I want to keep this person anonymous so I'll use the name June.

For some reason, I am physically and emotionally reacting to something very mundane, even though I know that I'm okay with it. June isn't even a drinker. Occasionally, and very rarely, she sips alcoholic drinks. She's 16. That's it. Nothing more. She has a good head on her shoulders and she knows what she's doing. She has no intention of going out and getting hammered but she does, in the future, plan on drinking socially. A buzz, at most, and that's years away. It's mostly beer which, in the alcohol game, is low-proof and fairly harmless. She is also so close to her family that she wouldn't be able to get away with it, even though she wouldn't anyway. She's always supervised. I must remind you it's just sipping. I told her that I have no qualms with it. I, myself, think the drinking age in this country is ridiculous. It's even healthy to drink a little bit, on a daily basis no less. I trust her to make the right choices. So why I am so reactive to it? My heart rate jumps and my breathing changes and I can't think of anything but the drinking whenever it comes up. I don't get it. Is it because I'm overprotective or is it me trying to cope with the rampant alcoholism in my bloodline or do I see myself in what she does and dislike it? To me, if anyone can control themself, it's her. And I feel like a bad person when I get like this.

I think it's because you know the potential dangers if it were to get out of control. My husband is one of those drinkers that can take it or leave it. He hasn't had a beer, or any alcohol, in over 5 months and is ok with that. My brother, however, is a raging alcoholic. It is complete poison to him. He nearly killed himself in a drunken stupor and is the reason my husband no longer drinks. Both of them started drinking in their teens. But neither one of them could predict the effects, or lack of , that alcohol would have on their lives. And it always starts with just a little sip.

I, personally, never found it necessary to add alcohol to a situation, social or otherwise, to improve it. When I was younger I went to shows with my friends who would get completely wasted before getting there. I was the only one who remembered any details from the night. It just didn't make sense to me. I want to feel every moment. To numb an experience with alcohol is to lessen it, and I'm just not willing to do that. Share you concerns, but ultimately she is the only one who will be in control of the situation and what choices she makes while drinking.

I'm fairly traumatized, I must admit. My dad is a raging alcoholic. I've been dealing with him for nine straight years, thirteen years after his divorce with my mom. He gets drunk probably six times a week, he drives drunk a lot (I'm considering calling the police on him), and he gets aggressive. He yells violently and used to hit my mother. He tends to get drunk at very inappropriate times, like picking me up from camp or the day I came home from my major surgery with my mom. He wasn't here and when he did finally arrive, he took my experience out on mom, yelling at the woman he divorced seven years before. His immune and nervous system is shot, and I do blame his consumption. His colds last for two weeks and he is never doing anything but working, even spending vacation days just napping because his body can't recover as well as, say, a healthy person's.

His mother is the catalyst to all this, whom when her husband died in 1972, spoiled her boys rotten, and spends all her remaining days thinking her boys are the hot shit. She spends most of her time in some pub. A nearly 76 year old woman driving home drunk is just insane. My dad was one of the biggest stoners in his high school and I sort of blame his mother for his new found 'independence.' Early in his marriage, in fact, he'd ask my mom for money when he spent all his for speed and pot. Now that I'm older, I realized he even had a bong in his room until we were old enough to know what it was. And recently, I've confronted my dad. His little issues are rubbing off on me because my poor mother hasn't lived with us in nine years, whom I feel like I screwed out of motherhood, and it came out in a fight with someone close to me. I don't want to be my dad, and I think this is where this is coming from.

I'm sure it has to do with your dad being an alcoholic. But remember. All things are good in moderation. If you can't do something in moderation, you shouldn't do it at all. If your friend can drink in moderation (and it's ok with her parents) then by all means, let it be so.

we cannot apply rational to emotions. Life would be very simple if we could, but we cannot help how we feel.

no doubt, due to your family history, there is a deep fear inside of you of drinking. Perhaps you are worried that her enjoying a drink now would lead to her enjoying ALOT of drinks later. You are aware of how something like this can get out of control, and lead to alcholism.

I am not sure what to tell you. Trying to convince yourself of something is very hard. Your head tells you one thing, but that phobia inside of you aggitates everything

To me, if anyone can control themself, it's her.

She does not see drinking as wrong. She sips either wine or beer because she likes the taste. she is not doing it to get drunk, or to "be cool". it is not about controlling anything.

it is good you are aware of your father's problems, and what lead him to be that way. trying to avoid this behavior in yourself is good. But not everyone who drinks is going to become and alcoholic, least of all your friend. I would only worry if you start to see "problem" behavior in her, as in sneeking alcohol, getting drunk by it, things like that.

To be honest, I think it may be because you feel protective of her.Even though you know she does have a good head on her shoulders, you are afraid maybe something might happen to her. It could also be be because of your dad. Although, I do strongly believe it is because you feel protective of her. I know my male friends are alot like that, they feel protective of me,worrying if I do something like that or what not. I hope I was able to help you out a little bit,as you know you have done so much for me. :)
-Jessica

Just try to keep in mind that nearly ALL young people are like this. As long as she is not drinking to hide from her life or her problems then it is fine.

IMO she shouldn't be 'sipping' any kind of alcohol at all. She's underage and its against the law for a very good reason. Heck, even those of age can have a problem controlling/moderating their intake, as seen by the previous posts in this thread. To introduce the mild poison that is booze at an early age can also damage growing bodies and have a deterious effect on the brain. If she's 'sipping' at sixteen, what do you think she'll be up to by the time she's twenty-one?

Andy

Just try to keep in mind that nearly ALL young people are like this. As long as she is not drinking to hide from her life or her problems then it is fine. That's right. That nearly all young people, what April is talking about includes me. I do drink sometimes though I'm only 16. I do it for fun though I know it's not very wise. And I don't think anyone who knows me could say that they are too worried about that or I could become an alchoholist. Of course there is always a risk of that, but if June has a good head on her shoulders like you said and her drinking doesn't become a habit or it doesn't get any worse, I'd say you don't have to worry. I hope what I said doesn't sound stupid and it's great that se has a good friend like you who worries about her Scott.

IMO she shouldn't be 'sipping' any kind of alcohol at all. She's underage and its against the law for a very good reason. Heck, even those of age can have a problem controlling/moderating their intake, as seen by the previous posts in this thread. To introduce the mild poison that is booze at an early age can also damage growing bodies and have a deterious effect on the brain. If she's 'sipping' at sixteen, what do you think she'll be up to by the time she's twenty-one?

Andy

I disagree. She is sipping alcohol (perhaps some wine at dinner) because she sees nothing wrong with alcohol in moderation. Again, she is doing it in front of her parents. It is not like she is doing it to "be cool" and get drunk. She likes a glass of wine with dinner, or a beer once in a while. Is anything so wrong with that? It's not like she's sneeking 6-packs with her friends.

I disagree. She is sipping alcohol (perhaps some wine at dinner) because she sees nothing wrong with alcohol in moderation. Again, she is doing it in front of her parents. It is not like she is doing it to "be cool" and get drunk. She likes a glass of wine with dinner, or a beer once in a while. Is anything so wrong with that? It's not like she's sneeking 6-packs with her friends.
i would have to agree with you on this.
for one, look at european countries.. many countries over there, the children grow up drinking wine with their dinner.

when it isn't a big deal, a "forbidden fruit"
and you only drink in moderation, then it's not as big a deal to you

but when it isn't allowed and it's something you're not used to, you're probably more likely to want to get totally wasted

i don't think it's bad as long as she isn't getting totally drunk or anything. there is nothing wrong with drinking if it's done in moderation.

the problem comes with the people who don't have that "off" button and drink til theyre drunk.

i understand your worry for your friend. sometimes, i admit, i will drink a little bit, but never get drunk. for example, last week i was at an anniversary party for my aunt and uncle's 25th, and it was finely catered (theyre wealthy, they have lots of wealthy friends..) and at each place was a glass of champagne.
at $120 a bottle, i drank my glass, but that's all.
it's not like i grabbed a bottle and downed the whole thing, got up on the table and started my own one-person-dance-party...
i also had water with it. i just happen to like the taste, and it was there, and i asked my mother before i even touched it.


i understand your fears from your past, but your friend seems like she is being responsible enough. don't worry for her...

We had a chance to speak and I apologized. She cited it wasn't a big deal. We talked about it and she has no intention on having a glass or downing a full beer for example. It's just one sip basically. Her parents rarely drink and none of her friends do and she really has no will to drink. She has an oral fixation. She likes new tastes and chewing on things, etc. This was mostly about my problematic reaction to something so small.