Just wondering what would be the best implement with which to forcibly castrate the motherfucker who broke into my car today.

The scissors, with their built-in leverage action, are simplicity itself. Just a quick snip, maybe a little tug if there are any reluctant strands of sinew I don't catch the first time around. Ease of use would be their primary attractive feature.

The chainsaw, on the other hand, is unwieldy and requires fuel (expensive in California). However, it does have the undeniable fear factor. He'll prolly wet himself just from the sound, right before I permanently remove his ability to do so, of course.

On the other hand, the rusty fishing knife would be the best for inflicting slow, agonizing pain. And there's the added bonus of a tetanus infection if the lowlife isn't up-to-date on his shots, so he'll have lockjaw, breathing difficulties, and muscle spasms powerful enough to fracture his spine to look forward to for the rest of his mercifully short life.

Kinda leading towards the third choice. Discuss.

I think you should slowly prick him a million times with a sewing needle or safety pin and make him bleed to death..... then send me a pic. J/K

oooh. I'd go with chinese water torture for a good lon while, THEN castrate him with the rusty fishing knife.

yes. and I'm sorry dear.
<3/Katie

Kinda leading towards the third choice. Discuss.

Yep. That's what we'd use here in my part of the woods!! :D

You should use a SPORK arm! Duh... :)

Sorry about your car though.

I say... Salad Shooter his ass. (fourth option).

damn sorry about your car definately go with the rusted fishing knife :mad: slow painful death all the way for the bitch who destroyed ur car.

Fishing knife - probably too sharp. If he didn't move around much it wouldln't really hurt. Whereas if you use the scissors in tiny little snips, it could take HOURS and it'd hurt more than an Oprah Winfrey weekend on Living TV.

Or there's my prefered option - castration by housebricks.

Car theives are scum... even the ones that don't steal the actual car.

Bastards.

I don't get it, why do you have to choose again?

I say all of them, starting with the castration with rusty fishing knife, then the scissiors for some added torture, followed by the chainsaw. I'd let the other two do most of the lacerations before finishing him with the chainsaw.

Oh, and if you need a step by step guide as to how to successfully pull this off, I can provide.

Castration with a rusty cheese-grater I say, whilst making them listen to Celine Dion, followed by an acid and/or vinegar bath.

You should use a SPORK arm! Duh... :)

Sorry about your car though.

A rusty spork, with missing and crooked tines. :cool:

You should use a SPORK arm! Duh... :)

Sorry about your car though.
Ah yes. . .spork man, GOT to go with the spork (get it from KFC.)

Pfft.

Just make him a moderator on a large Evanescence message board.

That'll fuck him :p.

Rusty fishing knife! :p since if he don't got the shots, he's screwed even more..

But the chainsaw is tempting. "Say hello to my leetle friend!" and he'd probably scream right then :D

Fishing knife - probably too sharp. If he didn't move around much it wouldln't really hurt.

Yeah, I'm thinking I hold a rusty fishing knife to his balls... he'll be moving around pretty good.

I don't get it, why do you have to choose again?

Well I only have so many hands...

Castration with a rusty cheese-grater I say, whilst making them listen to Celine Dion, followed by an acid and/or vinegar bath.

Yes, the vinegar would be a nice touch, hmmm... I could also just make him lie down on the broken glass from my SHATTERED WINDOW!!!!!

But the chainsaw is tempting. "Say hello to my leetle friend!" and he'd probably scream right then :D

Excellent!!

Put a rope over his penis and drive it off with your car ...

Put a rope over his penis and drive it off with your car ...


hahaha what?



Dude, old nasty, still has worm and old fish guts on it AND partly dull fishing knife...I think is the best choice.
:)

[QUOTE=Trace]hahaha what?



.[QUOTE]


heee ... dont worry i didnt understand it myself too.or you did ?

hahaha what?



heee ...what part didnt you understand :D

Originally Posted by Sheep

Originally Posted by Fallen Angelia
I don't get it, why do you have to choose again?


Well I only have so many hands...

Thats why you tie him up. :D
After you get him secured, you can show him all of ther fun tools you will use. Start with the rusty fishing knife and work you way to the chainsaw to end his pathetic life.

The rusty knife will do fine.

Some punk kid shot a pellet gun at my car window last year. I feel your pain. :(

heee ...what part didnt you understand :D

Why are you putting a rope around his penis?

hahahaa
lmao

The rusty knife will do fine.

Some punk kid shot a pellet gun at my car window last year. I feel your pain. :(

I would LOVE it if my window was the only thing I have to pay for.

Pfft.

Just make him a moderator on a large Evanescence message board.

That'll fuck him :p.

Lir that's an amazing idea. n00bs=teh death.

That or the fishing knife.

n00bs=teh death.

hay man dat is not cool man i meen they is just kidz tryin ta talk bout there fave band evenessense n shit yo--

Oh sorry, wrong thread.

hay man dat is not cool man i meen they is just kidz tryin ta talk bout there fave band evenessense n shit yo--

Oh sorry, wrong thread.

OMG, Evacenscence rox!133483922143812!!!!18483

Just wondering what would be the best implement with which to forcibly castrate the motherfucker who broke into my car today.


Three words: vice grip pliers.

:)

Psst. Go out with a BANG! TAKE THE CHAAINNSAAWW!

Do some Jason/Michael Myers on his ass! VRRUUUMMM! VVRRRUUMMMMM! :D

Wow i'm surprised nobody suggested this - A rusty chainsaw! Its like the best of both worlds, you just can't go wrong!

I say... Salad Shooter his ass. (fourth option).
that is ...the best idea but the worst image but bang up the blade so that ist like all narly

I say either cover him in leeches, or stick his penis in a meat grinder....slowly. Then do the vinegar thing... or rubbing alcohol... or hot sauce. :D

Hmm.. I'd say start with the rusty fishing knife cutting off small bits and pieces before progression to the chainsaw to end his life. No, just leave him tied up and bleeding.

BRING ON THE PAIN!

Sorry about your car, buddy. Anything you can do?

I say make is slow. Painfully slow. Go calculate the amount of money of damage your car has, then for every dollar equals a slice with a rusty knife dabbed in vinegar.

But, that'll just be too slow and torturous for you to count, so I say make him do it himself.

GODDAMNSHITFUCK!

SHEEP! When you get done mutilating and murdering the sonofapiss who broke into your car, can you come over to my house and do the same for the bloody wanker who broke into my Evstickermobile?

THEY BROKE MY FUCKING WINDOWS!!! and the only thing valuable in my car was my PRESCRIPTION sunglasses! What the hell kind of asstard breaks into a car and takes glasses they aren't even able to use? :mad:

GODDAMNSHITFUCK!

SHEEP! When you get done mutilating and murdering the sonofapiss who broke into your car, can you come over to my house and do the same for the bloody wanker who broke into my Evstickermobile?

THEY BROKE MY FUCKING WINDOWS!!! and the only thing valuable in my car was my PRESCRIPTION sunglasses! What the hell kind of asstard breaks into a car and takes glasses they aren't even able to use? :mad:
Hey Emma, can I grab a bunch of blunt objects (baseball bats, crowbars and stuff of that nature) I'll bring those and myself and track down the fucktard who broke into the Evstickermobile and stole your glasses and I will proceed to beat them to a bloody pulp on the mere priciple that they ARE a fucktard.

It's okay. I came home and my boyfriend gave me a big hug. I feel better now.

Thanks for the offer though. :)

It's okay. I came home and my boyfriend gave me a big hug. I feel better now.

Thanks for the offer though. :)
but. . .but. . .I still wanna admister some greivous bodily injury to the twit who violated yer automobile :(

When Emma swears it makes me feel all funny inside.

:p

GODDAMNSHITFUCK!

What the hell kind of asstard breaks into a car and takes glasses they aren't even able to use? :mad:

An asstard with less than perfect vision?
:p

Sorry to hear that. No one would bother to break into my car. In fact at one point I was hoping someone would steal it so I didn't have to deal with it anymore. :cool:

When Emma swears it makes me feel all funny inside.

:p

I could make a comment about Emma's "dirty" side to her seemingly lovely and pleasant personality...whoops, I just did :p

Anyway, stealing prescription sunglasses? I know people who've had their car windows broken for 20 cents left on the seat :rolleyes:

LOL!

Sorry about my pottymouth. :eek:

Everyone says I get *really* grumpy when I'm grumpy because I'm such a hippie all the time. :p

I love y'all... :)

I already posted this in another thread, but someone broke my window too, while i was at *work*! I mean completely broke. I dunno if it was someone or if it was too hot or somethin and it busted it, but either way i was soo mad. I should have never parked it on the side of the store like i used to :( hehe, but it's kinda funny driving around with a trash bag over it...^.^

First, a bath of boiling hot water. Then drop a hairdryer in. Then to complete the bathing, the previously mentioned and wonderful acid bath.

Oh, and if there's anything left after the acid bath, you can perform your own autopsy. ;)

someone broke my window too
what the heyall? is it bad car karma month or something?

but it's kinda funny driving around with a trash bag over it...^.^
do you dismantle a trash bag and just tape it on? i'm more concerned about bugs and tree goo getting in than appearance...

Sheep,

Rusty knife cutting slowly and pour salt on it. That will hurt like a mother.

Ok, here are some step by step instructions to a painful ass castration:

1) Light all his ball hairs on fire one by one.
2) Make an intricate web of tiny cuts on the entire length of his *short* penis.
3) Pour vinegar and/or sprinkle salt on this intricate web.
4) Chop off a small sliver of the head of his penis and feed it to him. Uncooked.
5) Stick his dick on a sizzling frying pan and burn one side of it.
6) Slit various places on the burn.
7) Pour vinegar and/or sprinkle salt over THOSE slits.
8) If you have to piss, piss right on the cuts. As slow as you can.
9) Force him to jack off.
10) FINAL STEP - Cut off his charred, cut, salted, pissed on, rubbed, small little dick and feed the remainder of it to him.

Jesus Christ I'm cruel. :D

damn that hurt me and I am a girl!

dude dude dude no see you first take the scissors and slowly slice off his index finger...once ur done with that (hopefully hes already tied down w/ barbed wire) you force feed him his finger...continue this process with every finger...one at a time every 20 min...to agg it on. then u move on to the toes...now this is an option you can either cut them off in the same manner as tha fingers and shove them up his rectum one at a time in 20 min intervals...or if u cannot stomach his ranking asshole... you can continue to force feed him his own body parts...after this is done...take the fishing knife and SLOWLY slice off his dick spraying windex after every slice then once it is off simply lay it on his face to where it is constantly visible to him but without obstructing his vision to what u are still doing...now to save time u get the chainsaw because cutting his legs off at the knees would take a while with the knife or scissors...u cut them off every thirty minutes continueing with the arms at the elbows...now u just let him bleed (this is assuming he is a male because for some reason i got that impression from your post...maybe u said he somewhere or maybe i just read that in a reply) if it is a female just skip from the words take the fishing knife to still doing please be sure to make sure he/she is always conscience...have a nice day

castrate the fker using a carrot peeler.... then add to the pain by drizzling battery acid all over him then pour lemon juice and rub salt all over the wounds... that should teach him :o...

castrate the fker using a carrot peeler.... then add to the pain by drizzling battery acid all over him then pour lemon juice and rub salt all over the wounds... that should teach him :o...
Ok, ummmmm remind me to NEVER piss you off, cause that kinda treatment just scares the fuck outta me!!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: