I need help, i think i do anyway.
Im dating a guy, Pete, and I am very happy, extrememly happy. I had a ''love'' life before him, of this guy treating me very bad, and Pete's helped me so much, i trust him, so we started dating. The only problem, he was dating one of my friends prior to me, they had split for about a month before we got together and she said good luck to me, and she seemed fine, i guess i should have made sure she was ok, we haven't spoke since, she ignores me and walks off if i'm anywhere near her, and her best friend picks arguments over the tinest things with me. I guess I'm to blame, maybe i should have waited longer, but, Pete was so sweet, he asked me out at our prom, on the last dance, and he promised he would never hurt me and that i could trust him with my life.. i wasnt thinkng about other people then, i was thinkin of myself, can;t i be selfish once in a while? or do i always have to think of others? I know, that really makes me sound stuck up and selfish, but i dont know how else to put it.. anyways.. I'm sick of not having my friends around, espesh her, we didnt know each other that well, but we had alot of fun together and i truely miss that. I wrote a bullietin on Myspace.. intentionally for her, because i know she'll read it..
http://bulletin.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=bulletin.read&messageID=135822648&Mytoken=20050810063123

I guess the help i'm after, is for someone to tell me i did the right thing, i always feel guilty about it, but, i think i would feel more stupid of i had let him go, i would have miss the past month of happiness with him (even though hes on holiday right now..and i miss him, and my other 5 friends who are away) I want to feel i have done the right thing. My bf and her don't get on now at all, and i dont want to jeopodize (sp?) my relationship with him over her, is she worth al of this? Iv apologised before and she hasnt responded.. do i put myself through this again?

As far as I can see, you've done all you can do. You've apologized, you've tried talking to her---it's up to her to respond to you now. And everyone's allowed to be selfish. If she had a problem with you dating Pete, she should have said something in the first place. And even if she developed a problem with it, you apologized, so she really has nothing to be mad about. Maybe you should talk to Pete about this, see if he can try to straighten things out a bit.

~heather~

I'm having similar troubles with a friend, but not over a guy. I said something that made my friend mad, and she since hasn't talked to me in almost 2 months. I've apologized, i've sent her emails, im's, called her, I don't know what else to do short of going to her house, but that seems too stalker to me. It's so frustrating, and has ruined my summer. Let me know if you have any luck with your friend

this is the long message in my myspace bulletin (for those who couldnt log into it)


So, I'm sitting here, thinking about life.
Something I often do, We never know where it can take you,
Up and down like the cliché, life is a rollercoaster.. is that a cliché or just a Ronan Keating song? anyway,
I few weeks ago I was on top of the world, not litterally, i'm not one of the astronauts mind! I was happy and feeling blessed, and I still do, honestly, I am so happy, but there is always something holding me down. A deep hidden feeling of regret. Don't get me wrong, the choices I made I DO NOT regret, i made the best choices and i am extremely grateful my head was screwed on at that point, but I guess what i regret is the way I went about it, I don't really know how to put it to be honest, Infact, im not sure if i'm making a whole lot of sense, kind of like life, life never makes sense. You can be a millionaire and lose it all in a day, or you can be the poorest, living on the street and find a case of a million pounds. If you were that poor person, no money to buy shelter, struggling to get food, would you turn in the money you found, or keep it? Would you keep something that you know may belong to someone else, even though it will make you the happest person, and make your dreams come to life? The thing is, the millionaire may miss their money, but they may also have so much money they don't miss it at all. How can you really decide if your decision is the best for yourself AND other people? Sometimes you have to be selfish, you have to choose for your own happiness. So why do I feel so guilty? I know its not really what I have done, I don't see that I have done anything remotely wrong, but I feel guilty for letting down people. Whether its me Im letting down or someone else. I'm vaguely like the poor person, a few monthes ago, i was at the lowest of low points, or so I felt, infact life could have been worst for me, but it was bad enough! I felt betrayed, and again guilty, for letting myself feel that bad, and putting myself in that situation, yet agen! I could never blame some one else, it always had to be me. I seemed to do that often. Then i realised that I didnt have to do that, I could live my life happier and remove the cause of my depression-like state. Obviously that doesn't always help, but in this case, it did, my mind went from a unhappy state to a very happy state, because of a certain someone. I didn't let people know why I was happy, i didnt want the guilty feeling to come back, i knew it would if i was to tell, after all, the happiness didn't really belong to me, like the money in the case, it truely belonged to some else and i didn't know how they felt about it. I should have told, i should have made my feelings known to certain people, maybe they wouldn't hate me now? maybe they would understand? I don't know. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself, after all, whats done is done, and I'm not sure if that situation is ever going to change. I'd like it too, but that isn't a decision for me to make.
I made the right decision, for me anyway, I'm happy and I hope people can see that, i've said it often enough! But i hope others are happy too. I can't change the past, and through everything, I don't think I would want to if i could.
I'm not sure if all of this actually makes sense, if you understand? if anyone understands anything about me?! Often people don't. But again, thats life. You can only do your best at explanations, and then its up to the rest of the world to try. nothing more i can do.
i miss all of you, people home and away. Friends are always the most important to me, and when you're not here, i miss you like crazy!
I hope you all dont think im a manic depressant.. i'm not.. I'm fine infact, and i hope i can eliminate the only thing holding me down, i dont blame others. like i mentioned before, its always myself i blame, but i want to know that you've read this. I want to feel complete bliss, i'm almost there, so i'm apologising, for anything i may have done, or not have done. maybe we can never sort out lifes inperfections or disagreements, but i can try right?!
Drop me a line.. to all those i miss

Chloe

P.s, If you've read all this.. congratulations.. you are one blessed with insomnia!! :D

this was her reply...
Thanks for the blog comment btw....and this is cool...and confusing

so i sent her this: -
thanks.. for reading it.. I'm seriously sorry for anything i have done, or not done. I want you to understand how much i miss hanging out or just talking to you. its propably my fault for not talking, i just though it was a bit weird. I know things arent ever going to be totally comfortable between us, but i hope it gets better.. i promise i didnt have some conspiresy theory or plan to break u and pete up, not at all, but when you broke up and me n pete hung out more, i just realised how much i did like him. we're happy (althogh i wont hav seen him for 5 wks) and i'll never regret our relationship, and i hope you're ok with that i hope u can be happy for me, even tho we weren't majorly close, and we didnt know each other that well or for that long, but you were a friend, and i hate losing a friend.

I know I'm probably working at this wayy too much, and you're right, i should just leave it to her, but i will still feel guilty about it... even though i'm pretty sure i havent done much wrong!! Im strange like that..

lets just wait for the reply i guess!

I'm glad to hear that your friend at least opened the doors of communication. Be sure to let us know what she says next. I can only hope to get the same response (or any) from my friend.

I'm glad to hear that your friend at least opened the doors of communication. Be sure to let us know what she says next. I can only hope to get the same response (or any) from my friend.
Ok.. i'm giving up.. she sent me this message: -
I'm not happy for you...I'm not gonna lie and say that I am...coz I'm not that kinda person and most people know that...I suppose I can put it in the past I am completely over Pete...and realise that he wasn't that special to me and after all I was only a replacement for you anyways...owell...I won't really wanna hang out with you when you are with him as he has a problem with me but I will see you again...maybe with Tasha or summat...Thought I ought to be honest here and tell you what I really think...sorry if they come across as a bit harsh but I got to tell the truth..

i accepted that.. but after a while, i had seen her with my best friend tash.. and she totally blanked me and walked off.. so i sent her a message asking why she wouldnt talk to me.. her reply: -

Thought we had cleared up that we were friendish again

so, i thought, ok, whatever.. then i stayed over at my mates house with Tash, and she told me that she hated me because i threw myself on pete and made lies about her to Pete so that he would end it with her!!
Now.. the strains showin on our releationship..we went shopping a big group of us, and we saw Her and her new bf, her new bf just glared at me, i said hi to them, and she just said.. 'come one, lets go'

im fed up.. i dont think its worth it now..

honey, let me tell you something...you havent done anything wrong so dont even think you have. im sorry your friend has to be like that...but if your happy with Pete, then be with him, no matter what your jealous friend thinks. youve done all you can to try to make things right with her and all she can do is think of herself, so just dont worry about it and be with pete...even if she doesnt like it

i agree to nikkiemc28: it's not your fault. your friend is jealous, maybe she still loves him but does not show it and perhaps she thinks you are furtive but if you really love him and he loves you there is nothing which she can do to destroy your relationship. that just needs time, she will get over it.

best whises,
nadine

honey, let me tell you something...you havent done anything wrong so dont even think you have. im sorry your friend has to be like that...but if your happy with Pete, then be with him, no matter what your jealous friend thinks. youve done all you can to try to make things right with her and all she can do is think of herself, so just dont worry about it and be with pete...even if she doesnt like it
Thanks :D I plan to do that! Just hate the feeling of guilt and I've lived with someone hating me before, its such a horrid feeling!

Thank you SoundOfSilence too.. i just don't want to regret anything.. grr why am I so damn insecure?!?!

girl, i know how you feel about the whole guilt thing and all that...im so sorry your friend has to be like that. just think about this, if she cared anything about you then she wouldnt be treating you like this, now would she? see, best friends are supposed to help each other, not turn on each other when the going gets rough..i mean thats exactly what she done to you. so dont feel guilt about that because she obviously didnt feel guilt about treating you like that. i went through the exact same thing and i promise its going to be ok. me and my boyfriend are still together, and as for my "friend", she is still jealous, and she tries to hurt me but still i dont let her. so dont let her bother you alright? have fun with your boyfriend pete.

That really sucks about your friend. But you didn't do anything wrong, so try not to live with too much guilt. Your friend, obviously wasn't being completely truthful in her replies, if she is no telling other that she hates you. At least your friend replied back with something, whether it was the response you wanted or not.

just think about this, if she cared anything about you then she wouldnt be treating you like this, now would she?

Exactly. If she really were your friend, and if she were a friend worth hanging on to, she wouldnt be acting like this. You dont want someone in your life who has such a negative influence. You seem like a great person; hang around with Pete, and with other friends who will love you no matter what.

:)

~heather~

Hey hun, it's never a good situation to be in when something like this happens. It was almost bound to cause some kind of reprecussions, but it seems like you really went out of your way to appease your friend. You even talked to her about it before hand, and she (albeit reluctantly) told you it was fine with her. What else were you supposed to do?

I'll be honest with you right now, after all that she's said back to you, and how she's treating you - after everything you've explained to her - she's just not worth it. It sounds like you tried to be her friend, and you tried to explain your side of the story... and it's up to her whether or not to believe you, and I'm guessing she's just having none of it. Maybe after a while she'll come around, but you really shouldn't let her bother you too much anymore.

But... to be honest... that wasn't exactly what got me wanting to post. When I was reading what you had wrote about your "problem" something just completely stood out to me and shot up a red flag in my face. It made me really... well... I just sort of wanted to ask you about it and make sure before I said too much.
Pete was so sweet, he asked me out at our prom, on the last dance, and he promised he would never hurt me and that i could trust him with my life
This doesn't seem right. I'm not sure what the context of this was, but this guy seems to be a little too smooth for my tastes. Why would he say something like that; it really isn't too normal, and it definitely made me uncomfortable to read. It seemed like, he was reeling you in - and he got you... hook, line, and sinker. (Your friend's feelings about the two of you might not be too far off, he might be the manipulative one, though.) I'm obviously sure that I could be completely wrong... it just stood out very strongly to me in the way that you put it.

I suppose it would make more sense if it happened in the contexts of something like:
Him: I like you and want to be with you.
You: I'm not sure.
Him: Why not? What's wrong?
You: I'm just afraid; I don't want to get hurt...
Him: I would never hurt you, you could trust me with your life.

It still kind of comes off a bit creepy, but it makes a little more sense if he was provoked into saying something like that. Just wanted to make my comment known... it just really made my skin prickle.

End.

thankyou for everything you said.. but in light of what you said about the whole trusting thing.. its because i had previously talked to him about my lack of trust in anyone. I didn't trust anyone no guys no girls, my friends were very patient with me, but i felt for a long time that they were just out to get me. It stems back from when I was bullied by this girl. she was apparently my best friend and after a lot of manipulation and threats on my life (I wont go into this much) I lost faith in everything, i was depressed and i depended on my friends to pull me out of it, yet I didn't trust them. Then this guy, who I have been friends with for around 6 years, and I still am great friends with (despite it all) messed me around.. told me he loved me.. then got with one of my friends.. Pete was there through out that.. and he could see how much i was hurt, how i needed somene to depend on.. I know it may have come off as creepy.. like he's just doing it to i dunno, get in my pants (lol) but i swear, he's the best thing that has happened to me. I wont lie, there has been times that I've wondered myself if i havent just put mysef back into the situation i was in with the other guy, but Pete just confirms his love for me. He tells me he loves me, and well, i believe him. My best friends are his best friends, and they all say they see a difference in me, im happier, im so smiley when he's around.. and he's the same with me.
I;ve been quite ill recently (in hospital 2 days ago.. suspected meningitus) and Pete didn't know.. he sent me this message when he found out..
today was so crappy. I missed you so much and i worried about you,i cant help it i love you to much and its bollocks doing anything without you. i hope you get better real soon.. ill come round and see you tomorrow Love you. Pete
I think Im in love.. and I think he is too..

That makes a little bit more sense, and it does seem less creepy knowing that he's been with you through all of your hardships, so because of that he understands why you have a trusting issue. It still kind of bothers me the way you guys talk though. You keep saying that he tells you he loves you; I think that's a really awkward thing to admit in the early stages of a relationship - especially as young as you two are. I'm kind of bothered by the fact that young kids and teens take those words with barely a grain of salt. Those are big words, and they should mean a lot... and to toss them around like that... it just doesn't feel real, or right.

Then again, what the hell do I know? I'm not in the relationship and I don't know you guys, but I'm saying that even though it looks sweet and innocent and beautiful (maybe it is?) from the outside, it may be easily (or eventually) destroyed. I wouldn't throw those words around. If you toss around the big "I love you" then you're already subsidizing your relationship and taking away some key aspects that could quite possibly make it everlasting. You said that you two have known each other for quite some time, but being friends, and being together are very different. I don't know though; I guess a lot of this young love just makes my skin crawl.

(I'm weird though... I don't believe in dating in high school and things like that. So this sort of thing kind of just feels wrong to me, but whatever... like I said - what do I know? Seriously? Not a whole lot.) Good luck, but man... be careful; no one wants to see you with a broken heart. (Except maybe that bitch friend of yours ~.^ I don't think she's too fond of you anymore, lol.)

End.