I've been employed at the same place (though not in the same position) by the same boss for a year now. I've always had great respect for him, and he has always been really nice. Until now. He called me into a private meeting today and basically let me have it.

He griped about several things. First of all, he called me mean and rude. Now, I'm a lot of things, but those aren't really two things that come to mind for anybody who knows me. He says I snap at people, and if I keep it up my co-workers aren't going to like me. I have to say that I do sometimes snap at him because he is hard of hearing, and by the time he finally hears me I'm practically yelling. But I don't snap at other people. He also complained that I get frustrated if somebody else makes a mistake and blame it on them (well, they did it, didn't they? I'm not a bitch about it, but I do think people should fix their mistakes, and I shouldn't be stuck fixing them).

Another thing he said upset him is that I talk on my cell phone a lot. (The nature of my job is such that I occasionally need to contact people from city government and whatnot. Since there is no office phone, I have been using my cell phone to do this. It's not like they are personal phone calls.) I probably should let you guys know that I have been having mildly frustrating health problems. Doctor appointments have kept me from being able to work the number of hours I normally would, which he says he understands.)

He also seems to be frustrated that I don't get his projects done for him. He'll come into the office and complain that I haven't done something he told me to do - when in reality it must have been someone else because I've never heard a word about it. Since I'm totally not a psychic, apparently I'm a failure at this part of my job. Another reason he got mad at me was for yawning while he was talking. What does he expect when he calls a 7 a.m. meeting?

Being all timid and sweet and everything, I cried a little and said "yes sir, I'll try to work on that too" about a million times. As you can imagine, I am hurt and seething on the inside all at the same time. Should I approach my boss and tell him that I think his impressions of me are dead wrong, or should I just let it go? I don't want to resent him for this forever, but I don't want to get fired either. He has also been complaining about other people who work for him too, so maybe he's just been in a bad mood. Still, that doesn't give him license to hurt my feelings.

Do you have any tips for dealing with a boss who doesn't remember who got assigned what task? I keep a planner with each task outlined, but maybe I should make him sign beside it? I don't know...

Advice?

Mary

It sucks when bosses are jerks. Especially when it's (seemingly) out of no where.

Since you're out of the meeting, it might be too late to try what I'm going to suggest since it might seem like your holding a grudge (rightfully so, perhaps).

I would suggest that you ask him why he has never mentioned anything before. Most people like to know when they're doing soemthing wrong when they do it wrong so that they can correct the problem.

Explain to him why do do what you do (or that you didn't do what he said you do). Perhaps write it all in a letter and put it in his mailbox (provided that you have them where you work). It's best to clear things up now rather then wait for him to blow his top again.

Best of luck.

Sounds like an intimidater.He knows he carries the hammer and can have the last word.He's probably a moron at home too.To keep these bosses in check , just do your job and be ALOOF. He'll come begging for you to be his friend after a short time.
Good luck.

Perhaps you should ask for assignments in writing. As far as the cell phone goes, maybe you should give him the bill for all those business calls that you have to make. Show him the list of numbers at least.

The things that he says about other peoples' perceptions of you may be hard to take, but sometimes we don't see ourselves the way that others do. You may not think you are bieng snappy with someone, even if they do. Maybe you should talk to your co-workers and see what they think. You may be right about your boss just bieng in a bad mood. It happens. :cool:

Well it's hard to tell all the organizational dynamics going on. I had a boss do that to me once just because he was trying to get me to quit. I did, pissed him off even more by getting a better job with a competitor. Then he got fired. Sometimes there is justice.

First let me say that it seems like you want to keep working for this guy at this company so just walking out isn't really your preferred option.

Companies are filled with managers that really don't know what they're doing so they make it up as they go along. Could be your actually one of his best employees but he feels like if he never calls you on anything then it'll be percieved as playing favorites by his other employees or that his flexibility with your health problems might be percieved the same way. If you think that's the case just let it go. Managing by popularity is really not managing at all but be happy that at least the perception puts you at the front of th line.

However some of these issues seem to point to more serious problems. Take the phone comment - if part of your job is to make phone calls how come there's no phone? You shouldn't be expected to use your own cell phone (unless he's paying for it). But again, it could be that he's worried that the phone calling might give other employees the idea that it's okay to make calls (since they don't know who you're talking to). If that's the case then it's his job as a manager to point that out to his employees - IOW it's his problem not yours. If you wanted to be snotty you could offer to actually go downtown to take care of the business rather than making the calls if that's what he'd prefer. Of course that'll just piss him off so maybe it's better to just point out that your saving time by not having to go to all these places. Ask if there's a better way to handle it. Make him feel like he's helping you.

Most of this is petty griping that some people think is what they're supposed to do as managers. The issue I'd be very concerned about though is his tendency to forget who's doing what. You can only control what you can control so maybe you politely bring up to him that there seems to be some confusion about who's assigned to what project. Maybe it'd be helpful if we kept a white board or a chart in a public space that shows who's doing what and specific deliverable dates (it's not fair when someone says you're not getting thier stuff done when there aren't clear expectations from the start). Volunteer to do it for him so he doesn't think it's more work for him and it looks like your trying to help. In the end it's really for your own benefit. Bring it up at a time that doesn't look like you're just responding to his ass-chewing. That way he's more likely to think you're trying to be helpful rather than telling him how to do his job (which is what you're really doing).

I know it's easy to give advice since I don't have to actually deal with it but I hope that helps. Good luck.

ask around, see if he's given the same treatment to others. he may just being trying to flex his authority.
and even if he hasnt, dont be afraid to go above him, and make a complaint. it's not like you're new, and you dont know the ropes. as for 'not' doing his assignments, tell him you want them in writing, maybe sounds a bit callous, but pass it off as wanting to do a thourough (sp? i have no freaking clue) job. he cant argue with that.

as for snappy at your boss, almost everyone does that at least once.

Another reason he got mad at me was for yawning while he was talking. What does he expect when he calls a 7 a.m. meeting?

This what I would call a excuse. If this is the type of attitude that you have at work, then you are the problem and need to work on it. You listed many other excuses as well, about what is going wrong and I'm sure you have flaws but did not list any. I doubt that you are perfect so I am sure some of the comments that he made are true. If he says that your co-workers are complaining, then you need to clear the air with the co-workers, telling them that your boss yelled at you is not clearing the air,I don't know your co workers so you will have to gauge how to talk to them. One thing is blaming mistakes on people, yes people make mistakes but throwing it in their face certainly isn't the way to teach them. If they do it on purpose then you need to tell your boss, if not just tell them here is what you do, you don't have to stress about it you just tell him here is a mistake take a look, no big deal, people learn. I'm sure you make mistakes as well, so just remember that.

My advice to you is to change your attitude, work is stressful but if you do your best you shouldn't worry about your performance or formulate excuses. If you have to make excuses like "this meeting is too early" or "he is hard of hearing and I have scream", trust me when I say its not a big deal be glad you have a job get over it move on.

I think you should talk to your boss about your responsbilities as a employee because it doesn't seem clear to me.

Advice,

First, how much time do you spend on evboard? I personally know my productivity takes a hit whenever I'm in here. Normally, the boss I work for has a 0 tolerance of personal internet use, but I'm currently in another building... with a more relaxed tolerance of internet, music listening, etc. If you catch yourself on her a lot (and debates involve a lot of thinking), try to tackle the work early in the day, then come on here when work is slow.

Second, I don't know where you work, but the goal of counseling is to coach employees when don't make standards or if they have unbecoming conduct, and it's an issue. I've only been counseled 2 or 3 times at my work, and each meeting involved a manager as well as my supervisor. It seems like your boss doesn't have a check / balance of another person in the room to monitor his comments.

Third, my job gives us goals and objectives every year, before the next evaluation period is to start. We are told, here, how many calls we should make in a day, how many files to get done, how many days it takes to clear a patient's Prior Auth. To check on me, my job performs daily audits on my work, and catches anything i'm doing incorrectly, so I have enough time to get it right. Does your job have this (well defined guidelines)? If not, I'd ask your boss to provide a written document... something to refer back to when there's any doubt by you or him. Also, ask if the employees are held to the same contract you are... and if there's any way to track it.

Fourth, please remember... this, too, shall pass. Once you're through school and have a better job / practice, this will just be a fleeting memory.

Hope this helps...

There's another option you can use to handle an overly critical boss: Next time he starts backing you into a corner about your job, turn the tables by asking, "What do I do that you like?" or "What parts of the project did you like?", etc. It requires your boss to think, and puts him in that position of pressure instead.

I told this technique to one of my managers, Joanna, who was having a hard time with our store manager; he seemed to have a tendency to overlook the good things she did and focused on the bad. She tried this and said it worked--he apparently got the hint and backed off a little.

I think it's also important to tell your boss what your opinion of his comments is. If you feel he's falsely accusing you of things, you shouldn't just sit there with your mouth shut "out of respect" or whatever; you have to let him know that he's off-base, as delicate a task as that may be.

P.S. I think crying stopped working at age 12. I'm not trying to be mean, but I really did find that part a little funny.

Insist that you get your deliverables in writing for 30 days. Exceed those deliverables. If he says that you are late on something that you weren't assigned ask him to double check your list of deliverables that he gave you.

This is a tough situation-the boss is probably under a lot of stress about something or getting behind himself and letting the attitude roll down hill. It is easy when you are the boss to forget how much impact 'the boss' has on the life and feelings of an employee.

Hmm..I don't have a lot of experience in the work field, so I'm not sure how helpful I'll be on this.

Try talking to your co-workers. Ask if he's talked to them about stuff like that, and ask if you're upsetting some people (just ask nicely; if you do, they'll probably tell you honestly and nicely as well). See if you can work out an issue with a co-worker if s/he has one with you.

I'd ask him about writing down the projects he gives to you as well. Maybe you could get a board for your own personal use, and put up your projects there. Perhaps, ask someone about the projects he grilled you on, about who has them.

The cell phone thing seems pretty odd to me...if you use the phone for business, why don't you have a phone at your desk? If I were you, I would talk to your boss and tell him, showing the numbers in your 'recent calls' list, that you're using your own personal phone for work here. That's not good, if YOU are paying for the minutes that you use while you work.

Be respectful and polite as you go about this. People are more likely to open up and give you answers that you need if you're nice about it.

That's all the help I can offer...hope it works for you :)

I think what Miles said hit it right on the money. ;)

By the way, what line of work is it that you are in? I can't understand why you're boss would give you tasks that would involve you having to make calls (business ones) and then not provide a phone to do so. Besides, what kind of office doesn't have a phone in case of an emergency? :(

I just recently had a run in with my boss as well. I was trying to explain to him that I have been having issues with one of my coworkers and asked him if it would be at all possible for him to schedule us opposite shifts. Well, let me just say that while he appeared to be understanding, he didn't really care at all because there has been no change. I'm not sure if you have the same thing where you work, but we have an anonymous hotline workers can call when having problems, and let me tell you, that thing has come in handy.

I personally would look into talking to him again. But not privately. Things can become too one sided and his word will always win. But remember that things like this will come and go, so just try to keep that in mind.

I've been employed at the same place (though not in the same position) by the same boss for a year now. I've always had great respect for him, and he has always been really nice. Until now. He called me into a private meeting today and basically let me have it.

He griped about several things. First of all, he called me mean and rude. Now, I'm a lot of things, but those aren't really two things that come to mind for anybody who knows me. He says I snap at people, and if I keep it up my co-workers aren't going to like me. I have to say that I do sometimes snap at him because he is hard of hearing, and by the time he finally hears me I'm practically yelling.

He needs a hearing aid Blood hun.

But I don't snap at other people. He also complained that I get frustrated if somebody else makes a mistake and blame it on them (well, they did it, didn't they? I'm not a bitch about it, but I do think people should fix their mistakes, and I shouldn't be stuck fixing them).

Are you in a management position?

Another thing he said upset him is that I talk on my cell phone a lot. (The nature of my job is such that I occasionally need to contact people from city government and whatnot. Since there is no office phone, I have been using my cell phone to do this. It's not like they are personal phone calls.)

He should provide you with the means to call without your personal cell.

I probably should let you guys know that I have been having mildly frustrating health problems. Doctor appointments have kept me from being able to work the number of hours I normally would, which he says he understands.)


BIG HUGS 3>

He also seems to be frustrated that I don't get his projects done for him. He'll come into the office and complain that I haven't done something he told me to do - when in reality it must have been someone else because I've never heard a word about it. Since I'm totally not a psychic, apparently I'm a failure at this part of my job. Another reason he got mad at me was for yawning while he was talking. What does he expect when he calls a 7 a.m. meeting?

Obviously you are on salary, LOL

Being all timid and sweet and everything, I cried a little and said "yes sir, I'll try to work on that too" about a million times. As you can imagine, I am hurt and seething on the inside all at the same time. Should I approach my boss and tell him that I think his impressions of me are dead wrong, or should I just let it go? I don't want to resent him for this forever, but I don't want to get fired either. He has also been complaining about other people who work for him too, so maybe he's just been in a bad mood. Still, that doesn't give him license to hurt my feelings.

He sounds useless, like Dilbert's boss, Sang.

Do you have any tips for dealing with a boss who doesn't remember who got assigned what task? I keep a planner with each task outlined, but maybe I should make him sign beside it? I don't know...

Tell him to learn to take notes, preferably on the computer. Communication has to be tailored to the specific task it is needed for. Any kind of project management or computer courses are good. A good manager should make it his primary task to learn the latest management softwares like exel and outlook. You can save hundreds of hours with a simple spreadsheet or forwarded email.

Advice?

Mary

Umm, visit toronto and we can go to Montreal for cocktails?

Andy :cool:

This what I would call a excuse. If this is the type of attitude that you have at work, then you are the problem and need to work on it. You listed many other excuses as well, about what is going wrong and I'm sure you have flaws but did not list any. I doubt that you are perfect so I am sure some of the comments that he made are true.While you may be correct that a small portion of what he said is true, you obviously do not know me. I do not have any kind of attitude at work. I would never get an attitude with my boss, which is why I felt a need to come here and vent. Yes, I have flaws, but the things he is pointing out are not flaws that I have. I have a punctuality flaw, for instance, but he did not say a word about that. I am very valuable to my organization, and I have skills that no one else has. He told me that he does not want to fire me, and that he wouldn't fire me even if I kept doing all these things he's lecturing me about. He says that he doesn't see them as negatives, but just sees them as "not positive."

I actually cried in the so-called meeting, for goodness' sake. This is just NOT who I am. I felt like I was being ambushed, too. I've been his employee for a year now, and he has never said a word before about any of this. He has been snappy with everybody lately, but - to use your word - that is no excuse to be rude to me. I don't know what his problem is, but I assure you it isn't me.

If he says that your co-workers are complaining, then you need to clear the air with the co-workers, telling them that your boss yelled at you is not clearing the air,I don't know your co workers so you will have to gauge how to talk to them. One thing is blaming mistakes on people, yes people make mistakes but throwing it in their face certainly isn't the way to teach them. If they do it on purpose then you need to tell your boss, if not just tell them here is what you do, you don't have to stress about it you just tell him here is a mistake take a look, no big deal, people learn. I'm sure you make mistakes as well, so just remember that.Right. You're totally attacking me like you know who I am. This is the thing. He is telling me things that seem REALLY foreign to me. I'm not like that. If people make mistakes, I just let them know what they've done wrong, what to change next time, etc. If you don't tell people what they've done, they're likely to do it again, at which point it ceases to be an irritation and starts to be an interpersonal problem. I do make mistakes, people point them out to me, and I always (gratefully) accept responsibility for them. I don't attack my coworkers, and they are in fact shocked that he would speak to me this way. He's been complaining about others we work with, too, when I know they haven't done anything wrong. I am not in an official management position, but what I do requires coordinating with people who have no idea what I do. When their data is screwed up, I am up a creek. In other words, one tiny mistake on their part can result in hours or days (literally) of clean-up on my part. As I said, my coworkers like me and generally can't understand why he's being so harsh, not just with me but with everybody.

My advice to you is to change your attitude, work is stressful but if you do your best you shouldn't worry about your performance or formulate excuses. If you have to make excuses like "this meeting is too early" or "he is hard of hearing and I have scream", trust me when I say its not a big deal be glad you have a job get over it move on.

I think you should talk to your boss about your responsbilities as a employee because it doesn't seem clear to me.My responsibilities as an employee are amazingly unclear, which is what gets me. How can he get mad at me for not doing something when he never told me to do it, or for doing something I'm not supposed to do when he never told me not to. The whole thing is very fuzzy (not like a teddy bear, more like mold).

Also, as far as the screaming, I think my boss should get a hearing aid, end of story, but I definitely would never say that to his face. He knows he's hard of hearing though. As far as the meeting being too early, please understand that the whole office took a six-week vacation and he called the 7 am meeting the day we got back. I was tired and sick and I yawned. Once or twice. It's not the end of the world. And he didn't say anything about it at the time. He waited like a month!

I don't feel lucky to have this job. It's an important step in cleaning up a community that has suffered long enough, and regardless of who my boss is, that is my central mission. The pay is not great, and I was offered a summer position that pays twice what I make. But the people in this area just need help that no one else can really give. The City of Memphis has really done wrong by them, and by my persistence and contacts I can make it right. To whom much is given, much is expected and all that.

First, how much time do you spend on evboard? I personally know my productivity takes a hit whenever I'm in here. Normally, the boss I work for has a 0 tolerance of personal internet use, but I'm currently in another building... with a more relaxed tolerance of internet, music listening, etc. If you catch yourself on her a lot (and debates involve a lot of thinking), try to tackle the work early in the day, then come on here when work is slow.Miles, I only come on EvBoard when I have nothing else to do or when I'm on break. Part of my job is to sit in an office and answer the phone (my phone) and deal with walk-ins, only no one calls or walks in. That's when I spend time here. Rest assured, the meeting wasn't about my productivity. My boss knows I get plenty done.

Second, I don't know where you work, but the goal of counseling is to coach employees when don't make standards or if they have unbecoming conduct, and it's an issue. I've only been counseled 2 or 3 times at my work, and each meeting involved a manager as well as my supervisor. It seems like your boss doesn't have a check / balance of another person in the room to monitor his commentsI don't have a traditional workplace. Due to the nature of my project, I split my time between two separate offices and the streets. No one can even estimate what I do except my boss, and there's no one "over his head" to go to.

Third, my job gives us goals and objectives every year, before the next evaluation period is to start. We are told, here, how many calls we should make in a day, how many files to get done, how many days it takes to clear a patient's Prior Auth. To check on me, my job performs daily audits on my work, and catches anything i'm doing incorrectly, so I have enough time to get it right. Does your job have this (well defined guidelines)? If not, I'd ask your boss to provide a written document... something to refer back to when there's any doubt by you or him. Also, ask if the employees are held to the same contract you are... and if there's any way to track it.My job has no guidelines. Although I'd like them, the very nature of what I do is not consistent from day to day, so how can he set guidelines? I'm telling you none of this makes sense.

By the way, what line of work is it that you are in? I can't understand why you're boss would give you tasks that would involve you having to make calls (business ones) and then not provide a phone to do so. Besides, what kind of office doesn't have a phone in case of an emergency?There is a phone in the hallway outside my office that I can use if there is an emergency. However, using that phone on a regular basis would bother other offices up and down the hall and be extremely rude. My boss agrees that I should use my cell phone to make these calls. The grant we have from HUD does not pay for cell phones (or food), and we are working on getting funding elsewhere. In the meantime, however, I am stuck using my phone. And no, my organization does not pay my cell phone bill.

What's even weirder is that he hasn't been anything but nice to me ever since then. I am beginning to think the man has multiple personalities or something.

<3 Mary

He told me that he does not want to fire me, and that he wouldn't fire me even if I kept doing all these things he's lecturing me about. He says that he doesn't see them as negatives, but just sees them as "not positive."

I actually cried in the so-called meeting, for goodness' sake. This is just NOT who I am. I felt like I was being ambushed, too. I've been his employee for a year now, and he has never said a word before about any of this. He has been snappy with everybody lately, but - to use your word - that is no excuse to be rude to me. I don't know what his problem is, but I assure you it isn't me. Maybe he had a bad day, or something.


He's been complaining about others we work with, too, when I know they haven't done anything wrong. I am not in an official management position, but what I do requires coordinating with people who have no idea what I do. When their data is screwed up, I am up a creek. In other words, one tiny mistake on their part can result in hours or days (literally) of clean-up on my part. As I said, my coworkers like me and generally can't understand why he's being so harsh, not just with me but with everybody. Can you meet these people (somewhere... for lunch or coffee perhaps) and discuss?

My responsibilities as an employee are amazingly unclear, which is what gets me. How can he get mad at me for not doing something when he never told me to do it, or for doing something I'm not supposed to do when he never told me not to. The whole thing is very fuzzy (not like a teddy bear, more like mold). That's very messed up, then. It ultimately comes down to how much you can tolerate.

Also, as far as the screaming, I think my boss should get a hearing aid, end of story, but I definitely would never say that to his face. He knows he's hard of hearing though. As far as the meeting being too early, please understand that the whole office took a six-week vacation and he called the 7 am meeting the day we got back. I was tired and sick and I yawned. Once or twice. It's not the end of the world. And he didn't say anything about it at the time. He waited like a month! Selective memory can be bad. Doesn't he remember the quality of work you do, and not the yawning? If he can't see through it, than he doesn't sound like a very approachable, realistic boss.

Miles, I only come on EvBoard when I have nothing else to do or when I'm on break. Part of my job is to sit in an office and answer the phone (my phone) and deal with walk-ins, only no one calls or walks in. That's when I spend time here. Rest assured, the meeting wasn't about my productivity. My boss knows I get plenty done. Not to argue, but "plenty done" is interpreted differently by different people. As long as you know and he agrees you get 'plenty done', then whatever he says about you and your coworkers is just him trying to make you his own little apprentice. He has boundary issues.

I don't have a traditional workplace. Due to the nature of my project, I split my time between two separate offices and the streets. No one can even estimate what I do except my boss, and there's no one "over his head" to go to.

My job has no guidelines. Although I'd like them, the very nature of what I do is not consistent from day to day, so how can he set guidelines? I'm telling you none of this makes sense. Without a superior, and without guidelines... it sounds like a domination exercise. I would not be happy in a job like that.

There is a phone in the hallway outside my office that I can use if there is an emergency. However, using that phone on a regular basis would bother other offices up and down the hall and be extremely rude. My boss agrees that I should use my cell phone to make these calls. The grant we have from HUD does not pay for cell phones (or food), and we are working on getting funding elsewhere. In the meantime, however, I am stuck using my phone. And no, my organization does not pay my cell phone bill. Any job (non-profit or profit) that doesn't provide necessary tools to do it adequately sets itself up for litigation / lawsuits.

If you weren't there, what would they do?

Hey Mary,

Sorry to hear about your bad days at work. We all have them and just remember that your boss does too. His ability to be an effictive boss has much to do with his attitude. He needs to empower his employees and hot them accountable. Not dictate and threaten his power with the possibility of firing.

Pick up this book, Zapp! The Lightning of Empowerment: How to Improve Productivity, Quality, and Employee Satisfaction
by WILLIAM BYHAM, and read it and learn how he should be treating his employees and then, when you are done, give it to him and inform him that you have learned something from it. He may take the hint that he needs to read it as well. I had all of my managers read it and it increased sales and help build and strengthen relationships.

Can you meet these people (somewhere... for lunch or coffee perhaps) and discuss?Part of the program requires that we eat together at dinner. We all agree that we're all doing okay, and that his expectations are unrealistic and...weird. We also think he confuses us with each other.

Selective memory can be bad. Doesn't he remember the quality of work you do, and not the yawning? If he can't see through it, than he doesn't sound like a very approachable, realistic boss.Well, that's the thing. He knows I do a good job; he said so. He said that he appreciates the quality and quantity of my work but he doesn't see the yawning as a "positive." He's not going to fire me, but I don't want to keep having conversations I don't understand. I don't mind selective memory; it's creative memory that's driving me nuts, like him asking me why I haven't done something yet, when it's not me he asked to do it. He also has this really strange habit of emailing other people instead of me and saying (for instance), "Mary, for this afternoon I'd like for you to create a report about crime in the last week, adding it to the database." Problem? He didn't send it to ME. That makes me nuts, too. Maybe he has me confused with someone else; I don't know.

Not to argue, but "plenty done" is interpreted differently by different people. As long as you know and he agrees you get 'plenty done', then whatever he says about you and your coworkers is just him trying to make you his own little apprentice. He has boundary issues. My boss and I both agree that my productivity is excellent. What do you mean by "boundary issues"? I'm curious.

MetalRepublican, that book sounds like a good thing for me to read whether my boss will read it or not. Coolness.

Thanks for all the advice and honesty!

Mary

What do you mean by "boundary issues"? I'm curious.


Personal Boundaries. Taken from here (http://www.enotalone.com/article/859.html):

BEING "OWNED"

The worst example of being owned is physical or sexual abuse. People who treat us in these ways are insisting that they own our very bodies.

We can also lose our sense of self in less severe but more constant ways. Some people never hear anything from their parents or partners except orders and complaints. "Do this!" "Do that!" "You didn't do that well enough!"

Constant exposure to such treatment can shatter boundaries and the sense of self. and here (http://www.joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm) (regarding codependency):

From the PERSONAL BOUNDARIES SECTION...

The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the duty, to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us. :)

Woah, some of the things he said were kind of harsh. I probably can't give you any better advice than that already given BUT....
As i think someone else said, maybe you should discuss if others feel the same way about you as your boss said you come across and if maybe they feel your boss is kind of mean also.
I hope things clear up between you and your boss, it's never nice to have to go to work in that kind of environment.

ask around, see if he's given the same treatment to others.





I would suggest that as well also if he being a jerk which sound like he is. Don't be afraid to file a complaint with the company or someone above him.


people like that you need to stand up to him. it be easier said then done do.


hope things work out.