i've started writing a book called the wasteland, its a psychological horror book and i would like feedback on it, this is just part of it so far:

I climbed over the fence, I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t feel the wire rip through my hand like butter. I dropped over the other side. I could hear them breathing, I could hear them mocking me. I screamed, I screamed as loud as I could and ran. Something hit me HARD.

I could hear some one screaming in the darkness, I realised it was me when I opened my eyes. I felt an arm slide across my chest, it was followed by a voice as warm as a fire, asking me “what’s wrong?” I lied to her saying “nothing…. It was just a nightmare”, she pulled herself closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. I glanced at the clock; it was too early for me to get up. I could feel Kay next to me. She was asleep. It may seem weird but with her right next to me, felt comforting. I began to fall asleep again; I smiled, and closed my eyes.

I woke up late the next morning, with Kay still asleep; she was lying on my chest, smiling. I slipped out from underneath her. I sighed silently and sneaked into the bathroom, I washed my face and looked into the broken mirror silently. I pulled on my clothes quickly, Kay jumped onto my back, she laughed loudly and rested her head on my shoulder. She said quietly “don’t go back to the wasteland, PLEASE?”, I pocketed my Swiss army knife, she slipped off my back and grabbed hold of my arm, I turned around slowly and said “I want to know why it is like it is”, I looked down at my feet, she pushed my chin up with one hand and smiled at me, she hugged me tightly and kissed me on the cheek. I said to her “I wont be long, a couple of hours tops”. I walked out of the door and rang Jack, Thom, Jill and Lexa and gave the same message each time “you know where to meet me, be there in 10 minutes”.

I ran down the hill towards the wasteland. I hoped they were there, I couldn’t do this without them, they were there waiting for me.

We knew what we were going to do, Lexa gave a bitter laugh and said “son of a bitches put a lock on the damn gate!” I looked at Jack, he kicked the gate a few times until the lock broke. We walked in and looked at the desolate wasteland in front of us, it was as quiet as a tomb. The smell of death hung in the air. I could hear Lexa say something about patriotic pigs being too lazy to tidy up their own mess. We walked down an empty street. One door caught my eye, I walked towards it slowly while the rest of them walked on down the street. I pushed the door hard; it stood fast, I kicked it, not action man style though. The door, creaked open slightly, I pushed it open the rest of the way. I called out and waited, I caught sight of a blur of fiery hair and knew Lexa was on her way.

We walked through the front door, the smell of death was worse in here. I looked up the stairs, Lexa panted “what’s wrong?” I flicked my head up the stairs and said, “I think I saw something moving up there”, I slowly walked up the stairs; I started to gag on the stench of death. I showed a lot of bravado going up those stairs but I was really shitting myself. I searched each of the rooms, until I reached the final room. The stench of death was emanating from the room.

I pulled the door open and stepped inside; the room seemed to shimmer as I walked through the door. The room looked like a hospital room, there were six beds placed around the room. I walked towards one of the beds, nurses were running past me, I looked at the sheets on one of the beds and pulled it off.
I started to scream but it caught in my throat, I stumbled back, murmuring and sobbing “this isn’t real, no, it isn’t real, she cant be dead she cant….” I don’t know what happened next as I woke up in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, Lexa was standing there she grabbed my hand and helped me up, she asked me “what happened?”, I lied again saying “the sun played a trick on me”, I walked out of the door, we were standing at the gates of the wasteland, I looked at the rest of them and said “lets heave it here, OK? I promised I’d spend some time with Kay today” they nodded and we left the wasteland for the day.

* * * * * * *

When I reached my home, I saw Kay was waiting at the door, I limped towards the door. She ran at me and jumped on me and hugged me tightly and said “Nathan, why do you have to go there?” I couldn’t reply to her, I just hugged her tighter.

After a while she pulled me up to my feet and led me indoors, she could see I was distracted. She grinned at me and pounced on me and started to tickle me, I was powerless to do anything but laugh. When she stopped tickling me, she looked down at me smiling; the world couldn’t stop us. I don’t know how long we lay there getting lost in each other. Her head slowly lowered until her nose touched mine, she smiled comfortingly, and she slowly and gently kissed me. I can’t describe it. We must have been there for hours,

By the time we stopped the sun had gone down. I guess I asked a trivial question “do ya wanna eat in or get take out?”

__________________
amo-te para sempre carla
http://www.evboard.com/showthread.php?t=31607 please check my art

I loved it, Nathan. I'd love to read more!

__________________

"I should ignore the words you say, for they can hurt but won't kill me" - Racoon

thank you very much shari, there will be more soon

__________________
amo-te para sempre carla
http://www.evboard.com/showthread.php?t=31607 please check my art

here's the next part of the story:

By the time we stopped the sun had gone down. I guess I asked a trivial question “do ya wanna eat in or get take out?” she knew something was distracting me so she ordered us pizza, it arrived 10 minutes later. We ate silently. Kay grabbed my hands and smiled, she released my hands and wrapped her arms around my neck, we fell back onto the sofa, Kay was resting on top of me. She rested her head next to mine, smiling she kissed my cheek, softly.

She fell asleep before me, I actually felt safer than I’ve ever been. I smiled silently and fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning, smiling. Kay woke up groggily and smiled. She looked tired. I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and a cup of coffee. I put the tea bag and coffee grounds into the cups. I was waiting for the water to boil when I heard the screaming again.

I wrapped my hands around my head, trying to escape the screaming. It wouldn’t stop. I must have tripped because when I opened my eyes, smashed glass was all around me and a small pool of blood was growing around my wrist. I could hear some one running towards the kitchen.

I was beginning to black out as Kay ran into the kitchen. She ran towards me sweeping the glass away with one foot. She swore under her breath. I blacked out completely. When I woke up I had a bandage wrapped tightly around my left wrist.

I swore loudly and pulled myself to my feet. I stumbled out of the door disorientated, the room was spinning. I thought I was all-alone in the house until I felt familiar hands wrap around my stomach, I started to laugh as she moved her hands up towards my shoulders, I heard her laugh too. I spun round quickly and looked at the smiling Kay in front of me.

“I love you” she sighed, I bent my head down slightly, Kay smiled and slowly moved her head towards mine, our lips met again. She grabbed hold of me; I could feel her hands running up and down my back.

The goddamn doorbell interrupted us. We grudgingly stopped. I unlocked the door to see Jack, Jill, Thom and Lexa standing there. Lexa blurted out “there’s something new, something different at the wasteland!” I told them to wait there. I ran upstairs hurriedly, and pulled on a plain black T-shirt and a pair of dark blue no fear trainers, I ran back downstairs. I kissed Kay’s cheek and said to Kay and the gang “we’re just gonna check it out, then we’re leaving it there” the gang nodded.

* * * * * * * * * *

We reached the wasteland in record time. I followed them down the same empty street. They pointed out the empty carnival, I could see the rusty Ferris wheel, god knows why, but we decided to, but we headed towards the ghostly carnival.

We entered the empty carnival, there were three central paths, left, right and straight ahead. We knew we shouldn’t split up, but we wanted to be out of there in the quickest possible time. So we split up, Jack and Jill went left; Thom and Lexa went right, that left me to walk straight ahead by myself.

I walked past a rusting roller coaster. It must have turned peoples stomachs as the planks were stained vomit green. I walked towards the tunnel of love; it was run down and rickety.

I didn’t have a flashlight, so I pulled out my crappy little nokia, and turned on its light. I walked along the path next to the tunnel. The light went out and I was plunged into darkness, I could hear my phone clatter to the wooden floor, “SHIT!”, I swore loudly, I found my phone when I ended up pressing one of the buttons.

I picked it up. I shone it around the tunnel, the smell of death was overbearing, there were reddish stains on the wall, I knew it wasn’t lipstick. I could smell blood now. The urge to vomit overcame me and I vomited into the dark liquid below me.

I ran out of the tunnel. God it stank in there. I walked towards the hall of mirrors. Hoping to find the rest of the gang there, then we could get the hell out of the wasteland before something happened. I could see Lexa and Thom already. I ran over to them and asked “where are Jack and Jill?”, I heard two screams followed by Jack and Jill running out of the hall of mirrors.

I don’t want to know what they saw but I knew it was the right time to get the hell outta there.

__________________
amo-te para sempre carla
http://www.evboard.com/showthread.php?t=31607 please check my art