Yesterday I began another heartbreaking process. My barely pregnant body decided it could not allow its tiny little inhabitant to go to term.
I was about 4 weeks along, barely enough time to show up on an EPT.Actually still a week and a half from my period.

I knew I was tho, from experience. Yesterday morning all the symptoms of pregnancy; nausea, vomiting, swollen sore breasts, odd cravings, aversion to smells just disappeared. Then I started spotting, which became heavy bleeding,tissue horrible contractions and cramping. Finally this evening the process is completed. The physical part that is.

I just can't believe this is happening to me AGAIN! My 3rd this year. How in the world can any higher power justify my body to conceive so easily, so naturally yet it not to be able to host the life for longer than a mere month or two?

As most of you know I am not supposed to even be able to get pregnant. I had my tubes tied. Alot of good that has done.I'm just so sad. Empty, sick, lost. I'm trying to function, business as usual but everything just reminds me of what happened. My sister's baby is due in a few weeks. I won't lie apart of me is soo envious right now. My baby should still be in my womb, growing and healthy. No mother should EVER have to flush her not yet formed child down the toilet, it is just so sick and WRONG!!!

To make matters worse Mr. Sensitive Husband asked me how I was. I told him that it was hard to keep going thru. He had the audacity to say well as long as your body keeps rejecting them then its all good.:confused: Fuck Yeah that's awesome birth control.:mad: Keep watching your wife go thru the agony of miscarriage instead of going and getting your nuts cut because her procedure did not take. *asshole*

My God, it's his child too. I understand he does not have a bond with it, it's not his body that is killing our unborn children.I don't get how a man who is already a father and opposed to abortion could say something so hurtful

I've almost lost count how many losses I've had in the past 11 years.5 alone (that I am certain of, a few instances which I suspect were losses as well but no actual confirmation)since my tubal ligation with no real explanation from the Dr's how its even possible.
.
I wish I could understand why this happened again.
Thanks for listening. I just really needed to vent.

That's horrible, D...I'm really sorry.
Are you wanting to have more children, or is it that you're continuing to think that you're unable to get pregnant, but yet you continue to?

I think you should try to use another kind of birth control, or go to the doctor and find out why you continue to conceieve though your tubes are tied. That cannot be healthy for, and it is mostly likely why this continues to happen.


All I can say is, I, as well as so many other people here could honestly call you one of the most caring and respectful person towards not only her own children, but to many others as well. Many of us consider you more of a mother than their own, and so many more (including myself) consider you to be a great friend. You've helped a lot of us more than you know.

This is not your fault. Don't blame yourself. Just see a doctor, and see if they can do something to correct it, or try using another type of birth control. Nature will be nature, but inside you are what you make yourself.

We all love you, as does your husband, and your children. Don't forget that. <3

*has tears in her eyes*

awwe hun, I am so sorry. Isn't there anything else the doctors can do for you? perhaps a hysterectomy? I know you are young, but it is better than having your ovaries removed, and going thru those terrible mood swings. Can they re-try tying your tubes?

You husband may not have given you the response you want, but from talking with you in the past, you know he loves you. perhaps his response is his way of repressing the pain. why does he refuse to get a vasectomy?

Is there any type of birth control you can take?

I know you were just venting from the pain. But, are you positive it was in fact a miscarriage. Are you sure that your tube-tying was not a success, and you are still having these miscarriages? perhaps it is something else.

I wish you all the best. Please talk with your doctor about preventing these thigns from happening again. Seek other courses of treatment. And, talk with your husband and make him understand how unbearable the physical and emotional pain of it all is to you. perhaps he will reconsider getting a vasectomy. They are reversible now, as well, and it does not mean he will never be able to have children again.

That's horrible, D...I'm really sorry.
Are you wanting to have more children, or is it that you're continuing to think that you're unable to get pregnant, but yet you continue to?

I think you should try to use another kind of birth control, or go to the doctor and find out why you continue to conceieve though your tubes are tied. That cannot be healthy for, and it is mostly likely why this continues to happen.


All I can say is, I, as well as so many other people here could honestly call you one of the most caring and respectful person towards not only her own children, but to many others as well. Many of us consider you more of a mother than their own, and so many more (including myself) consider you to be a great friend. You've helped a lot of us more than you know.

This is not your fault. Don't blame yourself. Just see a doctor, and see if they can do something to correct it, or try using another type of birth control. Nature will be nature, but inside you are what you make yourself.

We all love you, as does your husband, and your children. Don't forget that. <3


April,
Thanks for all that you said. *tears up* I too consider you and so many here great friends. I love you all so much.Kindness like yours makes it easier to want to move forward and stop grieving.

I have been to the doctor several times and they haven't been able to give me much of an answer of what went wrong.One doctor told me it was impossible, he told me it was all in my head and to stop being delusional. The same doctor also claimed in his "expert" opinion I had never given birth because my cervix appeared to have never have dilated before. Yeah, ok dude I had 3 babies naturally. Not a C-section one.

My primary doctor ordered an ultrasound where they could see the evidence of an empty gestational sac with my last miscarriage in the spring. I was told my uterus had a thick lining which could be why the embryo is not able to implant for long or at all. However, not one of them can tell me why my tubal ligation failed or has come undone.The statistics surrounding tubal ligation failure are 1 in every 200 pregnancies. Not real good odds when you think about. Of course I think they just botched mine up something fierce.

I had a miscarriage 2 months after Kamryn was born. That was when I found out due to tubal swelling an egg could have slipped thru. because the clamp had not completely prevented the egg to pass. Obviously it did! I was completely mortified!That is when I found out all I have is this rubberband like clampy thing. I had asked for them to be cut, burned and tied. He told me at my age(25) they did not do that procedure in case I decided I wanted more children later.Without cutting me open again to see if the clamp is still in place or one tube has come loose from the clamp there isn't much any of them can do.

I am waiting until I get to Iowa to go to a better doctor. Rather than go back on birth control I think Cary should get a vasectomy if he is that adament about not having another child.

Honestly, I would love to have another baby. After you've lost so many it becomes almost a quest to prove to yourself your body is normal enough to have another child. I love babies. I love motherhood. One more child would not be a burden but a blessing to me.I know it is possible if my uterine lining thins out more.

I did not want to get my tubes tied in the first place. I was sort of forced by my Doctor and Cary was all for it. I had this total sense of foreboding before I went into the surgery. With good reason, I almost died! I do not want to be cut open again because of it. Long story but suffice to say I almost did not make it.

Saturday,I did alot of heavy lifting and pushing of furniture, boxes, etc which I am pretty sure is why I lost this baby. When you are trying to pack and get stuff moved around it takes precedence over taking it easy, ya know?
Besides that, Cary did not know I even suspected I was pregnant. I didn't want to say anything til I knew for sure.

What hurts me the most is his callous attitude towards the lost babies.
I guess because they were apart of me I loved them already. For him its just a thing that keeps our family from getting any bigger.It hurts alot that the man I love is such a great father to our girls but can barely give a thought to our lost babies.

This morning we got word from a friend of ours that she is in labor at 6 months pregnant. The prognosis is not good that the baby will survive if he is born. Cary feels terrible for her, we both do. Such a heartbreaking situation.
I am praying they can stop the pre-term labor in time. However it does irk me he seems to be so broken up over her situation but I'm just supposed to buck up and let it go that my baby died.

I don't care if medically it is not yet considered a child, it was my baby. My child. All the babies I've lost were. They were and are still loved, at least by their mamma.

There is an entire universe of feelings that women go through related to their reproductive systems that men cannot even begin to fathom, and I certainly won't pretend to here. (I'm just hoping I get credit for knowing that I can never know.)

I don't think you should try to change your body any more to accommodate the birth control notions of your husband. More importantly, the two of you should sit down and come to an agreement on the simple question of whether you want more children. That one issue alone could easily tear things apart if you're not careful.

If you two do decide you don't want any more kids, I'd highly recommend him getting a vasectomy. I got one (very) shortly after our third (and last) son was born, and I'd be happy to chat with him if he has any questions.

There is an entire universe of feelings that women go through related to their reproductive systems that men cannot even begin to fathom, and I certainly won't pretend to here. (I'm just hoping I get credit for knowing that I can never know.)

I don't think you should try to change your body any more to accommodate the birth control notions of your husband. More importantly, the two of you should sit down and come to an agreement on the simple question of whether you want more children. That one issue alone could easily tear things apart if you're not careful.


If you two do decide you don't want any more kids, I'd highly recommend him getting a vasectomy. I got one (very) shortly after our third (and last) son was born, and I'd be happy to chat with him if he has any questions.

Thank you. He does not really want another child but has always said whatever happens, happens. I mentioned to him today that I am planning on getting my womb completely scraped to remove the excess lining when we get settled in Iowa and our new insurance kicks in. He didn't say much but I told him that would probably mean if I do get pregnant again we will have a successful full-term pregnancy.I would love to have another child but am ok if we never do. We have 3 healthy, beautiful little girls.The main thing is I want the miscarriages to stop. It is a horrible thing to keep going thru.

We will be discussing a vasectomy again in the next few days I can assure you. I am not going under the knife again, point blank. My body has never been the same since I had what is supposed to be this easy simple procedure that meant I would never have to worry about getting pregnant again.
5 miscarriages in 6 years.All before the 6th-8th week along. This one was the earliest of all.

Lady Jo, you asked if I was sure this is what is happening? The doctors confirmed 3 of them since the tubal ligation. I didn't go to the doctor with this one since we don't have health insurance while in job transistion. After one, tho, you know exactly what is going on. There is a process your body goes thru. I completed it last night.Being so early on, this was probably the easiest physically.Just like really bad cramps with the occasional contraction like expulsive pain.I'm lucky my body always seems to cleanse itself after these things. I've never once required a D&C, of that I can be thankful for.

I do not want a hysterectomy. Unless I have a life-threatening condition I would prefer to keep my female parts. I need a better doctor with the correct answers. Hopefully I'll find that in our new state.

Thanks again for being here for me and listening, it means alot.

*hugs*
this isn't something anyone should have to go through. I've been through it one time and once is enough. I can't imagine what you are going through. You are right, it's something that you know after going through it one time. My heart goes out to you. I really don't have any advice to give cept go to the dr when you get the insurance and hopefully they can figure out what is going on with your system and get everything taken care of. Some doctors are incompetent. When I had my misscarriage, my x bf was so insensitive as well. When I told him, he said "so when's the party." I lost all respect for him after that.
A vasectomy isn't that big of a deal. After seeing everything you've been through, it's the least he could do is have the procedure done. I mean heck, he'll be inconvenienced for a couple days and a lil sore, but he'll survive. My x husband had this procedure done after I had our daughter. He didn't even wait till she was 2 months old. He didn't want any more kids. She was too much. oh man i'm blabbing about myself. I'm sorry.
*hugs* i'm here if you need to talk.

Karen

Deinna, being as that I am only fourteen years old; I have nothing to give you in terms of advice. However, you do have my sympathy, and love. I will be praying for you and your family, love. <3

*HUGE HUGS* i'm only 15 so i can't say i know how you feel but you really do seem like an EXTREMELY caring person. and at least you've been blessed with children. everything happens for a reason and dealing with such losses (you poor thing MWAH!) is only going to make you a stronger person than you already seem to be. keep your head high hun :) . i'll keep you in my prayers.

I'm sorry you have to go through something so tragic. When I was younger, my mom miscarried, and I was so devastated that I lost a little brother/sister...I can't imagine how it must feel being the mom. Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Like Torey said, I'm only 14, so I can't really give any advice, but you have my sympathy, and I hope this whole situation will work out in the end! <3

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how it is to feel a life inside you slip away and know there is and was nothing you can do to stop it.
Your husband might have reacted the way he did because he felt helpless in the situation. This does not excuse the comment but it could explain the reaction.

Ah, I'm SO sorry. Honestly, I realise that nobody can ever even begin to understand that trauma of losing a child, unless it's happened to them.

This morning, I was reading a magazine that had a Tori Amos interview in it, about how she overcame something like 4/5 miscarriages. She was saying how it felt so horrible because she'd been so successful "but couldn't do the most natural thing - carry a baby". I realise that this is different to your story, but I thought I'd share it anyway. You're really not alone in this.

I don't know you (infact I don't know anyone here! lol) but you seem like a really good person. Good luck. <3

I want to thank all of you who have made me feel so loved and special this past week. It's been much easier to keep going and focusing on life with your words of encouragement to read.

Miscarriages are alot more common than people think. I know I am not alone in this. I have much to be thankful for in this lifetime. You are all one of those things. Honestly, I would still be in bed bawling my eyes out if it wasn't for being able to post about this and receive all the support I have.

You all mean more to me than you'll ever know.

I may not know what it feels like to have it done but I know it feels like to be in your husband's position. My best friend at the time lost her child and I was as close as close can be to that child, I loved it like my own. I was scared, hurt and confused but I never let it show... I couldn't for her sake I had to be strong.

Just make your feelings known to him about it all. And in time he may tell you his true feelings, you can't force him to.

I will be praying for you and your family. :)

*hugs* I am SO sorry this is happening to you, I know I'm not the right person to give proper advice but I know many people personally who have had miscarriages and the emotional grief they go through is tremendous and hurts me to see. Just remember everyone is here for you and would do anything to help you get through this, you have been there for so many people that no one would ever turn their back on you. I'll be thinking of you and good luck with whatever happens <3

- Ashlee x