Ok so theres this girl from work that I like that I've liked for about as long as I worked there(9 months).And I've been trying to ask her out for awhile now,but for some reason,I know its normal but,I can't seem to talk to her and I have her screen name also and can't work up the balls to IM her either.I know she won't mind me IMing her but I can't seem to for some reason so I guess what I'm asking is please give me some advice to work up the balls I need to talk to her

Whenever you have a chance to talk to her, in real life or online, but don't, punch yourself in the crotch. That should give you some motivation.

But seriously... I don't think there's much advice anyone can give you other than suck it up, swallow your pride, and be yourself. Just say, "Hey, want to go see a movie or something on Friday?" Or if you don't want to ask her out right away, just IM me and say, "Hey, it's [yournamehere] from work. What's shakin?"

Best of luck.

Well first things first, just say to yourself men have to make the first move. Fact.
Ok I know I'm a 14 year old boy but if you have confidence in yourself it will make you a lot more willing to go and make a move. The fact that you feel extremely nervous to even talk to her shows how much you like her, and you will feel so proud of yourself when you pluck up the courage to say something. ;)
You have to take it one stage at a time. First off try adding her to your IM contacts and speaking to her. She won't mind speaking to you. Start talking and get her to know you better. After this you will fell better about yourself and you will be so proud you made that move.

Just be yourself when talking to her. Be natural and try not to be overly shy. They don't like it. But then again don't be cocky either. Being yourself is a surefire way of getting her to see who you really are.

Just think to yourself you will regret it in the end if you are too shy to do anything. It might be scary asking someone out, but you will feel much better when you are with her (and by the sound of it you really like her :))

Good luck! Hope it goes well for you :D

~beardy~

IM her and tell her about it, that's what I did anyways to solve some problem like that with a guy i liked, instant messaging is very usefull when you can't face someone to tell them something. Or write her an e-mail.
I have a friend that had the same problem (almost), a guy wanted to go out with her but she didn't know what to do and was too scared to talk to him or instant message him. She finally IMed him and he understood.
Trust me, IM can do miracles.
(But if you can tell her in person it would be better ;) )

Is this someone to whom you have never (or rarely) spoken, or is this someone you normally speak with, but you haven't expressed any interest in her yet? I couldn't tell from your post, and I can answer you if I understand what the nature of your relationship is with her now (if any).

I think that you should really try to talk to her. Just make sure that you act confident, even if you're not feeling the most confident at the moment. Just strike up a conversation about something or someone that you know that both of you have in common. I hope that all works out for you!! Good luck!! :)

~Kiersten

Yeah, just try to talk to her.
I know it's a hard thing to do for some people. I'm very shy so I know what it's like. But nothing is going to happen unless you work up the courage to talk to her. And if you can't do it in person, do it through an IM, or on the phone. After you do it, you'll feel very relieved.

Is this someone to whom you have never (or rarely) spoken, or is this someone you normally speak with, but you haven't expressed any interest in her yet? I couldn't tell from your post, and I can answer you if I understand what the nature of your relationship is with her now (if any).

Quoted for emphasis. We need more information to help you.

Try and look at it rationally; if you ask her out and she says no, then although it will hurt, you'll essentially still be in a similiar position to what you are in now (i.e. not going out with her).

Over-thinking and asking yourself "what if" will get you nowhere. Just tell her directly how you feel; do so when you feel is most appropriate and you feel most confident. Most women and men love confidence more than anything else IMHO.

If it doesn't work out, relax, you're 16, there's lots of opportunities out there.

The best thing that I could say would be for you to just IM her. Even talking through the instant messenger is sometimes easier then talking in person. I say that you should just get the right moment to do it, and just send a message. I know it might be hard, but you have to talk to her somehow. Even if you don't talk to her online, just try to bring up a converstation at work or something. Start talking about something, and then ask her if she would like to go out with you. Hope it all turns out okay for you. Best of luck!

Thanx alot for all the replys and I don't talk to her that much,every now and then but not that often and I've decided to IM next chance I get so hopefully it will work out for the best

Thanx alot for all the replys and I don't talk to her that much,every now and then but not that often and I've decided to IM next chance I get so hopefully it will work out for the best

OK, well just relax and keep it casual right now. And just remember, if things don't work out with her, there's other women out there, so don't worry so much about winning her over now. Use your time together to make sure she is right for you as well.

Thanx alot for all the replys and I don't talk to her that much,every now and then but not that often and I've decided to IM next chance I get so hopefully it will work out for the best
Good for you. Even if you are a bit nervous, that's normal you'll get over that fear, and you'll send a message. I hope everything works out for you. Best of luck.

Well I'm here (after 2 months) with an update on this whole thing...if anyone cares that i...but I just thought I let everyone know what happened and once again thanks to everyone who replyed for their help...
so....
It took me about 2 weeks to IM her after i said I would :(,
but we've became pretty good friends and I finally asked her out tonight,or this morning however you want to look at it,and she said and I quote " ugh i wudve luved to...but some boy asked me out about a week ago... so for the moment i kinda have a boyfriend"
but she said did say if things don't work out with the other guy she'll def. give me a shot.
So now all thats left is to wait and see if things don't work out with him but if they do then whatever shes happy so thats all that matters and I feel sooooooooooo much better now that she knows I like her.

Well I'm here (after 2 months) with an update on this whole thing...if anyone cares that i...but I just thought I let everyone know what happened and once again thanks to everyone who replyed for their help...
so....
It took me about 2 weeks to IM her after i said I would :(,
but we've became pretty good friends and I finally asked her out tonight,or this morning however you want to look at it,and she said and I quote " ugh i wudve luved to...but some boy asked me out about a week ago... so for the moment i kinda have a boyfriend"
but she said did say if things don't work out with the other guy she'll def. give me a shot.
So now all thats left is to wait and see if things don't work out with him but if they do then whatever shes happy so thats all that matters and I feel sooooooooooo much better now that she knows I like her.

If things don't work out with her and she comes to you, don't go out with her. You know that she doesn't like you in that way- or at least, that she would rather go out with the other boy. If things don't work out with him, she will come to you just because you're there; not because she really wants to. Be friends with her. Just friends. In my humble opinion, it won't work out being more than that.

If things don't work out with her and she comes to you, don't go out with her. You know that she doesn't like you in that way- or at least, that she would rather go out with the other boy. If things don't work out with him, she will come to you just because you're there; not because she really wants to. Be friends with her. Just friends. In my humble opinion, it won't work out being more than that.
Actully I was told by someone who works at the same place that she does like me and one of my friends who works there was haveing a conversation with her about the other guy and my friend said that she said shes not really sure how much she likes him but shes just going out with him for whatever reason

Just relax and do it. My boyfriend almost lost the chance because he took forever. It seems weird but I wouldn't be getting engaged if he had waited another week. He took so long I thought he didn't like me at all.

If nothing happens you can still be friends. And your feelings will be out in the open.

Affection isn't "first com first serve". (Should I be avoiding the dreaded 'L word' here?)
She either cares for you or she doesn't, regardless of whomever happened to approach her first. So in case the thought ever crossed your mind to kick yourself over missing you chance by a week, forget about it. It's irrelevant.

Even now I'm learning the logistics of attempting to get into a serious relationship. At the moment, the girl I confessed my emotions to is holding the toping in a painful sort of limbo, during which I sought advice from parents, my brother, and very close friends. I was fortunate in that they were all pretty good at screwing my head back on straight before I went off and made the wrong move. So if I may, I have some wisdom to pass on to you now.
Take it with the appropriate grain of salt. If not for the possibility that she actually comes to this board, I might consider starting my own thread about it similar to yours, so I'm by no means an expert. Just a fellow newb.

Hooking up with a girl seems to be a lot about recognizing when it's not your turn to act. You met her, got to be friends with her, and finally told her how you really felt. That's the right thing to do. Unless she sees it coming, the response she gave was probably one of having been caught off guard. So you might want to bring it up only once more to get a response that she's no doubt put more thought into, but may be too nervous to bring up again without sounding like something's really changed.
But aside from that, as painful as it is to wait, it's time to give her space on the topic. By that I don't mean break off contact. Just go back to being regular friends, and even hang out as such. But don't bring up the topic of you two dating for a little while.

And since you mentioned IM, I can say this about it. It's a godsend when it comes to discussing potentially awkward subjects, because it grants you an extra few seconds to think about your response.

So heres how it goes I like this girl who I'm told is leaving for school on thursday, how true that is I don't know but thats what I've been told, so that means I have a little bit over a day to try and make something work and I have no idea what to do I want to tell her but I really don't know if I should. So I would be very greatful for any help anyone can offer me.

So heres how it goes I like this girl who I'm told is leaving for school on thursday, how true that is I don't know but thats what I've been told, so that means I have a little bit over a day to try and make something work and I have no idea what to do I want to tell her but I really don't know if I should. So I would be very greatful for any help anyone can offer me.
Well do you go to the same school? And do you know if she's still dating that other man? Find out that stuff first.

No we won't be going to the same school and no shes not dating anyone right now

Dude! If these girls even get a WHIFF that you have any feelings for them, they'll be turned off immediately! Maybe that's an exaggeration but it's best that you look at it that way.

Girls are more attracted to you if they're unsure if you like them or not. They like mystery. They like cocky guys - guys that are confident and funny... being a nice guy just doesn't cut it with girls. If you want to be their friend, be nice to them and give them compliments, flowers etc.
But if you want to get with them you'll have to seem a little less available.

If you're ever talking to a girl, make sure to tease them or make fun of them in some way. But be funny. You can still be yourself. It's like saying, "I'm confident and I can say what I want and you're gonna like it". :)

Never rush into things either. And never tell a girl how you feel too early on. If she's left wondering she'll want to come back for more.

I'm not being disrespectful to women here. There's a difference between being dominant and domineering. If you're a dominant person, and not submissive to girls, they will look UP to you rather than DOWN at you. It took me ages to figure this out but if you ask some guys who are good with girls they'll tell you the same.

If you take anything away from what I say then let it be this: asking a girl to go out with you in the bluntest and most 'honest' way possible is a very bad idea. It's like handing yourself to them on a silver platter and giving them the power to either accept or reject you with a single word.

I hope you get where I'm coming from... I'll explain more if you like but this all I can type for the moment!

Dark Artist...I completely and totally disagree with what you're saying. Have you ever asked a girl what she likes?

What you just described is every guy from elementary to middle school...They always made fun of me, teased me, and far from being impressed, it made me feel like utter shit. Now, I highly doubt that they liked me at all, but my point is that what you're saying would never ever translate as that to a girl. It's rude, it's inconsiderate, and I hate it when guys do that and think they're cool.

I like nice guys. Maybe I'm in the minority, but teasing, swaggering, etc. turns me WAY OFF. That makes a guy seem arrogant and macho, and I much prefer a guy who's nice and sweet and funny - without being rude. A guy can be confident without being an asshole, and what you described sounds like Asshole to me. And I wouldn't go near that kind of guy with a ten-foot pole.

What you see as "I'm confident and I can say what I want and you'll like it" translates as "I'm an arrogant ass who doesn't care if I say completely inappropriate bullshit, and you'll hate dating me." At least, that's how I see it.

So...yeah. Do some research and see if girls really like that kind of guy. See if being a gentleman gets you farther than being a dominating ass. Because, you see, a gentleman who will hold the door and kiss me on the cheek on the first date makes me think that the guy is actually worth my time. And that the guy actually cares about me and not just his image with fellow guys.

P.S. If I heard that a nice guy liked me like that, I would think that it was adorable. And I'd be willing to give him a chance.

Katya, there's a difference between being a gentleman and being a suck-up. Gentleman hold doors for girls - that's a respect thing. I do that with every girl, whether I'm trying to get her or not.

I don't think you get my point. The goal here isn't to be an asshole. It's to be a tease. It's to be funny at the same time.
When I say teasing, I don't mean, "Hey, I think you're really stupid" or whatever. THAT'S rude. It's hard to explain what I mean.

For example if some girl says, "Oh, my dress is horrible tonight..."
You could say, "It's all right, I don't think anyone has noticed yet..."
See? And then they laugh and you get a little cute slap on the arm.
Rather than saying, "Oh no you look beautiful, really, kissy kissy," because that's what she wants, and she'll just get bored of you.

And you used the word 'dominating'!!! I'm not talking about being dominating, I'm talking about being dominant. I'm talking about being in control as opposed to being controlling. Women are attracted to that. It's the same way with guys. If a girl is hard to get, if she doesn't give them all her attention, if she is in control of every situation, then you want to be around her regardless of what she looks like. She's fascinating and charismatic. She's unique because she's secure and she's not at all needy.

It works, it really does.

Well, Dark Artist, it appears we don't see eye to eye on this matter (i.e. that's not sucking up. That's being polite). And that's just fine. You go date someone who likes that stuff, and I'll date someone who meets my standards.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled Advice thread...:cool:

I just have to say I'm with Katya on this one. I hate it when guys are too much of a tease. A little is fine, but I know this one guy who can be all affectionate and caring, then the next time you talk to him, he's talking about how he "got in another girl's pants." Total turn off....especially when he kisses you and then turns around and kisses your cousin.

::hopes to hell he doesn't read this....he's a member of Evboard too. Gah! >.<::

And it really annoys me when a guy trys to be "dominant." Just be a normal person, for goodness sakes. Be able to make a decision, but let the girl make her decisions too. I'm just saying that a guy and a girl should be equal. If it gets to be even a little out of balance, it doesn't work.

And teasing (making fun of someone but being funny) is okay, but most guys are so tactless and don't do it right. It's good to be able to laugh at yourself and light teasing brings people closer, but in fifth grade, 5 guys liked me and made my life miserable with their "teasing." I became extremely introverted, and am still trying to build back my self confidence. And at the time, I didn't even know that they liked me, so I was quite miserable.

The nice guy wins for me. Just as long as they're not so shy as to let themselves get walked all over, but being nice and courteous, and not trying to be macho, goes a long way. Confidence is important, but it should be a modest confidence, not a swaggering confidence. Respect is the way to go, trying too hard to be a certain way isn't, nor is being "macho." Unless you're dating some pathetic loser who doesn't respect herself enough to know the difference.

[QUOTE=Dark Artist]
For example if some girl says, "Oh, my dress is horrible tonight..."
You could say, "It's all right, I don't think anyone has noticed yet..."
See? And then they laugh and you get a little cute slap on the arm.
Rather than saying, "Oh no you look beautiful, really, kissy kissy," because that's what she wants, and she'll just get bored of you.

/QUOTE]

If you continually do that to the wrong girl, she'll end up hating you. Some will just not appreciate the humour. Some will love it though. Which is why it's just important to be yourself.

I'm with Katya. I like nice guys and I think I'm a nice girl. I'm not asking to be in a relationship where the guy constantly has to suck up to me and tell me how absolutely perfect I am for me to stay with him, but if I dressed up nice I'd appreciate the compliment rather than a joke. And I'd be the same back.

You all have very reasonable points of views.

Nymph said something interesting:
"Teasing (making fun of someone but being funny) is okay, but most guys are so tactless and don't do it right."

Exactly. If it's not done right, and if you're not funny when you do it, then it's not teasing - it becomes rudeness.

If you get the impression from a guy that he's 'trying' then he's obviously doing something wrong too. If he's good with girls, they will feel a natural masculinity from him, a natural confidence. 'Acting' macho e.g. showing off isn't a good idea, but taking a laid-back and indifferent approach is (at least, initially).

All I'm saying is that there are ways to be nice apart from showering a girl with affection and attention all the time. A surprise romantic dinner is far more effective and enjoyable than constant gifts, compliments and clinginess.

I'd really like to know how to ask Nic out. By now, you should all know who Nic is.;)

How do you ask someone out when you don't even know if they gay or not? It's really hard to figure her out. Sometimes I think she likes me, other times, she's just...normal. I wouldn't want to jeopardise our friendship by offending her if I asked her out and she wasn't gay, so what the bloody hell do I do? Keep trying to suss her out, I guess...:o