanation though this may be, that someone in my family would die this year and asked me to guess who it was he would have been near last on my list. A few weeks later, I was told that he had pancreatic cancer, and that it was already at a late stage. To make a long story short, I only saw him twice after that night. . . once at a party we had for him, when we thought that he would move to Israel to live out what my parents, it turns out, thought would be the last few months of his life, and what i had expected to be at least another year or two, and a second time, three weeks later, three days before he died, when he was in the ICU at the hospital, sedated and in a coma.

On the one hand, we weren't particularly close. This is nothing like losing a friend, a teacher, a mentor. He was someone that had always been around and I miss him, but at the same time I can accept the fact that I will never see him again. With sadness, yes. But while we shared a number of interests, and while I certainly loved--and still love--him a lot he wasn't one of those people who I'd go running to with each new idea, with a problem. . .

Since then, though, it feels as though 'everybody' (and everybody's friends and relatives) has been sick or dying. Logically I know that's something that always happens--people are born and people die every single day. But emotionally it's like. . . you know how when you learn the definition of a word and suddenly see it everywhere and wonder how you'd never noticed it before? It's like that but with expriences, instead of a dictionary and some books. And, as much as I know that I need to accept death, that it is a part of life, I'm scared, and I've never been this scared before. I don't want to lose the people I depend on, the people I love. And I don't know how to get over that. I have to fight tears when I say good-bye to people who mean a lot to me, especially to people I rarely see, because 'what if?'

I also have a hard time dealing with the fact that the friend of my parents actually died. I don't know if that will make sense. It's essentially. . . I can understand not seeing him again, but I can't understand the reason. Death seems like something that should be so foreign and I'm still having a really hard time understanding that it is a word that can apply to my "real life", as corny and counterintuitive as that may sound, to the people I know and love. As Alicia said on page four, there was something about seeing his coffin on the night of his memorial service (his funeral was later on, in Israel) that really struck me--made me realize that he was dead, made me feel like he or I or both of us might be suffocating. But since then it's sort of gone back to. . . it's just sort of weird.

I'm sorry that this post has been so long and rambly, I haven't really been able to explain most of this to anyone. I finally tried to go talk to my school guidance counselor on Thursday but she didn't really help--she stereotyped and didn't really understand and rather quickly changed the subject.

Good luck to all of you who have posted here, and to the original poster, thank you, again.

2005 was the year that i lost most of the people i know: my great grandmother, my grandfather, a friend, another great grandmother and a friend's father passed away... althought i think that the death that has affected me the most was my granfather's (5 years ago...)
i remember everything about that day, from the moment i woke up to that 9 AM phone from my grandmother "it was almost time" she said... he died in his bed at 10:21 that morning, but we had the chance to say goodbye, althoutgh i think those are the hardest words i ever had to say,but what i remember most was the smile he had before he passed away, and how he told my uncle to take care of my grandma... i still cry whenever i think of it, but he's in a better place now, i just wished he hadn't suffered as much as he did, the pancreatic cancer that he had lasted 3 years, where he lost his viewing (i even remember that say because i was there when it happened) but most importantly he the abbility to smile and that happiness that we all remember him by...
the day he died was the darkest day for me, and the day i saw my mother cry openly... everytime i go to my grandma's house i can feel him there... and i even sometimes dream of him, those memories still remain...

scott, i cannot even begin to tell you how beautiful your post was, i cannot believe that you're only 20, your wisdom exceeds your age by far... i truly admire your strenght, and i'm very sorry that you lost your brother... and i can only thank you for putting those awesome words together and say what we all felt and couldn't say...

peace...

Thank you for posting this. It's really beautiful... I'm in tears as I type this! My father passed away when I was 10... but even now, I think death is both very painful to live through, but also it can beautiful. I guess it really depends on your point of view... But, I just wanted to mention that I think you forgot one last part to this... "Why did God take them away from me?"

That was touching and made me think of stuff that i never really thought of before. It made me sad and made me want to cry, but when i was srolling up to top as i copying it, so i could print it out and show my friends, that little boy in your avatar made me really happy. I'm not sure why but i think it was because it was cute. I'm really sorry about your brother but every thing happens for a reason you always have to think of that(especially when someone dies). I've never really experienced a death before so i can't really tell how you felt when he died (im sure it was painful)
Some of the stuff you said about death sounded really helpful, and i thank you for showing it to the world(ev's world atleast) I know I'll use when i experience a death.
Krissy:)

There was a fatal car accident about ten minutes from my place in December. The guy who was killed was the front seat passenger, he was nineteen years old and went to my school. He was a few years below me and I didn't know him that well. However, now that it's too late I regret not taking the time to speak to him. He was a class clown and would talk to anyone, but I never actually had a proper conversation with him.

The driver, although seriously injured, survived the crash, as did the other two passengers.

What makes this situation even more tragic was that the driver was drunk and speeding at the time, and consequently he now has to live with the fact that he killed his best friend.

I don't need advice about this as I am coping, I just thought I'd share my story.

Some advice for this next part would be appreciated though. Also, sorry if this is the wrong thread but I figured that seeing as this is related to what I just wrote there was no point in starting a new thread.

Even though my friends all knew Jason (the guy who died) they still insist on driving like maniacs. A couple of them have driven like hoons ever since they got their licences and it really freaks me out. I refuse to go in the car with them because of the way they drive. However, even though they are doing something stupid it doesn't mean I luv them any less and I really don't think I'd cope if one of them was killed. Just today (after I was complaining about being tailgated because I was doing the speed limit) my friend mentioned that she always drives 30ks over in that same area! I was shocked and upset but she just seems to think she's invincible. I am at a loss as to what to say or do to make them see sense. I thought that after Jason died they would maybe see the consequences of what they are doing but they haven't. The only good thing I can say for them is they would never drive drunk. However, it doesn't make it any better that they think it's fine to do 80 in a 50 zone or 110 in a 70 zone.

Also, the same stretch of road that they chose to do 110 in (the 70 zone) happens to be where Jason was killed. I can hardly believe that they are hooning past his memorial and flowers.

They are not only taking their own lives into their hands, but the lives of other members of the group who get into the car with them as well. I happen to think that is incredibly selfish, stupid and naive.

Almost every day I think about my friends and it scares the hell out of me to think that they could kill themselves on the roads. I really wish there was some way I could make them see sense but I'm all out of options. If anyone has any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated.

Whew... these past few weeks have been bad since I last posted. I almost tried to deny it, which wasn't so good. It's catching up with me now. I haven't had a chance to grieve, and I really feel like I need to now. I'm going through such mental anguish from this, and other things. I need a breather.

Last three months have been very hard to me because my girlfriend died in a car accident last November. She went abroad to study 'cause I said it could be a good idea to brush up her english. When the bad news came the first thought that struck me was suicide. My life lost all the reasons to live. It was like I killed her and that didn't help at all. I didn't eat anything for three days and slept one hour at most. Then, in the evening of the third day I heard a man singing on the radio about how only time can mend the wounds caused by love and one shouldn't ever give up for you never know what things life has ready for you. At the very moment I abandoned my insanity at last and cried. I cried the whole night and finally in the morning I slept. I was ok again.

I don't want you to go through that kinda things.Those are the killing kind. Especially when a relationship is as deep as we had. However her death wasn't the worst part. It was the fact that I wasn't there to hold her hand when she died in the hospital..alone.

yesterday was mean to be like the happiest day,my first day back at school i couldn't wait..ha until it's anoonced that a close friend of mine had died.
Anyway to vut a long story short he hung himself and i went to see him at his home(he in his lounge) and i was just wondering other ppl who have sorta been through this i mean to me he looked really unhappy....i don't know i'm just confused.anyone who can help me deal with this.:(

Merged with this thread because it deals with the same thing. ~Katya

I once had a friend whom I could turn to for anything. His unconditional love and friendship was something I strived to find in everyone. He would drive forever just to see a friend, and be the best at putting a smile on your face.

His words never fell on deaf ears, though sometimes people took them for granted. Including myself. His company was genuine, and you could always count on him for the honest truth.

We were friends for many years, and though we didn't talk as much as we would have both liked, we still remained close, no matter how long it had been since we last spoke.

That friend passed away Wednesday. He was probably one of very few in my life that I could always count on to be there for me, and be honest with me. In a moment of need, he was there. In moments of strife, he comforted. And in moments of despair, he made everything easier.

I never told him just how much he meant to me. I wish I would have told him that I loved him. I wish I would have told him that when it comes right down to it, he's one in a million. I wish we would've hung out more.

I never got the chance to tell him these things because I, like so many others, never thought this day would come. You never think that in one moment, you could lose someone so close to you.

I'm writing this not only as an outlet, but as a plea. Don't ever make the mistake that I did. I never once told him I loved him. I never once made it clear just how much he meant to me.

Don't take your friends for granted. If you love them, tell them. If you don't think you can live without them, tell them. You may not get a second chance.

Rest In Peace Andy.
I love you.

Thanks for the advice angel. Another problem I think people have that relates to what you said, is they don't tell people that they're thankful for the friends they have, because they don't realize they have them until they're gone.

Don't take things for granted.

I know you're strong Krissie. And I believe that if you two were indeed that close, he is still with you.

Love is stronger than death.

Write him a song.. .I know he'd appreciate that.
You're an amazing person, keep your head up.. You'll see him again :)

Thanks for the advice angel. Another problem I think people have that relates to what you said, is they don't tell people that they're thankful for the friends they have, because they don't realize they have them until they're gone.

Don't take things for granted.

I know you're strong Krissie. And I believe that if you two were indeed that close, he is still with you.

Love is stronger than death.

Write him a song.. .I know he'd appreciate that.
You're an amazing person, keep your head up.. You'll see him again :)

Thanks hun. It's still all so strange. I had talked to him not too long ago about our housewarming party which is in a few weeks. We're not even sure how he died. All we know is that he was 5 miles from where his car was, which is a little strange. I just want to know what happened.

The viewing and funeral are tomorrow, and my sister and I are bringing a bunch of pictures to give to his family.

And I was thinking of writing a song for him, most definitely. Thanks for the support hun. *hugs*

I'm glad that you posted this. It's just so gut-wrenchingly true. And to be honest, it's always so important to let people know exactly how you feel about them. Because, you do never know when the end is going to come, and it's always so nice to get that reassurance.

I know that I feel like I'm taken for granted constantly, and I just don't get enough people that really tell me that they appreciate my being there. It's always such a comforting thought.

But in your friend's case Krissie, I'm sure he knew how much you cared. Especially if you two were such close friends... and I'm sure that it made a huge difference in his life.

Kick ass post. Can't wait to hear a song from ya.

End.

Krissie that was so touching to read, and some wonderful advice. You never know when someone close to you is going to be gone, so let them know how you feel about them before it's too late

Apryl is right love is stronger than death, as long as you keep him in your thoughts and your heart you will never be apart.

Stay strong hun <3

Thanks hun. It's still all so strange. I had talked to him not too long ago about our housewarming party which is in a few weeks. We're not even sure how he died. All we know is that he was 5 miles from where his car was, which is a little strange. I just want to know what happened.

The viewing and funeral are tomorrow, and my sister and I are bringing a bunch of pictures to give to his family.

And I was thinking of writing a song for him, most definitely. Thanks for the support hun. *hugs*

Always. You know I am always here for you. We've been throw a lot of shit together. Even though we don't talk much, I'll never abandon that knowledge.

5 miles... That's quite strange. Are they conducting any sort of research to figure out what happened? That's very suspicious.

I bet you could stay up all night tonight and write a good song to give to his family with your pictures. I bet they'd appreciate that too.

I don't really know what to say in this situation...I know that nothing I can really say will make anything better. But thank you, for posting this. I lost three close friends when I was 17, in a car accident. Two were going to the movies, I was supposed to be with them but I called and cancelled at the last minute because I had a bad stomach ache. One of my other friends went with them in my place. I felt devastated beyond belief when I found out what happened. I felt guilty, and horrible that I never told them just how much I cared about them. It's just about the worst feeling in the world.

But I believe they know now, even though I never told them. I think that your friend knows the same about you.

But ever since, I've told my feelings when I felt them. I give my friends and family hugs goodbye before they leave. I always tell those I'm closest to that I love them, and always make sure to before they go away - even if they're just going down the street to the store.

To a lot of people this may sound a little paranoid, but I don't think so.

We usually don't think that bad things can happen at any moment, but the truth is, they can. Any one of us can be gone at any moment. Any time you see a loved one may be the last time. Take advantage of it, and let them know how you feel.

I'm very touched, you have my sincere condolences. I try to be as kind and caring to my friends as I can, especially the girls that I seem to connect with on a stronger level. I never insult people unnescessarily or without provocation, even as a joke - I just get worried that people will take what I see the wrong way, which doesn't exactly help my social life. But this Andy sounds like what most of my Aussie clansmen would call 'a great bloke' - kind, helpful and fun to be around. Good luck, Alarandiia. Be well.

Hey Krissie. This is a hard time right now for you. *hugs* I think that writing a song or poem is a good idea. I did that with my cousin. I never got the chance to say goodbye to her. I wrote her a letter with my thoughts and feelings and put it in the caskett with her. Only she and I know what was on that piece of paper. It was my way of expressing my feelings and emotions about the situation. It helped comfort me.
It is easy to take our friends and loved ones for granted. We don't say we love them nearly enough. We always believe they will be there any time we need them. a couple of weeks ago, A little boys death a couple of wees ago reminded me just how short life is. And how quick someone we care about can be gone in the blink of an eye. I made quite a few phone calls in the last few weeks, catching up with old friends and letting them know what they mean to me. I may never get another chance.
Anyhow, Krissie- you are a very strong young woman. You probably meant the world to Andy. And even tho it wasn't said, he probably knew deep down how you cared about him. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Don't let your last thoughts about him, be regrets of not saying how much they meant to you. Remember all those good times and cherish them. He will forever be in your heart.
This is a very emotionally trying situation. You know if you ever need to talk, just let me know ok. I'm always here for ya.

<3 Karen

I've lost three friends in nine months, all due to complications related to MD. It has proven even I don't fully understand certain aspects of it. I'm almost numb to death. I don't know whether I'm putting it out of my mind or I'm truly accepting of the fact that none of us are going to be around forever. Maybe because I have MD, it's less of a surprise. Whatever it is, I cared about all three of those people and no matter how many passings I experience, they will never be forgotten, and that's something I will not let go.

I would like to thank all of you for your words and support, it really means a lot to me.

.

Today was the viewing. There were so many people there, some I hadn't seen in years.

We met up at Andy's best friend's house, and that's where I found out exactly what had happened. Andy had been very depressed, which many of us were unaware of. He signed and sealed letters to his best friend and his family, and mailed them off to be received Wednesday upon his death. In the letter he explained that he just couldn't deal with it anymore, that life was just too hard for him. He was sick of feeling the way he did, and he told all of us that he cared for us, and there was nothing that we could have done to change his decision.

Tuesday night he drove to Baltimore, parked his car, and went to the top of a parking garage, and jumped. Those who found him said that he felt nothing, and he did not suffer.

To this moment, I cannot believe that he actually jumped. It still is so hard to believe that my Andy would do this. He was so full of life, and so amazing to be around. I know everyone says these kinds of things in these times, but it truly was who Andy was. Hell, 6 years ago, 4 friends of mine were killed by a drunk driver and he offered to drive me and my sister over 1,000 miles to the funerals. No questions asked. He didn't even know my sister. He welcomed everyone with open arms, and as my sister said in her blog, if Andy didn't like you, there was something seriously wrong with you.


I urge everyone on this board to show just how much you care for your friends, and if you think anyone in your life is suffering from depression, or if you yourself are, please get help. No one deserves to die, and everyone deserves to be heard. I am reaching out to everyone and anyone who needs someone. I am here if anyone needs to talk to someone. I will go to any length to help any and all of you if you are in need of a shoulder or a listening ear. Lord knows that I don't want anyone to go through what I'm going through right now.


Before I end this post, I would like to say something that I sure as hell hope everyone pays attention to. Don't you dare joke about killing yourself or say you're going to just to get attention. People like that sicken me. To cry "suicide" for attention or pity is sick and disrespectful. I have seen so many young people going through hard times and going to the extreme of saying they want to die, and quite frankly, if they wanted to die as much as they said they did, no one would know. None of Andy's friends knew he was this depressed. It came as a shock to each and every one of us, even his closest of friends that spent time with him every day. If you're upset or depressed, that's okay. There are people here on this board (some very wonderful people I might add) who will be there for you. You do not need to make us think we will lose you. Just know that life is so damn important, and no one deserves to lose it.


Again, I thank each and every person who has given their condolences to me about Andy, and I really hope that if there's anyone reading this right now that is suffering from depression, that they go get help. There were over 100 people at Andy's viewing, all baffled and blaming themselves for not knowing, and/or not doing something more. Don't let depression get the best of you. Whether you feel like it or not, there are many people out there who love you that would be devistated if you were gone.

I promise you that.

Thank you for reading.

*EDIT*

If anybody ever needs to talk, here's my contact info:

E-Mail: alarandiiamusic@gmail.com
MSN: raptorschica@hotmail.com
MySpace: Eccentric Dreamer
LiveJournal: potterwitter

<3

I would like to thank all of you for your words and support, it really means a lot to me.

.

Today was the viewing. There were so many people there, some I hadn't seen in years.

We met up at Andy's best friend's house, and that's where I found out exactly what had happened. Andy had been very depressed, which many of us were unaware of. He signed and sealed letters to his best friend and his family, and mailed them off to be received Wednesday upon his death. In the letter he explained that he just couldn't deal with it anymore, that life was just too hard for him. He was sick of feeling the way he did, and he told all of us that he cared for us, and there was nothing that we could have done to change his decision.

Tuesday night he drove to Baltimore, parked his car, and went to the top of a parking garage, and jumped. Those who found him said that he felt nothing, and he did not suffer.

To this moment, I cannot believe that he actually jumped. It still is so hard to believe that my Andy would do this. He was so full of life, and so amazing to be around. I know everyone says these kinds of things in these times, but it truly was who Andy was. Hell, 6 years ago, 4 friends of mine were killed by a drunk driver and he offered to drive me and my sister over 1,000 miles to the funerals. No questions asked. He didn't even know my sister. He welcomed everyone with open arms, and as my sister said in her blog, if Andy didn't like you, there was something seriously wrong with you.


I urge everyone on this board to show just how much you care for your friends, and if you think anyone in your life is suffering from depression, or if you yourself are, please get help. No one deserves to die, and everyone deserves to be heard. I am reaching out to everyone and anyone who needs someone. I am here if anyone needs to talk to someone. I will go to any length to help any and all of you if you are in need of a shoulder or a listening ear. Lord knows that I don't want anyone to go through what I'm going through right now.


Before I end this post, I would like to say something that I sure as hell hope everyone pays attention to. Don't you dare joke about killing yourself or say you're going to just to get attention. People like that sicken me. To cry "suicide" for attention or pity is sick and disrespectful. I have seen so many young people going through hard times and going to the extreme of saying they want to die, and quite frankly, if they wanted to die as much as they said they did, no one would know. None of Andy's friends knew he was this depressed. It came as a shock to each and every one of us, even his closest of friends that spent time with him every day. If you're upset or depressed, that's okay. There are people here on this board (some very wonderful people I might add) who will be there for you. You do not need to make us think we will lose you. Just know that life is so damn important, and no one deserves to lose it.


Again, I thank each and every person who has given their condolences to me about Andy, and I really hope that if there's anyone reading this right now that is suffering from depression, that they go get help. There were over 100 people at Andy's viewing, all baffled and blaming themselves for not knowing, and/or not doing something more. Don't let depression get the best of you. Whether you feel like it or not, there are many people out there who love you that would be devistated if you were gone.

I promise you that.

Thank you for reading.
Very well said Krissie. I honstly couldn't have said it better myself.
In my personal experiences, those that tend to commit suicide and follow through with it are the ones we least expect. We don't realize that anything is wrong because they put on a very good front. I have known others that always say they will do it, but never do. I am grateful that they don't, don't get me wrong. But I agree with you, it's not something to joke around with.

Alarandiia... I know that I don't know you, but I would still like to express to you that I am very sorry for your loss. You seem like a really great person, and I would like to get to know you, but until then, I wish you and all of Andy's family and friends the very best...<3

First im new here and i just want to say i may mess up. Ok on out of the shadows amy talked about her brother having to have brain surgery..and thankfully he made it through that. My friend Sandy has epilepsy and she has it really bad. Around july last year she had a seizure when she was at the beach with her mom, dad, and her little sister and of course she had to be rushed to the hospital. I got a call from one of my other friends telling me that she was in the hospital because she had a seizure. I got so scared. I went to the hospital and she was hanging on...she had to have brain surgery and she didnt make it. Its been very hard for me to lose one of my best friends....i was wondering how do u get over something like that...when things like that happen, your world falls apart and you dont know what to do anymore. please tell me how to get over something like this. Its really hard.

Moved to 'Coping with Death' thread because that's what it deals with. ~Katya

I lost my grandmother almost ten years ago I was 14 and now I am 23 and I am about to enter the next chapter of my life. I will be getting married in a few years. I cry everytime I think about her and what she is going to miss. She was always there for me. I know she would be proud of the profession I have chosen and I will be graduating college with an associates in nursing in a few years, then I will move on to bacholeratte. I know she would love my fiance. I know she is watching over me. I have so many wonderful memories of her and i am glad I got to spend time with her a month before she died of pancreatic cancer. What has always sadden me the most is she was misdiagnosed and by the time they found out what it really was it was to late and after she passed away my dad's side of the family was torn apart. We need to live life to the fullest everyday and cherish everyone in our lives. You never know what hand life will deal you next.


I lost my grandmother to pancreatic cancer about 10 years ago this month. I have lots of memories of her. She was very special and I miss her to this day. I especially miss her now that I am engaged and halfway through college trying to become a nurse. It has been difficult getting over her death. I am starting this thread to help people and so people could help me.

EDIT: Merged with thread AND post...Guess you forgot that you posted before, hm? ;) ~Katya

This morning, at about eleven o'clock, a man I knew died. He was one of my father's most commited students, and would be at the studio forever if he could. I didn't know him well, but I don't remember a time in my life that I didn't know him. He was rollerblading on a bridge, and fell. He hit his head on the metal and died instantly.
Despite mom's constant nagging, he never wore a helmet.
Mom came home after work today and told us - she was crying really hard, and she almost never cries. Dad is in China right now, so she had to call to tell him. Dad always wanted a son, and has two daughters, and I think that he was like a son to dad - he was from China, so dad had to teach him our customs, taboos, manners, everything.
Two things I know he wanted were to become one of dad's deciples, and visit our mountain. He was waiting on both, he didn't have enough money to go to the mountain this year. He was planning on going next summer though.
He will never get to do either of these.

I feel bad about what happened, and it's difficult not to cry when I think about this. But somehow it feels unjustified, because I never really knew him. But despite that, he was like family - sometimes when he got in fights with his parents (at twenty-two, he still lived with them, as he worked his way through university), he would simply stay overnight at the studio.
His final, year-end tests finished saturday - two days ago. He'll never get his marks back.
I feel guilty when I cry, because it seems unfair. He had a lot of people that loved him - his parents, and a lot of friends and students as well. (He taught a few classes at dad's studio) They will be hit a lot harder with the news, yet I am the one crying?

I know, you'll all say that I'm allowed to cry. But I need to hear it, or see it, read it, anything. I need to know that it's okay to feel upset over his death, becuase dispite his odd mannerisms and "rude", by Canadian standards, behavior, he was a great person. I barely knew him, and yet I could still tell. All he wanted was a simple life, to do well at taiji, and to get through university.

I checked the city news. They have news on a house fire, that occured this morning at five and was reported this evening.
But there is nothing on his death.

Guo Yi had dreams, few as they were, and I know he would be able to acheive them in time, and excell at them.

He will never get the chance to.

EDIT: Moved to this thread. Searching is good to do. ~Katya

Yeah my bo