I'd like to end this feud as painless as possible and I need some feedback.
I have an outrageous family (outrageous as in "betrayal") In some way or another, at least one member of my family, if not all, have been ridiculed just because we're not like them. My cousins and I used to be really close. It wasn't until some years ago my feelings towards them changed, right around the time I was 13 to be exact. That was also about the time I was diagnosed with depression. I guess my cousin could see a change in me and my younger brother, one that she felt wasn't good for her daughter being exposed to. I was invited to go to thanksgiving dinner with the family. Me being a family-loving person, I was looking forward to this annual get together. A couple days before the big dinner, my grandma talked to me, and told me my cousin didn't want me there because she felt I was a bad influence on her daughter. Then she told my grandma to choose between me and her. My grandma was appalled by this, and I was floored the cousin I once looked up to had actually said that. So my grandma made her choice -me...YAY!- and my cousin made a pathetic attempt to apologize to both my grandma and myself. Back then, I was this immature 13 year old who didn't think much of things. Now I look back on it and I'm not too happy.
I know it's not mature to live in the past, but it steams me the other side of the family thinks they're better than everyone else. The only reason they think that is because someone is a doctor, a lawyer, or a high placement in the church (religion talk again, sorry).
what would be the best way for me to confront my "high-and-mighty" family with this problem. I want to let them know how I'm feeling WITHOUT being rude, which could be a problem because I have a lot on my mind about what's recently taken place. That's another story, but I didn't want to bore you with something killer.

Hmm. Well, there's not much advice I can give you. Some people are just assholes like that and make judgments before they find out the truth.

Perhaps, you could get in touch with this cousin and ask her exactly what she thinks is a bad influence. Tell her the facts. Ask her why she's willing to let a once-healthy relationship fall apart.

If she still turns up her nose...well then I don't know anything else to tell you except to stay out of touch. Maybe continue to stay in touch with her daughter. Keep up the good feelings with the family members you do have who aren't shallow enough to jump to conclusions (your grandmother rules for standing up for you like that, btw).

I can't give you any better advice...I don't have issues like that in my family, so I can't speak from experience at all. Hopefully, I helped a bit :) Good luck.

Wow, that made me mad just reading it so I can see as to why you are still bitter.
I think I would try writing her a letter. It might be theraputic for you as well to get out all of your feelings on paper. I do not think however that you should tip-toe around the issue. I think that you should tell her exactly how it made you feel (not being rude of course) just matter-of-factly. It kinda sounds like you were going through enough of your own problems and the last thing you needed was "family" to kick you while you were down.
As for you being a bad influence on her daughter, how much of an impression does it make to turn your back on your family. I don't see how that is a very good impression to impose on her daughter either. Like they say..."Those who live in glass houses, should not throw stones". (sorry I am the Queen of cliches)
I think that I would probably lay it all out but then let her know that she is important to you. Truly if she wasn't this wouldn't hurt so bad. If she doesn't reach out after your efforts then it might be best to call your losses. Sometimes just knowing that you tried will make you feel better.

I wish you luck and please let us know what you decide and how it goes.:)

The one cousin won't even talk to me anymore these days, 6 stinking years after this happened. Maybe she's afraid of me...possibly. Then again she has no reason to be afraid of me, unless she says stupid crap like she said that one night. I think she finds me intimidating, which insults me because she's not even willing to take the time to get to know me anymore. I feel she thinks the only thing me and her have in common is we dealt with sexual assault at some point in our lives. Unlike her, I'm open about it. I'm through living in the past and I have nothing to hide. It's wrong of me to bag on her about that but I think that has a lot to do with this whole relationship problem. She came up to me one day, apologized, told me her story, and also told me I could talk to her about anything. I know back then she wanted to patch things up. Now she has 4 kids and for some reason won't even talk to me. I know I have a lot to do with this.
My aunt and I are still on speaking terms. She wasn't too pleased about this altercation either and had even insisted on me coming to the dinner. I'm extremely stubborn, so I didn't go.
I've written more than a few letters to my cousin, but my mom wouldn't let me send them because I have a tendency to be vulgar when I'm really upset. I've learned to control that thanks to assertive living classes I took in school. As far as the relationship between me and my cousin goes, I'd rather not repair it. So maybe I'll end things on a sweet note by sending a plate of cookies, a cake, or send her a nice, long letter letting her know exactly what I think of her (in an assertive/positive way of course). I don't know though. I've got enough things to worry about right now at this point in time. Maybe it's not even worth worrying about.

I've got enough things to worry about right now at this point in time. Maybe it's not even worth worrying about.

we all worry about things, even if we would rather not think about them.

the question you need to ask yourself is why do you feel it is so important? do you want some way to PROVE to them that they were wrong. Show them that they are not as great as they think they are.

if they are as bad as you say, no letter will change anything. People who think they are better than you, well, no matter what you do they will always think that. They are not going to suddenly read your letter or whatever, and suddenly be like "Oh, we were so wrong."

You need to just let go. We all have the desire to prove ourselves to others. We all kinda want to be all "In your face" about things people were wrong about, especially when their actions hurt us so. But, we don't always get to do it, nor should we always do it.

You only get 1 family, and you may not always like them. I think it is best to bury the hatchett. You were both young, immature, and maybe did or said some stupid things. It's not worth bringing it all up again and rehashing it and finger pointing. If you really want your family back in your life, then you have to forgive it and let it go. Even if you don't want them back in your life, you still have to let go of this resentment.

it's your choice whether you want to have a friendship, or even some sort of civil relationship, with your cousins. But, know that if they are so "high and mighty", you may just wind up upsetting and frustrating yourself more by pursuing this.

I'd like to end this feud as painless as possible and I need some feedback.
I have an outrageous family (outrageous as in "betrayal") In some way or another, at least one member of my family, if not all, have been ridiculed just because we're not like them. My cousins and I used to be really close. It wasn't until some years ago my feelings towards them changed, right around the time I was 13 to be exact. That was also about the time I was diagnosed with depression. I guess my cousin could see a change in me and my younger brother, one that she felt wasn't good for her daughter being exposed to.I don't understand. WHY did she not want you around her daughter? Did you DO something, or did she just not like your personality?
I was invited to go to thanksgiving dinner with the family. Me being a family-loving person, I was looking forward to this annual get together. A couple days before the big dinner, my grandma talked to me, and told me my cousin didn't want me there because she felt I was a bad influence on her daughter. Then she told my grandma to choose between me and her. My grandma was appalled by this, and I was floored the cousin I once looked up to had actually said that. So my grandma made her choice -me...YAY!- and my cousin made a pathetic attempt to apologize to both my grandma and myself. Back then, I was this immature 13 year old who didn't think much of things. Now I look back on it and I'm not too happy.
I know it's not mature to live in the past, but it steams me the other side of the family thinks they're better than everyone else. The only reason they think that is because someone is a doctor, a lawyer, or a high placement in the church (religion talk again, sorry).
what would be the best way for me to confront my "high-and-mighty" family with this problem. I want to let them know how I'm feeling WITHOUT being rude, which could be a problem because I have a lot on my mind about what's recently taken place. That's another story, but I didn't want to bore you with something killer.If you need to talk about it and get it out of your mind, maybe you could talk to your grandmother since she seems to care.
The one cousin won't even talk to me anymore these days, 6 stinking years after this happened. Maybe she's afraid of me...possibly. Then again she has no reason to be afraid of me, unless she says stupid crap like she said that one night. I think she finds me intimidating, which insults me because she's not even willing to take the time to get to know me anymore. I feel she thinks the only thing me and her have in common is we dealt with sexual assault at some point in our lives. Unlike her, I'm open about it. I'm through living in the past and I have nothing to hide. It's wrong of me to bag on her about that but I think that has a lot to do with this whole relationship problem. She came up to me one day, apologized, told me her story, and also told me I could talk to her about anything. I know back then she wanted to patch things up. Now she has 4 kids and for some reason won't even talk to me. I know I have a lot to do with this.
My aunt and I are still on speaking terms. She wasn't too pleased about this altercation either and had even insisted on me coming to the dinner. I'm extremely stubborn, so I didn't go.Next time, GO! You don't have to put your own life on hold just because someone else doesn't like you. When you don't go somewhere because of this, you are just giving someone else more power over you.
I've written more than a few letters to my cousin, but my mom wouldn't let me send them because I have a tendency to be vulgar when I'm really upset. I've learned to control that thanks to assertive living classes I took in school. As far as the relationship between me and my cousin goes, I'd rather not repair it. So maybe I'll end things on a sweet note by sending a plate of cookies, a cake, or send her a nice, long letter letting her know exactly what I think of her (in an assertive/positive way of course). I don't know though. I've got enough things to worry about right now at this point in time. Maybe it's not even worth worrying about.I really don't think you should bother. I wouldn't. You have the ability to carefully choose the people you want in your life, and family is no exception to this. DNA does NOT equal a relationship. Be yourself, go about your business, and don't let one person influence whether you go somewhere or not.

Amen to Sunshine and Lady. I have a bad habit of holding grudges. Can't change the past and what's done is done. I'm willing to put this behind me as long as she doesn't pull another stunt like this again. Needless to say, I have a lot of problems with that side of the family- I feel like i'm dealing with the McCoy's and the Hatfields. Oh well. Time to move on. Damn me. Thanks for the advice everyone.