Punish Me . . . - Page 21 - EvBoard

Carmen · 05-15-2006, 02:50 AM

Sorry I haven't come to your thread sooner. I really love your writing. I can relate to alot of your work. I love the way your poems flow. That's one thing I'm not good at

Nameless · 05-24-2006, 03:04 PM

Thanks yet again myimmortalenemy for your comments. I'm glad that you liked those; the top one was my favorite as well.

And Carmen, thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed reading.

I think that it's time for something a bit darker again....
------------------------------------------------------
Pessimistic:

The tendons in my neck creak,
In chorus with the popping of my spine,
As I rise,
So tired from,
My scattered broken dreams…

Tracing my hands down,
The agonizing lines,
My face twists in pain,
As,
I tear them out…

Just to find them still inside…

Moving within me;
Killing me silently…

These dark;
Sickingly, coldest views,
Of everything…

***

My knees snap into place,
As I stand from my slumber;
It’s been so long,
Evening’s already come…

The scars on my soul,
Yawn and sigh;
So suffocated;
Agitated,
To be disturbed again,
So soon…

- It’s been so long,
Since they’ve seen the sun…

Twisting my face from the pain…

Ripping them out,
Bleeding,
And screaming…

These dark;
Sickingly, coldest views…

Of everything…

Nameless · 05-25-2006, 08:31 PM

Osmosis:

A singular, sentient entity,
Moving mindlessly, through multitudes,
Of compelling, flowing particles;
Racing through the chaos of the known world.

Separation;
Emaciation.

Of the subsequently occurring,
Membrane of my outer self.

Equilibrium returns,
And balance occurs…

Separated by the elusiveness of time;
Regardless, she was always on my mind…

Osmosis;
Mitosis…

Singular or separate,
We are one.

Violette · 06-04-2006, 10:50 AM

Hey, Nameless

I figured I needed to visit your thread and look at some of your other writings, since I've loved the stuff you've written for the Writer's Group. Awesome work here! I read over several of your pieces, and I came away from each one feeling very impressed. I especially like your choice of words and the different topics you focus on. If I had to pick one stand-out poem... I'd say "A Bhantiarna". Just loved the images you created and the feelings that it evoked. Btw, what is a bhantiarna? Just thought I'd ask. And your latest poem, "Osmosis," is a good one, too.

Nameless · 06-18-2006, 08:18 AM

Hey Violette!

Thanks so much for the comment!

Sorry that it took me so long to respond to it, but life has been crazy lately. I’m really flattered that you enjoyed reading my work, and I hope that you read again in the future. I really appreciate it.

I suppose that it’s time for me to put something up in my thread again, since it’s been awhile, so here you go, I think that it needs something still, but I hope that you guys like it.

Take Care!
_______________________________________________

Pheromones:

Intoxicating aroma.

Pheromones;
The musky scent of you.

Burrowing into my pores;
Firing millions of synapses.

Concentrated,
Powerful,
Wonderful,
And elated...

I breath you in;
Then breath you out.

I part my lips;
Welcome your kiss...

And hope that you will linger.

***

You feel holy in my arms.

Breath by breath,
And inch by inch,
I enter you;
You enter me.

I feel no regret, or fear,
As I’m absorbed...

Almost completely.

I feel fascinated.

Magically wonderful,
And elated...

As quietly,
And secretly.

You sigh...

So sweetly.

Melting into me;
Blissfully healing...

And significantly completing me.

FelicityS · 06-20-2006, 09:46 AM

Wow, i love every single one of your peices... sorry i haven't been by in awhile!

I think that besides a million other factors that make you a great writer is the fact that every single peice tells a different and powerful story, you really capture the theme of what you are writing about and get straight to it's heart!
<3

Violette · 06-20-2006, 01:57 PM

"Pheromones" is so incredibly romantic. I especially love the line "You feel holy in my arms". I can't really say much more about it - that's how good it is.

Nameless · 06-23-2006, 08:09 PM

FelicityS:
Thanks so much again for commenting on my work. I'm really flattered by the compliments. It's absolutely excellent to hear that someone enjoys reading my stuff, and as always, it means a lot. So thanks again!

Violette:
I'm glad to see that you came back to read again, and even decided to comment once more. I was surprisingly pleased with this last piece, but I was worried that it was a little bit off for some reason. I'm really glad that you guys liked it, and I'm sorry that I can't think of anything better to say. But your comments always mean a lot.

-------------------------------------------------

Here's a few more, on separate subjects.

If I'm lucky, maybe people will like these too!

Tell me what you think!

-------------------------------------------------

Apparition:

Generously,
And genuinely interested.

Infected, and infested with lies.
Battered and broken,
And bleeding, and twisted.

Visited by phantoms tonight.

***
Tonight;
Stay with me tonight.

One night...
***

One in awhile,
The past becomes a presence of its own.

Disconcerting periods,
Of vertigo.

Disconnected;
Misdirected light.

That deceives the eyes;
Infected, and infested with lies.

Battered and broken,
And pleading,
Please witness,
This sad,
But horribly meaningful existence.

***
Tonight.
Stay with me tonight.

One night...
One night...

Don't cry...
Everybody has to die.

I died...
We all die eventually.

Now, now,
Don't cry...
Don't cry...

Everybody has to die.

I died...

Eventually,
You'll die too.

-------------------------------------------------

Circumstantial Evidence:

Which way is up?

Direction has no meaning,
In a spiraling, infinite universe.

Indiscretion,
Fueled by misconceptions...

Haven't you heard?
Our word is law.

***

Law distorts the truth,
And bends the youth.

Giving quantities,
To objects, un-numbered.

Creating physics...

And numbering the numbers themselves.

Questions, lead to answers,
Lead to questions...

Comprise reality,
With sequences,
Of un-educated guesses.

Calling forth a multitude,
Of witnesses,
To witness this,
Desecration and perversion,
Of everything holy...

Haven't you heard?

Our word is law.

***
Everything you see,
And all that you believe,
Are cycles and,
Sequences,
Of un-educated guesses.

Laws are for the weak,
And simple minded.

Misleading our youth;
Manufacturing the truth...

Out of circumstantial evidence.

-------------------------------------------------

Acquiescence:

Seems that many a day has passed,
Since last I saw your lovely face.

A thousand miles I’d walk,
A thousand days I’d lay to waste.

If only for a moment,
I could see you smile.

If only for a second,
I could hold you,
Kiss you,
Touch you…

And hear you speak my name.

Uriel Coleridge · 06-25-2006, 05:12 PM

Well, well, well...

Nameless, what a pleasant surprise. I dissapear for some time, and I come back to find this: you're in love man! Kick-ass! I knew something was definetely up from that conversation we had a while back.

Just glad it all worked out for the best.

Now, onto your work. The poems you included with the large paragraph (Psychosis, Obvious, Assimilation, and Sirach 40) were mindblowing. I can't find a better term, and even this one falls rather short. All of them were extremely morbid and dark, which is more or less your signature mark.

A big sense of hate in them, as well as desesperation and hopelessness.

Now, what a drastical change you made on Beneath the Moonlight... Still kept the dark and somber atmosphere, a characteristic to all your work, but it was (OMG) happy. A solemn kind of happy, very serious tone throughout the poem. Same applies on Air Maiden, Lady of the Isle, and all the other love poems. Very deep respect for the girl, I can tell. And of course, the same feelings of her being so much more than you deserve that are experienced with love.

Hold on and Tranquility were a break from your love spree. Again, much darker and somber pieces, the tone is much gloomier and the mood is pessimistic and helpless. Very beautifully written, your skills in creating an atmosphere that absorbs the reader into your writing are simply unmatched, no matter how you wanna look at them.

Pessimistic and Osmosis were very nice reads, especially Pessimistic. Nice way to portray growing old. You can acutally feel and hear one's bones creaking and cracking along with the poem. Excellent use of imagery as always. Osmosis was a blantlant and direct attack against society. Nice choice of words, and an unusual piece with a very powerful effect. Circumstantial Evidence and Apparition both give very strong effects, and the feeling of... shall I say "dislike" for the way the world is run today simply emanates from them.

You have managed to connect with the reader all along, and this is just a reafirmation of that belief. You can cover any topic, and without losing your characteristical "somber" and "dark" style, you can absorb the reader into your work. That's the message I got after reading that wave of love poems. I'm glad to know that things are getting better for you, and I hope that they stay that way. You're an amazing writer, and you help as inspiration for me to improve every day. Just keep that pen writing for good... I'm sure it will always produce amazing pieces.

Violette · 06-26-2006, 08:53 AM

Kewl, three new poems to read.

"Apparition" is great. I was going to ask you why you separated certain sections with the ***, but after reading the poem the whole way through, I understood. And I liked that switch of tone/narration. This is my fave stanza:
Battered and broken,
And pleading,
Please witness,
This sad,
But horribly meaningful existence.

"Circumstantial Evidence" is interesting. One of those poems that you like but can't grasp the meaning right away. And I know I've heard the term 'circumstantial evidence' before, too. Just not sure where...

05-15-2006, 02:50 AM	#201 (permalink)
Carmen Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: England Age: 21 Posts: 1,781 Points: 9,392.57 Bank: 18,743.34 Total Points: 28,135.92 Donate	Sorry I haven't come to your thread sooner. I really love your writing. I can relate to alot of your work. I love the way your poems flow. That's one thing I'm not good at __________________ Without passion we truly would be dead My Stuff \|\| My Space

05-24-2006, 03:04 PM	#202 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 4,209.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,209.88 Donate	Thanks yet again myimmortalenemy for your comments. I'm glad that you liked those; the top one was my favorite as well. And Carmen, thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed reading. I think that it's time for something a bit darker again.... ------------------------------------------------------ Pessimistic: The tendons in my neck creak, In chorus with the popping of my spine, As I rise, So tired from, My scattered broken dreams… Tracing my hands down, The agonizing lines, My face twists in pain, As, I tear them out… Just to find them still inside… Moving within me; Killing me silently… These dark; Sickingly, coldest views, Of everything… *** My knees snap into place, As I stand from my slumber; It’s been so long, Evening’s already come… The scars on my soul, Yawn and sigh; So suffocated; Agitated, To be disturbed again, So soon… - It’s been so long, Since they’ve seen the sun… Twisting my face from the pain… Ripping them out, Bleeding, And screaming… These dark; Sickingly, coldest views… Of everything… __________________ Myspace - Sententious: Subtly Changing Licentious Poiesis - The Eyes of Calistori Share your poetry, music, and art at the Creative Underground

05-25-2006, 08:31 PM	#203 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 4,209.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,209.88 Donate	Osmosis: A singular, sentient entity, Moving mindlessly, through multitudes, Of compelling, flowing particles; Racing through the chaos of the known world. Separation; Emaciation. Of the subsequently occurring, Membrane of my outer self. Equilibrium returns, And balance occurs… Separated by the elusiveness of time; Regardless, she was always on my mind… Osmosis; Mitosis… Singular or separate, We are one. __________________ Myspace - Sententious: Subtly Changing Licentious Poiesis - The Eyes of Calistori Share your poetry, music, and art at the Creative Underground Last edited by Nameless : 06-18-2006 at 08:23 AM.

06-04-2006, 10:50 AM	#204 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Hey, Nameless I figured I needed to visit your thread and look at some of your other writings, since I've loved the stuff you've written for the Writer's Group. Awesome work here! I read over several of your pieces, and I came away from each one feeling very impressed. I especially like your choice of words and the different topics you focus on. If I had to pick one stand-out poem... I'd say "A Bhantiarna". Just loved the images you created and the feelings that it evoked. Btw, what is a bhantiarna? Just thought I'd ask. And your latest poem, "Osmosis," is a good one, too. __________________ Come join!

06-18-2006, 08:18 AM	#205 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 4,209.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,209.88 Donate	Hey Violette! Thanks so much for the comment! Sorry that it took me so long to respond to it, but life has been crazy lately. I’m really flattered that you enjoyed reading my work, and I hope that you read again in the future. I really appreciate it. I suppose that it’s time for me to put something up in my thread again, since it’s been awhile, so here you go, I think that it needs something still, but I hope that you guys like it. Take Care! _______________________________________________ Pheromones: Intoxicating aroma. Pheromones; The musky scent of you. Burrowing into my pores; Firing millions of synapses. Concentrated, Powerful, Wonderful, And elated... I breath you in; Then breath you out. I part my lips; Welcome your kiss... And hope that you will linger. *** You feel holy in my arms. Breath by breath, And inch by inch, I enter you; You enter me. I feel no regret, or fear, As I’m absorbed... Almost completely. I feel fascinated. Magically wonderful, And elated... As quietly, And secretly. You sigh... So sweetly. Melting into me; Blissfully healing... And significantly completing me. __________________ Myspace - Sententious: Subtly Changing Licentious Poiesis - The Eyes of Calistori Share your poetry, music, and art at the Creative Underground Last edited by Nameless : 06-19-2006 at 06:16 AM.

06-20-2006, 09:46 AM	#206 (permalink)
FelicityS Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 1,403 Points: 700.64 Bank: 41.06 Total Points: 741.70 Donate	Wow, i love every single one of your peices... sorry i haven't been by in awhile! I think that besides a million other factors that make you a great writer is the fact that every single peice tells a different and powerful story, you really capture the theme of what you are writing about and get straight to it's heart! <3 __________________ My Space My Stuff

06-20-2006, 01:57 PM	#207 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	"Pheromones" is so incredibly romantic. I especially love the line "You feel holy in my arms". I can't really say much more about it - that's how good it is. __________________ Come join!

06-23-2006, 08:09 PM	#208 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 4,209.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,209.88 Donate	FelicityS: Thanks so much again for commenting on my work. I'm really flattered by the compliments. It's absolutely excellent to hear that someone enjoys reading my stuff, and as always, it means a lot. So thanks again! Violette: I'm glad to see that you came back to read again, and even decided to comment once more. I was surprisingly pleased with this last piece, but I was worried that it was a little bit off for some reason. I'm really glad that you guys liked it, and I'm sorry that I can't think of anything better to say. But your comments always mean a lot. ------------------------------------------------- Here's a few more, on separate subjects. If I'm lucky, maybe people will like these too! Tell me what you think! ------------------------------------------------- Apparition: Generously, And genuinely interested. Infected, and infested with lies. Battered and broken, And bleeding, and twisted. Visited by phantoms tonight. * Tonight; Stay with me tonight. One night... * One in awhile, The past becomes a presence of its own. Disconcerting periods, Of vertigo. Disconnected; Misdirected light. That deceives the eyes; Infected, and infested with lies. Battered and broken, And pleading, Please witness, This sad, But horribly meaningful existence. * Tonight. Stay with me tonight. One night... One night... Don't cry... Everybody has to die. I died... We all die eventually. Now, now, Don't cry... Don't cry... Everybody has to die. I died... Eventually, You'll die too. ------------------------------------------------- Circumstantial Evidence: Which way is up? Direction has no meaning, In a spiraling, infinite universe. Indiscretion, Fueled by misconceptions... Haven't you heard? Our word is law. * Law distorts the truth, And bends the youth. Giving quantities, To objects, un-numbered. Creating physics... And numbering the numbers themselves. Questions, lead to answers, Lead to questions... Comprise reality, With sequences, Of un-educated guesses. Calling forth a multitude, Of witnesses, To witness this, Desecration and perversion, Of everything holy... Haven't you heard? Our word is law. * Everything you see, And all that you believe, Are cycles and, Sequences, Of un-educated guesses. Laws are for the weak, And simple minded. Misleading our youth; Manufacturing the truth... Out of circumstantial evidence. ------------------------------------------------- Acquiescence:** Seems that many a day has passed, Since last I saw your lovely face. A thousand miles I’d walk, A thousand days I’d lay to waste. If only for a moment, I could see you smile. If only for a second, I could hold you, Kiss you, Touch you… And hear you speak my name. __________________ Myspace - Sententious: Subtly Changing Licentious Poiesis - The Eyes of Calistori Share your poetry, music, and art at the Creative Underground Last edited by Nameless : 06-23-2006 at 08:18 PM.

06-25-2006, 05:12 PM	#209 (permalink)
Uriel Coleridge Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Medellin, Colombia Age: 18 Posts: 386 Points: 250.00 Bank: 1,154.45 Total Points: 1,404.45 Donate	Well, well, well... Nameless, what a pleasant surprise. I dissapear for some time, and I come back to find this: you're in love man! Kick-ass! I knew something was definetely up from that conversation we had a while back. Just glad it all worked out for the best. Now, onto your work. The poems you included with the large paragraph (Psychosis, Obvious, Assimilation, and Sirach 40) were mindblowing. I can't find a better term, and even this one falls rather short. All of them were extremely morbid and dark, which is more or less your signature mark. A big sense of hate in them, as well as desesperation and hopelessness. Now, what a drastical change you made on Beneath the Moonlight... Still kept the dark and somber atmosphere, a characteristic to all your work, but it was (OMG) happy. A solemn kind of happy, very serious tone throughout the poem. Same applies on Air Maiden, Lady of the Isle, and all the other love poems. Very deep respect for the girl, I can tell. And of course, the same feelings of her being so much more than you deserve that are experienced with love. Hold on and Tranquility were a break from your love spree. Again, much darker and somber pieces, the tone is much gloomier and the mood is pessimistic and helpless. Very beautifully written, your skills in creating an atmosphere that absorbs the reader into your writing are simply unmatched, no matter how you wanna look at them. Pessimistic and Osmosis were very nice reads, especially Pessimistic. Nice way to portray growing old. You can acutally feel and hear one's bones creaking and cracking along with the poem. Excellent use of imagery as always. Osmosis was a blantlant and direct attack against society. Nice choice of words, and an unusual piece with a very powerful effect. Circumstantial Evidence and Apparition both give very strong effects, and the feeling of... shall I say "dislike" for the way the world is run today simply emanates from them. You have managed to connect with the reader all along, and this is just a reafirmation of that belief. You can cover any topic, and without losing your characteristical "somber" and "dark" style, you can absorb the reader into your work. That's the message I got after reading that wave of love poems. I'm glad to know that things are getting better for you, and I hope that they stay that way. You're an amazing writer, and you help as inspiration for me to improve every day. Just keep that pen writing for good... I'm sure it will always produce amazing pieces. __________________ My poems and stuff... Honest critiques for your work. Punish him. I've got a question for you... think you can answer it? ...'Cause all we are is what we're told, And most of that's been lies... Last edited by Uriel Coleridge : 06-26-2006 at 03:37 PM.

06-26-2006, 08:53 AM	#210 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Kewl, three new poems to read. "Apparition" is great. I was going to ask you why you separated certain sections with the ***, but after reading the poem the whole way through, I understood. And I liked that switch of tone/narration. This is my fave stanza: Battered and broken, And pleading, Please witness, This sad, But horribly meaningful existence. "Circumstantial Evidence" is interesting. One of those poems that you like but can't grasp the meaning right away. And I know I've heard the term 'circumstantial evidence' before, too. Just not sure where... __________________ Come join!

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