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-Rach- ((Check out my stuff))

thanks! okay I wrote this thursday night.

Im so sorry for the words
that came out of my mouth.
I just tried to protect you!

Your mind is so fragilie and
weak. Your lost in this world
with no one to help you.

God I'd give the world to
see you truly happy again.
But I know thats only a
dream in a far away world.

And yet you keep pushing
me down. I'm your little rag
doll so helpless. You tell me
to leave things be while they
hurt you.

God I'd give the world to
see you truly happy again.
But I know thats only a
dream in a far away world.

Why do i even still try?
You don't even want my
help anymore.

__________________
"And I will love thee still, my Dear, till all the seas go dry."-Robert Burns.
92% of teens moved on to rap music. If you are part of the 8% that rock out every day put this in your sig.

__________________
-Rach- ((Check out my stuff))

wowwww!!! It has been forever!! sadly I've only written two poems. okay here goes....

My Love For You
Can't you see that
I love you? I'd
fight to the end
just to show you!

Why do you have
to be so blind to
my Love? I'm the
one for you! What
do I have to do to
prove myself to you?

I'm the only one to
ever love you like this.
Can't you see that love
for for you in my eyes,
the respect?!?

Can't you see that I love
you? I'd fight to the end
just to show you! You're
the only one I will always
love.

Open your eyes! I'm
smothering myself in my
love for you. Please realise
this!! My love for you!

......................................

Why did you leave me?
What did I do to drive
you away?

I thought you loved me!
And now you've driven
me over the edge!

I hate what you've become,
lost in yourself, trying and
failing over and over again
to find happiness!

You're gone for ever
and you wont come
back. Not even for
one's you loved.

__________________
"And I will love thee still, my Dear, till all the seas go dry."-Robert Burns.
92% of teens moved on to rap music. If you are part of the 8% that rock out every day put this in your sig.

Ok here's two more. I have another one but it's at school so I wont get it untill monday.

Your all that I've
ever wanted so
please stay with me!
Your my only peace
my only joy!

I'll never stray from
your side This pain
consuming me when
we part is unbearable!

Your my abundant strength,
my only love! My only joy my
only peace.
............
I can't sleep at night,
I need you by my side.
I feel so speacial with you.

Sitting next to you I fell
love, but am I loved back?

Please I want to see the
world with you! Being
with you makes me love
myself.

I never thought I would meet you.


Im currently working on one as we speak so be sure to check back!

__________________
"And I will love thee still, my Dear, till all the seas go dry."-Robert Burns.
92% of teens moved on to rap music. If you are part of the 8% that rock out every day put this in your sig.

At first I thought you were just doing all of these out of boredom/for fun and nothing else, so I wasn't going to offer any criticism.

Then I noticed in one of your posts that you said you'd really like to improve. Writer4Life gave some pretty good advice already, but I have a little more to offer.

Try working on your flow and rhythm some. You want to have control over not only what the words are, but how the words are read. Where you choose to put your line breaks can really affect both flow and rhythm.

It's a little hard to explain exactly how to do this, but practicing a lot does help. As does revision - there is nothing wrong with revising your writing. It's hard to manage writing a great poem in 10 minutes. But when you're finished writing the first draft, read it aloud to yourself. Are you happy with how it sounds? If a certain line or verse catches you as sounding a bit "odd" or out of place, focus on it and play around with different ways to make it better. Switch the wording around, or even come up with different ones in certain parts. Perhaps one part of a poem would sound better in an entirely different area. Maybe not.

These are just subtle ways that you can improve your writing, with time and practice. I am speaking honestly, because I want you to improve. You're on a good start with writing, especially for your age. There's no way, I don't think, that I could have written anything like this when I was 13. For one thing, I was so caught up in rhyming everything, that it completely obstructed the flow in a lot of my earlier writings. I'm happy to see that those chains don't bind you, as they're pretty difficult to break out of.

Just keep writing, if it's what you love to do. "Practice makes perfect" is very true, to an extent. You may not ever be "perfect", but practice will definitely help you to greatly improve.

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could make me love you less...

wow sorry it has been a while. um, a lot of things have gone on at home that is taking a lot of my time so i haven't written anything in a while but i did write a couple last night and im reading them through. thanks for the advice Shivercide. i might have these up tommorow morning. i found one of my sisters poems. wow!!! she is sooo much better than me. she writes a lot like amy. i'd post it here but it was in my pant pocket and i washed my pants so i'll have to sneek in and get some more....

__________________
"And I will love thee still, my Dear, till all the seas go dry."-Robert Burns.
92% of teens moved on to rap music. If you are part of the 8% that rock out every day put this in your sig.

yah these are okay. i have had them for a while but didn't really do anything to them.


Do you still love her?
Can you not see my
love, can you not
hear me? I'm pourning
my love out to you!

Why don't you get over
her? She hates you
now! God I love you-
But how can I make the
blind see my love?

She doesn't even look
at you anymore! She
hates you! Please
give me your sorrows
I'll take them away!

You light up my life!
You bring me out of
my solitude, oh my love!

Please please she the
truth someday!
please please my love.

.......................................

Your with her now and
not with me, oh what
did I do? What made you
decide to take her over
me?!

You said you didn't want to
end a good friendship, you
didn't want to end up like
your past mistake.

But I'm nothing like that!
God how could you do that
to me?

I cried for you, but now I'm
grieving for me!

__________________
"And I will love thee still, my Dear, till all the seas go dry."-Robert Burns.
92% of teens moved on to rap music. If you are part of the 8% that rock out every day put this in your sig.

okay I wrote these two around 3 in the morning. And these are very, very personal to me.

Take away this pain.
I'm bound to this heatache forever.
It will haunt me till the day I die.

What has happend can't be earsed.
There's just too much.

Please take away these things
that my mind cannot bear.

I tell myself I'll wake from this nightmare.
But why do I lie to myself?

I try to ignore this pain,
constantly tugging at my heart.

But it won't cease.
Please take away this pain.
I cannot survive anymore.

Everyone around me is falling apart.

I'm calling out for the streets of pain.
And the streets of shame are calling your name.

................................................
Her.
You've tried your hardest with her.
But she longs to be free.

And she can only go the hard way.
Through all the pain and suffering,
I know something good shall come.

You need to let her go!
We can't live with the constant fear and
doubt.

Please, Hello were still here!!
Please, It hurts me all over,
to see you like this!

Let her break free,
Maybe she'll learn.
Mom, were still here.

__________________
"And I will love thee still, my Dear, till all the seas go dry."-Robert Burns.
92% of teens moved on to rap music. If you are part of the 8% that rock out every day put this in your sig.

Okay I changed some of the poems, I redid the wording and changed some of the words. Um, recently I have been working on putting piano on them so that should be cool. I dont know how I would post that but I'll figure that out lol

__________________
"And I will love thee still, my Dear, till all the seas go dry."-Robert Burns.
92% of teens moved on to rap music. If you are part of the 8% that rock out every day put this in your sig.