Punish Me . . . - Page 6 - EvBoard

Nameless · 07-23-2004, 12:17 AM

As the song that was playing,
On the day I fell in love with you,
Begins, to play.

And as the emotion I felt,
Washes over me again,
I stop, to pray.

And as I’m asking forgiveness,
I’m known not to get.
And dropping my head.
And beginning to sweat.

I’m beginning to understand what this tune meant all along.

It opened and closed the last page of my life.
Left me panicked and stricken, with self-loathing and strife.
I close my eyes . . .

And dream of the day when you promised me.
That what had to be, was sure to be,
Would be.
And through it all, you’d be with me.

Again, I pray that God forgives me . . .

I drop my head,
And place the cylinder to my head.
I wish again,
I wish it didn’t have to end . . .
Like this,
Why must it end like this?

The song has ended.

The room lights up abruptly,
To be followed . . .

By darkness and silence.

sweetwater · 07-23-2004, 01:08 AM

too many tears right now...i believe i can hear the song also...is it `all my life'...

axeslinger0u812 · 07-23-2004, 06:45 PM

wow...that was ...*speechless*

What an ending. It just hit me really hard. Very powerful, and an amazing piece.

and about the other one, I really liked the way you wrote it. The on again of again rhyming... So cool.

Topspin047 · 07-23-2004, 08:29 PM

"A dance with fate, to greet the desolate"

that line struck me.

Very powerful, and great writing as usual.

I cannot wait for more of your stuff

<33 sarah

Nameless · 07-26-2004, 07:04 AM

Obscurity:
------------------------------------------------------------

Shadows dance;
. . .
The candlelight,
The catalyst.

Figures just beyond, the depth of my perception.

Opening your heart and mind,
And soul, to the deceiver.

Invisible hands;
Invisible clock ticks.

Divine,
And grateful.

Thankful for a second chance.

***
[Chorus]

But this is not the way,
That it’s supposed to be.
Comfort seems so far away,
So far away from me.
. . .

It’s so depleting.
***

Memories of things,
All said and done.

Discrepancies,
And gaps, and wishful thinking,

Brought me here . . .

Left me here . . .

Stumbling and stammering,
And lost for words.
Proceeding all your promises,
With broken sentences.

Altering my senses.
. . .
Penetrating, my defenses.

Yet here you stand, so confident,
Resplendent;
Ignorant,
Of how,
It concerns you.
. . .

Well it concerns me too.

***
[Chorus]

This is not the way,
That it’s supposed to be.
Comfort seems so far away,
So far away from me.
. . .

It’s so depleting.
***

[Bridge]

How could I ever let you,
So horribly defeat me?

Why would you?
I honestly believed that you'd complete me.

But then, you beat me down . . .

You left me here to drown . . .

***

Shadows dance;
. . .
The candlelight,
The catalyst.

You are just beyond, the depth of my perception.

Opening my heart and mind,
And soul, to the deceiver.

Invisible arms;
Invisible hands push.

Divine,
But hateful.

Denying me a second chance.

Shaking,
And shivering, so cold,
Pupils dilating . . .
. . .

But I will not succumb.

***
[Downbeat]

I will not;
I will not succumb . . .

(You promised me.)

I will not;
I will not succumb . . .

(That you’d complete me.)

I will not;
I will not succumb . . .

(You don’t believe me.)

I will not;
I will not succumb . . .

(But)

I will not succumb.
------------------------------------------------------------

This next one has a really simple structure, but I think it manages to develope a little in the end. Either way, it's a lot fun to sing.

Flaw:
------------------------------------------------------------

I want to know,
What makes you think that you are real?

I want to know,
Why everything is so surreal.

I’ll let you know,
If I make it out of here.

I let you go . . .

***
And it’s tearing me apart.
. . .
I feel so insecure.
. . .
Everything is gone.
. . .

So long . . .
***

Where are you?
You’re not where you’re supposed to be.

I needed you.
And you, you needed me.

Now I contain,
All that I feel for you.

Maybe I should leave . . .

***
It’s tearing me apart.
. . .
I feel so insecure.
. . .
Everything is gone.
. . .

So long.
***

On a long night.
On a desolate road.
The cold light, of the moon,
Speaks,
In whispers.

The starlight,
Was never so bright.
Even so,
He sleeps in shadows;
Losing track of time.

(Somewhere)
(Somehow)
(He lost his mind)

At some point,
The world became,
So overwhelming.

The psychosomatic nature;
Bare, became his flaw.

Yet,
He followed it . . .
. . .

He swallowed it,

Yeah . . .

Yeah you.
------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetwater

too many tears right now...i believe i can hear the song also...is it `all my life'...

I'm not sure I know what song that is . . .

But now that you mention it, there really was a song. It's actually kind of funny now. It was, "You Give Love a Bad Name." It was playing at someone's house the night I met the girl that inspired, "Darkness and Silence." I was sitting around writing, rite after we broke up; not feeling so hot. Then that song came on the radio.

You saw what happened next . . .

Thanks, everyone, for your comments again. It's always appreciated.

And more then I deserve . . .

SangReal · 07-26-2004, 10:00 AM

Your poetry. . .
Is very interesting. . .
and thought. . .
:: provoking::
but I find. . .
that your .:use:.
:: of punctuation::
distracts me from your work . . .
and makes it difficult to read
***
but. no. offense.

<3 Mary

Nameless · 07-26-2004, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SangReal

Your poetry. . .
Is very interesting. . .
and thought. . .
:: provoking::
but I find. . .
that your .:use:.
:: of punctuation::
distracts me from your work . . .
and makes it difficult to read
***
but. no. offense.

<3 Mary

LOL

Yeah, I see what you mean. Actually, I was just talking about that earlier. And no offense to anyone who's commented before you, but this is the best comment that I've gotten so far. It's great to hear that someone liked reading something that I wrote, but this is a lot more helpful. And by the way, I'm laughing at myself, not you or your comment. I love the way you posted it. I definitely got the point.

I just cleaned up my last couple of posts a little. I'll make sure I go over the rest before I post more. So stop by every now and again and tell me what you think. I'd be glad to hear it.

I started punctuating that way about a year or two ago. A couple of friends and I made this system, so that we could always see where the beat was when we practiced. We were experimenting with a lot of digital music back then. Now I just do it naturally when I type fast.

My editor has asked me on several occasions to stop over punctuating. It's hard somtimes though, punctuation is a lot more important than most people think. It helps to establish a rhythm, and directs the flow. Actually, most people don't know that there's a difference between those two things either. Unfortunately for me, I lay it on way too thick. I want people to be able to tell the exact pace that I've got, and end up confusing the shit out of them instead.

Thanks a lot for your comment. And don't worry; it's really hard to offend me. I've heard worse criticism before. Trust me.

--------------------------------

Oh, and by the way . . .
I think it goes like this . . .

***

Your poetry, is very interesting . . .

And thought,
:: provoking ::

But I find that your,
:use:

:: of punctuation ::

Distracts me from your work . . .
. . .

Makes it difficult to read . . .

***
But no offense . . .
***

"None taken at all."

Nameless · 07-28-2004, 12:28 AM

Thinking again.
Silence has washed over me again.
I can hear myself breathing.
I can hear my heart beating.
I don’t know, who I am;
Where I am . . .

. . .

Sinking again.
Possibilities, are swimming on,
The pullout canvass screen inside,
My pullout mind.
I hate who I am;
What I am . . .

Don’t fucking touch me.

. . .

Screaming again.
But silent, because it’s in my mind again.
I can hear myself breathing.
But I can’t feel my heart beating.
I don’t care, who I am;
What I am . . .

And that’s comforting.

Nameless · 07-28-2004, 08:36 PM

All right. I had the day off today, and I took some time to edit all of my stuff. Punctuation, grammar, and presentation have all been modified. Hopefully it will make it easier to read.

I've also changed a few parts, of a few different things where I felt that it was needed. So if you don't mind, maybe you can go back and double check my work and let me know if I missed anything. Or even just to let me know how you like the new layout. It's different depending on which one you're reading.

Thanks you guys, in advance, for anyone willing to do this.

axeslinger0u812 · 07-29-2004, 03:10 PM

well, quite eventful in my absence.

I always thought you posted that way because you liked it, and while I always wondered why, I figured you had a reason.

either way, I always enjoyed your writing, and am really loving the most recent ones. Of all of them the one part that jumped out at me, was this:

Quote:

Opening your heart and mind,
And soul, to the deceiver.

So simple, and yet, so thought provoking. For me at least.

07-23-2004, 12:17 AM	#51 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 4,209.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,209.88 Donate	Darkness and Silence As the song that was playing, On the day I fell in love with you, Begins, to play. And as the emotion I felt, Washes over me again, I stop, to pray. And as I’m asking forgiveness, I’m known not to get. And dropping my head. And beginning to sweat. I’m beginning to understand what this tune meant all along. It opened and closed the last page of my life. Left me panicked and stricken, with self-loathing and strife. I close my eyes . . . And dream of the day when you promised me. That what had to be, was sure to be, Would be. And through it all, you’d be with me. Again, I pray that God forgives me . . . I drop my head, And place the cylinder to my head. I wish again, I wish it didn’t have to end . . . Like this, Why must it end like this? The song has ended. The room lights up abruptly, To be followed . . . By darkness and silence. Last edited by Nameless : 07-28-2004 at 09:55 AM.

07-26-2004, 10:00 AM	#56 (permalink)
SangReal Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: In Love Age: 24 Posts: 631 Points: 1,504.89 Bank: 21,023.62 Total Points: 22,528.51 Donate	Your poetry. . . Is very interesting. . . and thought. . . :: provoking:: but I find. . . that your .:use:. :: of punctuation:: distracts me from your work . . . and makes it difficult to read *** but. no. offense. <3 Mary __________________ United States of America, looks like another silent night As we're sung to sleep by philosophies that save the trees and kill the children But You called me beautiful when you saw my shame And You placed me on the wall...anyway... Last edited by SangReal : 07-26-2004 at 05:08 PM.

07-28-2004, 12:28 AM	#58 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 4,209.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,209.88 Donate	OK - It's time for somthing a little different. Thinking again. Silence has washed over me again. I can hear myself breathing. I can hear my heart beating. I don’t know, who I am; Where I am . . . . . . Sinking again. Possibilities, are swimming on, The pullout canvass screen inside, My pullout mind. I hate who I am; What I am . . . Don’t fucking touch me. . . . Screaming again. But silent, because it’s in my mind again. I can hear myself breathing. But I can’t feel my heart beating. I don’t care, who I am; What I am . . . And that’s comforting. Last edited by Nameless : 07-28-2004 at 12:02 PM.

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07-23-2004, 01:08 AM	#52 (permalink)
sweetwater Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 862 Points: 142.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 142.00 Donate	too many tears right now...i believe i can hear the song also...is it `all my life'...

07-23-2004, 06:45 PM	#53 (permalink)
axeslinger0u812 Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Neither here, nor there Age: 24 Posts: 1,695 Points: 564.28 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 564.28 Donate	wow...that was ...speechless What an ending. It just hit me really hard. Very powerful, and an amazing piece. and about the other one, I really liked the way you wrote it. The on again of again rhyming... So cool.

07-23-2004, 08:29 PM	#54 (permalink)
Topspin047 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: PA Age: 20 Posts: 39 Points: 126.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 126.00 Donate	"A dance with fate, to greet the desolate" that line struck me. Very powerful, and great writing as usual. I cannot wait for more of your stuff <33 sarah

07-28-2004, 08:36 PM	#59 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 215 Points: 4,209.88 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,209.88 Donate	All right. I had the day off today, and I took some time to edit all of my stuff. Punctuation, grammar, and presentation have all been modified. Hopefully it will make it easier to read. I've also changed a few parts, of a few different things where I felt that it was needed. So if you don't mind, maybe you can go back and double check my work and let me know if I missed anything. Or even just to let me know how you like the new layout. It's different depending on which one you're reading. Thanks you guys, in advance, for anyone willing to do this.

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