Ok. I've come out with what happened to me when I was 11. I was seriously sexually abused by my teacher and I've come out with it to my parents the other week. They have been very good with it and are going to take me to a councillor to consider my options and for emotional support. He has moved to another city and I know that he is still teaching. I was talking to my friend the other day and she said everyone knew him a seedy guy who did stuff to girls. She doesn't know of anyone in particular who it happened to though. My boyfriend was talking to a guy who I used to go to school with and he said to him "she had that really seedy teacher aye." So I more than certain that there is someone else that he has hurt but I don't know what I should do. I want to stop him but I don't know how! I don't want to go to court, it would be too hard!!! Any advice would be great!!!!

-Emily-

EDIT: I just finished reading 'All These Years' a Tori Amos biography and I am now reading her new one 'Piece by Piece' which I got them both for my birthday two days ago. After reading these I feel ready to tell what happened. If you don't want to know I suggest you stop reading here...
One day at school when I was eleven, I was upset because my mum had told me I couldn't play the piano for a week and straped me with a belt because I didn't clean up my room (typical eleven year old stuff). My teacher could always tell when I was upset and I told him all my secrets he noticed that day. At lunchtime he wanted to talk to me about it and we went upstairs to the classroom where no one was allowed. We sat on the couch and I didn't want to talk. He kept hasseling me and then tickled me. Next he pulled me and pinned me behind his back with my arms by my side so I couldn't move them (it's hard to explain but he had it all planned so I couldn't do anything) He reached around and put his hand up my shirt and started playing with me. Everytime I tryed to scream out he would tickle me and lean back on my stomach so I could hardly breathe. Next he lifted back my skirt and put his hand up it and touched me. I couldn't see what he put in me but it hurt like hell. He kept yelling at me 'tell me what's wrong' but I couldn't speak. I was silenced with fear. He wouldn't stop and started laughing. After about 10min a sound of someone coming up and stairs made him stop and pull my skirt back down. He covered my mouth with his hand when the teacher appeared at the door and because I was behind his back she couldn't see what he was doing. He pretended he was just messing around, but she knew something was wrong. When she left he told me, you tell no one about this just like I don't tell people your secrets, understand? When this other teacher questioned me later about it I denyed everything because I was afraid of him. He did it again and then I made sure I was never alone with him again. It was hard having to see him everyday for the rest of the year and to this day, I still don't know how I did it.

I now realise that even though it takes time to come to terms with it and feel inside yourself that your ready to tell, it is important that you do tell people when you are ready. Bottling it up is the worst thing you can do.

Love to you all for the support that you have given me

-Emily-

I want to stop him but I don't know how! I don't want to go to court, it would be too hard!!!
So you want to do something about it, as long as its not too inconvenient?

Just report it to school administrators, superintendant(s), police- whoever can assist you. They'll start keeping an eye on him or may take action.

That's such a horrible thing to happen to someone so young - especially by someone of an authority figure. :(

The only problem is that it might be hard to prove now that three years have gone by. However, you definitely need to report it to the police and see that they have to say. Even if it's too late for them to do anything, at least they can keep an eye on him as to make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else.

You said in the post you don't want to go to court. Why not? If you, and it came down to you having to, you may be saving another young girl from his advances. Please go to court if need be. If not for yourself, do it for others.

Originally posted by Nemo
So you want to do something about it, as long as its not too inconvenient?

Nemo, I don't think she means that she doesn't want to go to court cause it's inconvenient.

ih82nd I'm guessing you're afraid of going to court and I can understand that. I had to go and watch a court case the other day for my uni course and just that in itself was intimidating. However, you need to consider whether you would rather this happen to someone else when you have the chance to put a stop to it right now. Please don't quote me on this as I am not sure of the laws etc in your country but over here minors are able to testify by video and consquently do not have to be in the same room as the accused.

I don't see any harm in checking out your legal options. Explain to your councellor that you haven't made a decision yet but could he find out exactly what you would be required to do (eg, go to court, testify by video, approx estimated length of trial etc) before you make a decision? He should be able to look into this for you or refer you to a free legal advisor who can help you with no strings attached.

It's great that you have supportive parents and others around you at this time. You will need them in the future, whatever decision you make.

As you have asked a direct question here is my personal opinion --> Yes, I think you should tell the police so that no-one else has to suffer what you have. However, that is just my advice and my opinion, the decision is purely yours and you need to do whatever feels right for you.

I'm so sorry to read this! It's dreadful that this has happened, and by a teacher, someone you see on a day to day basis, who is meant to be there to help you through your education..

So you want to do something about it, as long as its not too inconvenient?

Oh Ouch Nemo! I don't think ih82nd meant it like that at all, I think what she meant was that it was probably horrific enough to deal with when it happened, to have to re-live it, in a court will probably be hard for anyone and being only 15, it would be hard.

Emily, I personally think that telling the police is the best thing, however as Tara_PA said, it has been a while since it happened, but I still think that you should tell them. Even if all they do is keep an eye on him, I know thats not an awful lot of good for you, but in the future it may help anyone else.


*hugs* I wish you all the best, take care of yourself!

Hey Darling first of all i had a similer experiance that sadly turned into more. that teacher should be put away. He has abused his power and that is wrong... I didn't prosicute and he got away with it, and did it again...

However having said that i know that it is hard and you don't want to relive it and you don't wanna see him agian and all of that.. and that's ok too.. no one will hate you for it. please PM Me if you like....

P:S Here is a link to my story (http://s8.invisionfree.com/A_Listening_Ear/index.php?showtopic=314)... Just so you know...

You should do whatever it is that makes you feel in control of your life again. If that means turning him into the police, getting him in trouble, not hiding in secrecy about it, and naming him for what he is in a public court of law, by all means do it. Most victims are initially afraid to testify against their abusers, but feel better after they do so. But if you feel like you would just like to move on with your life and keep your abuse a secret from others (which has its own advantages), it is perfectly acceptable to do that also. However, if you do, this guy will still be out there doing what he does to others. Sex offenders like him rarely "get better." But in the end, it's really up to you. I'd strongly encourage you to go ahead and do it, though, because I know plenty of girls who regret not testifying, and I don't know anyone who regrets testifying.

Also, I think it's great that you're going to see a counselor. He or she can help you work through this difficult time in your life. As always, if you need to talk, you can PM me or probably anyone else.

So you want to do something about it, as long as its not too inconvenient?
a bit harsh that was, Andrew. you may want to rethink your wording the next time you want to say something like that. put yourself in Emily's position. would you be comfortable explaining how you were objectified/victimized to a group of people, more or less complete strangers to you? no. i think not. no one likes to relive painful memories, so i can't blame her for thinking that it would be too difficult.

however, Emily, i would strongly suggest that you consider bringing this matter up to the proper authorities. what this man has done to you is a crime, and one that should not go unpaid for. no one should be forced into complete silence about something like this. not only that, but if you do go through with this; you're probably saving a lot of other girls the grief of what you yourself went through.

it takes great courage to come out with a secret like this, and for that i applaud you. i hope everything turns out well.

I don't have a problem telling you, "YES...YOU SHOULD REPORT HIM TO THE POLICE!"

What he has done to you, he will continue to do to others.
Child molestors (sex offenders as we know them in the law enforcement community) should be
removed from society, especially if they are in a vocation that involves being around children every day.

I am quite familiar with this type of sickness in my line of work, unfortunately.
They cannot be helped, it has been proven. You can lock them up for 40 years,
yet when they get out, the desire is still there as if it were yesterday for them.

It's horrible and terrible what these offenders do to children...simply horrible.
It truly makes me sick to know that they are all around our neighborhoods,
and most of the time you don't even know it.

I am truly sorry for what this man has done to you, and I pray that you will see brighter days ahead of you.
Counseling is a great idea, your parents are doing the right thing.

Thank you all! It's a lot easier to make a desision with lots of help!!! I think I will go to the police at least. Court will that will be a different matter and it will be hard after 4 years. My only advantage would be I have a witness.... Yes a teacher happened to walk in at the time but because of the way he pinned me behind his back she couldn't see what he was doing but she knew that something was a wee bit dicey. She talked to me about it at the time but I was so scared I denied he did anything because he threatened me if I told anyone. So I always have the option of going to her as a witness because she kind of knows what happened and she can back me up on how he pinned me etc.

No offence taken by the way Andrew. I know what you mean and I think difficult id the word and I don't know whether my case has enough evidence, so is it really worth going through with it?

My drama teacher always copies CDs for me that he thinks I'll like and someone said to him you guys have an over the top student teacher relationship but he told her to stop being stupid and I said I've had a problem with that before and I'm taking the prick to court! I was so stupid saying that! Now I sound like a slapper! Ahh! He doesn't even really talk to me that much, it's just because we both like the same weird music! He doesn't even say hi to me if he walked past! Ah! That really bugged me!!!

-Emily-

It doesn't really matter whether you think you have a case or not,
his credibility will be questioned and an investigation will begin.
He will most likely be put on administrative leave during this process.
You will be taken seriously, for this is a serious crime.

You know what he did, and you know the truth. That's what matters.
The reason these guys continue to get away with these crimes against children is because most of them are not as brave as you.
The perpetrator almost always threatens the victim with some type of harm if they tell anyone.

This just happened here in my town recently. A band teacher was accused by a brave young girl like yourself, of fondeling her,
and as the investigation began...another girl came forward saying that he had been molesting her for years, but she was too afraid to say anything until now.
And then there were many others who also came forward, and he was convicted and sent to prison where he belongs.

You are right when you say this won't be easy for you, but you found the strength
to step forward and it's that strength that will get you through.

Just remember, none of this was your fault. You have done absolutely nothing wrong, in fact, you are truly doing the right thing.

So hold your head high, and stay close to your friends...the ones at school AND the ones here on the EV board!

Dale

Hey Darling first of all i had a similer experiance that sadly turned into more. that teacher should be put away. He has abused his power and that is wrong... I didn't prosicute and he got away with it, and did it again...

However having said that i know that it is hard and you don't want to relive it and you don't wanna see him agian and all of that.. and that's ok too.. no one will hate you for it. please PM Me if you like....

P:S Here is a link to my story (http://s8.invisionfree.com/A_Listening_Ear/index.php?showtopic=314)... Just so you know...

Wow that is an awful story! When I told my mum what had happened she felt bad because I used to get in soooo much trouble for being late home, but when she realised what was going on, she realised that she'd been punishing me for getting abused basically. I'm still waiting to get to the councillor. I have to wait now because my older sister broke up with her partner and that that's a bit more important at the moment so yeah, hopefully only a couple more weeks

You are doing the right thing.:)

This man needs to be stopped, or he will continue to prey on people like yourself. All acousations of sexual assult by a teacher are taken seriously, the guy is likely to be given leave with full pay, while the police investigate.
They will probably ask the students he teaches if this man has made innappropriate gestures toward them.:(

Be strong, and know that he will never hurt you again. If the case goes to court, and you have to testify, remember that you are the stronger one, that he hasn't beaten you, that you are not afraid, because that is exactly what sexual predators want-for their victim to be afraid of them.

In that courtroom, you hold the power, and you have control over him, not the other way around. Stay strong, stay focused, and everything will be fine.

Be proud for standing up and telling someone about it, you have done the irght thing in telling your parents.:)

I have also had a similar situation and have had a lot of years to ponder on what would have been the best decision. I will not go into all of it here but if you would like a friend or just some big understanding shoulders to cry upon, please feel free to pm me. You will come to find that this happens a lot more often than you would ever dream. My thoughts are with you.

Wow that is an awful story! When I told my mum what had happened she felt bad because I used to get in soooo much trouble for being late home, but when she realised what was going on, she realised that she'd been punishing me for getting abused basically. I'm still waiting to get to the councillor. I have to wait now because my older sister broke up with her partner and that that's a bit more important at the moment so yeah, hopefully only a couple more weeks

Awful yes that's true but there is alot of awful shit around... I think that you should organise your own councilling asap you've had this on your mind for 4 years, at keeping it in is bad, you've made the first step by telling your parents.. Also i understand that a break up is hard but so is sexual assult, personally i think assult is more important.. (I'm not bad- mouthing your parents by the way, they are probably trying to handle it too, it is hard on everyone.). again if you need to chat please PM me...
Let us know how you go? I hope everything goes well....

Jus.

Law is a difficult and manipulable field but this should give you some idea where you would stand under the law of New Zealand. However, I still suggest that you seek legal advice. I think you also need a counsellor of your own - often there are youth drop-in centres in most CBDs which will provide free counselling services to anyone who falls within the age group they service.

Anyway, here is the info I found:

Section 132 of the 'Crimes Act 1961', ‘Sexual intercourse with a girl aged under twelve (12)’

'(1) Every one who has sexual intercourse with any girl under the age of twelve (12) years is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 14 years.

(2) Every one who attempts to have sexual intercourse with any girl under the age of twelve (12) years is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 10 years.

(3) It is no defence to a charge under this section that the girl consented, or that the person charged believed that she was of or over the age of twelve (12) years.

(4) The girl shall not be charged as a party to an offence committed upon or with her against this section.'

‘Indecency with a girl aged under twelve (12)’, Section 133 of the 'Crimes Act 1961'

'(1) Every one is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding ten (10) years who-


Indecently assaults any girl under the age of twelve (12) years; or

Being a male, does any indecent act with or upon any girl under the age of twelve (12) years; or

Being a male, induces or permits any girl under the age of twelve (12) years to do any indecent act with or upon him.
(2) It is no defence to a charge under this section that the girl consented, or that the person charged believed that she was of or over the age of twelve (12) years.

(3) The girl shall not be charged as a party to an offence committed upon or with her against this section.'

From http://www.interpol.int/Public/Children/SexualAbuse/NationalLaws/csaNewZealand.asp

Best of luck :)

This is a clip from a radio phone in show I listen to. Callers phone in and give their life stories out to the rest of London, rape is a rare occurance but even men's tales of sexual assult have been broadcasted.

Clickage required here (http://www2.capitalfm.com/staticweb/avplayers/vanilla/cap_audio.html?&stream=mms://stream2.capitalinteractive.co.uk/capital/confessions/sarah_161204.wma&end) (sound file, requres Windows Media Player).

Law is a difficult and manipulable field but this should give you some idea where you would stand under the law of New Zealand. However, I still suggest that you seek legal advice. I think you also need a counsellor of your own - often there are youth drop-in centres in most CBDs which will provide free counselling services to anyone who falls within the age group they service.

Anyway, here is the info I found:



From http://www.interpol.int/Public/Children/SexualAbuse/NationalLaws/csaNewZealand.asp

Best of luck :)

Thank you so much!!!! I'm going to a counsellor really soon my mum said because I finish my exams tomorow so my mind can be focused on this and I don't have to worry about anything else!!! I'll let you know of updates when I finallt get to the councillor. I'm going to my own councillor well who will be my own

-Emily-

Good Luck!!!! I Know it'll help... Be Strong and Remember if you need to chat i'm always here......
Jus

I've just read a Tori Amos book and it has given me strength. My parents now don't want to take me to a councillor. They don't know what to do. They are pretending it didn't happen. I've been having really bad dreams about him lately. I'm going to keep nagging them to take me!

-Emily-

Emily, You took the first step, writing it down, u should be very proud of your self, coz i am.. you are on the road to recovery and with the right help i believe you will be fine. Take Care, Be Strong

Jus

I finally said something to my parents because I wasn't coping and I went to the doctors last night and was diagnosed with depression which is no suprise. So I have to wait for the medication to start working them I'm going to councilling then move on to maybe telling the police! It's starting to happen! Thank you all so much.

-Emily-

I am really glad you are getting the help you needed. You are a really brave person to write it down to us. Hopefully you are on the road to recovery.

I really think the next thing you need to do is find out where he is working and contact the administrators there. Chances are if he can do it to you, he can do it to others as well. Perhaps you and your councellor could write a letter to his school explaining the situation. It would be less drastic than phoning the police, and hopefully the administrator at the school will take measures.

People say that hardly anyone that takes whoever sexually assalts them to court regret it, but all the people who don't do regret it. I'm sure it would be scary but think of how much better you would feel knowing that you showed him he can't control you anymore. You should persue legal action against him.

you realize that you have to do something, you have to step outside your comphorte zone. or else he'll keep on doing it, and you';ve gotta tell anyone and every one that can possibly help..

I regret not reporting any of my abusers every day of my life, every night I wonder if they are doing what they did to me, to someone else. That thought scares me.

So much so, that I'm actually taking action against my stalker this time.

Lauren is right. Report him.

I am pleased to let you all know I've been to the councillor! It's all starting to take action. My plan is to get him de-registered so he can no longer be a teacher. That way I don't have to go to court because she thinks I may not be able to get him charged. The other funny thing was that the teacher who walked in on it went to my councillor because she was getting lessons on how to be a councillor from her and she told my councillor about what she saw and she was worried. So I'll always have her to back me up. The councillor was sooooooo good and I have a message for anyone who has had a similar experience to mine.

It is not your fault! These people look for vunerable innocent people who are the most lovely people. They groom you. Make you feel special and wanted. They are loners and are looking to fufill their sick need. Don't be fooled by their kindness and never blame yourself for what they do. They need to be stopped. These people are good at what they do and they plan it so don't think that you could have prevented it and be ashamed. Never be ashamed of what has happened. They are the ones who should be ashamed. GET MAD AND GET EVEN. Do something about it. It is in no way your fault and I can't say that enough. It's not fair that you have to suffer from this and it's not fair that they have betrayed your trust. Suck it up and be strong.

Thank you to everyone who has made me strong and I hope I can put a stop to my offender!

Love to you all
-Emily-

I am pleased to let you all know I've been to the councillor! It's all starting to take action. My plan is to get him de-registered so he can no longer be a teacher. That way I don't have to go to court because she thinks I may not be able to get him charged. The other funny thing was that the teacher who walked in on it went to my councillor because she was getting lessons on how to be a councillor from her and she told my councillor about what she saw and she was worried. So I'll always have her to back me up. The councillor was sooooooo good and I have a message for anyone who has had a similar experience to mine.

It is not your fault! These people look for vunerable innocent people who are the most lovely people. They groom you. Make you feel special and wanted. They are loners and are looking to fufill their sick need. Don't be fooled by their kindness and never blame yourself for what they do. They need to be stopped. These people are good at what they do and they plan it so don't think that you could have prevented it and be ashamed. Never be ashamed of what has happened. They are the ones who should be ashamed. GET MAD AND GET EVEN. Do something about it. It is in no way your fault and I can't say that enough. It's not fair that you have to suffer from this and it's not fair that they have betrayed your trust. Suck it up and be strong.

Thank you to everyone who has made me strong and I hope I can put a stop to my offender!

Love to you all
-Emily-
Good For You Emily!! May you be able to get him De-Registered, I wish i'd done more, but you are and that's terriffic!! Good Luck Honey!!!

Jus

Something like this is hard to deal with. I never did deal with what happened to me when I was 6 years old. Honestly to this day I don't know all the details. I still have alot of it blocked out, 25 years later. I can picture his face, where he lived and where it happened and his words. But I cannot remember all of the actions. I had it totally supressed until I was 22. I have a real big problem getting comfortable with anyone of the opposite sex. And I never really knew why until then. I dated a guy for 5 years, 3 of those 5 years I wouldn't let him get close to me sexually. Finally when the time came for us to be intimate, everything came rushing back about what happened when I was six. I don't think i've bawled any harder in my life than I did that night.
So I am glad you have the strengh to face him again and hopefully he will get what he deserves.

People say that hardly anyone that takes whoever sexually assalts them to court regret it, but all the people who don't do regret it.

I believe that is true; I'm one of those who regret not reporting what happened to me.

However, I also believe you should not feel guilty if you decide not to report it. This is something that happened to you, and you aren't obligated to put more pressure on yourself by going through court and trial - which will be very difficult, I know. And if you decide to use time instead to only focus on yourself and heal yourself, then there is nothing wrong or selfish about that.

But, who knows - reporting it may help the healing process go even faster, because if he is convicted you will feel so good knowing that you helped in keeping him from hurting others. And if there is some unjustice and he is not convicted, you will still feel good about knowing that you did all you could. If I could do it again, I would.

Instead, I try helping others by relating my experience to theirs. You could turn something bad that happened to you into something beautiful. Long ago, I put my story (http://s8.invisionfree.com/A_Listening_Ear/index.php?showtopic=99) up, as a way to release everything that had been hidden in me for so long, and also as a way to help others find their voice, and perhaps understand things better.

I commend you for your strength, whatever you choose. PM me if you need anything, or just to talk. We are all here for you.

Emily...
I have just read this and I am psyched to hear that you have gone through with soo much, and I am pleased that you like counseling as well. So many people never say anything and have to deal with it their whole life. It is nice to get it off there chest. And... you message about it all is awesome too. It isn't anyones fault... that is completely true.

Taters Momma...
I know what you mean... I have had soo much blocked out of my memory for the what happened to me... but so much I have remembered. It was ahrd not to... because it wasn't a one time thing. Three years... every day.

Now... he is jail... and I am so thankful... because he can never do it to the people he has done it to again, but there is one thing that I still feel... and I don't like it. I still feel weak for letting it go one for that long and everything. I still feel like I was weak... and it still kills me... eventhough I know it isn't my fault. Does anyone else feel like this? Is this something that "comes with the package"? I'm sorry... not to take the spotlight...

Welll, once again, Emily... I love the message you had to everyone. It is true how child molester act.. very true. They act like they are your friend... and that you can trust them. They trick you. That is soo true... and I know that it will help others out. I wish the best for you, Emily...

Jodi

Emily...
I have just read this and I am psyched to hear that you have gone through with soo much, and I am pleased that you like counseling as well. So many people never say anything and have to deal with it their whole life. It is nice to get it off there chest. And... you message about it all is awesome too. It isn't anyones fault... that is completely true.

Taters Momma...
I know what you mean... I have had soo much blocked out of my memory for the what happened to me... but so much I have remembered. It was ahrd not to... because it wasn't a one time thing. Three years... every day.

Now... he is jail... and I am so thankful... because he can never do it to the people he has done it to again, but there is one thing that I still feel... and I don't like it. I still feel weak for letting it go one for that long and everything. I still feel like I was weak... and it still kills me... eventhough I know it isn't my fault. Does anyone else feel like this? Is this something that "comes with the package"? I'm sorry... not to take the spotlight...

Welll, once again, Emily... I love the message you had to everyone. It is true how child molester act.. very true. They act like they are your friend... and that you can trust them. They trick you. That is soo true... and I know that it will help others out. I wish the best for you, Emily...

Jodi

Thank you!

I think we all feel some kind of guilt for what happened and I know I've felt bad for taking so long to tell poeple. Because he's taught at three different schools since then and I hope I was the only victim!! You can't change what's happened so don't try to! Just focus on moving on and becoming a stronger person and learn from it.

-Emily-

I knew that it would eventually come to this... but knowing what to do when it came was something I didn't know, and I am still confused as to what my next step should be. :confused:

So... last night a guy that I have liked for such a long time finally asked me out along with giving me beautiful roses. He is a sweet guy... and is mature... unlike most high school guys. I couldn't help but to say yes.

So... then was our first kiss and all of that... but I didn't like it. Though he has been my "crush" for so long, I never wanted to be with him. Well, I do but I don't. See, I want to be with him, but I am uncomfortable with kissing him. I am even completely uncomfortable with holding hands.

There is a reason behind this madness. When I lived with my biological mother I had to face her boyfriend who preferred children. So... for three years I had to face molestation because of him. I didn't know until now, but ever since then... I have been uncomfortable with sexual things. I never thought that molestation would change me so much, but it has.

It had never been a problem because I have REFUSED to go out with anyone. I always felt that high school relationships were near pointless... and had too much drama with them anyways (which still seems to be true :p ). Now, however, there is a guy that I can't say no to, nor do I want to. And now... I am wondering what to do.

I dunno... if anyone has ANYTHING to say. I would love to hear, love to listen, and love to take In your advice. Thank you all...

I dunno... if anyone has ANYTHING to say. I would love to hear, love to listen, and love to take In your advice. Thank you all...

Well, this is kind of a hard situation - I've been in it myself, before. So, I'll go on my own experience.

I've been with someone for nearly four years and sometimes it's still difficult to get close to him, even hugging sometimes. When I first met him, though, it was so much worse. I wanted to be with him, but the physical parts of a relationship were just too hard. I explained that to him - I didn't go into detail about what happened to me at first, just told him that something bad had happened that made everything to do with touching (including holding hands and even hugs, a lot of the time) much harder for me. I thought he was going to get up and not bother with me anymore, but he didn't. He seemed to understand, and said that we didn't have to do anything like that until (and if) I was ready. And slowly, over time, he helped me to feel more and more comfortable. Basically he let me go at my own pace, and was there for me emotionally, and that helped build trust. I trusted him already, but I mean that deep subconscious kind of trust. It's hard to explain...

Anyway, I would suggest talking to this guy, and explain that it's difficult for you and you are uncomfortable with anything physical right now - but you would still like to go out with him, even if things go really slow. You said he's really sweet and mature...well, here's his chance to prove it. If he's a good guy he'll at least try to understand and go at your pace. If he doesn't want to do that, then really - he's probably not worth being with in the first place. You should never have to do (or feel like you have to) anything you don't want to. If he's after a physical relationship, then you'd be better off alone.

It also might help to look into therapy. I didn't even consider going to counseling for three years, and then one of my friends talked me into it. It's hard, but already I'm feeling a little better than I was.

And just so you know, you can PM me if you want to talk more about this, or anything else if you'd like. :)

I have suffered the same problem in my almost four year relationship. I talked it through with my boyfriend and he was very understanding and he has learnt my boundries and comfort zone. It gets better because you eventually gain more trust and can relax a bit more.

-Emily-

Emily,

I am new here, but I wanted to share that I have been through a similar situation with a family member. I was very young, around 8 or 9, and she was on drugs pretty bad. I'm 31 now, so it's been awhile. I didn't tell my parents until I was 18, and it was a huge mistake to hold that in so long, and my life was severly affected by it. We are getting past it now, but I am so proud of you for not only seeking help, but telling all of us about it. Please keep us posted on your progress, and feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it privately. I've been there, but you're doing a great job, keep it up!!

Aaron G

I can't stand people who do horrible things like that! It's sick and twisted and is just plain WRONG!!! I think you should definitely go to court or tell the police or something because this guy should be behind bars. He shouldn't be allowed to stay out in the free world where he could harass more innocent people. -amy f.

My suggestion is this: go to the police. I don't think a mere effort to get him de-registered will be enough to stop this guy. Whether or not this counselor thinks you can make a case is irrelevent. She is neither a detective nor an attorney and those are the only people that can correctly determine whether or not a case can be made.

I will warn you, it is HARD. I went through hell putting away the creep who sexually abused me for 2 years. I had nightmares, developed a severe anxiety disorder, suffered numerous flashbacks and more than a few nervous breakdowns, and not to mention the fact that it is something I have to deal with to this day. But it is worth it. I can honestly say that there are days when I hate what turning him in did to my life but, never EVER have I regretted turning him in. He is locked away now and will hopefully be for a long time. I plan to go to every parole hearing, or at least write letters if I am unable to attend.

I know that it may be hard to turn him in for yourself since you are clearly out of the situation, however, you need to think about any young girl he might come across in the future. If he's de-registered as a teacher that won't put him on a sex offenders list. So please reconsider going to the police.

I'm also having the same problem of not wanting my boyfriend to touch me. However, the issue I have is that I feel I shouldn't have to tell him. Every time he does try to touch me I currently flinch or pull away, so I guess I feel that he should notice that and it frustrates me that two seconds later he is back again. Also, I guess I am ok with him touching me just on the arms, putting his arm around me etc in private, but the issue is that I can never let him do that. If I let him put his arm around me, the next thing I know his hand will be touching my butt, or if I let him touch my arms the next thing his hand will be rubbing up my side. Every time this does happen I push his hands away but then he just does the exact same thing two seconds later. I seriously don't understand how hard it is to take a hint! How can I make him understand? The last time I spoke to him about it I really just said "stop, I'm not ready to do this." He did stop but he also started going on about "oh, you're no fun!" and affectively giving me this big guilt-trip and making me feel really bad.

Also, I really really don't want to talk to him about what happened to me, but I know that if I just say something about "I don't want you to touch me because of stuff that's happened in the past" he won't be able to except that. He will have to know absolutely every single minute detail which I can't tell him. Any ideas?

I'm also having the same problem of not wanting my boyfriend to touch me. However, the issue I have is that I feel I shouldn't have to tell him. Every time he does try to touch me I currently flinch or pull away, so I guess I feel that he should notice that and it frustrates me that two seconds later he is back again. Also, I guess I am ok with him touching me just on the arms, putting his arm around me etc in private, but the issue is that I can never let him do that. If I let him put his arm around me, the next thing I know his hand will be touching my butt, or if I let him touch my arms the next thing his hand will be rubbing up my side. Every time this does happen I push his hands away but then he just does the exact same thing two seconds later. I seriously don't understand how hard it is to take a hint! How can I make him understand? The last time I spoke to him about it I really just said "stop, I'm not ready to do this." He did stop but he also started going on about "oh, you're no fun!" and affectively giving me this big guilt-trip and making me feel really bad.

Also, I really really don't want to talk to him about what happened to me, but I know that if I just say something about "I don't want you to touch me because of stuff that's happened in the past" he won't be able to except that. He will have to know absolutely every single minute detail which I can't tell him. Any ideas?

You know something? You're probably right. I mean, if you don't want to tell him about your past, you shouldn't have to. Just saying you don't want to do something should be enough - and if it's not enough for him, then I suggest leaving him. It sounds like he wants just one thing right now, and it's really not worth the time wasted being with him.

I'm also having the same problem of not wanting my boyfriend to touch me. However, the issue I have is that I feel I shouldn't have to tell him. Every time he does try to touch me I currently flinch or pull away, so I guess I feel that he should notice that and it frustrates me that two seconds later he is back again. Also, I guess I am ok with him touching me just on the arms, putting his arm around me etc in private, but the issue is that I can never let him do that. If I let him put his arm around me, the next thing I know his hand will be touching my butt, or if I let him touch my arms the next thing his hand will be rubbing up my side. Every time this does happen I push his hands away but then he just does the exact same thing two seconds later. I seriously don't understand how hard it is to take a hint! How can I make him understand? The last time I spoke to him about it I really just said "stop, I'm not ready to do this." He did stop but he also started going on about "oh, you're no fun!" and affectively giving me this big guilt-trip and making me feel really bad.

Also, I really really don't want to talk to him about what happened to me, but I know that if I just say something about "I don't want you to touch me because of stuff that's happened in the past" he won't be able to except that. He will have to know absolutely every single minute detail which I can't tell him. Any ideas?

You don't have to tell him anything, if he pushes u, then he really doesn't care for you... I noticed that you rejected him touching you at EvParty. As For the Guilt trips.... How dare he!!! You don't have to feel bad about not letting him touch you, it's your body and he has no right to invade your personal space. I don't know Your Boyfriend, I have met him once, So I won't pass any Judgement on him, But He shouldn't have to know Every single detail, and should except the fact that you don't wanna talk about it. If He can't accept that then i think you should think about Ending it.. It's your Choice.

Good Luck Vicki! I hope it all works out for you.

Jus

Thanks shiverside - I don't think he does want just one thing right now, but I think he wants that as well. I will just have to make him understand that he has to wait.

Justine - thanks for your comments and the pm :). As for you noticing at Evparty - I hadn't realised it was so obvious! Damn.

Thanks shivercide - I don't think he does want just one thing right now, but I think he wants that as well. I will just have to make him understand that he has to wait.

Justine - thanks for your comments and the pm :). As for you noticing at Evparty - I hadn't realised it was so obvious! Damn.

you weren't that obvious No-one else noticed it, i think i did coz I am somewhat the same..

Thanks shiverside - I don't think he does want just one thing right now, but I think he wants that as well. I will just have to make him understand that he has to wait.

Maybe he doesn't, but it sure sounds like it's a high priority for him. If it wasn't, he would have taken the hint already.

About a year and a half ago, a very good friend of mine molested me, and shortly after moved away. I told like two friends, one of whom was skeptical to whether it counted as molestation.
The problem is, even though it was that long ago, every time I hear that he came back to visit or even his name, I freeze up and get really withdrawn.
How do I help myself?

I'm sorry for that..

But you know, that is a normal reaction and there's nothing wrong with you (you probably already know that, but some people don't know that in these situations).

I'm unsure how you would "help" yourself, other than talking to someone about it. Such as a therapist. Talking will make it easier to "deal" with this kind of thing, and a good counselor can really help.

I'm also always available to talk/listen if you need or want to. And that goes for anyone else who wants to talk, as well. I have my share of experience in this subject, and I want to help as much as I can.

And just so you know, if you feel that it was molestation, then it was. It doesn't matter what a friend thinks - you are affected by it either way.

I'm sorry you had to experience that. Get it off your chest by telling someone you trust. By doing this you will be able to understand it more and it won't haunt nearly as much. It will never completely go away but you can get to a stage where you are no longer afraid and are open about which is where I am at now thanks to some amazing people and everyone on here. There are so many poeple here who are willing to listen and help including myself so use this resource. Good Luck :-)

-Emily-

I just read this entire thread, I'm new, and I just wanted to remind you that no matter what, you can post it here - we'll all be behind you in your descision! I'm very glad to hear that you're getting help for a councillor - that will definately help a lot.
I wanted to post a question here - back a little while ago, in Jr. High, we were doing the social dance unit. I was dancing with this guy, I think his name is Jordan something, and his hand was touching me. I told him to move it, and he called me a b****, telling me to shut up. I didn't know if it was counted as molestation or inappropriate touching or something like that, so I brought it up with one of my friends. She told me it wasn't, and I was worrying too much, but every time I see him I lock up and I feel like I need to cry.
What did he do to me? This seems like the only place I can ask, because you all sound so caring, and it seems like the people here actually care - not something I can say in real life.

--Rae

I would say it is. He touched you inapproprately without your consent. Yeah some guys are just sick and can't help themselves and unfortunately they need help but don't get it

-Emily-

um...*tries to breathe*
Are you sure? Because this was literally way back when, I was thirteen, so was he - is it possible that he simply didn't know a) it was wrong, or b), what he was doing?
It makes me sick to think about it, and I agree that yes, some people definately need psychiatric help, but don't get it, but I also want to give him the benifit of the doubt, if there is a chance that it was not actually intentional.
Right now, I'm felling really sick - but I'm also relieved, you know? It's like this thing has tormented me for so long, and you just...fix it. Thank you, so, SO much.

-Rae

How was it not intentional? He chose to touch you, and not only didn't listen, he told you to shut up as well. 13 is very old enough to know better and realize what you're doing in that situation. He had no right to do that, especially when you told him to stop. You have every right to feel hurt by it; anyone who says different doesn't understand. And your feelings are completely normal, I assure you.

I just read this entire thread, I'm new, and I just wanted to remind you that no matter what, you can post it here - we'll all be behind you in your descision! I'm very glad to hear that you're getting help for a councillor - that will definately help a lot.
I wanted to post a question here - back a little while ago, in Jr. High, we were doing the social dance unit. I was dancing with this guy, I think his name is Jordan something, and his hand was touching me. I told him to move it, and he called me a b****, telling me to shut up. I didn't know if it was counted as molestation or inappropriate touching or something like that, so I brought it up with one of my friends. She told me it wasn't, and I was worrying too much, but every time I see him I lock up and I feel like I need to cry.
What did he do to me? This seems like the only place I can ask, because you all sound so caring, and it seems like the people here actually care - not something I can say in real life.

--Rae

Yes, it was molestation. I don't know exactly what that person does to the one that they molested.Just know one thing: It wasn't your fault. You mat have already known that, but most people seem to think it was their fault. A bunch of my family has been molested by my grandfather.And my 9-year old cousin got touched by her father when she was only around the age of 3 or 4. It's really sad when stuff like that happens. I'm sorry that it happened to you. The only thing I can really tell you won't really help much, but he's not worth your tears. He's a sick, perverted bastard that needs to die. I hate molesters. Child molesters in particular. If you ever need to talk, pm me. I'm on mostly all day and I'll listen if you ever need to talk. Thanks for having the courage to post your story here. It means a lot that you did.

Ok so I have been debating with myself for so long now whether I should take action on what happened. Well I have come to a conclusion. I know some of you won't agree but the police are aware of who he is and I have made a complaint but I won't be taking any action. If someone else complains I am happy to come forward and help but I cannot do it on my own. Thank you all for your support and thoughts. They have all been so valuable. I am now very open about what happened and I am even giving a speech on it to half my school this week about it with a guest speaker.

-Emily-