Disclaimer: This may not be the best place to ask for this kind of advice, but I will take whatever I can get. I trust you guys more than most groups out there. This is probably best suited for someone with medical knowledge.

I had a thread before the crash re: my infertility, it was more of a whine. I am now here for advice.

Some Background: I have been actively trying to conceive for a little over 4 years now. I have endometreosis and am a recovering bulemic. I have not purged in over 11 years but bulemia may have some contributing factors to my infertility. I do ovulate, but not at a very high rate. I have had laparoscopic surgery and an HSG that determined that my fallopian tubes are clear. I have taken Clomid(fertility drug) and had visual side effects that made the doctor take me off after a 3 month cycle. I have one inactive ovary and my good ovary is prone to cysts. Yes, my husband has been tested multiple times...he is not our issue.

Ok, so (finally) here is my situation.
I have just taken 6 months off to see if not trying would work. This was also to clear my mind and give me an emotional rest. Next month I am to go back to the fertility specialist. I have a couple of options. The first would be to take self-administered hormone injections through the abdomen daily, this would be to help me ovulate. My next option would be to do an insemination. This, if successful can lead to 1 baby or to multiples, and I mean 4,5,6? babies. Invetro is not an option my Dr. is ready for yet. My last option would be to give up. I ask myself, "Is it time to just resign myself that I will never be a parent?". And yes, I have heard that many people conceive after resigning to the last option. Bear in mind that all of these things come with hefty price tags and are not covered by any health insurance except the latter.

So I guess my question is, "What would you do?". It is very hard to see a clear answer from my standpoint.

BTW...in my last thread everyone was encouraging adoption. I think adoption is a wonderful thing but we have looked into that and they frown on people with my medical history. Please don't let this be your advice, this is rather painful for me.

Thanks so much, any advice would be helpful.

~Melanie

If I was in your position, I would try everything that I could do to have a child. This is your body. No one elses. Yeah there might be a chance of disappointment IF in the end you can not concieve. But could you go on thinking well what if I would of tried this or this. Atleast you can try everything before you throw in the towel. It might be painful but atleast you tried it. Maybe you will get lucky and have 5 kids to make up for the ones you never could have ;)

I really do hope that you can get through this with whatever your choice is. It has to be hard. My thoughts are with you.

It is sad that they are depriving such a wonderful person such as yourself, who seems to have to much love in her heart for a child, just because of a past eating disorder. Are you sure they will not give you a child because of the past, or does it just make it harder?


you are still young. At 29, by today's standard you have up to 15 years to conceive a child. You should most defiantely not give up.

Your doctor is not ready for in-vitro as it is a last course. there are less severe options, like hormone, available to you now. try them first. Cost is a factor, of course, so you must make sure you can afford it. it is not worth it to go bankrupt for a child.

Start with the simpler (and cheaper) options. Think positive that they WILL work.

Don't give up. And, don't give up on adoption either. You should not be punished for what you did to yourself in your teens.

Melanie,my heart really goes out to you. My aunt was the same way,although,she did have twins later on. She tried and tried for about 5 or so years,but then she did have two lovely daughters.

It kills to know someone who would make such a great mother like you is having these problems. I believe you should keep your head held high and try again. Never give up on something you truely want.

About the adoption thing..I believe adoption is wonderful as well. I cannot believe people would look so far back on your past like so. I was once anorxic,so I see where you are coming from. People dont understand alot of things,but I believe the past is in the past. You would make a great mother,and if they cant see that,dont let them bother you. They cant see what we,and others who care about you can.

Best of luck to you hun, I wish you the best.
-Jessica

*hugs*
Don't give up hon. it's hard, but not impossible. Try the injections first, see if they work, then try for insemination. I have some friends, the girl never has a period and the guy has a low sperm count, so everything is against them. They have been married since 1999, they just had a baby girl 2 months ago by insemination. They still have 4 frozen embryos that they are gonna try to inseminate in the next year to try again. There is also the option of having a sarrogit. *hugs* I wish there was something I could do to make it easier. Adoption shouldn't be ruled out, but if you want a baby for your own, save it for a last resourt. It's expensive no matter what route you go, but it will be worth it in the long run. *hugs*
taking the chance of having lotsa babies at one time is definatly worth it.
and don't blame yourself for your infertility. I'm sure it's not from the eating disorder you had many years ago, it was probably from something else. *hugs*
Love you like a sister Melanie, take care of yourself okay??

Karen

Hey, you're just 29! Biologically, you still have many years to try it. My friend (she's 23) just had a brother and their mother is 46, so never give up! Don't get obssessed with that, I think that can give you peace inside yourselves. And who knows, maybe science in few years can come up with new techniques and help you to solve your problem. Good luck! ;)

Dear Melanie,

I know how your heart must ache for a child. I really feel for you in this situation. Wow, 4 years of trying. The anxiety level itself is probably making it hard for you to conceive.

For those who don't know: Endometriosis is a really painful, really difficult condition that contributes to a gradual decrease in fertility over time. That doesn't mean you definitely can't get pregnant, though; it just means that it makes sense that you're having a harder time. I know that doesn't help, but...I really do feel for you, and you'll definitely be in my prayers.

Have you taken any concrete steps to target when you try? Do you keep detailed ovulation charts so you'll know when it's best to do the baby dance? Have you thought about purchasing an Ovulation Prediction Kit or a Saliva Ovulation Microscope? Have you had blood tests done to see where your hormone levels are before you consider injecting more hormones? These would all be good things to do.

Insemination and hormone injections, in and of themselves, are definitely not a bad thing to try. Endometriosis can do two things that affect fertility: it can inhibit ovulation and partially block the fallopian tubes. Artificial insemination and hormone shots, together, will address both of these issues and you should have a good chance at success. :)

The good news is that people with endometriosis don't usually have trouble staying pregnant, just getting pregnant in the first place, so once you're actually pregnant, you should be fine. I'd also like to add, as a little word of encouragement, that your risk of multiples from hormone injections is lessened a lot because you only have one functional ovary.

I am so sorry that you've struggled so hard with all this. The good news is that you are still young, so when you find something that works, you can do it more than once to get the number of children you want. Be glad you were not 40 when you decided to start trying for a family. It would have limited your options.

One last thing, if the hormones + insemination is unsuccessful after another year or so, I would highly encourage you to seek out a doctor comfortable with doing IVF on you. You deserve a child of your own body, and nothing is more important than that for you right now. Adoption is a wonderful option for some people, but having a child that genetically belongs to you is obviously important to you, and reflects on your personal self-esteem and your confidence in your body to function correctly.

I stand in support and prayer behind you.

Blessings and baby dust!

I know a girl that tried serveral fertility treatments, and tried for years to conceive. She shared much of the same heartache that you have experienced. She decided to adopt, and gave up trying, as it was expensive and emotionally draining. She focused all her energy on her adopted baby. She had given up on conceiving her own baby, when she actually became pregnant with her own child when she least expected it!! Miracles happen, and can happen to you too Melanie. And as everyone else has said, 29 is quite young, I had a friend who had 7 miscarriages and had her first baby at 36. I'm going to be 29 in a month, and I feel like I have plenty of time left

If it were me, I would try everything, invetro, insemination, anything, before I fully gave up. But it is your body and ultimately your decision. Have you thought about the possiblity of using another woman to carry the baby for you? Maybe take a close friend, and inseminate your egg and your partner's sperm to see what would happen? I would say that could also be a viable option.

I would take a break from trying to conceive so hard, maybe 6 months to a year and see what happens. If you don't conceive, then I would say go back and try other options. And in all reality, what is the likelihood that you would have multiple babies with insemination? I wouldn't the ratio would be all that high, so I wouldn't let be a deciding factor for me.

I'd say in-vitro as well if thats the only method that will give results.

No one should tear themselves apart because there are problems beyond their control. Big hugs to you!

First off, I want to thank everyone for your replies, you guys are all so sweet.
You are even sweeter for saying that I'm not old....LOL. I don't really feel like I am old either but the fact is that I am on borrowed time. I was advised to have a hysterectomy back in 2001. I have tried to buy myself time but I really just feel like my window of opportunity is closing. Somehow when you are young and stupid you just can't fathom that this sort of thing will happen to you, maybe someone else but never you.

Mary, to answer your questions yes, we have tried the ovulation kits...but they aren't too much of a help becuse I don't really ovulate at a high enough rate to register. Yes, I have had blood work to check my hormones...enough in fact that I thought they were selling it on e-bay! We have tried just about everything including the "stand on your head" thing. LOL Everyone has advice, and I am willing to try anything once.

So, I have decided to keep trying. I will go to my Dr. next month with an open-mind and an optimistic heart. What will be will be...I think that I just need to let it go and give it over to God. (not to be preachy here just my own personal beliefs) If I am to have a child then it will be so. There truly may be another plan for me. The best things in life are worth waiting for.

I will keep you guys posted in whatever happens and again, Thank You! I knew I came to the right place.:)

<3 Melanie

Well, I promised you guys I would give you an update and here it finally is...even though it is about a year late. About this time last year I decided that my mind, body, and soul needed a break. I took a year-long sabbatical. In retrospect, I don't know exactly how good of an idea that was. I could tell myself that I was not thinking about conceiving, but who am I really fooling?

So I went to see the fertility doctor today and I think I came out sicker than when I went in. I am now at a crossroads. I have to decide whether I want to do an insemination or invetro-fertilization both of which come with a hefty sticker-shock price.

With insemination I will pretty much become a human pin cushion. I will also be responsible for self-administered hormonal injections through the abdomen daily. I never thought I would see myself agreeing to something of that nature. My percentage rate with insemination is around 30% but could be better depending on how I respond to the meds.

Invetro is more invasive but the success rate is at 50% given my age group.

I am just not sure what to do at this point...neither option gives me a guarantee and the thought of taking out a small/large mortgage for something with less than a 50% success rate pains me. In ways, this whole debacle has left me questioning everything I have ever wanted in my life.

I did bloodwork today that will tell me whether or not I am in menopause at the ripe old age of 30, Im nervous none-the-less.

I promise to keep everyone in the loop a little bit better than previously stated. And as always, thank you for lending me your ears...you guys are the best.

~Mel

Think about the future. If you don't try every option possible, you may hate yourself 10 years from now. Obviously, if you do the procedures and they don't work, you will be very upset. But, compare that to wondering "what-if" the rest of your life.

Some other things to consider: Surrogate mother, either using your eggs or donor eggs. Also, i know you said adoption is out. Does that include overseas adoptions as well?

You are faced with a truly heart-wrenching decision. I would not want to be in your shoes. Just know that alot of us on the board are sending you our love and best wishes.

With insemination I will pretty much become a human pin cushion. I will also be responsible for self-administered hormonal injections through the abdomen daily. I never thought I would see myself agreeing to something of that nature. My percentage rate with insemination is around 30% but could be better depending on how I respond to the meds.

Invetro is more invasive but the success rate is at 50% given my age group.

As I've told you before, I was an egg donor a few times, so I know what it's like to be that "human pin cusion". Having to be poked and prodded for about a week and then administering injections to myself wasn't all the much fun, but knowing that I was helping someone who wasn't able to have kids, made all that worth it for me.

I think the most important thing right now is that you need to figure out what you can afford. If you decide to go against the invitro/insemination route and want to adopt, that can also be expensive. As important as having a child is to you, you also need to take the financial aspect into consideration.

You're an amazing person, and I know that whatever happens, you'll get your miracle in the end.

"Never give up on a miracle".

Invetro is not an option my Dr. is ready for yet.

This was what I was going to suggest you consider about. The statistics show that one in three couples will actually have a baby successfully using invetro. If your doctor does not think now is a suitable time to examine this option, then surely he knows what is best. But I know a couple who used invetro and they successfully had a baby who is now four years old. It really is possible.

You could also try artificial insemination as you mentioned. I don't really know too much about that, but I heard that has a decent success rate.

Best of luck to you.

I'm sorry I'm not an expert on the female body but I had a question regarding the treatments you mentioned...if they try these things and they don't work...do you get your money back? I mean really...

oh tschh. I'm being stupid.

I think...that if you are 100% serious about wanting a child, for the love of God do whatever it takes to manage it. You need to be happy, and if a child will help with that, do it by all means. To be honest, this is the one time I think medicine will help and not hurt...

Sorry if I'm beating around the bush here, I'm not used to giving...erm..."advice on the feminine body"...

Melanie,

Personally, if I were in your situation, I would not give up on trying to become pregnant for anything as I have always longed to have children. I realize that I am very young, but I am not speaking of having children right now. Having children is for when I am of age, married, and financially stable of course.

Are you genuinely willing to take the risk of becoming pregnant with anywhere from one to six babies through insemination? Also, what is the procedure of this? Are there any health risks at all?

Lastly, I am not too certain as to what Invitro is, so I really cannot comment on that, I am afraid.

I will be praying for you as well as Matt, love.

Matt and I have set up a class on August 30th to learn how to do self-injections. This is the first step in the insemination process. I will be required to inject myself with hormones through the abdomen daily for a total of 8 days per month. These injections come with a price tag of $2600 per month! My Dr. is suggesting trying this for one month to see how my body reacts. At that point she will be able to determine more of what will work for me. If I have an adverse reaction we will be moving on to the invetro.

I am also still waiting for my bloodwork to come back, that could change everything.

And Jo, to answer your question...we have thought seriously about a surrogate but we don't want to go in that direction until I have exhausted all of my opportunities. Selfish or not, I really want to experience birth if at all possible.

Thanks again for all of your well-wishes and prayers. I love you guys!

Selfish or not, I really want to experience birth if at all possible.


Wanting to experience birth is the furthest thing from selfish. Giving birth to a child--a child you created, is such a beautiful thing. If you are a woman, it is only natural that you wish to embrace this gift. :)

Selfish or not, I really want to experience birth if at all possible.


It is definetly NOT SELFISH at all! I think that it is normal to feel that way. My best friend Suzin, when she had her son, she had to have a c-section. And for the longest time she felt like a failure as a mom bc she couldn't have her son the 'normal way'. She too had problems getting pregnant. It took her about 2 years to get pregnant. So it wasn't easy for her at all.

I'm really glad you are trying everything that you can. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Melanie, we have talked about this as you know, and I think you are on the right track by looking at every option available to you.
Use your best judgement and follow your instincts. You know your body, like no one else, and if you believe it can happen, you have the upper hand.

Being a father myself, I know that children are a gift of God. I don't want to go all "religious" on you because that's not me. But I learned through my beautiful daughter, who has somehow found God in her heart despite my upbringings (just kidding!), that anything can be accomplished, even miracles.

I just want to say that I truly believe you were meant to have a child of your own, and that it will happen when the time is right.
There are a lot of people on your side up here where I live, that are thinking of you and hoping that your long awaited dream will soon come true.

So whatever you do, never give up hope! You're not alone!

~Dale

My boyfriend's mother once had cervical cancer before my boyfriend was born, and before he was born his mom and his dad were attempting to have children for around 5 years because of the cervical cancer she had once had (it was cured before they started trying to have babies). Alas, after five years... my boyfriend was born! My advice is to not give up. You never know what time can give you. :)

Matt and I had our class on Wednesday, I had been worried because of the hurricane that it would be put off. I can honestly say that this has been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. We have decided to start the insemination process and see how things go. I will be starting my injections sometime next week. I am scared, hopeful, excited, and stressed all at the same time. During the injections I will be monitored extensively. Over the course of 8 days I will be doing blood work and having sonograms a total of 3 times. On day 14 I will be giving myself an injection to make me ovulate. Exactly 72 hours later I will be inseminated. I feel good, its a step in the right direction and I no longer feel stagnant. Never in my life did I think that I would be trying to have a baby and have a Dr. tell me "Make sure you don't have intercourse". I will keep everyone updated and thanks again for all of your thoughts, prayers, and well-wishes...You guys keep me strong.

<333 Much love

Just thought that I would update this...sorry for the double post.

Well after all of the life-altering decisions had been made, we moved on full-steam ahead. My body didn't quite move along with us. Had I had a "normal" cycle I would have been through with the first round of insemination by now. Unfortunately, my ovaries had other ideas. When I didnt start my cycle as normal my Dr. prescribed me a drug called Prometium. Its use is to start your period, I got more than I bargained for. Prometrium gave me dizzy spells so bad that I stumbled around like a drunk and was prohibited from driving. It also made me mean :mad: . On day two of Prometrium my blood pressure dropped so low that I nearly passed out at work and a co-worker found me a deathly shade of gray. After 10 days of hell, I waited. Still no period. It was a full two weeks later that my cycle decided to roll around.

So now, we have started the self-injections and sonograms. So far I have taken 6 rounds of injections 2 sonograms and enough bloodwork to start a blood bank. I will be back to the Dr. tommorrow for yet another sonogram and more bloodwork. Things are going slowly but not out of the normal. I will know more tommorrow on when the actual insemination should take place. The process is exhausting but will hopefully be all worth it in the end.

Thanks again for listening. <3

You're always in my thoughts Melanie, and I know that it will happen for you. Hang in there with all the inseminations and such, I know you can do it!
<3

I had a friend in a similar situation, and she told me that it got really hard at times, but she thought of a little hand grabbing her fingers.. and everything became much easier.

Good luck with all the process!!
*Hugs*

I'm saying a prayer for you today. And I don't do that often.

There is something very wrong with this world if this doesn't happen for you.

As most on this board share the same feelings i do, it goes without saying that i am praying for you to have a little miracle of your own soon. :) I know it can be discouraging, and most certainly not the Most Comfortable experience of your life, but i know it will be worth it for you. :D My friend Jennifer and her husband tried for 7 years of marriage to concieve a child. Then 4 years ago, they did that In-Vitro thing. the doctor was amazed at how it worked as it was only given a 40 percent chance that even one would take. As you know, that's not the best chances ever. Much to his suprise, and their delight, 3 of the 4 ova Jennifer had used had become fertile. They now have triplets! :p And while they were a lot to handle (i should know, i babysat from 3-8pm every week day from 8 weeks to 8 months, 2 boys and a girl), they were certainly a gift from God. About 2 years later, an unexpected turn in fate gave them another son in the all natural kind of way. :) So i pray you have everything you want. I trust that you will be an excellent Mother, and i know you will be showing us all how great you are as a Mother in no time! I wish you the best hunny! And whenever it gets you down, just know that our medical technology is improving Every Day. So every day is a new chance for your miracle. Good luck, and i'll be praying! :cool:

Cameran

You guys are so supportive, I love you all.

So my Dr.'s visit yesterday didnt go so well. I think I have finally blubbered enough to where I can get through this post without crying. Essentially this cycle is over. While my follicles seemed to be growing rather slowly, they were still on track. My estrogen levels however were too low. They could have upped my injection dosage but my Dr. is weary due to my long family history of cancer. She has decided to cancel the insemination this month and try again next cycle. I still have lots of stimulants in my body and have been told to go back to the old-fashioned way for the remainder of the month and see if I get pregnant on my own. I am trying to stay positive, but the fact that we just spent around $6000 and did not go through insemination kind of stings.

So, I get to play this month and the pressure is off and my body can rest. We shall see how this goes, hopefully I can conceive on my own. If I haven't had a cycle by Oct. 30th I am to go in for a blood pregnancy test and either start back on the dreaded Prometrium or celebrate. Heaven knows I am praying for the latter.

<333

There never was a better excuse to have sex every chance you get. ;)

Haha. *likes looking on the bright side of things*

But seriously, Mel. You know I love you, and I hope you know that I'm thinking about you/hoping for you all the time. I'm just one somewhat-skeptical person, but I constantly push out prayers with every fiber of my being. I know how important this is to you...and how happy it will make you. So I don't only hope, but for once I find myself taking leaps of faith, and trust that things will work out. For once, I feel that optimism is needed. And that's something I've never really been able to do, for myself. So I thank you for teaching me that.

I love you so, so much - and I'm always here for you, for whatever you need. The only advice I can offer you at this moment is to never give up. But I admire you beyond words, for how strong you really are. How far you've come already is amazing. <3

Well October flew by and the 30th came in a hurry. I had a blood pregnancy test on the 1st and it naturally came out negative. I am to start a new cycle-inducing drug soon. I spoke with a nurse and she is going to find out if there is something other than Prometrium that I can take. Right now, I am in limbo. I am currently questioning if I even want to continue. My head is telling me that I have come this far I need to go with it. My heart is telling me to let it go. This is all so emotionally draining and the guilt factor is overwhelming.

My whole life, all I have ever dreamed of being is a mom. I suppose working and striving for a dream is what makes it all that more special in the end. The thought of coming this far and walking away is frightening. The thought of coming this far, pouring money and my heart down the drain and coming out empty-handed is far more frightening.

Melanie, I'm really sorry that this has been such a trial for you. Hopefully, this try will turn out successful.

If this try doesn't work, would you consider adoption? I'm sure you could adopt a beautiful baby, and s/he would be so lucky to get someone like you as a mother. <3

Best of luck, hun *hugs*

Keep chasing your dream. You never know when success will sneak up on you, and not being haunted by "What ifs" is worth all the trouble, expense, and effort no matter the result.

Here's to hoping your next post says "We did it!"

Melanie, I'm really sorry that this has been such a trial for you. Hopefully, this try will turn out successful.

If this try doesn't work, would you consider adoption? I'm sure you could adopt a beautiful baby, and s/he would be so lucky to get someone like you as a mother. <3

Best of luck, hun *hugs*

Actually, Melanie can't adopt because of her medical history (the same reason she is having trouble conceiving). It's really a shame that someone who has so much love in their heart can't adopt because of a technicality.

Ohhhh, now that IS a terrible shame :( I'm sorry, Melanie.

So, here's wishing you the very best of luck with this try. *hugs*

EDIT: This is what happens when I forget what the first post says. Some mod I am. Haha. *smites self*

Well November has flown as quickly as October and this month has proven to be very trying. I was lucky enough to have the Dr. prescibe a different cycle-inducing drug this time. She put me on Provera which I tolerated much better than the Prometrium that almost killed me last time. It seemed to work better with less side-effects, but still took as long to work. I finally started my period on November 22nd (the day before Thanksgiving). Since everything is calculated to the minute, I called my Dr.'s office immediately. I was told by some poor little receptionist that since it was a holiday weekend that none of the sonographers were on call and I would have to wait until my next cycle to continue. This is when I began to bawl and blubber. "What do you mean next cycle, this one took me two months to start! What about the $900 worth of injections in my fridge that are only good for 30 days?" I also informed her that I was none too happy, which I am sure was quite apparent. Poor girl, I really do feel for her and it really isn't in my nature to take it out on someone. Hormones really are a killer.
So, I guess what it all boils down to is that this year of high hopes is over.

I will hold my head up high, get through the holiday season somewhat stress-free, and begin fresh in 2007.

Wish me luck, it looks like I might need it.

I'm always keeping you in my thoughts, Mel. I've said it many times, but if there's anyone who deserves to have a child, then it's definitely you. I can't imagine this not eventually happening. All the same, your strength amazes and inspires me all the time. And I'm always, always here for you to lean on when you need. This isn't over yet.

Well that sucks. :( Most doctors can be paged even while on vacation/holiday time for time critical things like this. :confused: Well, hopefully you will have luck early in the year, who knows maybe the month's worth of rest in December will help your body!

keep the faith, darlin'.<3

I too wish you the best of luck and I hope your dreams come true for you, from what i know of you you seem like you'd be an excellent mother. What I don't agree with is that someone should deny you adoption rights based on your health. Isn't that discrimination? Is that legal?

What I don't agree with is that someone should deny you adoption rights based on your health. Isn't that discrimination? Is that legal?

Unfortunately yes, it is legal. In fact, it is some of the basic criteria. I may not agree with it in my particular case, but I do understand the concept. I personally would not want to put a child in a home where the parents were not emotionally or physically stable.

Taken from here (http://www.nch.org.uk/getinvolved/index.php?i=90).
Matters of health and ill-health are not considered in isolation. You will be required to undergo a full medical examination by your GP, the results of which will be commented on by our agency medical advisor, who advises the adoption panel.

Adoption agencies must find a safe, secure home where the adults caring for the child can adequately meet his/her emotional and physical needs. Obviously, parental health and well being play a crucial part in that process, but parenting skills, an appreciation of children's needs and strong support systems will all come into the equation too.

my thoughts are still with you melanie. whatever you do, you have a bunch of us who are rooting for ya.
<3

I will hold my head up high, get through the holiday season somewhat stress-free, and begin fresh in 2007.

Wish me luck, it looks like I might need it.

I Had a dream about you last night! Before bed I was thinking how lucky I was that I didn't loose this baby too and you and your struggles came to mind...
I had a dream that you did invertrofertilization for awhile and ended up with twins around the age of 35...
I really do wish you luck and happiness! I Can imagine that it would be extremely stressful and that all that stress could also be leading to some of your problems! I'm sure many people tell you but you gotta take it easy! Let your body gain strength and take those damn vitamins like a religious ritual(though I'm sure you already do) Don't think about it for the rest of the year at least! And trust me you don't want to get pregnant in the winter anyway!! Ha, I got pregnant with my son in Dec and had him in Aug. It was the most miserable and grueling pregnancy ever, when your that hot you become dizzy and exhausted and it Made my blood pressure sky rocket almost killing me!
No summer pregnancy wait till spring to try trust me;)
*hugs* I send you my love and my thoughts -Amber

I had a dream that you did invertrofertilization for awhile and ended up with twins around the age of 35...

35!!! OMG! Not only would I be suicidal, I would be bankrupt. In all honesty Matt and I have decided that if we are not pregnant by the end of 07 I will be having a much needed hysterectomy. I believe that if this is supposed to happen it will within the next year. The stress, drama, and guilt that surround infertility are all consuming and have taken up enough of my life as it is. If this is my destiny it WILL happen, and if not there must be some other plan for me.

Thanks again to all. You really have no idea how much strength you give me.
<333

For those of you on multiple boards with me, I apologize that you will be seeing this numerous times.

So, after 5 years and 8 months of trying to conceive I will be having an IUI (intrauterine insemination) tommorrow morning at 9:30 AM. My chances are 30%.

I have said several times that I believe that '07 will be "the" year. Regardless of the outcome, I am proud of myself. This has been a huge emotional undertaking for me and I have in general remained strong.

I appreciate everyone's kind words of encouragement that have brought me this far. And...I am hoping to no longer need this thread in the very near future.

*still begging for a miracle*

I'm quite new to EvBoard, and so I don't know anyone here very well yet. But from what I've read in this thread, you seem like an amazing person - I'm amazed at how you've held yourself together though this whole ordeal. There's nothing I can say that will help really except that I'm praying for you. I sincerely hope you get your miracle - After everything, you really do deserve it. <3

Best of luck, honey. You deserve children more than anyone I can think of, and I honestly hope all goes well for you.

If it helps, think not of the other 70%, but of the 30% chance you DO have. Just remember to be positive.

We all love you and wish you the absolute best. :)

2007 will be your year, just keep believing in it - i do!
*keeps fingers crossed as hard as possible*

I am scheduled to see the Dr. again tomorrow to begin cycle #2.
That should speak for itself.

Edit: So after seeing the Dr. this morning we discovered that the hormone stimulants gave me enormous cysts on my ovaries. We will be taking this next month off to give my body a well-needed rest.

No one said this was going to be easy, and my luck seems to be holding.

I am scheduled to see the Dr. again tomorrow to begin cycle #2.
That should speak for itself.

Edit: So after seeing the Dr. this morning we discovered that the hormone stimulants gave me enormous cysts on my ovaries. We will be taking this next month off to give my body a well-needed rest.

No one said this was going to be easy, and my luck seems to be holding.

awww hun, i'm so sorry. Just never give up hope for that lil one okay *hugs*. My thoughts and prayers are with you Melanie. <3

Memphis is giving a shout out - Hang in there, 2007 is still a very young year!

This cycle has been extremely trying and my body has yet again done everything in its power to work against me.
We will be doing our second insemination this Tuesday at 2:30.
There will only be one more try if this one fails. We are certainly hoping this is the last.

Once again and as always, thank you all for your support.

I know this is late but good luck! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/FallenVanishing/smilies/thumb.gif I'm hoping and praying for ya!

Since this post I have had yet another round of failed insemination. This one was the last. We are no longer seeking treatment and are trying to look to the future in a positive light. I am kind of at a loss at the moment as to where to even begin. Being a mother has been my focus for over 6 years and now that the door has closed I am left searching for a window. I am scheduled for a hysterectomy in December but am weighing other options as well. I know there is a plan, Im just not sure what it entails just yet.

Many thanks to everyone who has loved and supported me, you are all invaluable.

I have a great mind to close this thread myself but I am just not ready to give up on the miracle. When the times comes, I will know and I will lock it accordingly.

Much love.
<3

much love to you, mel<3.

Melanie, I truly believe one day your dream of being a mother will come true. Perhaps the child will not be of your own flesh and blood, but there is something terribly wrong with this world if you are not given the chance to love a child.

take some time for yourself to get over this, and seek the adoption route again. Or perhaps you will be able to find a surrogate.

Mel, I remember you saying that adoption won't work for you, but did you look into the adoption where you are brought in touch with a pregnant mother who doesn't plan on keeping the baby and she signs her rights over to you when she delivers? I feel like that may be a good choice for you.

Mel, I remember you saying that adoption won't work for you, but did you look into the adoption where you are brought in touch with a pregnant mother who doesn't plan on keeping the baby and she signs her rights over to you when she delivers? I feel like that may be a good choice for you.

Interestingly enough, I just read an article about outsourcing pregnancy to India. Yes, you read that right. Women looking for a surrogate mother are now going to India, because you cen get a women to volunteer to be a surrogate for 1/10th the cost in the USA.

Mel mentioned to me that she only looked into one adoption agency, and I think after taking a break, she should look into a lot more of them. I am sure there is one out there that is perfect, and will accept her regardless of her history.

...but I am just not ready to give up on the miracle...
if you keep believing in your miracle to come, there´s still a chance - sometimes waiting is worth it...

i knew a family, which adopted a little girl just as they we´re giving up. they tried for a lots of years without success and the authorities began to tell them that they´re getting too old to adopt a child. and only a month later they found a drug addicted girl, who was pregnant and didn´t want the child. it took some time but they got the baby - first as a foster child and a half year later they adopted her.

just don´t give up!

I've never really spoken to you, I don't think, but as long as I've known about you on the board, I've known you've wanted a child. Don't ever give up, because even if you never have your own child, someday someone will need you to love them.

Someone as loving and caring as you deserves to be a mother, and I think its very unfair if you never get that chance. Recently, I was at a fireworks display in town and saw a "mother" screaming curses at her four year old little girls because she was "tired". People like that do not deserve to have children. I don't care how frustrated or angry you are, or even if a child has done something wrong, you just don't treat children that way. Its unfair that someone like that would be blessed with children, and someone like you has not as of yet.

Sorry about the long reply, but this thread, and all the hopeful and loving replies, has really touched me. I hope that no matter what happens to you in life, Mel, that you get your baby. I'll pray for you every chance I get. Best of luck and lots of love,

Lauren.

I had my first child in March 2002, my second in Oct 2006. With the second, we had tried for over a year & 1/2 and nothing - did not go the Dr. route or anything, but oddly enough, after we stopped the worries and stress, POOF it happened. Keep trying, but don't try too hard. All good things come to those who wait. :)

If this frustrates me, i can't imagine how you must feel. Six years...I am so sorry Melanie... In all honesty, if your miracle doesn't come, the world is not right.

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
To swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is the relief

Melanie if you choose to give up, I hope with all my heart that you DO find another window. I'm praying for you!

<3 times a gazillion &more,
Caroline

After much debate I have decided to not opt for a hysterectomy. I have also turned down an oophorectomy. I am going to keep all "my parts" until it becomes a medical necessity rather than preventative. We are no longer trying to have a baby, and I will more than likely go on the pill soon.
I can no longer ride the roller coaster of infertility.



I have posted this as a blog on my Myspace page but with infertility on the rise, affecting close to 10% of married couples, I feel it is important to post it here as well. I leave you all with this...



Infertility Etiquette - taken from www.resolve.org


Infertility Etiquette
By Vita Alligood

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. Most infertility treatments involve using hormones, which alter the user's moods. (That statement is like calling a lion a cat-my husband would tell you that the side effect is insanity!) The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money. Infertility treatments are expensive, and most insurance companies do not cover the costs. So, in addition to the pain of not conceiving a baby each month, the couple pays out anywhere from $300 to five figures, depending upon the treatment used.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

They will eventually conceive a baby.
They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.

Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.

These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.

Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?

Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.

People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.

Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"

There are many reasons why a couple would choose not to pursue this option. Here are a few of them.
IVF is Expensive with Low Odds

One cycle of IVF is very expensive. With all of the hype in the news, many people assume that IVF is a sure thing when, in fact, the odds of success for each cycle are low. Most couples cannot afford to try for one month, much less for multiple times. Considering that it also costs a significant amount of money to adopt a baby, many couples opt for the "sure thing" rather then risking their money on much lower odds.

IVF is Physically Taxing

Undergoing IVF treatments is very rigorous. The woman must inject shots into her thigh daily to cause her ovaries to superovulate. The drugs used are very taxing on the woman, and they can cause her to be become extremely emotional.

IVF Raises Ethical Issues

Ironically, couples who undergo IVF to become parents may have to selectively abort one or more fetuses if multiple eggs are fertilized. Many couples cannot bring themselves to abort a baby when they have worked so hard to become parents. If the couple chooses not to selectively abort, they run the risk of multiple births.

Don't Offer Unsolicited Opinions If They Are Trying IVF

On the flip side of the coin, don't offer unsolicited advice to your friends who do choose to try IVF. For many couples, IVF is the only way they will ever give birth to a baby. This is a huge decision for them to make, for all of the reasons I outlined above.

If the couple has resolved any ethical issues, don't muddy the waters. IVF is a gray area in many ethical circles, and many of our moral leaders don't yet know how to answer the ethical questions that have arisen from this new technology. If the couple has resolved these issues already, you only make it harder by raising the ethical questions again. Respect their decision, and offer your support. If you can't offer your support due to ethical differences of opinion, then say nothing.

A couple who chooses the IVF route has a hard, expensive road ahead, and they need your support more than ever. The hormones are no cakewalk, and the financial cost is enormous. Your friend would not be going this route if there were an easier way, and the fact that she is willing to endure so much is further proof of how much she truly wants to parent a child. The hormones will make her more emotional, so offer her your support and keep your questions to yourself.

Don't Play Doctor

Once your infertile friends are under a doctor's care, the doctor will run them through numerous tests to determine why they aren't able to conceive. There a numerous reasons that a couple may not be able to conceive. Here are a few of them:

Blocked fallopian tubes
Cysts
Endometriosis
Low hormone levels
Low "normal form" sperm count
Low progesterone level
Low sperm count
Low sperm motility
Thin uterine walls
Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject. Let your friends work with their doctor to diagnose and treat the problem. Your friends probably already know more about the causes and solutions of infertility than you will ever know.

You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject. The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about. The doctor knows more about the causes and solutions; let your friends work with their doctor to solve the problem.

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.

The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.

Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."

I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.

Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.

Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.

Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.

You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.

Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.

Remember Them on Mother's Day

With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.

Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.

Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments

No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.

Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

I am re-opening this thread for a couple of reasons.
Over the last few months my husband and I have started to question the finality of our situation. I have become bitter and numb but the hopeful feelings still fester. I am debating invitro. Part of me has problems with "playing God", other parts of me think this may be my last chance.
I suppose I am not really looking for solace here, just keeping everyone informed. Some of you have followed this from the beginning and I feel it only fair to keep you up to date.
You have all been so supportive and I would have never made it this far without some of you.

We are looking at May to start procedures again, maybe sooner depending on my mindset.

Stay tuned...

You obviously have to go with your heart and do what you feel is right and what you want. It's the only thing you really can do. You'll always second-guess yourself later if you go against your gut. I'm sorry that this has been an exhaustive road for you, hopefully you will be able to see a reward from it all.

Like always, we're all wishing you the very best on things. I hope you guys make it out of this on the other end okay.

If you really want kids, keep trying. There are other options out there, like adopting kids, (which costs lots of money) or taking in foster kids. I agree with Jane. Go with what you feel is right because only you will know. It's not too late. There are plenty of mothers your age, so you haven't missed the mark completely. You just need to think of it as a little "delayed". It will come if you put your whole heart into it because good things go to good people. Keep trying if it is a passion that you truly believe in.

If you really want kids, keep trying. There are other options out there, like adopting kids, (which costs lots of money) or taking in foster kids.

I know that you are trying to be supportive, and I am more than appreciative of that. But have you read the whole thread?
Adoption is not an option for me. This cuts to the bone and I would appreciate if everyone cease to mention it...over and over...

Melanie, I didn't mean to offend you if I did. I always read the first page of threads so I know what they're about, but I don't go around reading 61 pages of one thread. Again, sorry.

Melanie, I didn't mean to offend you if I did. I always read the first page of threads so I know what they're about, but I don't go around reading 61 pages of one thread. Again, sorry.

Thanks again. And no need to read all 6 pages...it is mentioned in the very first post.


I am closing this again until my hormones stop raging. :-)