Okay, I've decided it's time to actually see if there is something wrong with me or what.

The story: Ever since I can remember, I never get along well with my parents. I know my age thing says I'm 20, but I'm actually 16 (I'm too lazy to switch it to my real b-day, lol). But, I don't think this is all because I'm a teen. Why you may ask? It's been like this since I was in 1st grade. I can get along fine with one of my parents, but when it's me with both them, I somehow manage to always make one if not both of them mad.

Now, with my friends, they'd never guess I have this horrible/mean/whatever attitude. It never comes out, unless I'm annoyed with something, then they can tell I'm a bit agitated.

So, what do I do? Is there anything I can do? I don't want to continue having bad relationships with my parents, but at the same time it's been going for almost my whole life. I'm just lost. If you guys need more details, just ask. Thanks ahead of time.

Raziel

Im kind of in your position.

I dont have a bad relationship- but... im an only child- and its a rather quiet/isolated relationship, if that makes sense. We dont really talk at all during the day. Maybe ask how our days went (work, school, etc.) and then go back to our individual business (swimming, computer, TV, cooking, whatever we do). I wouldnt call it a bad relationship... but maybe just not relationship enough. Um, and maybe thats because i built a wall around myself because im gay and I dont want them to know. So I guess that kinda sets our situations apart.

This might be common sense- but... if you've any trips or events (concerts, sports games, camping, etc.)- go with your parents (or one of them) and hang out with them. You might be surprised how well you'd connect or randomly have fun- even if one of ya doesnt like what you're doing.

I asked my 53 year old dad to take me to a Nightwish concert. To give you an idea of what that was like- everyone there was goth except my dad and me. It was kinda funny. He still thought it was alright- wasnt really his style of music... but we still had fun, whether or not we have Nightwish in common.

So in short: Hang out with them. Dont pester them and bend to their every need ("Hi dad! Can i fluff your pillow?!")- just hang out with them randomly if they invite you to do stuff- or you invite them. I asked my dad to take my to see the Fantastic 4- he wasnt up to it- but he ended up really liking the movie.

Like you, I'm an only child. I wouldn't say I've built a wall around myself so much as it is no one wants to meet the other half way. My parents hate the fact I've become a goth. It's just me and how I am and they don't like it at all. Unfortunately, it's a little hard to hide, especially when they're having to buy the clothes ;)

To take into light what you and your dad did at the Nightwish concert. My parents wouldn't even go for that. I wanted to go to the Ev. concert when it came through here with my best friend (who comes over enough that she's my sister). The answer: no. Said they could come. The answer: no.

I go to the movies with my parents when they want, but still we bicker over something. I hate it when people talk during the movie. It's loud enough in the theater as it is, yet my parents do it. I've told them I hate it, yet it still happens.

I find myself annoyed with many things they do. It's weird, I guess. My mom says "hi" to me ten thousand times; it drives me crazy. I guess it has to deal in part with a person at school whom I dislike, but that's another story.

Today, I was home with my dad and we did things like tiling the house (well, part of it anyways), the laundry, and so on. As soon as my mom comes home, the tension builds and I have to get away from them before something happens and we're all setting in the living room having a yell-a-thon/lecture.

To go back to the trips thing. I run cross country and play in the school orchestras. Everytime I have some kind of event, they are there. I like the support, but at the same time it becomes disheartening when you finish a race, feel like crap, and then get your parents there saying "you could have done better." I'm also a fairly shy person, even when I'm around close friends, so I tend to stick around with my parents.

Thanks for the reply Nemo. It might just be that we need to force ourselves to conform and be more tolerant. Whether it's our fault or theirs, change in times or not, I suppose it's us who need to be patient for them.

Raziel

Raz. I never really knew about all this. But you know the situation I have with my dad and my mom isn't all the best either. As you know i have my brother Nick, who just turned 10. It's only us two.

I never really get along with my parents all that well too. There is always some kind of fighting and there is always something that is happening. It's not right, and no one should really go through all this in their life.

Anyways, I think that you should just have a talk with each one of your parents one at a time. Try talking to your dad one day, and then talking to your mom the next. Trying telling them how you feel and tell them you really want to set something straight. You could also try just going out one day with your mom, and try going out to eat or something and bring up a conversation and tell her what's on your mind and tell her that something needs to change and tell her whatever you need to. You guys can't fight if you are at a resturant. That wouldn't be right anyway. You could also try doing something like this with your dad. I wouldn't get them both together and start to bring it up, because a yelling war would probably start.

Try doing something like that and I hope something works out and nothing bad happens with that. You can leave me messages on YIM if you need to. I hope all the best goes for you. Remember I'm always here to help you out. I know it sounds kind of strange how I'm talking like this and I never do this when I'm around my parents. Because all the fighting that goes around here.

Anyways, best of luck!

*hugs*

Ask yourself this.How much of your relationship issues with your parents is you? How much is them? Parents can cause tons of problems with their kids by just expecting too much out of them or not accepting the choices they are making.It hurts a child deeply when those they love the most in life refuse to accept they are evolving even if it isn't into who the parents may have wanted. It is hard to see your child grow up. Let's face it, the day has yet to come when the doc smacks the baby on the ass and announces, "Congratulations you are the parents of a bouncing, baby Goth."
Mom and Dad want to live in the days of your childhood sweet cheeked, eyeliner free innocence still. It's a normal, natural wish but just not realistic.

From what you wrote Raz it seems like perhaps your mom gets you riled more than your Dad does? Maybe she gets your Dad riled a bit too?Ask yourself why that is? If she is anything like my mom was(is) she probably expects you and your Dad to be damn near perfect. Like no matter what you do its just not good enough.

My youngest sister is 15. My mom expects way to much out of her housework wise. Even when she does a good job my mother still complains about that way it looks. She is such a good kid with a great, sensible head on her shoulders. It would be heartbreaking to see her start rebelling because my mom is sooo demanding.I grew up with that. So did my other 3 sisters. WE can all sympathize with what she is going thru. To this day having to live up to an ideal I never could become still kind of haunts me.

You are at a place in your life where you are going to drift away from your parents a little. They aren't going to be cool with you being Goth just like my parents weren't cool with some of the choices I made at 16.
There is a generation gap. Yet, its up to them to remember you are still their child underneath it all. To keep those lines of communication open. This should not all be on your shoulders. I want you to understand that.

I hope you can find some common ground with them. My mom and I are incredibly close now but growing up I did alot of things she did not approve of.We still have our moments but as an adult I stick up for myself alot more.:p I would imagine I will face similar hurdles as my daughter's get older too.

Good luck.

hmmm..i understand your problem. maybe you should talk to your parents or to another person of your family. maybe it will be hard for you because you dont have a good relationship with your parents but parents should be there when their child has a problem. i don't think that you hate your family 'cause if you hated your parents you would not try to find help. you are not alone with this problem, i think many other teenager has a similiar problem. you said that your parents dont like that you are a goth. i have the same problem :) my parents laugh at me and say "you look like a stupid goth". my parents just think that goths are stupid persons who do stupid things. maybe your parents dont like your style because they think that they have done something wrong. show them that they can still trust in you and try to make more things together. help them with something, talk to them, try to make them laugh. then the relationship will be better

best wishes, Nadine

I never really get along with my parents all that well too. There is always some kind of fighting and there is always something that is happening. It's not right, and no one should really go through all this in their life.

I'm finding it so funny how we keep having so many things in common. Wow.... :p

Anyways, I think that you should just have a talk with each one of your parents one at a time. Try talking to your dad one day, and then talking to your mom the next. Trying telling them how you feel and tell them you really want to set something straight. You could also try just going out one day with your mom, and try going out to eat or something and bring up a conversation and tell her what's on your mind and tell her that something needs to change and tell her whatever you need to.

I've tried doing that with my mom. No go. Unfortunately since my dad is pre-diabetic, it's really hard to take him to a resturant where he can eat and not see his blood sugar shoot out of the roof. :(

You guys can't fight if you are at a resturant. That wouldn't be right anyway.

Obviously Rach, you don't know us that well, lol. I wouldn't put it past us to have a fight in a resturant. Oh wait...I think we have done that already......

Let's face it, the day has yet to come when the doc smacks the baby on the ass and announces, "Congratulations you are the parents of a bouncing, baby Goth." Mom and Dad want to live in the days of your childhood sweet cheeked, eyeliner free innocence still. It's a normal, natural wish but just not realistic.

Hahaha, that first part was awesome! Lucky for my parents I hate make-up stuff. I guess they'd really be mad if I went all out with the eyeliner, lipstick, etc. The most I do for the "look," if you will, is wear black shirts (Ev. ones :D) and black pants. I have various wristbands/bracelets. I die my hair (black). But, that's about it.

From what you wrote Raz it seems like perhaps your mom gets you riled more than your Dad does? Maybe she gets your Dad riled a bit too?Ask yourself why that is? If she is anything like my mom was(is) she probably expects you and your Dad to be damn near perfect. Like no matter what you do its just not good enough.

I dunno. It comes in phases. For a while, it'll be my mom who gets angry with me quicker and all. Then it'll switch to my dad getting riled quickly. The thing is, my dad and I are like twins. I came a whole month early, but I should have been a Gemini like my dad (I doubt that really matters, but still). We have the same stubborn attitude and neither of us wants to compromise. If we have a slight disagreement over stuff, it becomes a war because each of us insists we're right. I don't think my mom wants us to be perfect, but more or less, calmer. In a way, she wants us to both step back, take a breath, and think things over before acting. Of course, I think we all know how hard that is to do.

Also, now that I'm 16, college is coming up soon and all, so now they're both really getting on me about that. They always asked if I've done research on what college I want to go to; have I decided what major I want; did I decide what I want to do when I grow-up; what's my plan for college and then real life away from home. It never ends. I understand their concern, but at the same time, I am only going to be a junior. I am interested in a few colleges, but finding the correct info you need on their websites is nearly impossible.

Some times I think the relationships are so strained because of my mom's job. She works with ExxonMobil as an accountant. She loves her new assignment, yet she works so much overtime now. My dad hates that fact. I mean today, Saturday, she's at the office working. :( So, sometimes I don't know if it's that she's so frustrated with her work and accidentally takes it out on us (my dad and I) are what.

Thanks you guys for the replies. It really helps to see how others cope with these things too.

Raziel

I have trouble getting along with my parents too. One of my friends told me to sit them down and talk to them like an adult. Just to tell them how I feel and see if we can fix it. She also said not to have an additude cause they want you to get mad. Do some extra chores around the house for a week or so and then talk to them. I've been working my way up to trying it, but have been really busy this summer. Oh, and when trying not to have an additude, think of something funny, like a guy you like as a gay pink flamingo wearing gold snake skin pants that are too small. Hope this helps!

I'm turning 21 in just over a month and I still don't get along with my mother very well. My dad and I have a fairly good relationship but my mother and I don't have much of one at all.

In a way it's a lot like what etherealme said - nothing I do ever seems good enough. However, I have two younger sisters and they can 'do no wrong' in my mother's eyes - even to the extent that my youngest sister's behaviour is gradually getting out of control and my mum does practically nothing except turn a blind eye. With me, however, she seems to have these limitless expectations that I can never live up to, and this has been the case for my whole life. I've spent nearly 21 years trying to maintain the facade I have of the person she wants me to be, but also maintain who I really am on the inside. My mum barely knows the real me and I feel like I have to live a double life simply because I'm not good enough for her.

She never listens to me, can barely ever hold a nice conversation with me and doesn't seem interested in anything that bothers or is important to me. For example, when I was at highschool and being bullied relentlessly I would come home dying for someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on etc and she wouldn't listen. She would just say 'you need to stick up for yourself' or 'sort it out yourself'. Because of that I kept it all inside and if I hadn't embraced writing when I did she would have lost me. She came very close a number of times. Yet she has no idea of this because I stopped trying to tell her anything like that years ago because getting rejected hurt too much.

Also, my sister is an artist and my mum is always talking about how good her latest picture is, and buying her paint and drawing pencils etc. However, I've been writing since I was eleven years old and she's only ever read one of my poems - she didn't ask to read that one, she just found it in a book I got it published in and was very surprised at how good it was. My main passion in life (and in fact the thing that save my life) means absolutely nothing to her. She takes no interest in it at all. Not that I'm saying I would show her any of my stuff now, however once I would have done but at the time she didn't care.

She can't even let me make mistakes and therefore learn for myself. She simply tries to prevent me making the mistake in the first place. Even if I tell her to back off, to start treating me like the adult I've legally been for three years, she won't. It just turns into a yelling match because she can't ever admit that I might be right about something just for once.

All of you people have said to take the parent out to do something you enjoy/both enjoy. However, that won't work in my case. For example, I'm a sailor and that is something that my mother also enjoys but if you get the two of us in the same boat it very quickly becomes WW3. I know how to sail - I'm going to a national championship at the end of the year, but she still tries to tell me what to do. Obviously being older than me she was taught very slightly different methods and therefore mine are automatically wrong. So she shouts at me. After my days at highschool I do not like to be walked all over so I end up shouting back. Usually I end up being the one who gets into trouble for 'starting/prolonging/picking the fight'. There was one time when I almost decided never to go sailing again simply because of how my mother had treated me the previous time. In fact, I don't think I've been sailing with her since - I've found people my own age who can actually let me sail the way I've been taught and let me learn by making mistakes.

That was just an example, but it's not the only one. It took me two and a half years to pass my driving test because for most of it I had to go driving with my parents. Get me and my mother in the car together - WW3. I have my licence now and I went driving with her today and I still didn't live up to her expectations. She criticised everything I did etc. Now driving has become something of a chore to me, something I dislike. If I can walk or take public transport I will. Initially I enjoyed it but after she treated me like crap I soon began to hate it.

I was just wondering if anyone has any was to improve our relationship because at the moment I'm getting to the stage where I simply cannot wait to move out. I want to stay at home as long as possibly to save money, but on the other hand I can't help feeling that I will never have lived my OWN life until I get out of this house and consequently away from my mother. She is ALWAYS there inside my head - telling me not to do something cause it's bad, telling me I'm wrong, that I'm not good enough, that I could do better etc.