Hey guys, I would like some advice on how to let go when someone has passed away. My grandmother just recently passed away this month. She wasn't just a grandma though, she was like my mother. My mother passed away also so she would always stick by and be there for me. I was always so close to her and sitting there in the hospital watching her die, was very hard. I can't sleep or eat right. I just always think about her. I don't know, this is just probably normal but whenever I go to lay down I can never get to bed. Ugh everything is just too hard to deal with right now I guess. A couple months before July my grandfather passed away too, so I really don't know what to do or how to deal with this. Any help would be appreciated....:)


-Christina

I'm so sorry for your loss. She will live forever in your heart and those she touched. If your problems don't fade over a reasonable time (say a month), I'd say look into getting some grief counselling. She wouldn't want you to suffer over her death I am sure.

Best Wishes,

Andy

I lost my grandma a year ago. Has it gotten easier? A little bit. Do i miss her terribly? Yes I do. I went through ALOT of regret. But at the same time it was one of the easier deaths i had ever been through. She had lung cancer and she was suffering. It scared the hell out of her that she might have to go through Chemo. She saw it happen to my grandfather and she didn't want to go through it. So I am glad that she went when she did.

You just have to take it one day at a time. Don't focus on the What ifs. It's going to take time. And that is what SUX! Don't expect to ever get over it. Because you never will.

All I can tell you is one day you will be ok. The tears will finally stop. If you want to PM me please do. ;)

I really hope that you can get through this time. My thoughts are with you.

Just try to remember the happy times. I know YOU miss her, but think about where she is now. In a better place, with all of her friends and family that she has missed for so long. And decades from now, she will be there for you.

it is OK to miss her. It is OK to be sad. But, she was a good woman who lived a good life. Everyone dies, and it is important to be grateful that she lived a long one. You said she was in the hospital....would you rather have her back there in pain? her suffereing is over, and now she can watch over you guide you always, but in a different way.

There is a great song out there, called "Mama" by Il Divo.

Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
Along the way (along the way)

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you , I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes (dry your eyes)

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you ,mama


Again, it is OK and perfectly normal to be sad. but, death is another part of life. All you can do is remember the happy times, and feel lucky that you knew such a great woman. And even though you wish you had more time together, be grateful for the time you had, and look back upon your memories fondly.

"All worldly pursuits have but one unavoidable and inevitable end, which is sorrow: acquisitions end in dispersion; buildings, in destruction; meetings, in separation; births, in death. Knowing this, one should from the very first renounce acquisition and heaping-up, and building and meeting, and … set about realizing the Truth. Life is short, and the time of death is uncertain."
~ Milarepa

Death is an unavoidable fact of life. It's easier for one who is not immediately impacted by the loss of another to say that, but the truth of it is not altered. Remember her fondly in your heart, and a part of her will continue living with you. May your sorrow be short and your joy restored soon!

i know it can be hard if a person, who is very close to you, die. i lost my cousin years ago, who was 17. he died in an argument with a boy in his age. this boy just shot him dead. it was a real shock for me although i did not know him well because he lived in america and i live in germany.
last year i lost my best friend. he died in a car accident ... i was so sad, he was my best friend and we always talk about everything. - and now he is dead.. well, what i wanted to say is that you should think about the happy times with your grandparents. now they are dead - but not your memories. you can cry, talk about your feelings - but you should also remember the time, which you shared with your grandparents. when my best friend died i did not know how to deal with it. i was so shocked and cried a lot. but i also thought about the things we made together and it's getting better now. and now i am glad that i had this person in my life. death is a part of our life and although if even young persons die, - life must go on.

i wish you good luck,
nadine

I'm so sorry that your grandma and your mom passed away. I know that it must be very hard losing your mother.

Do you have a close friend you could talk to and maybe see what he/she has to say if you told them what was bothering you, and you said that you needed advice with getting over family members passing away? If you do, then I would suggest that you could talk to them, and see what they have to say. If you can't tell a friend, you could try talking to another family member. Maybe like and aunt or someone else you are really close to. If you have older cousins sometimes it's better to talk to them.

It's okay to cry, and it's okay to spend time just thinking about every memory you had.

If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. I'm always here if you need to talk to someone. I wish the best of luck to you. *hugz*

I'm so sorry for your losses. I know how you feel, as I lost my mother two weeks ago. Like others have said, remember the past, and keep her in your heart. But I also want to add that you should try to focus a bit on the present and future; people are going to be worried about you. They wont want you to go completely downhill.Try to see at least one good thing come out of every day. Write down whatever feelings you have; writing helps a lot. Dont stop crying or remembering, because that wont help. Get together with other members of your family, because they may be feeling the same thing. And always know there there are people that care about you just as much as you cared for your grandmother. Get help if you need it..and just try to keep living. It'll take a while, but you'll get back on your feet. Good luck, and once again, I'm sorry.

~heather~

Hey I kind of know what you're feeling. My cousin Darren died last month at the age of 15 (about 2 or 3 months younger than me). He was a good friend of mine too..so it wasnt just one of those relative deaths..it was a friend. It hit me hard and I wasn't doin so good for a few weeks. I started trying to rethink how I looked at the situation and I started thinking about all the good times we had..because people always say that works..for me it just made missing him worse.

Then I started thinking of how he's impacted alot of people. I mean.. his funeral took up two churches of people..thats alot. Then I started thinking of how he lightened up the life of his dad, his sister, and all his immediate family. Then I started thinking about the times we shared..again..and I still miss him..but I wasnt as sad.

Now when I think about it or if something reminds me of him I just start thinking about how he sort of lives on in the people he's touched..which I garantee is more than those two churches.

With your grandparents..I don't know if the same tactics would work.. 3 of mine died when I was really really young. But I'd say if something sparks a memory just remember them, and think of how greatly theyve impacted you, and be grateful (which I'm sure you are) for what theyve taught you. Life shouldnt be calculated by when you die, but how much you lived. You'll always miss them, but you can either miss them sadly or gratefully and happily. I hoped this helped..it kind of helped me a bit.

I know how hard it is to lose someone very close to you, I lost one of my best freinds when she was shot accidently by a man who had just robbed a bank. The thing that made it hardest for me was that I know that the man was aiming for me, and that she shouldn't have died. :( And all this happened very recently, about three months ago. I was hit extremely hard by this, especially as me and her had known each other since we were born. We were like brother and sister, and I didn't know what to do. I spent ages just sitting alone in my room crying, and thinking about her, and then I started feeling it was my fault, that if I hadn't tried to get in this man's way she wouldn't have been killed. I felt so bad with myself I tried suicide. I was in hospital for a week. DON'T EVER TRY SUICIDE. ITS NOT WORTH IT. Then I realised that she wouldn't have wanted me to be going through all this kind of hell. I realised she would wasn't me to be thinking of the happy times, and to be happy, and to get on with my life. And now even thought I'm sad, I'm getting on with my life. [/rant]

The point I'm getting at is that however hard you feel it is you should get on with your life, because that's what your gran would want you to do. Also (I know this doesn't apply to you, but it applies to many people), don't blame yourself for peoples deaths. They wouldn't want you to blame yourself. Your gran would want you to be happy, and she would not want you too spend the rest of your life unhappy, because you may feel its disrespectful to her to stop mourning her, but if she knew you well (which she would have done being a mother figure to you) she would know you feel bad, and she would feel so proud of you to know you've won your battle with yor sadness. Remember, death is inevitable, and it will come to us all someday. I know it sounds a bit final saying it, but would you want someone wasting their life moaning about you after you've passed away? I wouldn't. I'd want them to be happy. I guess you would too. Its not uncommon to feel major regret when someone you know dies, but its best for you if you try and think happy thoughts about your gran and think about how she'd want you to be happy.

Good luck and I hope it goes well for you. *hugs*

~ben~

When people die it's one of the most tragic things a person can feel in life. And it's not so much that we believe they're gone, because I think most people believe now that life goes on after death. The real sadness comes from not being able to see and interact with the people you love... and that's something that's very real, and an unfortunate part of life. But a thought that always comforts me is this. Just because you can't see them dosen't mean they can't see you. Like... ask yourself this. If you died before them, would you still stay around them, and watch over them?... Sort of like an angel. If the answer is yes, than I'm sure they would do the same for you. So even though they might have passed, don't ever believe they're not with you. If they were close to you in life, they're around you everyday loving you just as much as always, and trying they're best to help you through life :)

Hope this helped, and take care.