These are my attempts at poetry. I do not think they are the best, but alas, I am posting them nonetheless . . . .

Afraid

I guess I am afraid of losing you.
I hear your words, and they are true.
I guess I am afraid of dying,
But there is no use in trying.
I guess I am afraid of what I can do,
There is nothing like trying something new.
I guess I am afraid of the silence,
You always strike me down with violence.
I guess I am afraid of the lies,
Even when I can see the truth in your eyes.
I guess I am afraid of dreaming,
I can still hear you screaming.
I guess I am just afraid of everything you are.


Rachel

She hides behind a smile
Wishing for it all to go away.
She wakes up each morning,
Praying for another day.

She crys out to God
Always asking him why,
She crys out to God
''Why can't I die?''

She is tired of living a lie,
She does not want to wake again.
She wants to die.
Rachel wants to go back home.

Hold On

When the years go by,
And no tears are left to shed,
Remember I will be holding on.

Holding on to words once spoken,
Holding on to a heart still broken.

When all you have left are old feelings
And you still aren not done healing,
Remember I will be holding on.

Holding on to your heart,
Holding on as I fall apart.

When your eyes burn,
And there is no where left to turn,
Remember I will be holding on.

I will be holding on to you.

I love this one, Jessica. It is beautiful. I love you, angel.

Nice, "Hold On" is gorgeously beautiful. :)

<3

Personally, I hugely prefer "Hold On" to either of the other two you posted. I think what makes it much more solid and successful as a single piece is that it isn't overbearing nor overly cluttered like I felt the first two were.

With your first one, I didn't think the repitition worked very well. Too much was being said, it was too word, that the repitition just died. It's too compact to work, if you understand what I'm saying. You're trying to put too much there and work too many ideas at once. Simplify that one up a bit.

The problem I had with the second one was that it just... lost its feeling to me. The ending just didn't satisify. It didn't connect for me, that or the title is just misleading. Something about the poem doesn't make it work cohesively, it doesn't feel like it's one story, or that you're going in one direction. What I mean is that it's a little confusing and I didn't get it. Sorry, I sort of ramble what I'm thinking, and I know it doesn't make the greatest sense.

The reason "Hold On" works so well is because the idea is very simple, and you tied it together with that phrase and usage of holding on to something... you worked it into different sections well, but in the end... you were still saying something, not just spewing fancy words. That one is really good... you should try submitting it to a magazine.

EDIT: I just read that first bit you posted. Putting up your work for response is one way you can grow as a writer. And just from my personal perspective, I hate when people come out about what they feel about their work, especially when it has nothing to do with the work itself... and it's just a single feeling, y'know? It turns people off. Don't be down from the start, it's not our job to tell you things you'll want to hear, so don't show your opinion so quickly. Another thing to remember is that people will learn (when writing) that they do just as well with both positive and negative criticism. You'll learn what you can and/or might improve, and you'll also learn what you're doing well to make it even better and to focus on it. Post some more, and write more. You'll do fine. You're far from terrible anyway.

End.

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You Create

You create the hell within
bringing me to my breaking point again

You create this heart
just to tear it apart

You create everything I need
just to watch me bleed

You create these tears
but my cries you refuse to hear

You create the violence inside
But I am afraid of the silence

You create my haunting past
consisting of days that never seemed to last

You create all that I am

Out of all of the poetry you have written, and out of the poems you have shown me, I would have to say that this is in fact my second favorite. It is so very passionate and straight-forward. I love it.

My favorite is Hold On. I can relate to it so much.

that's my favorite part! this is a great poem. all your poety is great. hehe

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My Space My Stuff

It Doesn't Matter

Don't Speak,I don't want to hear it
it doesn't matter anymore
you were never mine
and you never will be

Please stop explaining
all I hear are excuses
but I am not complaining
about all the lies you told

You never could see
how I loved you
or what you meant to me
but it doesn't matter anymore
and neither do I


Used to Be

Used to be you were the only one
who could put a smile on my face
but I have fallen away
fallen away from your embrace

What happened to our secrets
the ones no one was supposed to know

Used to be you were the only one
who I could trust
but since we got together
it has been about lust

What happened to our dreams
of us talking for hours

Used to be you were the only one
who I could look into their eyes
and know you spoke the truth
but now all I hear are lies

What happened to us?

Queen of Rock

Bow down to you
I think not
what you see is not what you get

You have been deceiving
your fans into believing
you're the queen of rock

Look at all who you walk on
no wonder they are leaving
maybe one day you'll realize you are all alone

You have been deceiving
your fans into believing
you're the queen of rock

But I know the truth
I know your flaws
and you are no queen of rock

Nice very nice I loved all of your poems I can tell that they come straight from the heart good job and keep writing good poems