I just thought I'd take some time to type somethings that I have learned about life. I've been through a lot of pretty big things in my life, but more so in the past few years, and I've learned a lot. Since a lot of people here PM me asking for advice, I figured I'd just post some of it for everyone. Please continue to PM me though, I love hearing from you guys. <3

To start this off....I'm really not one to take advice. I like to figure things out for myself. It's better that way. But this right here is the best piece of advice I've ever been given. In one of those "I don't know what to do" situations. Where all you can do is panic and cry...

Sometimes you just do nothing.

Think about that.

Life is not fair. Make sure you can separate between reality and dreams. But be a dreamer. Always be a dreamer. Find inspiration in everything. And if your reality seems to be killing you, you just have to try harder to justify it. Things can change so fast. So fast. Nothing that happens today will be forever in life. Life is hard. But pain makes us stronger and wiser. Take your pain and ponder it...When you think about life, you tend to appreciate it more. You will see that what is now, will not always be, and that everything will make you stronger. If that didn't kill you, then this won't either.

Take each problem and learn from it. Let nothing destroy you. Nothing CAN destroy you unless you let it. Experience forces you to think. Like I just said, you must learn to justify all the negative things for yourself. Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is just for the experience and the wisdom that will spawn from it.

There is no one person for you that will ever be able to provide unfailing support and happiness all the time just the way you feel you need it. You will undoubtly be disappointed if you expect this. You will never be okay in life until you can rely on yourself when no one else seems to be there. Think about life a lot. Just think a lot. Let people love you, and believe that they really do care, but trust in yourself as well. I walk around talking to myself all the time and people think I'm crazy for it. But I swear it works. Nobody can justify your life for you except for yourself.

Your broken heart will heal, despite what it feels like right now. You will feel like you don't want it to stop hurting, because you don't want to let go, but that too will pass. You will find that you can hold on to those memories without the hurt in time.

And don't let anyone convince you you're a bad person if a part of you knows that you're not. Some people can't deal with others being who they are (this obviously discludes any type of abuse) and so they blame that on them. The depths of depression are borne from self-hatred...Avoid that road at all costs. You are special and you have just as much inner potential as the rest of us. Let no one convince you that you are responsible for their pain if you truly have done but be yourself, and be respectful. They must accept that for themself.

Avoid addictions of all types as if they are not even an option. Because in the end, they are not. Take this one from me personally. You are always, ALWAYS worse off than you were to begin with when you are finally forced to recover. When your brain loses the "haze" that you feel constantly making your numb because of drugs...reality will be harsher than ever. It's terrifying. Stay away from that.

Physical pain feels like it takes away the pain in your heart...and it does, temporarily. But anyone who has ever been a cutter knows that in time, it is not what it used to be. No one can deny that. It's a case of "You can do this to me, but look what I can do to myself... You can't hurt me like I can hurt me." Once you break into the reality that it is no longer helping like it once did, you feel even more lost. You do it in times of anger and panic...Just to spite yourself and others; just because it seems like the lines of blood will always be there, even when nothing else is. Cutting is the worst addiction, in my opinion because it is a sober addiction. You crave it in a sober mind, it becomes the answer to everything.

The only way to stop is to just not let yourself. I know how intense the urges and anxiety get. Trust me. Just don't do it. Cry, scream, listen to music, write...Do whatever you can. Just don't hurt yourself. Don't let yourself do it. It's a cycle you must break right away.

Also, there comes a time when you have to realize that suicide is just not an answer. We've all though it...Whether you've seriously considered it...No one really knows but you. Like I said, you never know what will happen. Don't make permanent decisions for temporary circumstances. Your death would hurt more people than you realize. You would regret it. Life is uncertain, but death even more so. One day there will be something worth all the pain you feel now. You don't want to miss that.

What is meant to be, will be in the end. Don't deprive yourself of that.

<3

Awesome words and good advice. If you don't mind me adding a little to the thread, thought I'd post one of the blogs I posted on my MySpace. Just one of the things I've learned along the way:

Everyone has a different outlook on life. How we should handle our thoughts, our problems and each other. We all have a different view of what type of point we should be at when we reach a certain age. And far to many of us would put so much onto ourselves in order to see that we get there on time and to our own perfection. Trouble is, sometimes as much as we put into, we put aside ourselves to get there and try to make the image the forefront, while bottling what truly matters all inside. And when we feel the crack, who do we go to? The people we know have been given a preconcieved notion of who we are, and how could they accept or understand us when we falter?

Some of us think we have only ourselves to rely on in life and moving along as such, attaining the use of others when we see them fit. But we live in a world full of each other and not everyone we meet will allow themselves to become another notch. The chance for alientation is quite high...although is alienation really feasible when it's practically a life style? I dunno...Don't treat the people you meet as ants passing through your life.

Some of us move through life trying to keep others happy. Conflict is a scary and foreign ground. But at what price do we keep it as such? No matter who the person or people is/are. Family, friends, colleagues. No one is always happy and the sound of one person clapping is a lonely sound.

What am I getting at? I really dont know. I've seen a little of each of these qualities in myself and others now and over the years. And I still have quite a path to tread. As do we all. And I've learned that we cant always rely on others, and we cannot always rely on ourselves. We can easily be our own saboteurs just as well as anyone else we meet.

We can't always dwell and regret over our mistakes. We all falter on our way, but we have to get back up and learn and to adapt. Don't regret, but learn. Reach out to someone when you dont know how to handle it yourself. Not everyone will be quick to offer a hand, an ear, or a shoulder. Those that stick there with you will be the ones worth fighting for, worth dying for, there are those worth it, even if we cant or wont see it. But dont rely on others always. We have to take responsibliity for ourselves. Every choice we make will lead us somewhere, whether it's the right one or not, we may not find until later on the line. But like I said, learn, even if it takes multiple times. We tread our own paths. And our heritage will carry as far as we put into it.

Now, to the cliche. We live in uncertain times. It's been as such for years, even if we (parents included) tend to remember the shiny moments. Every generation has been just as dangerous as the last. I should hope that we know to cherish the moments. Even if we're to busy planning for the next moment to pay attention to the one that we're in now. But every time we step outside, we like to have a plan. But all it takes is one thing. And everything changes. Everything could be gone. And who or what will we leave behind? A facade, an object, or maybe no one. Or maybe our friends, our family, who will recall stories of us. Some might be happy, some might be sad, or maybe even angry. But at least someone will know that we were alive. And each day we have the chance to impact onto someone new, let them see us and imprint a little of ourselves onto them. Don't be overly open, but be aware.

We all have our time. We all have our space in this world. What is there after, thats up to you cause I'll remain mute on the subject. But we are here and we are now. Make with it what you will.

Thank you both for the words. It's been a little rough here lately.

Chris...I've really enjoyed talking to you in the past few years. I know not many people here know how much you've been through in life and how much you've struggled.

But nothing with that, and nothing that you've done here has gone unnoticed by me. My first memories of this board are of you. I always felt welcome here because of you. I still remember the conversations we had on AIM long ago, and the advice that you gave to me. You are an absolutely incredible person Chris...You deserve so much more than what you are being offered. I believe that you'll get it all one day. Stay strong.

<3

April has a good point; forget about relationships until you can accept yourself and all of your strengths and weaknesses. Really. It takes a lot of time and effort on your part, but it is worth it.

I am not comfortable with who I am or where I am headed in life, and haven't been for a long time due to a number of reasons, and yes, I do avoid relationships with women out of this (poor self-esteem and other factors also play a part).

Logically speaking, if I don't know and/or appreciate my identity, and no-one will ever be able to know myself better than I IMHO, then how the hell can I expect someone else to!?

I do regret my situation and how I ended up like this on a regular basis. I'm slowly making progress on that end.

Being tested under pressure in any activity helps you understand who you are exacly. It's unpleasant as hell, but it is worthwhile.

"On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow." - Nietzsche

Thank you so much for that post April. It brought tears to my eyes, and at the moment I am struggling to keep from going into my old habits and your post helps a lot. And also your post Deus13.

I am scared of relationships, i want one but freak out when i know or feel I am getting into one. But its not an issue I want to deal with at the moment.

I get through my bad thoughts of ending my life by thinking of what is to come. I think ahead. Even though before when I was really bad I couldn't do that. But with help around me, and my friends, they showed me I have things to look forward to and they gave me a future to think about. I just think to myself I just have to get through these few months (or how ever long) and it will all be different.

Life is such a bitch sometimes and I find its sometimes you or some one around you that bring you down. And really you just have to find a way of dealing with that person. With me it was people at work, if some one yelled at me I would cry and I would just want everything to end. Its a fear when some one yells at me, I get scared and I want to escape the feeling of the fright and the sadness the person brings me. Even when my parents yell at me I feel the same even worse.

I know the feeling of
Physical pain feels like it takes away the pain in your heart...and it does, temporarily. But anyone who has ever been a cutter knows that in time, it is not what it used to be.
After a while it doesn't feel the same and you go to higher extremes, and harm yourself where it is more dangerous and intense.
Its better to stop the habit before it gets to that point.

Life is about coping, that is what I have learnt. Coping with death, coping with broken hearts, coping with other peoples bullshit and coping with yourself, and sometimes if you are unlucky like so may people I no, you have to cope with other peoples greed and crime.
But just remember your going to meet horrible people that bring you down, but also you meet some kick arss people that just make you realise how special, beautiful and unique you really are, and their the people that are worth everything, worth living for and just people you don’t want to lose.
Thinking ahead positively and thinking about all the wonderful things that are to come is one way of pulling me through a bad moment.

But be a dreamer. Always be a dreamer. I think that once all the crap in your life is over and done with and even while you are dealing with it dreams are sometimes all you have and are something to strive for, to keep you going. You will never be okay in life until you can rely on yourself when no one else seems to be there.That is something i'm definitely going to think about often because it's so true. People never really know how you feel exactly, only you do. When your brain loses the "haze" that you feel constantly making your numb because of drugs...reality will be harsher than ever. It's terrifying. Stay away from that.Just the idea of that scares me, I've never done any drugs or anything and that'll definitely keep me away from them.It's a case of "You can do this to me, but look what I can do to myself... You can't hurt me like I can hurt me." The only way to stop is to just not let yourself. I know how intense the urges and anxiety get. Trust me. Just don't do it. Cry, scream, listen to music, write...Do whatever you can. Just don't hurt yourself. Don't let yourself do it. It's a cycle you must break right away. Although it may sounds vain, another thing that keeps me from doing that is the scars i'll be left with. "Do i want anyone seeing them? no." and i want to be able to wear my grad dress without feeling like everyone can see right through me. I haven't done it for a long time, over a year now, which i'm proud of.Your death would hurt more people than you realize. I find suicide to be quite selfish. Taking your own life will destoy those of the people you are leaving behind. Think about them before taking such drastic measures.

Thank you April for all you've said, i'll definitely resort to this post when i need to.

<3 Ashley

..Wow.

Well I'm going to post something that made me think...a lot.

"Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall." - The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Gee...I loved that. Is that from a book?
All of that was so true...Where can I get a copy? lol
Thanks for posting <3

It's beautiful isn't it? It's a book yeah, it has different sections, the section I posted was on "Joy and Sorrow".

http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html

You can read all the other sections online, if you don't want to buy the book lol. The book is called The Prophet by the way. Enjoy. <3

I just read this somewhere, and I think it's quite true. <3



As we grow up, We learn that even the one person that wasn'tsupposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend because you're so scared of how much they're changing. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt, but alwas be aware. Every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

<3

Every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Thanks for posting it April<3 I like the last part...it's so true...

Thank you so much for this post. It really makes me feel better, especially this part. People often make me feel bad... but if I keep this in my head, then I will feel better all the time. Thank you :)

And don't let anyone convince you you're a bad person if a part of you knows that you're not. Some people can't deal with others being who they are (this obviously discludes any type of abuse) and so they blame that on them. The depths of depression are borne from self-hatred...Avoid that road at all costs. You are special and you have just as much inner potential as the rest of us. Let no one convince you that you are responsible for their pain if you truly have done but be yourself, and be respectful. They must accept that for themself.

Well, I must say thank you so much April. I don't know you too well, but for you to post all of that it seems you are a strong person for doing so. As I read your post, I thought a lot about what you said. As for the cutting, I know what you mean by that. I've had a tough expirence going through that and I'm glad I have stopped myself from doing harm to my body. I do regret it but at times I feel like going back to it because thats all that solved my problems, I had nothing else and when I felt down or depressed I would turn to that. I don't know what I can do to thank you for posting that, it really made me think about a lot of things and it put tears in my eyes. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I am here to listen, just as i'm sure you would be for me even though you don't really know me. Thank you really, and what you posted here really made me think a lot about everything.

I just read this somewhere, and I think it's quite true. <3



As we grow up, We learn that even the one person that wasn'tsupposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend because you're so scared of how much they're changing. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt, but alwas be aware. Every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

<3

Your a really great person for posting all this.


Once again

Thank you,
Christina

There's a very good strategy IMHO, because let's face it, making youself feel good temporarily without changing your way of thinking (in this case where your thinking is a case for chronic sadness/poor self-esteem/whatever) doesn't really help out.

Your mind is a place that is being rented by your thoughts. Each thought can either be a "cost" or an "investment". The former will lead you away from being happy and achieving what you'd like to achieve, the latter towards it. Make up your mind to how you want youur thoughts to be like; a cost or an investment. You alone give meaning to your feelings, no-one else does. If you think you can't do something, then you never will.

wow. all of thats just something amazing. its great to hear people talk like that, i wish there was more of it. when you feel that way, the best thing to happen is to know that someone feels the exact same as you do. i'm pretty much going through everything bad all at once, so it kinda sucks being awake at times, and this thread really helped with that, to step out of that a little bit. thanks to everybody who did this, and if anyone does read this, if you could add some more, i think that would be great. whatever it is, just say more.

I had a rather touching conversation with a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a while. They were telling me of how they are "tired of being alone" ....This is something I have been hearing quite often lately.

I pretty much reinstated what I've already said here, but also I explained to him this..

life passes people by because they spend eternal time searching for what is not there. They take life for granted looking for something that is not meant to be right now.

Silence is realization
and solitude is completion

You are a living, breathing human being. You have been granted a life. One life that is but a single crack in the road of time.

Don't take it for granted because of your longing for someone else.
Search inside your heart instead of searching what is around you.
It is there only that you will find what you are missing.

[COLOR="White"]life passes people by because they spend eternal time searching for what is not there. They take life for granted looking for something that is not meant to be right now.


but here's where i have trouble, i used to be like that. i was tired of being alone and i didn't want to be alone, but i wasn't looking for something. not that i realize that that happened naturally, its harder for me to try and think and live like that again. i can't, i don't know how. its like when you go to a doctor and he puts the stethescope on your back and says 'take a deep breath. ok, now breathe normal'. how the fuck do you breathe normal? not saying that i have anything against doctors or stethescopes(except the spelling) for that matter, but i'm trying to 'breathe regular', as in live natually, and i don't know how because when i try, it contradicts the theory, but if i don't try...i don't know how to not try anymore. i guess i'm just too afraid of falling again cause i'm still trying to work my way up from the last time. i don't know how to just be me out in the world. i can be me when i've been alone for hours, listening and writing music, but when i get out there with everybody else, its like i can't be me, i have to be somebody else. not somebody else, but just a brighter version of me and i don't know why that is. maybe its because i'm contantly thinking about what people who have hurt me and i no longer am a part of are thinking about me. i guess i just want them to see that i'm better off without them and i'm perfectly fine, but i'm really not and the more i do that, the more i become fake and die inside. whoa, i had an epiphany just now, rambling is cool. but still, thats just tip of the iceberg.

April, you always have so many good things to say <3...

I agree though, while lonlieness is a common feeling amoung most human beings, it is best to rely on yourself more than anybody else. I can honestly admit, that it's a nice feeling when you feel you have somone that takes that lonlieness away a little, but it's even better when you can feel that you don't need someone to be happy. I like to be alone, so it doesn't so much bother me that I don't have several people around me, loving me all the time. I have gotten so used to not having to rely on other people that now it's part of who I am. But I of course, like all people, feel lonely at one point or another but it is also a feeling I have learned to overlook and a feeling that is part of life. April,you're awsome.

April, you always have so many good things to say <3...

I agree though, while lonlieness is a common feeling amoung most human beings, it is best to rely on yourself more than anybody else. I can honestly admit, that it's a nice feeling when you feel you have somone that takes that lonlieness away a little, but it's even better when you can feel that you don't need someone to be happy. I like to be alone, so it doesn't so much bother me that I don't have several people around me, loving me all the time. I have gotten so used to not having to rely on other people that now it's part of who I am. But I of course, like all people, feel lonely at one point or another but it is also a feeling I have learned to overlook and a feeling that is part of life. April,you're awsome.
see?! i wanna feel like THAT again. i envy you and old me...
i guess, in the end, its all about how you deal with it and how you get through something. sometimes you have to turn your back on the things you knew because, in reality, you don't know it like you used to and you can't be afraid to just be alone sometimes. even if you're alone in crowded hallways.

April,

The advice you've posted here is so true-it's amazing that you know at 18 what it took me twenty-odd years to work out. The advice is totally, unequivocally true. The truth is when we go through bad times in life we get something that money just cannot buy-life experience. I'm coming to the end of my twenties now and I've had one shitty decade (major illness, realizing I'd screwed my life up going into the wrong damn profession, several Christmasses in a row with deaths in the family, stabbed in the back by so many people I'd given my everything to and sacrificed everything for....), but the truth is, as I look back I wouldn't now have it any other way. Why? Well because it's made me HAVE to be strong, I've HAD to be my own best friend through all this.

Remember what hurts today will provide the lesson that will help you tomorrow. If you haven't know pain in your life, how can you have experienced life itself, and if you haven't done that, how can you know who you are.

When I was younger I always thought the old saying that 'that which does not kill us makes us stronger' was a stinking pile of mouldy old baloney. Now I'm older I see that it's one of the simplest truest things ever written.

This is a poem that one of my teachers keeps in her classroom, and my mom has a copy of it. I'd like to get it framed.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength and spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all it's sham and drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Written By Max Ehrman, 1927

When the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be

When the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be

For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Delayed:
Take each problem and learn from it. Let nothing destroy you. Nothing CAN destroy you unless you let it.

I think there are many different people in many different situations and stages in life that deep down need to have this reiterated to them from all angles. :)

Those things are all so true and I'm glad someone posted them because I know I'm happier now that I've read them. I will remember them:).

I don't know if this will be of any help to anyone but this is an inspirational poem.

The Guy in the Glass
by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

I figured I'd throw in my two cents while I'm at it.

Quite a few people on here were really there for me when my ex and I broke up. I learned so much from each one of them, it was incredible. But, I believe, out of them all, April was one of those in which I learned the most. I have realized that problems that seem so huge at the time, will seem as if they were mole hills later down the road. You will move on and be happy again. Never let one breakup end you, that would be quitting, you will get no where in this life by giving up,but by pushing on will you succed.

Sometimes we hear this quote alot,but dont exactly realize the meaning. I know I definatly didnt realize it until recently. I would sum it up by saying that the mistakes made, you will learn from. Even if you think that your abusive boyfriend was all your fault and you should have seen it, we learn from out hard times.-"What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger."
-Jessica

I love this poem and feel that it is really inspirational so I thought I'd share it.

'If' by rudyard kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Here's something else that I have learned.

Some people will never change the way they treat you. Not because they can't, but because deep down they really don't want to. For example, a boyfriend or girlfriend who lies to you about things, or cheats on you, or hits you or anything.

I'm not saying they won't ever change, but I am telling you not to keep letting yourself be put through the same things over and over again because you want things to change so badly, that you almost believed that one day it will.

Love is not about that.

"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end... And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love." -The Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end... And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love." -The Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

That is the ONLY part of the Bible I will ever believe or see as right. And it is. Thank you very much for posting that.

Apryl, I hope you don't mind me posting this in your thread... But I was watching a movie the other night and I really like this one quote that one of the characters said. It's simple, but so true. "There's too much goddamn beauty to quit...." It just really stuck with me, and I thought I'd post it.

This is what I read every time I get scared of death:

Then Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."

And he said:

You would know the secret of death.

But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?

The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.

If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.

For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;

And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.

Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?

Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

And one more thing. Something that more parents should understand:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I can promis you that hurting yourself in anyway helps no one..Expecialy when it comes to suicide.Theres somthing I wrote in a journal at a time when I realy hated my life that I think belongs here.

Never write I love you on a suicide note.Its a lie.Your lieing to evryone who loves you because if you loved them then you wouldn't have hurt them.Thats all you acheive by killing yourself.You don't feel the pain anymore but you can't feel happy about it because you cant feel anything and its your fault.Suicid dosnt get rid of your pain.It just spreads it to the people who love you.They love you and you leave them.You betray them.You stab them in the back with those last three words, I love you.Dont brake there hearts because you couldn't handle your hearbrake.Don't let that be the last thing they have to remember you by.

Its odd that I had found this thread at this time when I wanted to give up on love, because looking at what evryone wrote and what I wrote a couple years back reminded me that love is why im still alive.I had forgotten about how much the very people who are making me afraid to love anyone are the reasons im still here to feel fear or love or anything at all.It just proves that you can't always count on the people you love to always love you but when they do love you it is a gift.Its a prity horrible way to repay them by leaving them forever.It dosn't matter if you don't feel loved at the moment because chances are somone out there dose love you.Even if you belive that no one loves you now somone may.You may be the greatest love in somones life.If you die now then you take away there chance and your chance at experiencing that.If not love then theres is SOMTHING you will experience that will be better then what your feeling now and it may be great.Your worst day is only one day,it dosn't last forever.If you give up you never get to see how good it could have been if you had kept trying.Why would you do that to yourself?

Thank you Apryl for making this thread.I needed the reminder and Im sure that youve helped alot of people besides the ones who wrote somthing here without being aware of it.

I really need to get a copy of that "The Prophet" book. It sounds amazing.



Never write I love you on a suicide note.Its a lie.Your lieing to evryone who loves you because if you loved them then you wouldn't have hurt them.Thats all you acheive by killing yourself.You don't feel the pain anymore but you can't feel happy about it because you cant feel anything and its your fault.Suicid dosnt get rid of your pain.It just spreads it to the people who love you.They love you and you leave them.You betray them.You stab them in the back with those last three words, I love you.Dont brake there hearts because you couldn't handle your hearbrake.Don't let that be the last thing they have to remember you by.

Thank you Apryl for making this thread.I needed the reminder and Im sure that youve helped alot of people besides the ones who wrote somthing here without being aware of it.

Thank you. Your journal entry is one of the most true statements I have ever came across in my life. Hurting yourself to get away from your pain is selfish, because you know people care about you, despite the fact that our minds often lead us to believe otherwise.

That was beautiful. Self harm is an issue I have been dealing with for a long time, and I am trying desperately to break freak forever. Because I know it hurts the people who love me. I wish more people would consider that.


I was just reading one of my friend's little sisters webpage, and I came across this. I think it's very true. Never take time for granted. We spend too much time looking to the future, that the future we once imagined comes and goes without our realization.


I Remember When Getting High
Meant Swinging At The Playground
When The Worst Thing
You Could Get From Boys
Was Cooties
Mom Was Your Hero &
Dad Was The Only Boy In Your Life
The Only Drug You Knew Of Was
Cough Medicine
Wearing Skirts
Didn't Mean You Were A Slut
The Only Thing That Hurt
Was Skinned Knees
The Only Things That Could Get Broken
Were Your Toys
Life Was So Simple And Care-free
But What I Remember Most
Is Wanting To Grow Up

But this right here is the best piece of advice I've ever been given. In one of those "I don't know what to do" situations. Where all you can do is panic and cry...

Sometimes you just do nothing.

... something clicked inside me...


Let people love you, and believe that they really do care, but trust in yourself as well.

I've thought about that a lot, not only because you've posted it, but because I knew I had to trust myself, but well, I guess that backfired on me. I have been let down often in my life and therefore I just can't trust someone blindly... it's like, I try, but deep inside me I still know I'm not sure. It's like being surrounded by millions but still being alone.

But thanks for this topic Apryl, anyway.

The only way to stop is to just not let yourself. I know how intense the urges and anxiety get. Trust me. Just don't do it. Cry, scream, listen to music, write...Do whatever you can. Just don't hurt yourself. Don't let yourself do it. It's a cycle you must break right away.


Sorry :( I did it.. A lot of times.. Not for love hurtings..
Only just cause that time I could handle myself, My life, My feelings, My thoughs.. Everything.. I had to much problems.. But I get punished! I got scars that never'll heal..

Yeah, there another ways to release the pain, When my girlfriend of two years left me, with the pain about givibg in adoption our daughter.
I began to write to release frustation, it really work for me.
I took me more than a year for me to recover, is a slow process but if you constant you will suceed.

Sorry for my lame english.

One important key to recovering is time.

I'm learning that. I just got out of a relationship last week, and it hasn't been easy for me, as I still have feelings for my ex. Time and patience is important to coping and recovering though.

Being loved is important, but it's not as important as loving yourself. It's nice to have someone care about you in a way no one else could, but what's the point if you're not willing to make an effort to care for yourself?

I won't ever fully recover from this, but I am trying. I don't think anyone really fully recovers from a relationship that went wrong or what have you, but you can learn from it and move on with your life.

That's my two cents on the matter. :)

broken_rebel: You're absolutely right about the time. When something bad happens, there come different emotions in a row, like people often say, denial, anger, sadness etc. These things often come, and aren't easy to deny. Now some teachers said something about these kinds of things in school that sounded really logical to me. Or at least they helped me, I don't know if it had been posted before but whatever (I'll put these in short, okay?)
A theory by Plato:

Love. Before life there is a union, 2 soulmates together, in a union. When that union breaks up (for life), one part takes male, another female. Sometimes it goes 2 times male or 2 times female. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just the way it went. One soulmate may be (as example) very good with social things, while the other is extremely shy, or more things like this. When a couple is together and they break up, they just found out they weren't each others soulmates. Divorces aren't much of a problem. They are when children are involved. If not, the couple can just go on alone, trying to find their soulmate.
^This really helped me be a little (just a little) more confident with love. Now something my Cultural Education teacher said about loving yourself and others:

This may sound strange to you kids, but what I'm saying is actually really logical. There is one person in the world you love the most...and that's yourself. You are the only one who knows everything about you. You will never tell your lover about the embarrassing things that ever happened to you. You are the only one who knows about it. You love yourself too much to make a fool of yourself by telling anyone such things. No one will ever know EVERYTHING about you. You can't love anyone more than yourself, because you are the only one who you can trust with your secrets.

This, I think, is so true. I often said I hated myself, but this made me look at it in a whole different way. I mean, I can't hate myself, because I love my friends. And I never told them everything that ever happened in my life. I'm the only one who knows those things.
Something else my Cultural Education teacher said, about 'desiring love etc.':

Many people want love, many people want to be loved, want a relationship, they dream about it all day. Although often they can't see themselves with a boyfriend or a girlfriend. They may deny it. But when the relationship they would finally have isn't what they expected, they will be dissapointed. Television and romantic movies aren't real life. It's fiction. And then people want more and more, and they cannot control themselves anymore: they will start living in a dream.
I think these things really helped me control my emotions. I mean, these things may be a slap in the face, but slaps in the face always helped keeping me from doing stupid things like hurting myself etc. Like broken_rebel already said: patience is needed. Be patient. Wait for that one person you love. Don't do stupid things because things are going too slow. I beg you, don't. It will just make things worse.
I also learned a lot from the people here on Evboard. Also from this thread. Thanks for making this thread, again, thanks so much! <3

<3 Shari

One important key to recovering is time.

I'm learning that. I just got out of a relationship last week, and it hasn't been easy for me, as I still have feelings for my ex. Time and patience is important to coping and recovering though.
Agreed.

You can't stop loving somebody just making yourself do it. I mean people often say to themselves something like "Oh, no, I don't love him/her at all". They try to convince themselves. But it doesn't work. They still feel.

And there's no answer how much time a person needs to get over relationship. It depends on a concrete person. But I think it won't work if you think all the time, that you have to forget. You'll forget only when there's no such aim in your life.

Apryl, thanks for this thread...Your words it moved me deeply, thinking about peple who are broken...There is so much pain everywher... *hands shaking while printing* ... that sometimes people start to feel creepy love and admiration to suffer.Probably, 'cause they couldn't found other ways of pleasure...

Hellish NO to hurting yourself!Apryl, you sound like you've been through this...Really entire veiwing of problem!

I NEVER ADVICE HURT YOURSELF TO ANYONE!!!!People, don't do it!!!!I want you all be happy and not-self-wounded.I know, that sounds stupid :)

I love you guys <3 Ev-board is a great community of broken-heartet:( and that's the reason why i'd like never leave it!Here I see people, who understand those things, some 'normals' would like to ignore.(quote)

<3 Nastya

this is really beautiful thread.... and I'm glad that I'm agree with the thoughts in it....

I want to tell one story of a broken heart.... it's my story... which learnt me to forgive... to love... to be realistic...
i was in love with my friend... he was so gentle and smart and... he was my best friend... there was a beautiful love story as I thought... but my best friend was a liar.... and I didn't want to see this... He didn't love me then... just was playing with me... he was acting like he didn't understand that he hurt me... it was too strange relationships... we were friends-lovers-noone for each other in the same time.... but I loved him so much that I forgave him again and again... but all this is pre story... it's a long pre story how my heart was broken... and I don't even remember every lie of his and my stupid blindness .... it doesn't matter any more...
when my heart was broken and dead.... when I was tired and empty I saw in his eyes he was understanding everything he had done... I saw that he loved me... I saw that doubled pain of love and understanding... he cried... he was always there for me... and I could do everything I want with him... But I left... I saw everything I wanted... but my heart didn't believe... didn't believe in love I dreamed about... I couldn't love him any more....
I tried to be a friend ... but he couldn't.... so we stop communicate at all... not even a call for birthday!
that might be the end of the story here...
I have another relationship for four years, and I love my boyfriend...
but I feel there is part of me that will never forget that story... I'm not trying to forget (anymore)... I'm not trying to remember.... I know that I don't love that guy now (I even saw him several weeks ago on graduate meeting... and we were talking like old friends... we have a lot of to remember... and we affected on each others life... but.. only friends... and for the last week we have chat a lot in the icq).... but I miss him... and I can't understand why... but the one thing I could do is think "it doesn't matter"...
this hole in my heart that I have after that love is my inspiration for many poems and songs... and I don't know will it ever be cure...
I have such feeling that I closed my eyes for not seeing this part of me... and I haven't notice that love.... dead love... doesn't let me go... why?
but I have a hope that talking about that will help me somehow... I see that my talks with that guy in the icq make me feel easer about that... and my feeling "I haven't told him something... but I don't know what" is not so painful... this feeling of something unfinished deems a little when I say something about that story... I hope so... but the fact is - the only person I could really talk to about what I had felt in all this years turned out to be that guy...

why have I written all of this.... I think because I dream of release... I learnt a lot of that story... but this endless forgetting is .... wrong... I feel something wrong... what have I missed?

ps... I’m sorry if it goes like offtopic... but i feel I need to post this...

thatsa moving story, makes me sad how people get hearts broken so easily, and how easily we can break other peoples hearts.....

i have a story too but its not mine, its the story of a freind of mine, it involves 3 people, me, my freind and my girlfreind, this is the story:

a freind of mine and i had been talking over MSN (and moblies) for about a month, when she started to get more reclusive and when i asked her what was wrong she'd either say "nothing" or she'd go offline or not reply to me.

when i finally got round to getting an answer out of her she ended up saying she loved me, and she disappeared for a week before she came back, and i e-mailed her a song that summed up, what i thought (it was "who knew" by pink) and after she listened to the song and read the lyrics, she got upset and angry at me and i knew i had broken her heart then.

we got into a huge arguement then, but after a few weeks we had forgotten about it and started talking again, but i knew she still was heart-broken, that was one of the reasons she was driven to attempt suicide..........

but she's still alive but i've paid a price for telling this story and what i did

This is a letter that a really, really good friend of mine. Whom I don't really commune with anymore... more of a once every couple month check to make sure we're both still above ground kind of thing. I got a boyfriend, and he couldn't deal with it. But this is a letter he wrote to me a few months ago, and I still read it at the worst of times. It's very moving to me.


everytime we fall

For you, because of you i have ran home so many times, well i wont lie, wasnt much of a run more of a silly fast walk, to try and get home and fall in the door, drop my bags and just write to you .

you have always been there and always will.

I write to you because although i may speak for miles in a manic stupor, few times have i had the sense of mind to truly be able to show you how much i love. How i need this and you. I used to think of my life in scattered chapters, this allowed for me to take the power of what lands in my lap. Not with some people, you have the stage, the microphone and stare straight at me everytime. I'm sixteen and scared because of you; nervous to ask and delighted to be. Catalogues of songs cross my path daily and few seem to do this right.

there are letters written to me by your hand, to my left and i save them for the darkest of days. I do not hunt for the perfume but smell it straight off the page. I feel no guilt in harbouring these silly little prizes. I was denied quite much, for many times in my life and when thirsty, one musnt curse the onrush of water. You take jokes and break silence and remind me why it is i ache and long and fight and cry . A range of emotions at the end of fingertips ive come to kiss and hold.

We will do coffee and travel and fuck in the oddest of places, made tame by the press of your skin and scent of your hair. You will wake me in the morning many years from now on a bed neither of us made and then i will know.

Till then i have these unexplainable swells and you will have me to try and make sense of you. and if no sense comes i can for once be at home with you.