My Attemps..... - Page 2 - EvBoard

Cruehead · 08-15-2006, 05:56 PM

Here is my first short story.I have not edited it nor do I have a title, I am open for suggestions on one.

I lay on my bed,music blaring to drown the screaming. I picked up a shard of broken mirrors,admired it,then I pulled the sharp edge along my wrist. I felt the blood begin to pour out. I began to feel ill and soon everything faded to black.

I woke up, my body ached and I was freezing. I got to my feet to find I was standing in a snow covered forest. So many questions filled my mind. But I was alone and there was no one to answer them.
In the distance I heard singing. With every step I took the singing got louder.My walk soon turned to a run. But my knees became weak and gave out. As I fell to the ground the singing stopped. I looked behind me but no one was there. Turning back I found the cloaked figure was in front of me. Frightened, I got to my feet and ran as fast as I could until my run ended as I came upon a cliff, below a frozen creek.
I had to do something. I jumped,the ice cracked and I closed my eyes as the freezing water pulled down. The further I went to more everything faded to black.

I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital. Looking around the room I seen the figure standing next to my bed. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. The figure removed the cloak to reveal a face I knew too well. It was me.

Cruehead · 08-19-2006, 07:21 PM

I Gave

I gave you my heart
just to have it tore apart

I gave you lover over the years
just to have it all end in tears

I gave you my trust
just to have it turned to lust

I gave you everything
just to have it fall apart

Cruehead · 08-26-2006, 10:36 AM

This one is very sloppy but I'll post it anyways

Over It Over You

Months go by and I can finally see
who I am without you
I can feel what is in my heart
and block out the untrue in my head

I'm over it, over you
No more tears will fall from these eyes
No more time to remember your lies

Years fade away and I can finally breathe
Without you standing over me
I can feel the breeze rushing over me
since there's no more you to pollute it

I'm over it,over you
I now know you'll never be there
and I no longer care

I'm over everything
I'm over you

Cruehead · 09-09-2006, 05:31 PM

The One

Your lips on my lips
your hands on my hips
just one simle kiss

You are the one
I have longed to be with

Your gentle touch
is just enough
to make me weak

You are the one
I have longed to be loved by

Your question
fills me with joy
and I must say yes

Cruehead · 09-11-2006, 04:31 PM

Lie to Me

Lie to me,over and over again

You never want to take the time
deny us every chance you get
stop playing games
grow up

Lie to me,over and over again

Only when you want something do you call
I wish I could watch you fall
I wish you'd lose it all

Lie to me,over and over again
Lie to me, I'm so stupid
LIE TO ME

Cruehead · 09-16-2006, 04:22 PM

If

If I were to cry
would you even try
to mend the wounds
created by all of them

I put all of my trust in you
give me a reason to believe
what they say about you is true

If I were to cry
would you even try
to listen to my sorrows
of the haunting past

I put all of my faith in you
give me a reason to believe
you'll change my life and make me new

If I were to cry
would you even try
to make me whole

Return To Chaos · 09-16-2006, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cruehead

Hold On

When the years go by,
And no tears are left to shed,
Remember I will be holding on.

Holding on to words once spoken,
Holding on to a heart still broken.

When all you have left are old feelings
And you still aren not done healing,
Remember I will be holding on.

Holding on to your heart,
Holding on as I fall apart.

When your eyes burn,
And there is no where left to turn,
Remember I will be holding on.

I will be holding on to you.

This one is definitely my favourite. Everything just flows and it's well written. You are off to a great start with your writing. Continue posting your work, and read all the comments, both positive and negative. You'll find that suggestions and constructive criticism will help you.

Oh, and just curious, who is 'Queen of Rock' about?

Cruehead · 09-17-2006, 10:26 AM

I prefer not to reveal my inspirations just for the fact some people might be pissed. And most are very personal so I don't say. Sorry.

Cruehead · 09-18-2006, 02:14 PM

Cloud Nine

I was floating on cloud nine
so long ago,when you were mine

But now my clouds have been broken
by the words that were spoken

I have fallen,broke my wings
and now the angels no longer sing

I was floating on cloud nine
so long ago,when you were mine

I was living in a dream
to be woken by your scream

Reality comes crashing in
you are no longer mine
and the is no cloud nine

Loneca · 09-22-2006, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Holding on to words once spoken,
Holding on to a heart still broken.

Quote:

Years fade away and I can finally breathe
Without you standing over me

I fell in love with this lines... loved them!

08-15-2006, 05:56 PM	#11 (permalink)
Cruehead Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Ohio Age: 17 Posts: 37 Points: 581.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 581.32 Donate	Here is my first short story.I have not edited it nor do I have a title, I am open for suggestions on one. I lay on my bed,music blaring to drown the screaming. I picked up a shard of broken mirrors,admired it,then I pulled the sharp edge along my wrist. I felt the blood begin to pour out. I began to feel ill and soon everything faded to black. I woke up, my body ached and I was freezing. I got to my feet to find I was standing in a snow covered forest. So many questions filled my mind. But I was alone and there was no one to answer them. In the distance I heard singing. With every step I took the singing got louder.My walk soon turned to a run. But my knees became weak and gave out. As I fell to the ground the singing stopped. I looked behind me but no one was there. Turning back I found the cloaked figure was in front of me. Frightened, I got to my feet and ran as fast as I could until my run ended as I came upon a cliff, below a frozen creek. I had to do something. I jumped,the ice cracked and I closed my eyes as the freezing water pulled down. The further I went to more everything faded to black. I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital. Looking around the room I seen the figure standing next to my bed. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. The figure removed the cloak to reveal a face I knew too well. It was me. Last edited by Cruehead : 08-16-2006 at 02:08 PM.

09-09-2006, 05:31 PM	#14 (permalink)
Cruehead Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Ohio Age: 17 Posts: 37 Points: 581.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 581.32 Donate	The One Your lips on my lips your hands on my hips just one simle kiss You are the one I have longed to be with Your gentle touch is just enough to make me weak You are the one I have longed to be loved by Your question fills me with joy and I must say yes __________________ Good enough I feel good enough for you

09-11-2006, 04:31 PM	#15 (permalink)
Cruehead Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Ohio Age: 17 Posts: 37 Points: 581.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 581.32 Donate	Lie to Me Lie to me,over and over again You never want to take the time deny us every chance you get stop playing games grow up Lie to me,over and over again Only when you want something do you call I wish I could watch you fall I wish you'd lose it all Lie to me,over and over again Lie to me, I'm so stupid LIE TO ME __________________ Good enough I feel good enough for you

09-16-2006, 04:22 PM	#16 (permalink)
Cruehead Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Ohio Age: 17 Posts: 37 Points: 581.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 581.32 Donate	If If I were to cry would you even try to mend the wounds created by all of them I put all of my trust in you give me a reason to believe what they say about you is true If I were to cry would you even try to listen to my sorrows of the haunting past I put all of my faith in you give me a reason to believe you'll change my life and make me new If I were to cry would you even try to make me whole __________________ Good enough I feel good enough for you

09-17-2006, 10:26 AM	#18 (permalink)
Cruehead Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Ohio Age: 17 Posts: 37 Points: 581.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 581.32 Donate	I prefer not to reveal my inspirations just for the fact some people might be pissed. And most are very personal so I don't say. Sorry. __________________ Good enough I feel good enough for you

08-19-2006, 07:21 PM	#12 (permalink)
Cruehead Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Ohio Age: 17 Posts: 37 Points: 581.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 581.32 Donate	I Gave I gave you my heart just to have it tore apart I gave you lover over the years just to have it all end in tears I gave you my trust just to have it turned to lust I gave you everything just to have it fall apart

08-26-2006, 10:36 AM	#13 (permalink)
Cruehead Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Ohio Age: 17 Posts: 37 Points: 581.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 581.32 Donate	This one is very sloppy but I'll post it anyways Over It Over You Months go by and I can finally see who I am without you I can feel what is in my heart and block out the untrue in my head I'm over it, over you No more tears will fall from these eyes No more time to remember your lies Years fade away and I can finally breathe Without you standing over me I can feel the breeze rushing over me since there's no more you to pollute it I'm over it,over you I now know you'll never be there and I no longer care I'm over everything I'm over you

09-18-2006, 02:14 PM	#19 (permalink)
Cruehead Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Ohio Age: 17 Posts: 37 Points: 581.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 581.32 Donate	Cloud Nine I was floating on cloud nine so long ago,when you were mine But now my clouds have been broken by the words that were spoken I have fallen,broke my wings and now the angels no longer sing I was floating on cloud nine so long ago,when you were mine I was living in a dream to be woken by your scream Reality comes crashing in you are no longer mine and the is no cloud nine __________________ Good enough I feel good enough for you

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