I've been writing a couple of songs recently, I will probably write more. Here are the lyrics for one of my songs, I'm interested in comments, advice, possible improvements, etc...

The song is called "This is my life"

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(deep heavy speaking)
Is it just me or can you sense it too,
Our freedom is gone and what’s left isn’t true.

I need to get away,
I need to be free,
I’m starting to feel dead,
But I need to feel free.

[Chorus]
This is my life,
You can’t keep me locked in,
This is my life,
And there’s nothing…
Nothing you can do about it.


(Deep heavy speaking)
The law is there to confine us like animals,
If you try to escape you’re confined even more.

You can’t confine me,
You’re better than them,
If you try to confine me,
You’re as bad as them.

I need to get away,
I need to be free,
I’m starting to feel dead,
But I need to feel free.

[Chorus]

You wont catch me,
You wont find me,
But you’ll try,
I know you’ll try,
You’ll use your laws,
You’ll lock me up,
But I’ll still search,
For the last small piece…
Of freedom.

[Chorus]

------------------------

So what do you think of it?

__________________
This is my life! And there is nothing you can do about it!
To think that life is enough, is to be killed by your own existence.

My heart is too broken,
I sit hear wallowing,
in my own sympathy.

My soul sits so lonely,
in this cold, dark room,
I'm drowned in my empathy.

[Chorus]
Kill my pain,
but don't kill me,
This will be the last time
when I wont see...
your sympathy.

So can't you see,
I don't want you here,
with me now.

I want to continue hating,
the cause of my hatred,
I don't want to hate you.

[chorus]

So leave me be,
And let me go,
Just today.

I want to feel empty,
I want to feel cold,
Just today.

But tomorrow I'll be strong for you...
Tomorrow I'll stop hating and just forget,
I'll forget what's making me hate.

but just today,
I want to be alone,
Just today.

__________________
This is my life! And there is nothing you can do about it!
To think that life is enough, is to be killed by your own existence.

__________________
Always Believe In Your Self!!!

thanks, I always do my best...but I'm always getting better too. I try to focus on structures most when writing song lyrics because I had to do a lot of work on structure for my music GCSE...so you'll probably see a lot of different things coming in soon as I get better at writing the songs. I also try to focus on the lyrics (otherwise it wouldn't make sence) so I'll probably be trying new things there as well...the final result: something with a complicated structure and a bunch of metaphors, fun.

__________________
This is my life! And there is nothing you can do about it!
To think that life is enough, is to be killed by your own existence.

Feed my fears in the cold dark room,
and feed my heart in the warmth.
Deceive my mind in the chaos of home,
and save me from natures calm.

You leave me alone in danger,
and save me from my safety.
Why can't you make sense?

Love me in the arguements,
but not in the passion.
Heed my words of sarcasm,
but ignore the words of wisdom.

You don't understand life,
but you dont understand jokes either.
Why cant you make sence?

You hate me,
but love me.
You scare me,
but comfort me.
You ignore me,
but achknowledge me.
You kill me,
but save me.

And you do it at the wrong time,
it's always the wrong time.
Your clock is going backwards,
You're not on my wavelength.

Why is it only you?
No-one else has been like this.
You're making me hate you,
Is that what you want?

Why can't you make sence?

__________________
This is my life! And there is nothing you can do about it!
To think that life is enough, is to be killed by your own existence.

I love them! Good work!

__________________

Thanks. Will be writing more soon.

__________________
This is my life! And there is nothing you can do about it!
To think that life is enough, is to be killed by your own existence.

Well, I really like "Just today" - there seems to be a lot of emotion and desperation in it...it also gives me a sense of wanting to be alone so that the narrator can "recuperate"...which I can totally relate with. I like this song a lot...it flows very well and is nicely written!

"Why can't you make sense" is good, too. I got from it a sense of a very faulty relationship...and that the other person just can't be selfless and gives mixed messages. It's well written and is an interesting concept.

Nice job!

(thanks)

The rain falls down,
Like bullets in my skin,
Each one...a memory,
But they're only memories,
And they're falling away,
I need you to keep them there,
But you're gone now.

[Chorus]
You left me here alone,
I'm breaking to live,
There's only one thing I'm sure of,
...I'm missing you.

You've gone now,
and I can't bring you back,
I'm falling into nothing,
I need you...
'Cause I see you all the time,
Butit's never you.

[Chorus]

And the pain is killing me inside,
It's breaking my soul into two,
But I need to learn,
How to live,
Without you....

I'm missing you...

I'm missing you.

__________________
This is my life! And there is nothing you can do about it!
To think that life is enough, is to be killed by your own existence.

[Chorus]
Do you trust me like you say you do?
Do you see me as the friend I am?
Do you think I'm funny?
Do you think I'm that great?
...Do you mean anything you say?

Do you remember the first time I spoke to you?
Do you remember why?
Do you remember the laughs we've had?
Do you remember why?
Do you really remember?

[Chorus]

Do you know what I'm doing here with you now?
Do you know why?
Do you know what I'm trying to tell you?
Do you know why?
Do you really Know?

[Chorus]

(slow, creepy)
...'Cause I don't think you do,
and I don't think you ever did...
I just think...

(fast, screamo)
You messed with my mind,
You did what you liked,

You never thought,
You never cared
You never tried,
You only lied...

(normal singing)
But I don't need you now,
No, no, no,
I don't need you,
I really don't need you...

__________________
This is my life! And there is nothing you can do about it!
To think that life is enough, is to be killed by your own existence.