Saphira

*also gives Adelle giant hugs*

LovenPeace

I just dont know what to do anymore. I think I should write this one off. I want to rant about it. But I dont know how to. Its a little difficult, just the thought of Shawnessy pisses me off. I shouldnt go back. I dont think its a good idea. I dont belong there anymore. I need either a new store or a new job. But I dispise looking for jobs. I wouldnt even know where to look, I dont even know where I would want to work. I would kinda wonna be a receptionist. But what kinda of experience does being a merch lead have to do with being a receptionist? A greeter? I dont know. I have some background, but not much, I was a recepttionist a back up one for a month.

I know I must past this test. I know I must get my life in order. I am so stressed right now.

I dont have a roommate anymore, I dont have a home in the next month, and Calgary is so expensive, its hard to support yourself when you go to school full time and work full time. And you have to pay for everything. And I cant find a place, I cant find a roommate. I dont know what to do, I have no parents I can move in with. I feel I have no support, I feel as though no one cares about my situation. The girl I was supposed to room with ditched me. And It just goes to show I really cant trust people anymore. I feel I cant trust anyone.

I cant even trust my boss, he doesnt understand when I share a concern with him I want to be kept on the DL. Cuz I know people will stretch everything said. No one is honest, everything is lies. I am sick of it.

I also have to get in out 30 day written notice, cuz my roommate is camping, and I told her she needs to sign it to and should make it before she leaves, but she didnt do that. And so now I have to wait for her to get back. So there goes being able to rely on her.

Not only that, I am worried about geting my loan to go through, once it goes through I will feel better, I also have to go leave right now to take care of a cat and bunny and mail the letter. I dunno I feel so overwhelmed. Once these next last 3 weeks are up I will have to go back to the death trap.

I dont know what to do anymore, I was going to have a meeting with Mark and get it sorted out, but Keith and Cody ended up coming so I didnt get it sorted at all. Like I said, I like to keep things to myself, and now I dont think I can even share with Mark anymore.

I dont want a personal life, I dont want friends, I dont want family, I dont want a job, I dont want anything. Only school. Is that weird? I just want to be alone and do my studies? I dont know. I dont know what to do anymore. I think I'm done with everything, I just want to disappear. I hate this time of year, I get so overwhelmed in August. =/

6GR_4

I can relate 80% of your post...

Ive said this many times everywhere, people are full of BS. Not saying you or people on this board. Unfortunately People ARE not real anymore.

Look for work that fits your personality and your interests and once you find that, quit your retail job with no hesitations. Its your decision if you want to stay with your team or not, not theirs.

Im pretty sure you can find a place in your price range soon. Just don't go for the roommate ads. You might just end up in the same situation like your in right now.

You'll figure it out, I promise

ehh not the best advice

just an illusion

Can I move in with you? I want to be far away from here..

LovenPeace

I wish this whole board could be my roommate

LovenPeace

I dunno if I whine or complain a lot.
I dont know if I am a nuisance
I dont know if I am worth anything to anyone.
I dont know if I am worth being helped.

I feel like such an outcast, I feel as though no one cares about me. And I feel as though no one wants me in their life. I also feel I can never do anything right on my own, I feel I can never accomplish my goals. I always have to quit. I am such a quitter. I am trying so hard to not give up on finding a place to live. But I had the perfect place, I had it all set up, and I talked to my mom and she was like "no, dont do it, please. I think its a scam" and Im like, "of course you do, your paranoid." And welll, to make her feel better, I decided to turn it down. And now, I'm fucked. I told her, she better find me a place then such she fucked me over. But the best she can do is email someone for a phone number.

I dont know, I am sick of looking, I am sick of looking at places and not feeling comfortable or seeing anything out of it. I ffound one place I liked, and it was taken. They wanted me to have it, but I waited a day to long. I told them I was looking still, but they found someone before I could hand in the application. Like it is everywhere else, first come, first serve. I have called 3 people today, and left 3 messages, so far no one has called me back. I hope I get an apointment soon or I will be in full panic mode.

I have come to a knot in my life that I feel I can not move around.

Part of me just wants to leave the city and give up everythign else here, I dont want to be here. I dunno, I am trying to think about my needs,, all i need is a quiet place. Just to live. And I cant find anything. I'm trying to get ahold of a friend so I can drive around with them looking around the city for any places that have "for rent" signs. I look online, but I know there is other ways of finding places. But if I go with someone I feel more secure and motivated, plus I need that second set of eyes and that second opinion.

Its times like these where I wish I had my ex back. I could call him and I know he would help me. But I am such a chicken shit.

EDIT:

Oh wonderful, now to top it all off. My roommate is home. I cant fuckign stand her, and now this puts me in an EVEN BETTER mood.

LovenPeace

Hello dear friend.

So, I cant sleep. And it sucks.

Anyway, I just sent my boss a long ass text basically saying fuck you I'm not coming in today cuz your being an ass and I didnt sleep. Lol, but no, I'm not scheduled anyway and I just said I would last minute. But I am not going to anymore.

Yesterday I visited my dad for about 2 hours we talked. He hardly speaks, and I felt terrible for him. He is so sad, and so stressed. And I want him to be happy, he cant afford being stressed, I can see it in his eyes, he is worried sick about my brother. And Its affecting his health, I already think he has something wrong with his health, and seeing what he is going through now, I am not happy. So I have stopped by the last 2 days to visit only him. I will try to stop by again today.

One thing I couldnt believe he asked me was if I have talked to my brother Colin, and I said no, I havent heard from hima t all, nor have I tried to talk to him. And he said, "Well I've tried calling him a few times, but he hasnt called back." And I was thinking, You?! YOU Picked up the phone! AND CALLED SOMEBODY?! Wow... Something is definately wrong. Like my dad doesnt ever answer the phone (Unless its right beside him) nor does he ever call people. He didnt even call me on my birthday. But I didnt take offense to that. The ONLY time he calls ANYONE is if he is worried about them. And in order for him to worry, it takes ALOT. Last time he called me everyday, every night, just to see if I was okay, was when I was homeless. That didnt last too long, it was about 3 weeks. But it sucked.

And this is kinda the samething for Colin, except he isnt homeless. He has a place.

But not only that does my dad have to deal with, is him and my step mom are fighting, and that is very hard on him. I know my dad, I wouldnt be surprised if he was afraid of losing her.

Also he was actually asking me questions about my mom, and wondering how her and Bryan are doing, which he normally doesnt care about at all. And not only that, he was talking about work. And I always catch his suddle hints, he is getting weary, and work is draining him. He is not happy. And its killing me seeing him like this.

The only thing that makes my dad happy, is when him and I get into our deep intellectual conversations. Where we talk about history, philosophy, physics, common sense, logic, human society, anthropology, archaeology, quotes, pole shifts, climate changes, sub conscious, consciious, super sub conscious, maps, etc. I cant wait till he writes his book. He is so smart.

The best piece of advice I got from him today is, everyone needs a map. Not just a regular geographical map. But a map of your past, to see where you are going. You always know where you are goign to go by looking at your past. Maybe not at this age, maybe not at age 20, but say at age 50, you can look back at each decade that past by, and see how you have done the samething but in different ways.

Not only that, he also said how your world is so simple, and should revolve around 3 things. Action, reaction, and creation.

Notice with these 3 words they connect? Action, is within both reaction and creation, and reaction is within the word creation.

You Create your action to get a reaction, which leads back to creating again. And thats how you live your life, create a action to get a reaction, which would be an experience, to learn from, and to apply to other people. But that is only if you wish to learn. That is the only way you will learn, is if you choose to.

Fuck my dad is smart.

I love him

I got so much more out of the conversation then just those 3 words. But I dont want to write down a 2 hour long post on what we talked about today.

LovenPeace

Dude... Its still hard to believe your gone.

Miss you Joillinn...

Saphira

Adelle, I got so sad reading your posts. I wish you could come live in my dorm room with me. Hang in there sweetie, something will come through and you will find a sweet place to live. In the meantime, hit me up if you need to chat. *hugs*

LovenPeace

Lauren, you have always been one of the most amazing and most helpful

But I'm happy now, I have found an awesome place, and now I am just seeking sweet revenge on my twisted roommate =]