A little problem, that I can't figure out, and I would like some other peoples advice on what I should do. I think that it would help me a lot. If you could please help I would love you forever.

Okay so I am together with this guy that I met through an Evanescence yahoo group, and we've been awesome friends for the longest time now. So he asked me to be his girlfriend and all that. I said sure why not I'll give it a try. Now comes summer time, and he wants me to come up and see him. I already asked my mom if I could go see him, but she told me no. Now, I'm in this mood to just take one of my mom's credit cards and book a flight. I'm scared about taking a credit card and doing this, but I really want to go see him, and he really wants me to come. I don't know what to do about this. And we can't wait 3 years until he's done with school and all that. I told him if I was to come and I was just to book a flight using my mom's credit card then I could never ever show my face around here again. I know for sure that my mom would kill me.

If I did book a flight and I was all ready to go and stuff, I wouldn't have a way to the airport without my mom knowing that I was going somewhere and never coming back. She already told me no, but I don't see why that I need to stick around here when no one pays attention to me anyway. Getting to the airport would be the second biggest problem for me, and I wouldn't know what to do.

What should I do? I've been thinking about this all day, and I couldn't come up with anything that would help me. I tried talking to my boyfriend about it, and stuff but we can't come up with anything. The number one thing about me being held back about me not going is me being scared of just putting the numbers of the credit card on the confirmation page on the airline booking thing.

I really want to see him, and he really wants to see me, and we can't live like this. If you have any advice and you have any way of helping please help me. I would really like some help on this one.

Thanks!

<3

Ok, get ready because I am about to sound like your typical overprotective mother. Remember the best advice, may not at all be what you want to hear.

First and foremost, taking your mother's credit card without permission is really just considered stealing. There is a reason that you are hesitant to use it, simply because it's just plain wrong.

Secondly, Be sure to consider the importance of this relationship. Is this guy worth losing your mother's trust? Do you value this guy enough to jeopardize the relationship you have with your mom? Guys may come and go, but family is for life. It would be wise for you to think long and hard about that before doing anything irrational.

Thirdly, Is there a reason that he can not come to see you? If he truly cared enough he would find a way to see you without putting you in this sort of predicament. Does he know what you are willing to do to see him? Is he comfortable with putting you in that situation?

Lastly, my best advice to you is to just talk to your mother. A little communication may help things. Having a very mature conversation where you lay out all the facts might work better with your mom. Does she understand how important this is to you? Does she know of your intentions when you get there? The fact is, your mom was young once too (which might be what is scaring the hell out of her) she will remember what it is like to yearn for someone. After laying it all out for her, if she stills says "no" respect that decision. Parents are parents for a reason. You may later find that your mom is a whole lot smarter than you give her credit for. If she didn't love you she wouldn't really care, right? I would think long and hard about burning bridges that you may have to cross again. Just remember that when you are young things seem much bigger than they really are. I am not saying that to belittle you just to say that what seems like a big deal now may soon become trivial. Try a little patience. Maybe this just isn't the right time and a better opportunity awaits you around the corner.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide, just make sure you have weighed all your options before doing anything in haste.:)

~Melanie

why cant he come down to see you?! That way when you meet, it should be safer since you are in a town you know.

I honestly dont approve of meeting people that you meet online, (for people in general) only because you dont know them and they can put on a mask online. Im not saying that you shouldnt meet this guy, because thats your choice whether or not to go. But you should be extremely careful.

As for steeling your moms credit card.. You dont know this guy, what if he turns out being a real creep in person. Then what are you going to do? You have already taken the card and regret doing so because he's not what you expected. If he does turn out to be a nice guy, then how are you going to get home? You said your moms going to be really mad..

Is it worth it to hurt the relationship with your mom for this guy?

Okay. I have a question or two. I saw that you are 17. How old is he? How far away does he live from you? Have you guys chatted on the phone or in a chat room. Does he have a web camera, so that you can see him real time? Not just a photograph that he showed you? How long have you been talking to him?
The reason that I ask, Is a friend of mine was in a similiar situation. She met a guy online, he sent her pictures, Said he wanted to see her really bad. But she had to go where he was. She sent me the pictures through e-mail by a forward. And he was pretty stupid and left the link to the pictures in the e-mail. So I followed them, and they were pictures of a model overseas. His place of employment was non existant. But she had given him enough information to get hurt in the process. I still don't believe I convinced her to not go to see him.
Anyway. Is there any chance that he could come see you? I mean, if he did, you could have friends there, you can choose where you want to meet. Some place very public, like a mall or something. When you go there, you play by his rules, and the fact that you'd use your mom's credit card to go see him, and believe there would be no way to come back and face up to your parents, leaves you stuck wherever he is. And you may find out that in real life, you two don't get along at all. I've seen that happen before also. Two friends go engaged online, never met. Everything was great, they were in love. When they met, they couldn't stand one another.
And I also know from personal experience about this stuff. My x husband and I met online. He came out to visit me. He was there for 2 weeks, which turned up to be almost a month. The person I knew online and for the time together was not the same person I married. The person I married was a selfish lunatick. He basically told me everything i wanted to hear, and promised me the world.
So be careful, see if he can come visit you instead. That will leave you a safe place to meet, and a way out if it doesn't work out in real life.
*hugs*

Karen

you can pm me if you'd like.

How come he can't come see you? I wouldn't advise takin your moms credit card.....depending on how old you are and how nice your mom is(or isn') she could probably get you in trouble for stealing it......but don't quote me on that. I also wouldn't take the credit card because think of what hell you'd go through when you got back from seeing him....would it be worth all that troulbe and having your mom not trusting you or letting you do anything.

I wouldn't go. If you couldn't go back to your parents place, where would you go? Your boyfriend probally doesn't want you living in a college dorm room, because I'm pretty sure it's not allowed.

Plus, Tho he may seem nice, People you meet over the internet, while most of the time are perfect citezens. The first time you meet him you'd probally want to be in a group of people you know.

You'll be 18 in under a year. Maybe you could plan some trip to see him with your friends. So, you'd be in a group and your mom would allow it.

Well, I've certainly been in situations where I would've LOVED to take the credit card and go myself, but I can tell you that the idea is a very bad one.

First of all...is it worth it? Just to see this guy, who you are very close to? Is it worth it to throw away your parents' care? I don't think so. If he really wants to see you, he can come to see you.

This is going to sound a bit weird coming from someone who's only a year older than you, but...hun, you're only seventeen. You're not even of the legal age to book something that big. You might be throwing your life away for this guy who ends up being a jerk.

I can't tell you how many times I've wished to just run to a few places to meet some of the amazing people I talk to here all the time. I can't go to the EvParty, and I couldn't go to the EvMeet last year for the last concert. I would've loved to run off to Little Rock and have a blast with all the people who came there...but I didn't. Because while it would've been worth however long the trip would've taken, whatever crap I would've had to deal with on the road...it wouldn't have been worth my parents being angry with me like that, it wouldn't have been worth losing their trust. Not to mention that we don't HAVE the money for me to do stuff like that. If we did, we might've actually gone on a vacation, which we've never done.

I, personally, am going to wait until I'm in college, which is soon, when I have my own money and my own time. Then I'll go to random places of the country. Then I'll travel more, and use my own money to do so. But for now, I'll content myself with staying in the area and turning green with jealousy ;)

Wait it out. If you really want to see each other, then try and arrange a way where he can meet you. Talk to your parents. Have one of them accompany you to wherever you're meeting him. What THEY are thinking about is all the stories about internet predators who get these young teenagers alone and hurt them. They don't trust anyone you've met online, and they have some right to do so.

If you talk to them reasonably and work something out where you can meet somewhere safe, with someone with you, they might be more open to it. My dad was open to meeting up with an online friend I've had for ages after I talked to him about meeting publicly, with him with me. Unfortunately, it never happened, because of complications on her side, but my parents were willing to talk at least.

Be patient. Weigh the consequences. I guaruntee that you will regret it if you make this decision, but it's your choice. Good luck!

I'm just going to add to the excellent advice given here already.
My suggestion is to meet somewhere that is very public and possibly with someone else along for the first meeting.
You can never be too careful.
Maybe you could talk your mom into taking you halfway between your locations and he could meet you there.
Your mom could be available if you needed her but it still gives you a chance to see your bf.
Just an idea.
I'm not implying your bf isnt a great guy or on the up and up but if you've never even met in person you need to be cautious. There's alot of sickos in this old world.
Lastly, DO NOT risk your relationship and the trust your mom has in you by stealing her credit card. This thing with your bf you've never even met in RL is nothing compared to your mother's importance.
Hope it all works out for you. Mom's can be pretty understanding when they deal with someone who can be equally as mature in their decisions.

Thank you for all who replied. I still am thinking about what to do. To answer all your questions.

He lives in Maryland, which isn't that far away from where I live. I have talked to him on the phone. We talked on the phone at least 3 or 4 times this week. I've seen pictures, and he does have a webcam. He honestly is the best guy that I have ever met. I've known him for a few years now. Not sure how many but it's been a few.

The only reason he can't come see me, is that his mom wont let him come alone. I don't have room if another family member came with him or something. I don't have the space in my house. And his mom also said that he couldn't come because she didn't know my parents. If I even got my mom to talk to his mom or something, I'd still end up getting in trouble, because my mom is just like that. She's mean and rude.

Like I told him, I said this.. "If I come and see you, their is NO way that I can come back to my house ever ever again. My mom would kill me, and I just can't show my face around here anymore." His response was that I could stay with him, and that I would be able to live with him and his family. He said that we would have to explain to his parents why I would be staying with them, and why I can't go back to my place ever again.

I want to talk to my mom about it again, but I'm afraid to. I want to tell her that she's met someone off the internet and we went to go see him all the time. Not to mention he was her boyfriend. We would go to Wisconsin all the time, even when I didn't want to go. I don't see why that I can't go see the person that I want to go see. She's done all this stuff, and she wont ever let me do anything. That part really bugs me.

I'm still thinking about what to do. I know that our relationship is really deep and we care so much and everything. Sometimes I just don't know what to do, and I am always just tempted to take my moms credit card.

I don't care if I lose all my moms trust or not. If I left to go see him, I wouldn't be coming back, so I wouldn't have a problem anymore. No one pays attention to me around here anyway.

<3

Hm. Well, I would suggest talking to your mom anyway. But be CALM about it. Don't whine. Don't say "But mooooooom, YOU went and saw this guy you met online ALL THE TIME and I didn't want to go but I went anyway and we went all the way to Wisconsin and now you won't let me go to Illinois, COME ON." That kind of argument doesn't fly when you're seven, so it shouldn't do you any good now ;)

Be calm and adult about it. Ask her politely not to interrupt and just let you say what you want to say. Don't raise your voice. Lay your cards on the table one by one, explain your ideas and your reasoning, inform her that your boyfriend's parents are just as cautious as she is and suggest that they talk it over on the phone. Talk to her about her own experience. Ask her to give you a chance, since she gave her guy a chance.

Try that, and you'll probably make more headway. Maybe write down a list of points you want to make beforehand. Don't go into it thinking that she won't listen and just tell you off. Go into it thinking, 'I can do this', and your argument will automatically be better.

I could try talking to her like that, but she probably doesn't even want to hear me talk about it anymore, and I know she gets mad when I bring up her relationship that she had with that one guy. I just don't see why it would matter if I went to go see him or not.

I could try and just talking with my mom, but then again she doesn't even talk to me that often, so it really doesn't matter. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens.

Another thing that came to my mind, was taking a train or something. I know that would be a lot longer, but then again, I would still go and I would still be able to see him. Even if I did that, I wouldn't be able to come back. Because once again I would be in so much trouble and my mom would probably kill me. Even if I did run away, I have this thing stuck in my head that he could turn out to be a total jerk, and we could fight a lot and then something would go wrong. But I hope nothing like that happens. And we still don't know what his parents would think about me staying there. He already said that they probably wouldn't mind but still, I'm another person in their house.

I wish life wasn't so hard sometimes. But everyone has to live with problems that we come up with.

<3

Personally it kinda sounds like you are hell-bent on going. It seems that this might really be about a whole different issue. Just my opinion but it sounds like that you are really more desperate to run away from your mom and less interested in running to some guy. Again, please think before you act. The grass may seem greener on the other side but there's always shit in every pasture.
Once again, good luck in whatever you decide.
~Melanie

Humm it sounds complicated!
but definitely you shouldn't have used your mum's credit card without permission! I think your mum's experience troughout life taught her that you shouldn't meet someone you don't know at all. I mean, the Internet is some kind of web which can trap you and never let you go. You don't know who's behind it and you should not trust that person cos words can hide secrets. But I find it normal that you want to meet him in person. But if you guys really love each other, you should be able to wait. If you fly there and things go wrong, then you'd have lost your mum's trust and you would feel terribly about what you did. Sometimes we want to satisfy our desires but we have to learn when is the right time. Really, talk to your mum -she knows you, I'm sure she loves you although you feel that nobody pays attention to you, and you shouldn't disappoint her for an impuls- and she will give you the best advice. If you guys love each other, time won't be a problem. Years ago, my cousin felt in love with someone from another country and, indeed they both were really sad without each other. But she couldn't leave college and he couldn't leave work. And time decided that they would be finally together later: now they're the happiest couple in the world! take care ;)

Here is another option. You are of age to work. If you do not already have a job, get one. Use YOUR money to buy your way to go see him. That way you aren't stealing from your mother. Also, is he over 18? In some states, he could get into serious trouble if you are considered a minor and he's considered an adult. Also, run this by your mom. If you have a job or you get a job, tell her that you will fly her out there with you as well. It may cost you a little more money, but it will give her the security that you will be safe. also, if you are set on going, can't he help pay for it? and if his parents are all for it. maybe they can help pay for it. It shouldn't be all on your hands if he wants you there badly.
Whatever you do tho, no matter how you feel about your mom, don't ruin the relationship you have with her. Trust is the hardest thing to regain. as they say, blood runs thicker than water. No matter what, she will always be your mother. He might be your boyfriend for one night after you see him, and that would be all. If you two are meant to be together, it'll happen. Just have patience.
BTW, if your mom knows where this guy lives, and you steal that amount of money, she could get you for grand larceny. you could go to juvinile detention, or be tried as an adult, depending on your states statutes. So there is more that you can lose than just your family. It could be something on your perminate record, which could haunt you for the rest of your life. So think before you act. There are consequences you've probably never thought of that could happen.

Karen

This is very true, I could get a job. But this summer has been hard anyway. I've been left with the job of watching my brother. It hasn't been that bad but still it ruins my summer.

Anyways.. getting back on topic. I was doing a lot of thinking about what you all have been saying and it has really been sinking in my head and it has been making me a little bit more worried each and every time I try thinking about taking my moms credit card. I was thinking about what she could do, and what would happen. I don't want to lose the relationship with him, if I came and then we starting fighting or something, because then I wouldn't have anywhere else to go. I would be stuck just being somewhere where I know nothing about the place where I am.

This is an update that came through to me and my boyfriend. We decided that their is no way possible that I am coming this summer. And we are hoping next summer we will be able to see each other. We are still hoping that I don't have to watch my brother the whole summer though. If that's the case then that would really suck and ruin everything for me.

So, we got the idea and we are shooting for next summer. Plus I think it would be better anyway, since this summer is ending soon. Which is sad.

Thank you for all who replied. You all rock, and you all have changed my attitude toward something, and you really showed me what could happen. I wasn't even thinking about what could happen to me, and what my mom could do.

I've already lost trust with my mom, so I decided that I shouldn't lose anymore. I should just be safe and I shouldn't leave this summer, and just stay home and play everything the safe way. Hoping that next summer brings a miracle.

<3

I know how hard it is to come to that decision, but in the long run, I think everyone would be better off. I would hate to see anything happento any of you because of a rash decision. Maybe you could talk to your mom about possibly getting paid a little to watch your brother, since you can't work and put back any yourself.
Also, maybe suggest having a "mother daughter day" A day that you two can enjoy together, and don't bring up this issue. Try to get on common ground with your mom again, and her with you. Being a teen-ager is hard. It was bad when I was growing up, with the peer pressure of sex, drugs, *and i'd say rock and roll but that'd be a cliche`, and well I hated rock then*. Now days kids have another obsticale, the internet. So, here's a thought, make a list of the pros/cons of going and seeing this guy. Let your mom know how you feel, but let her know the risks involved. You're young, she loves you, she's not tryikng to ruin your life, she's trying to protect you. Tho it's hard to see that right now. And this isnt' something like "i'll let her do it and she'll learn from her mistake and not do it again." Like a parent does with a young child when they are helping them grow up. She knows the dangers involved with the internet,altho she may not have seen them for herself, because she- like you- may not have been thinking clearly at the time. She just has your best interest at heart.
Back to the mother/daughter day out. Suggest going somewhere to eat that you both love.Maybe go get a manicure/peticure. Even if you aren't into the girly stuff. It's relaxing, and a good place to just have fun and laugh. Some of the stylests are funny as hell, and it would release some tension between the both of you. Talk about anything, just try to stay away from an argument. And if she tries to start an argument, tell her that you want today to be for the two of you, no arguing, just being mom and daughter/best friends.
Yeah it sounds quirky, but sometimes you have to let loose of the outside tensions and get back to the closesness you two may have shared some time during your life.

if you want to msg me you can.

Karen

I'm glad you decided not to take the card. That would be a very childish and rude thing to do. How would you like it if somebody stole money from you to book a fight. That's not cheap. And it's also illegal.

I'm glad you decided to wait to next summer also. A lot can change between then and now...So you never know. Try and save up your own before before then. If you want to be independent, like you obviously do, then it's good to be able to support yourself.

<3

Edited because the post in question was moved to the correct thread. ~Katya

If you're serious about this- just meet at a mall or someplace in the middle of where the two of you live- since you say you 2 dont live that far apart?

I wouldnt let my kids meet up with another person online until ive talked with the other party's parents, met/talked/seen the kid myself, etc. Even then, maybe id just arrange some public meeting thing at starbucks or hooters. Or just starbucks, whatever. =p

My best advice is, later on, ask your mom to consider just taking you to a mall or some place to meet him where he can also meet you.

So, we got the idea and we are shooting for next summer. Plus I think it would be better anyway, since this summer is ending soon. Which is sad.

Thank you for all who replied. You all rock, and you all have changed my attitude toward something, and you really showed me what could happen. I wasn't even thinking about what could happen to me, and what my mom could do.

I've already lost trust with my mom, so I decided that I shouldn't lose anymore. I should just be safe and I shouldn't leave this summer, and just stay home and play everything the safe way. Hoping that next summer brings a miracle.

<3

I think that waiting until next summer would be a really good idea. You guys would be getting to know each other better as the year passes until next summer, and see if your still in the relationship.

It really isn't worth losing your parent's trust. I don't want to offend by saying this; but during your life you'll meet more guys you'll want to date. Guys come and go, but parents...your kind of stuck with them. Chances are if you did take your mom's credit card and leave, she would be REALLY worried about you. As TatersMomma said, she loves you and she's trying to protect you.

I know you've said your mom has done a lot of stuff and you don't think its fair that she won't let you do anything. But she's your mom. It's her job to protect you from danger. Even if this guy isn't dangerous, the internet still stands as a very dangerous place.

Good luck with everything!

I'm glad you decided not to take the card. That would be a very childish and rude thing to do. How would you like it if somebody stole money from you to book a fight. That's not cheap. And it's also illegal.
That's very true. I wouldn't like it. That's a good way to say that.

It really isn't worth losing your parent's trust. I don't want to offend by saying this; but during your life you'll meet more guys you'll want to date. Guys come and go, but parents...your kind of stuck with them. Chances are if you did take your mom's credit card and leave, she would be REALLY worried about you. As TatersMomma said, she loves you and she's trying to protect you.
I know I will meet other guys, and want to date them and stuff. That is true, I am stuck with my parents but my parents aren't that good of parents. *Sigh* My mom might be worried about me if I did take her credit card, but sometimes I think that I'm better off doing it.

So waiting until next summer has been the final choice and it's been made. Hopefully next summer will work out for us, and we'll be able to do what we need to do.

Thank you to all who replied and helped me. You all rock. You made me realize what could happen and what I could do to get myself in danger. No trouble for me. I can't have any more trouble. Anyways, thanks for helping me!

<3