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My Space My Stuff

Thank you.

You have successfully calmed me down and cheered me up more efficiently than many people. \m/

They fucking rule man! You're pretty good with the tin flute. They sound very well... you should record more of them.Take your time posting new poems, I'm sure they'll be great, as all your work is. My favorite recording has to be An Eirinn Ni Neosainn Ce Hi. Just had this mood to it that I liked... See you around, and keep up the amazing work!

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Wow I really liked "Of Dreams". All the songs were really pretty. My Grandma used to always play songs like that so it reminded me of her.

These two are my favorites, not just (lyric?)-wise, but in terms of melody.

I do think this is definitely music. It strongly reminds me of something but for the life of me I can't recall what.

One (really minor) problem I have is with Depravity & Discord.
"Welcome to the new age, forget the last page
No one likes a sucker—have some supper"
It seems to me like this doesn't flow quite right. I would do it in a slightly different cadence than the rest of the poem—that's just how it scans to me. I don't know how you feel about it though.

And I LOVE the songs on the penny whistle. The tone is so pure, and it sounds so desolate. Just beautiful.

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Thank you all so much again for the great comments. I'm really sorry that I didn't get back sooner, but things have been crazy lately. Production on my book, "Sententious - Subtly Changing," is going smoothly and I'm beginning to collect material to put on the web site that I'm making.

I've decided to try posting an introduction to the book with audio for the page, and since you guys have always given me feedback through PMs and in my thread I thought that I'd try it out here first and see what you think.

As always, thanks for taking the time to read my work.


*EDIT* Click the titles for audio

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72 Hours on 4 Hours of Sleep...


My mind is foggy again. It's hard to think clearly when my thoughts move so fast. I know that I haven't written a journal since I was in middle school. What did I write? Who really gives a shit? I don't. That life is meaningless to me now. The boy I was is probably still alive inside of me, but surely he's horribly disfigured by now.

Why can't I remember the years between 1995 and 1999? I've never told anyone, but I have only the faintest recollection of those years. I know that I was in the hospital a lot. I know that I slept so little that I began to dream while I was awake. But what happened? And why am I choosing this topic to begin a journal with?

Perhaps it's been dormant inside of me for so long that it's finally coming up for air. Perhaps the key to why I'm so unhappy inside is hiding somewhere in those missing years. Most of my friends don't know, but I live in a dark place that exists outside of time. Inside my mind yesterday was 20 years ago; tomorrow 20 years away. I can remember everything with
amazing clarity, but I can't remember those missing 4 years.

I have experienced love three times in my life: Once, for my parents, a second time for the man who should have been my father, and a third for a woman who loved only darkness itself.

I am much more familiar with the lower regions of human consciousness. Alone inside my mind, I erect a mask of cheerfulness to distract me from the torment I feel inside. My flesh is an uncomfortable burden that I am forced to carry every day of my life. I feel like an unwelcome guest in my own body. Sometimes I imagine that I only have to push the air, and my hands will pass through, and into a whole new universe. And perhaps they do...

Am I making any sense to you, whoever you might be? You've picked a bad place to wander, if it's wandering that you're doing. My mind is an endless stream of inconsequential information; of no use to anyone. So if you are a wanderer, perhaps you should see yourself out.

It's been so long since I've really allowed myself to speak that it's nearly overwhelming me. The emotions are far more powerful than I remembered. It's probably safe to say, that time has aged me far beyond my years. I'm so tired...

But I am comforted by the knowledge, that when sleep comes, it will be full of dreams. And when I wake I will be refreshed for a time. I will open my eyes, and step into the world to play my part: Random, loud obnoxious me. Always looking for a laugh...

Is it strange that I make people smile so much, but rarely ever smile myself? I suppose it is. Of course, no-one really knows that I'm not smiling but me. And I know it all too well. I've gotten so good at pretending to be happy that it doesn't take much effort anymore. When and why did I ever decide to pretend? I don't know...

I do know that a day will come, when I will smile for myself; for my own reasons. I know that day will come...

It's come and gone before...

My head hurts...

Assimilation:


As a boy he entertained,
So many optimistic visions,
Of his future.
The world, a shiny bauble,
Shimmering beneath enchanted eyes.

But as this child grew to manhood,
He would find.
That this world was just a prison.

An incubator for his mind.

A world where ones existence is denied.
A world, where unfit mothers,
Kill their children still inside.

Still alive.

A world where speaking images,
Command, and we obey.

A world where were controlled,
What we think, and what we say.

But its ok.

Because weve been assimilated,
To live, to think this way.

But, a boy cant understand,
That numerous, are the esoteric secrets;
Unseen.

That this world,
This sweet seductress.

Lies in wait to kill his dreams.



Sirach 40:

A great anxiety has God allotted,

From the day one leaves his mothers womb,
To the day he returns,
To the mother of all living...


His thoughts fill with fear,
His heart,
And troubled forebodings,
Till the day he dies.

Even when he lies on his bed to rest,
His cares at night disturb his sleep.
So short is his rest, that it seems like none,
Till in his dreams, he struggles,
As he did by day

Terrified,
By what his minds eye sees.

Plague and bloodshed,
Wrath and the sword,
Plunder and ruin,
Famine and death

As he reaches safety, he wakes up,

Astonished that there was nothing to fear.




Obvious:


Ive witnessed something beautiful tonight.
As I lie here, on the floor,
In this lucid state of apathy;
Existence,
Isnt what it seems to be

The world subsists,
In shifting shades,
Of color;
It breathes

But its all,
Fragmentary;
Imaginary...

It doesnt really hold,
A solid place;
Its only empty space,
And I cannot fill it.

***
Parallel,
Pastel reflections.

Dancing on the insides,
Of my eyelids.

(This is so fulfilling.)

Circling the obvious again;

Ministering, to my obsession.
...

This is my obsession.
***

Ive witnessed something beautiful tonight.
As I lie here on the brink of death.
This is not imaginary.
This is something real.
This is the only way,
That I can get away

Trust me.

I think its time to give my mind some rest.

I think its time to shed this mask;
This bag of flesh

Trust me.

This is the only way to cleanse me.

This is the only way, that I can be,
Me...

(Trust me)


Psychosis:


Another time around the bend;
Maybe things will turn out differently.
Im staring at my own reflection,
And its grinning back at me...

Ripping out my hair, but unaware,
My thoughts are gathering again...

Traveling the road,
Of lost souls...
...

This will never end.

***
I know its dumb, but I cant help it.
Im regressing, I can feel it...
Theres no outlet, for this madness.
Its finally creeping, back behind me now.

And,
Somehow, I sustain it.
But I cant maintain my cool composure.

And as I hear it,
Ripping:
Time is nothing;
Im still slipping...

And I cant contain it.
(shit)
I cant arrange it!

(But its so warm and comforting)

Its finally killing,
Whats inside me now...

***
Even though you can see me,
You dont really know me...
...
Im so abhorrent...
***

Drooling on myself;
Disgusted with myself...
My mind is fogging,
(Without end)

Traveling the road,
Of lost souls...
...

Just to see it again.

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DeviantArt. FlickR. ArtThread.

I really love the way you write, so powerful yet delicately beautiful. I love these new pieces Assimilation and Obvious are my favourites, especially these line

Ive witnessed something beautiful tonight.
As I lie here, on the floor,
In this lucid state of apathy;
Existence,
Isnt what it seems to be

Keep up the great work dude!

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your words so sweetly and gently suck me into their depths! i'm so glad youve posted your powerful works again!!!!

Assimilation, my favourite of your last peices!!!

That this world,
This sweet seductress.

Lies in wait to kill his dreams.

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My Space My Stuff

wow, this is painfully emotive, it tore my heart out to read! i think someone else already said, this but your style is very mnusical and unique, the syllables sing out to me, well done!
love
pi

i am shocked at the awesomeness of this!
its like im reading a CD sleeve,
you have like an album of songs here, im just overwhelemed, well done!

Traveling the road,
Of lost souls...

i love that line and the

Just to see it again

its just perfect!
wow,