this is just the beginning to see if anyone cares
post if you like it so far
and ill post the rest
___________________________________



“In my field of paper flowers
Candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me”
Imaginary – Evanescence

“ Oh my God, get me away from here,” I’m praying inside my head as these giant alarm clock screaming monsters hound me around this barren wasteland.
“Emily, Emily,” they all call me with their monotonous voices, freaking me out even further. As I am running I catch sight of something over the horizon. It looks like a radiant purple light of hope, and knowing that whatever lies ahead will rid me of the peril I’m facing now strengthens my legs somehow and keeps me moving.
There must be at least half a dozen of those things chasing me, and unfortunately one of them actually got the idea to use its wings to try to fly to catch me. In what seems like forever, I am finally in reach of the purple light I saw and realized it wasn’t a light at all but a whole other world. But before I tell you about the astounding adventure that occurred after I walked through the light, I must first tell you how I got here.
I was invisible, Queen of the World, nothing could stop me, or so I thought. With that mentality, you do a lot of stupid things. Well one day I went to a party and binged on some alcohol. Little did I know someone slipped something in one of my drinks. Well, as foolish as I was, and still am, I decided to drive home. And I was driving pretty well for someone who got though three straight shots of vodka, until it hit me. I swiftly became drowsy at the wheel, and the car started swerving frantically. Everyone else in the car started screaming as I crashed into a moving truck filled with furniture.
How I survived the initial impact of the crash remains a mystery. But after the crash four of my best friends perished from the injuries. Now I’m here lying in a hospital in a coma for twenty-one days. Twenty-one days, three weeks of my life, gone never to have any experiences in them. The Doctors come in and out, my parents crying when the doctors informs them that I will probably never wake up, but of course I am oblivious to all of this lost in my dream world as I’m about to set foot in the purple light I once saw over the horizon.

__________________

A very Alice in Wonderland-kind of beginning.

I'm guessing this whole thing will take place in the main character's head, am I right? It could work, but you should know, that this kind of approach (if you are, indeed, planning on taking it) has one problem: if the story itself admits that the whole thing is imaginary (hence your inspirational song, I guess...), there lies a danger that the reader might not be interested in it.

Stories like "Alice in Wonderland" or "Wizard of Oz" are admittedly ambiguous; you can't really tell, if it's happening for real or if it's just a dream. It should be empasized, that the reader doesn't know. If you choose to admit from the beginning, that the whole thing is imaginary, the spell gets broken.

Two things about technique: 1) Be careful with the long sentences you seem to favour. You might consider breaking your longer sentences in to multiple shorter ones. Example:

You could change it to:

"It looks like a radiant purple light of hope. (notice the period) I know that whatever lies ahead, it will rid me of the peril I'm facing now. (notice the period) My legs regain their strength, and they keep me moving."

Three sentences instead of one heavier one.

2) When writing for the net, make an empty line between every paragraph.

NEXT INSTALLMENT
if you read this far thanx
__________________________________________________ _____

I made it through. Over the line I thought was a hallucination. The monsters tried to follow me, but as if they were magnetic the border repelled them. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I took a moment to catch my breath then I studied my surroundings. It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, flowers that looked as though, yes, they were made of paper. Beautiful flowers in every color imaginable, and luckily no bees in sight. I bent down and picked a few, the aroma was fantastic. They sky, a carpet of purple with white fluffy clouds sprinkled in between, but surprisingly no sun. And all along, playing as though it would never cease, this lullaby my mother used to sing me.
I closed my eyes and reminisced on the days when I was a toddler and had so much fun discovering the world. A wave of drowsiness came over me, so I lied on the floor and drifted of to sleep, all the while the monsters still screaming my name.
I woke up with a start, stareing up at the purple sky. I stood up. I noticed there was a path, but it was no ordinary path. It was a path made up of stickers like a collage.
Reluctantly, realizing that I had nothing else to do, I started to walk on the path. As though it knew I was going to step down, an imprint of my foot print appeared right where I was going to put my foot down. Just to see what would happen, I lifted my foot (the foot print appeared) and moved it to the left and right, and just what I thought would happen happened, the footprint moved with my foot. Creepy.
I’ve been walking on the path for about ten minutes. To my left I saw my salvation, a tree filled with every type of fruit imaginable. Since I haven’t had any food since I came into this world I was starving. Walking to the tree I saw a rubber ducky. But unlike the ones you find in bathtubs, this one was two feet tall. I bent down next to it and petted it. It actually felt like it was made of rubber, and then it quaked. After that it walked away into the paper flowers.
I picked some fruits. They tasted so sweet and felt so warm in my stomach. After about ten minutes of eating, I got thirsty and decided to stop eating and look for some water.
Suddenly out of nowhere a gust of wind blew. ”Follow the path,” it whispered. What! The wind can talk! I’m surprised I was surprised with that after everything else that has happened.
So I decided to take its advice and follow the path. After a while I came across a well. I lowered the bucket and brought it back up. The water looked brown and had some bubbles in it. Well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so I drank it. I immediately recognized the taste. Its Vanilla Coke, only he best drink in the whole wide world.
I turn to think about whether I should go back to the tree to get more fruit, and I see a dolphin. I close my eyes, I must be hallucinated, but here it is walking closer to me on its tail fins.
“Good afternoon,” the dolphin says in a false British accent,” My name is Amber, and yours?”
“Emily, I know this sounds rude but what the hell are you?” I asked him.
“As I told you I’m Amber, but I think you are referring to what kind of animal I am?”
I nodded my head.
“Well, I guess you’re new in the area, I’m a dolphin and I see you staring at me. Dolphins are usually depicted as being aquatic creatures, but I can assure you that we were here first,” he checked his watch,” It’s tea time.”
He walked over to the well, lowered the bucket and this time when he brought it back up there was streaming tea in it. This place is freaking me out.
“You know there’s a little shop about an hours walk from here, and they have the cutest things. You should have a look around. And when you get there tell T. J. I said hello. Good Day.”
“Wait,” I called out after him, “ I wouldn’t be go that way if I were you. Some alarm clock monsters are back there and they were chasing me all the way here. Just thought you should know,” I added.
“Why of course I know that, but thank you for telling me anyway. The monsters are quite afraid of dolphins believe it or not so they usually keep their distance.” And after a quick bow she walked away.

__________________