Punish Me . . . - Page 5 - EvBoard

Nameless · 07-21-2004, 07:27 PM

Yeah, trailing off like that was one of the few things that I've done consciously to a poem. I think it just reflects a lot on what I was trying to describe. Because I COULDN'T say it. I didn't want to scare her away.

Broken Vessel, was inspired by all of the beautiful things in life that are doomed to end. Which is all of them. Sooner or later . . .

Thanks again for your comments. They're great to get.
Maybe I'll post a few more today . . .

Nameless · 07-21-2004, 07:34 PM

Exodus:
------------------------------------------------------------

There’s love in this pain that I’m feeling.
This numb;
This bloodless feeling of, detachment.

Something has seeped through,
The outer circle of my protection.

Something, destroying me,
Inflicting me;
Intensifying, inner conflicting.

But,
How can I defend against something without form?

And,
How could something so cold hearted, feel, so warm?

Now each pump of blood, from my heart,
Gushing out of me;
Is pushed out of me.

And each living hope, of betterment,
Rushes out of me.
Pulses out of me.

With every other part of myself,
Running out on me.
Giving out on me.

I collapse . . .

And I submit.

To all the weight, and all the worry.
Which thus far, has punished me.
To every suppressed emotion that,
Seduced it’s neighbor in discord.

But, there’s love in this pain.
Inside this agony, I’ve found bliss.
The old familiar touch of darkness.
And the cold, and virulent kiss,

Of this amiable oblivion.

Something has seeped through,
The inner circle of my protection.

Inside of me, destroying me,
Overwhelming me;
All of this, inner conflicting.

But,
How can I defend against something without form?

And,
How can I be so cold, and yet feel, so warm?

As each pump of blood, from my heart,
Is gushing out of me,
And pushed out of me.

Along with each living hope, of betterment,
It washes out of me,
And drains out of me.

With every other part of myself,
Running out on me,
Giving out on me.

I collapse . . .

And I submit.

Nameless · 07-21-2004, 09:12 PM

Black & White:
------------------------------------------------------------

Run your rusted, painted,
Fingernails . . .

Down, my,
Back again.

Saturate me,
Satisfy me.
Don’t deny me . . .
This.
You know I need this.

Make me, feel alive!
-Release me-
Don’t deny me this!

You know I, need this!

Bathe me in, another fountain,
Of misconceptions . . .

***

Reality seems so dark and lifeless,
With-out,
Suffering.

Purest contentment,
Mixed with,
Bitter resentment . . .

Don’t deny me this.

Can’t you see I need this?

How can I enjoy tomorrow,
If I’m not in pain today?

Can you understand your own emotions,
If you always feel, the same way?

What is the point of our existence,
If not, to rise above our past?

What would you, rise from?

***

Touch me with your,
Cold steel fingertips . . .

Run them,
Down, my,
Back again.

Fill this void of my desire.
Elevate me, one step higher.
Don’t deny me . . .

Just,
Don’t deny me . . .
. . .

Make me feel . . .
. . .

I need to feel . . .

Make me, feel alive!
-Release me-
Don’t deny me this!

Execute me!
Free me of this!

Drowning in, another fountain,
Of misconceptions . . .

There are, no exceptions . . .

. . .
. . .

We need this.

amys_freak · 07-21-2004, 11:49 PM

you fucking rock Your stuff is so deep. It's like wow, I can feel it. It's great. Your fucking awesome.

axeslinger0u812 · 07-22-2004, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow_666

There’s love in this pain that I’m feeling.
This numb, this bloodless feeling of, detachment.

Something has seeped through,
The outer circle of my protection.

Something, destroying me,
Inflicting me,
Intensifying, inner conflicting.

But,
How can I defend against something without form?

And,
How could something so cold hearted, feel, so warm?

Now each pump of blood, from my heart,
Gushing out of me,
Is pushed out of me.

And each living hope, of betterment,
Rushes out of me,
Pulses out of me.

With every other part of myself,
Running out on me,
Giving out on me.

I collapse . . .

And I submit.

To all the weight, and all the worry.
Which thus far, has punished me.
To every suppressed emotion that,
Seduced it’s neighbor in discord.

But, there’s love in this pain.
Inside this agony, I’ve found bliss.
The old familiar touch of darkness.
And the cold, and virulent kiss,

Of this amiable oblivion.

Something has seeped through,
The inner circle of my protection.
Inside of me, destroying me,
Overwhelming me,
All of this, inner conflicting.

But,
How can I defend against something without form?

And,
How can I be so cold, and yet feel, so warm?

As each pump of blood, from my heart,
Is gushing out of me,
And pushed out of me.

Along with each living hope, of betterment,
It washes out of me,
And drains out of me.

With every other part of myself,
Running out on me,
Giving out on me.

I collapse . . .

And I submit.

I really liked the repeated measures, and the way you repeated the word 'me'. It definetely led to an awesome rythm and a really good flow. At first I was like "Wait, you used me twice!?" Then I kept reading, and it really fit.

Quote:

Run your rusted, painted, fingernails,
Down, my,
Back again.

Touch me with your, cold, steel, fingertips.
Run them,
Down, my,
Back again.

This one was just awesome. Especially these twon parts. What an amazing visual. Coolest ...uh, I can;t think of the word....but it's just really cool.

Nameless · 07-22-2004, 01:07 AM

Glad you guys liked these. Sorry I always have about the same to say.

Writing is the only outlet that I have and it's really personal to me. So it's great to get such wonderful comments. Since I'm on, I think I'll post another song tonight . . .

Thanks again for reading.

Nameless · 07-22-2004, 01:11 AM

Drawn Over:
------------------------------------------------------------

Contained, in your plethora of ignorance.
Every word that is spoken brings defense.
And can’t in your mind make its residence.

Allegations, made to destroy my confidence.
Caught in your self-conscious, self-righteousness.

Explain, what I’ve attacked that you’re defending.
Any of the words your mouth is vending.
Yet omit, the use of words you’re bending!

Allegations, made just to boost your confidence.
Caught in your unconscious, self-righteousness.

How
How do you excuse yourself?
Why
Why do you exclude yourself?
How
How can you dilute yourself?
Why
Why can’t you accuse yourself,
Instead?

Well I know,
That this could have stopped,
But it’s drawn over.

Do you know,
That your words are recycled,
Over and over?

Let it go.
Why can’t this be over?

Detained, this world can kill with such precision.
So many sides to this syllogism.
As you make wrong after wrong decision.

Explain, what I’ve attacked that’s worth defending.
You say that you’re upright, stop pretending!
I think it’s time, that you began descending!

Allegations, made just to hide your selfishness.
Caught in your so-conscious, self-righteousness.

Why can’t this be over?

Topspin047 · 07-22-2004, 09:59 AM

Wow. I came in here for a quick look at some of your work, and ended up reading every single one at least once sometimes two or three times. I mean-your writing is excellent. At first I didn't like how you had the same formation every single time, but the last couple pages you changed it up a bit, and I like that. So yeah I'm obsessed with imagery, and you had tons of it, and you really have a way with words. I noticed you put that you could write about happy things but the sad darker things come to you more easily. I also agree, and it may not be because you're an unhappy person, but I find that it's easier to write about that, because happy things make you sound all girly or unexperienced. I dunno, just my opinion.

Well anyway, my favorites were: Chemical nourishment, Fool, Butterfly Kisses, Whole, Exodus, and Black & White

So please continue writing! I'll be back..

<33 sarah

Nameless · 07-23-2004, 12:05 AM

I know exactly what you're talking about. The form of first few I posted was really similar. I was being too lazy, and I didn't feel like posting anything long, or complicated in structure. After I realized people were actually reading I decided to switch it up. I've got a lot of different stuff. Basically I post things depending on how I'm feeling at the time.

I'm glad that you read them all, and that you enjoyed doing it. Images are everything to me. I used to get in trouble when I was still in school, because of some of the stuff that I would write. I just couldn't get it through a lot of people's heads that it was just a way to describe an emotion, and not an actual account of something that I wanted to do. Who hasn't ever said they felt like killing someone? It's just a way of saying that you're pissed . . . Some people are just dense . . .

Thanks again for your comment. I really appreciate it.

Nameless · 07-23-2004, 12:14 AM

Kofer Eleelah
------------------------------------------------------------

She whispers to me softly;
Soothingly . . .

She diverts my searching eyes,
With her acceptable disguise.

And her lies . . .

She beckons to me longingly;
Pulling me.

Warm breath, a caress;
Disarming my distress.
. . .

But,
Beneath the ocean of her eyes,
Restlessly, shamelessly,
She contemplates destruction;
She severs mental ties,
With all the life and light, that comes with living.

Yearning to embrace the cold and desolate.

***

She slides in bed beside me;
Silently . . .

She knows now, that I know,
But she’ll never know how much.

She’ll never know,
That it’s transmitted in her touch.
. . .

That all the life and light of living,
Just aren’t perceptible to her . . .

She’ll continue,
Consuming, and resuming . . .

A dance with fate,
To greet,
The desolate.

***

There was a time,
When the stars shone in her eyes.
Basking in, her gently beauty.

Spinning, laughing,
Beneath the moonlight.

Unblemished, by this world’s corruption.

Now her eyes,
So beautiful before.

They conceal:
The lust, the need;
The thirst, the greed.
. . .
(Kofer Eleelah)

She was a light.
A beacon in the night.

Now her only light is darkness.

The darkness . . .

Surrounds and, drags me,
Down.

***
She slides in bed beside me;
Silently . . .

(She whispers to me softly)
(Soothingly)

She beckons to me lovingly;
Pulling me . . .

Warm breath, a caress;
Disarming my distress.
. . .

Yet all the life and light of living,
Just aren’t perceptible to her . . .

She’ll just continue,
Consuming, and resuming . . .

A dance with fate,
To greet,
The desolate.
------------------------------------------------------------

Hebrew:
Kofer Eleelah = Godless Goddess.

07-21-2004, 07:27 PM	#41 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 3,959.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 3,959.88 Donate	Yeah, trailing off like that was one of the few things that I've done consciously to a poem. I think it just reflects a lot on what I was trying to describe. Because I COULDN'T say it. I didn't want to scare her away. Broken Vessel, was inspired by all of the beautiful things in life that are doomed to end. Which is all of them. Sooner or later . . . Thanks again for your comments. They're great to get. Maybe I'll post a few more today . . . Last edited by Nameless : 07-28-2004 at 10:36 AM.

07-21-2004, 07:34 PM	#42 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 3,959.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 3,959.88 Donate	Poem Exodus: ------------------------------------------------------------ There’s love in this pain that I’m feeling. This numb; This bloodless feeling of, detachment. Something has seeped through, The outer circle of my protection. Something, destroying me, Inflicting me; Intensifying, inner conflicting. But, How can I defend against something without form? And, How could something so cold hearted, feel, so warm? Now each pump of blood, from my heart, Gushing out of me; Is pushed out of me. And each living hope, of betterment, Rushes out of me. Pulses out of me. With every other part of myself, Running out on me. Giving out on me. I collapse . . . And I submit. To all the weight, and all the worry. Which thus far, has punished me. To every suppressed emotion that, Seduced it’s neighbor in discord. But, there’s love in this pain. Inside this agony, I’ve found bliss. The old familiar touch of darkness. And the cold, and virulent kiss, Of this amiable oblivion. Something has seeped through, The inner circle of my protection. Inside of me, destroying me, Overwhelming me; All of this, inner conflicting. But, How can I defend against something without form? And, How can I be so cold, and yet feel, so warm? As each pump of blood, from my heart, Is gushing out of me, And pushed out of me. Along with each living hope, of betterment, It washes out of me, And drains out of me. With every other part of myself, Running out on me, Giving out on me. I collapse . . . And I submit. Last edited by Nameless : 07-28-2004 at 05:00 PM.

07-21-2004, 09:12 PM	#43 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 3,959.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 3,959.88 Donate	A Song Black & White: ------------------------------------------------------------ Run your rusted, painted, Fingernails . . . Down, my, Back again. Saturate me, Satisfy me. Don’t deny me . . . This. You know I need this. Make me, feel alive! -Release me- Don’t deny me this! You know I, need this! Bathe me in, another fountain, Of misconceptions . . . *** Reality seems so dark and lifeless, With-out, Suffering. Purest contentment, Mixed with, Bitter resentment . . . Don’t deny me this. Can’t you see I need this? How can I enjoy tomorrow, If I’m not in pain today? Can you understand your own emotions, If you always feel, the same way? What is the point of our existence, If not, to rise above our past? What would you, rise from? *** Touch me with your, Cold steel fingertips . . . Run them, Down, my, Back again. Fill this void of my desire. Elevate me, one step higher. Don’t deny me . . . Just, Don’t deny me . . . . . . Make me feel . . . . . . I need to feel . . . Make me, feel alive! -Release me- Don’t deny me this! Execute me! Free me of this! Drowning in, another fountain, Of misconceptions . . . There are, no exceptions . . . . . . . . . We need this. Last edited by Nameless : 07-28-2004 at 04:50 PM.

07-22-2004, 01:11 AM	#47 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 3,959.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 3,959.88 Donate	Another Song Drawn Over: ------------------------------------------------------------ Contained, in your plethora of ignorance. Every word that is spoken brings defense. And can’t in your mind make its residence. Allegations, made to destroy my confidence. Caught in your self-conscious, self-righteousness. Explain, what I’ve attacked that you’re defending. Any of the words your mouth is vending. Yet omit, the use of words you’re bending! Allegations, made just to boost your confidence. Caught in your unconscious, self-righteousness. How How do you excuse yourself? Why Why do you exclude yourself? How How can you dilute yourself? Why Why can’t you accuse yourself, *Instead?* Well I know, That this could have stopped, But it’s drawn over. Do you know, That your words are recycled, Over and over? Let it go. Why can’t this be over? Detained, this world can kill with such precision. So many sides to this syllogism. As you make wrong after wrong decision. Explain, what I’ve attacked that’s worth defending. You say that you’re upright, stop pretending! I think it’s time, that you began descending! Allegations, made just to hide your selfishness. Caught in your so-conscious, self-righteousness. Why can’t this be over? Last edited by Nameless : 07-30-2004 at 09:04 AM.

07-23-2004, 12:05 AM	#49 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 3,959.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 3,959.88 Donate	Thanks I know exactly what you're talking about. The form of first few I posted was really similar. I was being too lazy, and I didn't feel like posting anything long, or complicated in structure. After I realized people were actually reading I decided to switch it up. I've got a lot of different stuff. Basically I post things depending on how I'm feeling at the time. I'm glad that you read them all, and that you enjoyed doing it. Images are everything to me. I used to get in trouble when I was still in school, because of some of the stuff that I would write. I just couldn't get it through a lot of people's heads that it was just a way to describe an emotion, and not an actual account of something that I wanted to do. Who hasn't ever said they felt like killing someone? It's just a way of saying that you're pissed . . . Some people are just dense . . . Thanks again for your comment. I really appreciate it.

07-21-2004, 11:49 PM	#44 (permalink)
amys_freak Miss Pissmypants Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: the boys bathroom at camp trying not to piss in my pants Posts: 5 Points: 100.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 100.00 Donate	you fucking rock Your stuff is so deep. It's like wow, I can feel it. It's great. Your fucking awesome.

07-22-2004, 01:07 AM	#46 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 3,959.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 3,959.88 Donate	Glad you guys liked these. Sorry I always have about the same to say. Writing is the only outlet that I have and it's really personal to me. So it's great to get such wonderful comments. Since I'm on, I think I'll post another song tonight . . . Thanks again for reading.

07-22-2004, 09:59 AM	#48 (permalink)
Topspin047 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: PA Age: 20 Posts: 39 Points: 126.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 126.00 Donate	Wow. I came in here for a quick look at some of your work, and ended up reading every single one at least once sometimes two or three times. I mean-your writing is excellent. At first I didn't like how you had the same formation every single time, but the last couple pages you changed it up a bit, and I like that. So yeah I'm obsessed with imagery, and you had tons of it, and you really have a way with words. I noticed you put that you could write about happy things but the sad darker things come to you more easily. I also agree, and it may not be because you're an unhappy person, but I find that it's easier to write about that, because happy things make you sound all girly or unexperienced. I dunno, just my opinion. Well anyway, my favorites were: Chemical nourishment, Fool, Butterfly Kisses, Whole, Exodus, and Black & White So please continue writing! I'll be back.. <33 sarah

07-23-2004, 12:14 AM	#50 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 3,959.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 3,959.88 Donate	Song Kofer Eleelah ------------------------------------------------------------ She whispers to me softly; Soothingly . . . She diverts my searching eyes, With her acceptable disguise. And her lies . . . She beckons to me longingly; Pulling me. Warm breath, a caress; Disarming my distress. . . . But, Beneath the ocean of her eyes, Restlessly, shamelessly, She contemplates destruction; She severs mental ties, With all the life and light, that comes with living. Yearning to embrace the cold and desolate. * She slides in bed beside me; Silently . . . She knows now, that I know, But she’ll never know how much. She’ll never know, That it’s transmitted in her touch. . . . That all the life and light of living, Just aren’t perceptible to her . . . She’ll continue, Consuming, and resuming . . . A dance with fate, To greet, The desolate. * There was a time, When the stars shone in her eyes. Basking in, her gently beauty. Spinning, laughing, Beneath the moonlight. Unblemished, by this world’s corruption. Now her eyes, So beautiful before. They conceal: The lust, the need; The thirst, the greed. . . . (Kofer Eleelah) She was a light. A beacon in the night. Now her only light is darkness. The darkness . . . Surrounds and, drags me, Down. *** She slides in bed beside me; Silently . . . (She whispers to me softly) (Soothingly) She beckons to me lovingly; Pulling me . . . Warm breath, a caress; Disarming my distress. . . . Yet all the life and light of living, Just aren’t perceptible to her . . . She’ll just continue, Consuming, and resuming . . . A dance with fate, To greet, The desolate. ------------------------------------------------------------ Hebrew: Kofer Eleelah = Godless Goddess. Last edited by Nameless : 07-31-2004 at 11:09 AM.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode