avenger

Congratulations! that's awesome

2fast4all

Whoa thats crazy!!! Hope you get to meet her soon!!!

Carmandy

I`m so happy for you, I literally bawled when you told me. After all this time, its just insane.

LovenPeace

I dont remember when I told you

Carmandy

Thursday at 7:41 pm

LovenPeace

I'M CONFUSED!
Are you talking about my post? OR BEING A SMART ASS
YOU'RE BEING A SMART ASS!!

Carmandy

lol if I were being a smartass I`d tell everyone how drunk you must have been at the time as well :P But you texted me thursday night telling me for realz.

LovenPeace

LoL I totally opened my phone today and saw you texted me, I had seen it this morning but completely forgot about it cuz I just fell back asleep. I REMEMBER NOW!

LovenPeace

I have a few things to say. Also, I just got home from an overnight, so I need to spill or I wont sleep today. Also, excuse my mistakes, I probably wont make sense...


I've come to realize, that I did love Colin. I really did, I did love my ex. Mark made me realize this, he was talking about how he used to feel with his ex girlfriends in comparison to how he is with Elena. And he said exactly the same thing he is feeling now how I felt with Colin. I wanted to spend every waking moment with him, I missed him when he wasnt even around me for an hour, I would share every moment I could with him. We could do anything together, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with me. We were inseperatable. I spent more time with him then anyone else, he WAS my life. He was my world, he was my everything. And I was standing there at work tonight, and we were texting, and this was before Mark and I talked about this whole comparison thing, and I realized that with how overwhelmed I have been lately with all these guys, I felt that the only one I wanted to talk to at that moment was Colin. I just realized he understood me better then anybody, he knew me better then anyone. And he still does. He still remembers every little thing about me. Maybe we are meant to be together... I dunno, I really missed him today, and this surprised me. Its so weird I am even saying this. I told him I missed him. And his reaction "What made you feel this way?" And I said "I dunno, I've been thinking about you lately" He also has a girlfriend right now, and I told him I wanted to see him.... He's been trying to see me for the past 2 years, and I've avoided him like the plague. Now I'm willing to see him. I have so much to talk to him about, we could talk for hours and hours. I think I do still have feelings for him... Which, is bad. This is wrong.

If Colin and I were to get back together, it would upset a lot of people. Evan would be very upset, especially since he asked me out the other day. Colin from my soccer team would be upset, my brothers, my parents MIGHT be. Sean, Austin and especially Chad. All my close friends would be upset and give me shit. I dont know what to do. But I feel I should see him, and talk to him. I need to talk to him. I dont plan on getting back together with him, especially since he has a girlfriend. Maybe I just need him by me as a close friend right now? I dont know. All I know is I miss my old hubby...


Another thing I wanted to talk about was how weird I've felt lately, this last week has been odd. I've been kinda avoiding this place, I doubt anyone has noticed my absense. And at first it wasnt intentional, but then after a bit, the more and more I thought about it, the more I wanted to disappear. And yet I have no where else to go. This place has such an impact on me. I love it so much, but... a part of me wanted to leave so bad. I still do a bit, but not ATM. Mainly because I am half awake and just want to spill. Thats also why I love this place so much, is because I can post in my own thread and go BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH and no one will care or read it . And I feel tons better. Its a place where I seek and give my own self advice. Odd...

I think another reason I've been avoiding this place is because I am going through major changes with work, and I havent felt it is needed to update on that yet, because I know they're still going through. I just got into the ILP program, which recently I had a huge interview to get into this. I am not so thrilled about it, but apparently its huge and is a big step and a big accomplishment. Apparently they pay $10,000.00 to the person to go through this program. I was apparently worth a good $10,000.00 to them. Why am I not proud of this? Something is wrong with me this week. I dont seem to get pleased with anything. I get annoyed with most things, and everything turns me off from people easy. The only thing I seem to want right now is to see my Ex. I want nothing to do with this place, and anyone right now. I feel horrible saying that, but I have a feeling I have to catch up in other places of my life. And I spend so much time on here, but this place is like a drug to me, and so I know I wont be able to atleast check it everyday, but it doesnt mean I will post. I dont even look at the posts actually, I just log on for 2 seconds, and log off. Thats it. Log on, check if Dante is online, or if I have any messages, then log right off again. I have nothing to say, and I just get up leave my place and go see people. I am never home, I am never on, I am never around. Yet tonight all I have wanted is just to hide myself away from the world. I feel so overwhelmed. Everyone wants me around. I have 3 different groups of people asking to see me today. And 3 other different groups asking to see me tomoorw. Yet part of me just wants to stay on here to talk to Dante because I miss him. Yet, I know I probably wont do that.... Something needs to change in my life, and I'm not sure what that is. I want to WANT to come online.

I'm basically saying, sorry for me ignoring you evboard. But I've doubt you've noticed.

LovenPeace

I think I'm done.