Hello!

I decided to post here my illustrated stories.Dunno why - just cause it's allowed Why stories - hm, I can't compose poems in English, only prose or translations.Why illustrated - well, if you would be lazy to read a story, you'll just have a look at the picture All I write and draw now is Evanescense inspired.

(Today it's just one, but soon hopefully there will be more!)

(I wrote this little piece when I was in trouble and longed to escape.In order to convience myself that there IS a need to stay.And some details, as you see, are "Imaginary" inspired.The words *Purple Skied* is a symbol of unreal refuge, imaginary world where we do hide sometimes.And that's what would have happened if to escape at all times)

ForEVer yours, Tourniqueted






Now I sit here, my face buried in my hands. It's hopeless, I could never properly hide even from myself. I'm just a shadow of faint-hearted soul. I'm alone here among storming waves and silent rocks. I'm still holding on to illusion of being forsaken, but no - I'm just self-deceived. That's the most miserable kind of lie - lying to yourself. That's the most pitiful way of hiding - hiding from yourself, cause you have no other place to hide except your own internal hell.

I hear wave roaring, I see their restless movement - completely senseless that why full of meaning. I've chosen them to watch at, I've chosen this cool breeze to convince me that I'm not alone, oh, wind is such a sweet liar. I've chosen heavy raindrops to fall on my face and hands. Now I get used, I don't even notice them, but I remember times, when rain was too important for me. When I first reach here, I was a beastly desperate creature, rain used to comfort me, wash away my salty tears and blood from my wrists. I couldn't stop crying and bleeding, it seemed to me there would be no end. I was saved. My hands cicatrized, and tears stopped. But now... I feel how salty with bitterness of vexation rain's taste is. I know, I know... rain can not be salty, I'm not insane. It's just... Sometimes things here do not follow usual Universal physic laws. Impossible things happen here, in my unreal shelter. One of such weirdness is that I'm still alive.

I feel no more pain from wrists, almost no pain from heart It's only slightly clicking inside me with every beat of heart, like I am a broken toy. It's emptiness. I could never imagine that when pain's gone emptiness will set in. Anguish blinded me, made me a slave of my own weakness. I even didn't think about what will come, so strong was my desire to get rid of pain.
Hollow. That's the name of what comes after pain. Inability to feel at least anything. Or... maybe that's just another kind of pain?.. It's usually so damn variable!

Goddamn, this silent tranquility, this blessed solitude brings no more relief. Surrealistic sea and prolonged dawns, rhythmic noise of waves' movement and fathomless purple skies have lost their meaning.Is it my punishment for being weak and wanting to escape?..

Oh, God, why it always happens like that?! Why always what at the beginning seems to be cure and solution, soon turns out to be just another torture, average curse!.. Why nothing can help permanently? Why this eternal sea even can't? A refuge I've been seeking for a really long turns out to be a trap. Witty! I was searching for a place to hide from pain, instead of it I've got another pain increased by eternity. I've trapped myself inside myself. Inside fake world, though it's more real than all my past life. That's the most hopeless kind of hiding - hiding inside yourself. Cause in reality all you want - is to be delivered from yourself. Pain is inside, it is the most natural reaction on life. World is just an indifferent place you are to live.It doesn't mean to hurt you.Your own soul hurts you, and your consious does.Faint blades of a pain are hidden in every pleasure, as little seeds of dissapointment are slowly growng up inside hope, as death hides its sharp claws inside every life.

If it's coma - I beg you to switch off all that medical apparatus!!Or... maybe its a letargy.So it is better never to wake up.They have already buried me and cried near my grave.

And now I sit here, trapped inside my past pain and present hollow.Slowly I got where I was wrong.The only thing I care about now is the way of getting out of here.But... I have no right - i was my free will.I dreamt about this world, I cried and prayed only about it.Now I understand - not fate was unfair to me, but I was unfair.I wanted to escape, to lighten an obligatory burden of every sinful soul.I locked myself in attempt to hide from hits of Life.And now even Death can't reach me, so far I'm hidden.That's my eternal punishment.I darent to ask for pardon.I daren't even to dream.Cause once my dream did came true.

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am NOT too lost to be saved!!!

УХ ТЫ!!!!! Слушай, я хоть и жизнерадостная, но оценила по достоинству... Это здорово! Атмосферно, темно и на редкость безысходно! У меня нет слов... Молодец!!!!
И ты зацени мой последний стишок

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Ух ты... Ничего себе... НЕПРЕВЗОЙДЕННО!!!!! Особенно текст (еле осилил )

Одним словом, готично! Tourniqueted - вот это ты поразила...
Текст очень подходит к рисунку... Класс!!!!!!

Drawing is amazing,undoubtly!
But about story...well,i'd say what is good in poetry is not really okay
in prose..Drawing told story much better then it can be done in words

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Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law

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am NOT too lost to be saved!!!

i love your use of color in that drawing...

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first off the picture is brilliant, great use of colour.
secondly i think the feelings you portrayed in the writing were very clear and i think you did an amazing job considering english is not your first language (in fact you did a waaay better job than some people i know who do speak english as their first language )
when i have some more time i can go through it if you like and weed out any little grammar mistakes.
other than that i would love to see more of your work