Punish Me . . . - Page 9 - EvBoard

phantasmagoria · 08-02-2004, 02:47 AM

I have to say, what happened to Karen really saddened me, and I can't begin to imagine how that must have hurt, but I suppose your poetry captured as much as I would have wanted to hear. It's something that nobody should have to endure, especially not at 13.

Quote:

I was supposed to meet my best friend at a movie one night, and I fell asleep after I got home from school. I found out the next morning that she never came home.

I know it's been long, but I hope you don't blame yourself for not being there, or thinking that things would have been different.

I enjoyed those two poems a lot. For someone at 13 you were very, very talented. And I'm sorry good people have to go through bad times.

Nameless · 08-02-2004, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phantasmagoria

I have to say, what happened to Karen really saddened me, and I can't begin to imagine how that must have hurt, but I suppose your poetry captured as much as I would have wanted to hear. It's something that nobody should have to endure, especially not at 13.

I know it's been long, but I hope you don't blame yourself for not being there, or thinking that things would have been different.

I enjoyed those two poems a lot. For someone at 13 you were very, very talented. And I'm sorry good people have to go through bad times.

In a way, I guess I'll always feel like it was my fault. If I'd shown up when I was supposed to, then she wouldn't have been alone. But talking about it doesn't make it any different anyway I guess . . .

But, I'm glad that you guys liked those so much. And I can't say whether or not I was talented at 13, but I'm glad that you think so. If I was, it was only because I'd been writing for so long already anyway; mixed with the pain I was feeling at the time.

Thanks a lot for the support. It really means a lot.

Since you liked those I'll post a few songs from when I was in my first band at 16. The first one I'll post because it has the same title as your user name: Phantasmagoria. I think I mentioned it in your thread.

These are the first songs that I sang in front of an audience. All the other guys were between the ages of 20 & 25. I'm 22 now and it still scares the shit out of me to play in a venue.

Music by - Todd Sullivan:Lead Guitar - Dave Hawkins: - Bass
Mike Hawkins: Drums - Lyrics/Vocals: Me

__________________________________________________

Phantasmagoria:
------------------------------------------------------------

Intoxicated by a nightmare,
With a hellish perplexity unknown to the world.
Addicted to the madness;
A hunger unfulfilled.

Sweat stings my eyes and burns my lips;
Numbness to the fingertips.
My life is forfeit, my soul is lost.
The human race shall pay its cost.

(Chorus)
Phantasmagoria,
Is the essence that is me.
Intractable, yet incomplete;
My dreams, seep into reality.
The candlelight has flickered out.
And another sleepless night will lead,
To another day, of phantasmagoria.

Inebriated by inaction;
My eyes are bulging and I’m going into traction.
Convinced of my contagion;
Paranoia’s pissed me off.

Thought brings regret, and warps my sight.
Kiss the dirt and say goodnight.
Your life is forfeit, your soul is mine;
It looks as if you’ve crossed the line.

(Chorus)

Incinerated in a furnace;
My skin is melting, and I’ve reached the inferno.
Contained by my confusion.
But when a quarter drops, so does the illusion.

It seems as if I’ve lost my head;
Spiders crawl across my bed.
My life is forfeit, I’m out of luck,
But I don’t really give a fuck.
__________________________________________________

Grave
------------------------------------------------------------
It’s so sad,
I see the truth now;
My fingers slipping,
You’ll fall away.
And I’ll be back,
To what I was, before . . . . . .

(Chorus)
And now that my heart is wounded,
I’ll lie face-down in a grave.
Reaching for a hand to lift me out;
Why can’t I stand up on my own?

I can’t live,
I see the truth now;
Her fingers slipping,
She’ll fall away.
Then I’ll be left,
With what I was before . . . .

And it’s so much stronger,
Then what I am!

(Chorus)

I’d live to hurt,
To make her happy.
I’d die to loose her pain.
I’d eat the fruit, she holds in her hands,
And swalow the core to make her smile.

I can’t bear,
What is the truth now?
Will the love she feels just slip away?
Can it be, that she’ll stop loving me?
Will her trust in me depart . . .
Will we be torn apart?

Now my heart's been mortally wounded,
I'm lying face down in my grave.
Hopeing to god she’ll dig me up;
I can’t go back without her love.
__________________________________________________

All Your Fault:
------------------------------------------------------------

She said that she was different.
She said she’d never lie to him.
She said she’d always be there,
And that she’d always love him.

And then she lied to him.
She left him all alone.
She said somewhere she stopped loving him,
And then hung up the phone.

She said:
I’m so sorry . . .
Things couldn’t turn out differently.
I’m so sorry . . .
You’re just not good enough for me.
And I know you’re hurting . . .
But don’t blame all this shit on me!
‘Cause it’s all your fault!
All your fault!

Then she said he was a loser;
She said he’d never win.
She said she couldn’t be there,
And that he’d never see her again.

And then she walked away,
And left him all alone.
Somewhere he stopped loving her,
‘Cause she was lying all along.

She said:
I’m so sorry . . .
Things couldn’t turn out differently.
I’m so sorry . . .
You’re just not good enough for me.
And I know you’re hurting . . .
But don’t blame all this shit on me!
‘Cause it’s all your fault!
All your fault!

He said that he was different;
He said he’d never lie to her.
She never seemed to believe him,
But he meant every fucking word.

He never lied to her,
He never thought of leaving her.
But somewhere she stopped loving him;
And he's better off without her . . .
__________________________________________________

They're really simple and repetitious songs, but I loved those times. I had a lot of fun.

axeslinger0u812 · 08-02-2004, 12:44 PM

I want to hear them...

Damn,you wrote those at 16!? I didn't even know what some of those words meant at 16!

Quote:

My life is forfeit, I’m out of luck,
But I don’t really give a fuck.

I liked the rythm of this one, especially the last part. great ending.

Quote:

To what I was, before . . . . . .

I REALLY liked the way yous used this line throughout. I don't know why, but it seemed to leap out at me everytime you used it.

Nameless · 08-03-2004, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by axeslinger0u812

I want to hear them...

Damn,you wrote those at 16!? I didn't even know what some of those words meant at 16! .

Well, I'd like to share them! If anyone knows where you can post streaming mp3s for free, let me know! That's step one. Then I have to copy some stuff off of cassette, some from video, and get my friend to dump what we've got left on his computer onto mine.

About the vocabulary, well, I've practically got a photographic memory. And I've been reading the dictionary since I was about 11. Front to back. When I finish it, I just start over again. It's the best bathroom book EVER!

It never ends!

I learned to speak Hebrew in the john too . . .

Thanks for your comments axe, as always. You're my only fan . . .

But you're a pretty damn good one!

axeslinger0u812 · 08-03-2004, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow_666

About the vocabulary, well, I've practically got a photographic memory. And I've been reading the dictionary since I was about 11. Front to back. When I finish it, I just start over again. It's the best bathroom book EVER!

It never ends!

I learned to speak Hebrew in the john too . . .

Thanks for your comments axe, as always. You're my only fan . . .

But you're a pretty damn good one!

LMFAO!!! OMG, that was the funniest thing I've heard in a while. Oh man...really bad visual, but it's a brilliant idea. I should do that with guitar chords.

LOL about the fan thing. Trust me, alone_i_break was the only person who responded to my thread for months, but now, I have a new face every couple weeks. It's nice. Patience is a virtue, and things only get better with age...not people mind you....things.

phantasmagoria · 08-04-2004, 02:58 AM

I'd love to hear those songs too. You'll be able to post your MP3s up on my.soundclick.com, it's pretty good for your purposes. I'm not sure what you mean by "streaming mp3s", but you can upload mp3s for free there. There may be better services but not that I can think of. And don't worry man, I like your stuff too.

Nameless · 08-04-2004, 03:58 PM

Here's somthing that axeslinger and I wrote a few days ago. I think it's quite interesting how it turned out. Not like anything I've ever done, that's for sure. But that's the way I like it.

We never did give it a title though. Oh well . . .
Check it out:
__________________________________________________

Untitled:
------------------------------------------------------------

*Chirping*

He wakes up early. He hears the birds singing, and the sun pours in through the windows. He rubs his tired eyes, and gets out of his bed. Yesterday, though it’s gone, is still today for him. Sometimes he wishes he were brighter. It seems he’s always making trouble for himself. How could he pretend he didn’t love her? When waking up alone hurts like this . . .

In and out;
Back and forth his mind wanders.

*Silence*

He can't hear the birds, through the windows anymore. His head is playing it's own song; throbbing with percussion. The conductor of this symphony, only drowned his feelings for a moment. Now all he thinks about is her. He lied to himself; he lied to her so much. But she’s everything, that he could ever want . . .

Back and forth, over everything;
He wonders . . .

*Sniffling*

Pacing back and forth, his eyes alive with tears. Struggling, to find some peace of mind. He thinks about the promises he made when she was here, and wonders why he gave in to his fear. Was it really so frightening to allow her in his life? Or was he scared to let her go? Was he so sure that she would leave him? He’s been thinking lately, that he might never know . . .

He wonders:
Will he always be alone?

*Sitting down; resting his face in his hands*

He knows he made a choice; he knows he'll have to live with it. Regretting only seems to make it worse. He asks himself now… how could he have let it go this far? [He never really learned from his mistakes] He starts to think it's not his fault; that fate has dealt these cards. But burning deep inside him; he knows what’s in his heart . . .

He’ll always be alone . . .
. . .
He knows that now.

He knows she won’t forgive him after this . . .

*Reaching for the phone, the image drifts away . . .*

[Ringing]
. . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
“Hello?”. . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . .“Hello?”. . . . . . .

__________________________________________________

Music coming soon, thanks to phantasmagoria . . .

*Edit*

OK - What the hell, here's a few songs too:

Picture Perfect:
------------------------------------------------------------

Sour tang of urine,
Bites the nostrils.
Shit stained alabaster floor;
Dishes shattered...

You thought,
You’d gain,
A sym-pathetic glance.
. . .
Like it really mattered.

What I’ve got,
You want,
. . .
A whole lot more.

Sweat slipping into the seems.

Blood pumping furiously,
Through worn elastic veins . . .

I’m a thousand pounds;
A thousand feet tall . . .

And insects,
Like you,
Don’t mean anything at all.

[Festering]
[In my own filth]
[And ugly]
[. . .]

[And so very hungry]
[. . .]

[But you’ll help me]
[. . .]

[Feed me]
__________________________________________________

Spiritual War:
-----------------------------------------------------------

Dragging my heels,
But pushed into a corner none the less.
I’m displeased, and dissatisfied.
With everyone, and everything,
And every other something out there...

I know who I am and how I feel;
I know the deepest darkest secrets,
That lie patiently in hiding.
Waiting for each, and every man,
At the boundary of his brief lifetime.

***
And I can’t hold it this in; not anymore...
I won’t hide these feelings; not anymore...
I must try; must fight,
And win this spiritual war...

So I don’t have to hide;
So I won’t have to hide my face...
...
...
...

...Anymore...
***

Dragging my heels,
But pushed into a corner none the less.
A dissident, labeled distant;
Compared to everyone and everything,
And every other something, out there...

I know who you are, and how you feel.
I know the deepest darkest secrets,
You think patiently, you’re hiding....

Weighing down each and every man,

Throughout the extent, of his brief lifetime...

Weighing you down . . .
Dragging YOU down . . .

Dragging your heels . . .
. . .

But pushed into a corner none the less.

Nameless · 08-05-2004, 01:00 AM

To whom this may concern:
------------------------------------------------------------

My entire life I’ve felt, like I’ve existed,
On a separate plane of reality.
Every thing, and every one,
Was moving on,
And carrying on...

But I’ve been standing still.
. . .

Frozen, spectator,
Forced to view this spectacle;
Remaining skeptical,
Of everything, that everyone has ever told me.

I refuse to let these fools conform me...
...
The rift continues forming...

***

Opening up my eyes, never burned so much before.

I never, imagined,
That I was made like this;

I’m not made for this...

How can I control the urge to shoot myself?
To disengage myself,
From this semiconscious state?

Why should I believe, in another shallow lie?

I can see beyond the boundaries,
That you’ve set before me.

You place,
Your ways,
As entertainment.

But I find it boring...

***

Like a steer, slaughtered soundlessly,
Just to feed the hungry.

How can I relate to someone who cannot speak?

Who cannot hear;
...
Cannot feel my fear.

Maybe I’m insane, and everyone was right.
Should have stopped myself before I could:

Lose my control and shoot myself.
Disengaging myself,
From this semiconscious state.

Abandoning all my reason, and accepting something beautiful:
. . .

Oblivion.

***

Why, am I different?
Why should I be different?

Why can’t I live, and enjoy this plastic world?

Why, is everyone falling for this silver plated piece of shit?

They’re laughing at me...
...

But I don’t mind it.

axeslinger0u812 · 08-05-2004, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nameless

Dragging my heels,
But pushed into a corner none the less.
A dissident, labeled distant;
Compared to everyone and everything,
And every other something, out there...

I loved this one. Especially that 'a dissident, labeled distant' line. Such a cool flow, and a cool song. A little ryhme, and it leapt out at me.

Oh yeah....I love that other one too. It's so unique. I need to colab with you too now. And this 'Axe' person... I can tell his stuff, and it's not as strong as your verses, so maybe I'll forget about him, because your sooo much more talented. *is serious*

Nameless · 08-05-2004, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by axeslinger0u812

And this 'Axe' person... I can tell his stuff, and it's not as strong as your verses, so maybe I'll forget about him, because your sooo much more talented. *is serious*

Stop being a jackass...

No one's better then anyone else, everybody expreses themselves in different ways...

And besides, that 'axe' guy helped me make something pretty fucking cool, in my oppinion...

And he always leaves great comments!

What a guy!

08-04-2004, 03:58 PM	#87 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 216 Points: 4,504.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,504.32 Donate	Here's somthing that axeslinger and I wrote a few days ago. I think it's quite interesting how it turned out. Not like anything I've ever done, that's for sure. But that's the way I like it. We never did give it a title though. Oh well . . . Check it out: __________________________________________________ Untitled: ------------------------------------------------------------ Chirping He wakes up early. He hears the birds singing, and the sun pours in through the windows. He rubs his tired eyes, and gets out of his bed. Yesterday, though it’s gone, is still today for him. Sometimes he wishes he were brighter. It seems he’s always making trouble for himself. How could he pretend he didn’t love her? When waking up alone hurts like this . . . In and out; Back and forth his mind wanders. Silence He can't hear the birds, through the windows anymore. His head is playing it's own song; throbbing with percussion. The conductor of this symphony, only drowned his feelings for a moment. Now all he thinks about is her. He lied to himself; he lied to her so much. But she’s everything, that he could ever want . . . Back and forth, over everything; He wonders . . . Sniffling Pacing back and forth, his eyes alive with tears. Struggling, to find some peace of mind. He thinks about the promises he made when she was here, and wonders why he gave in to his fear. Was it really so frightening to allow her in his life? Or was he scared to let her go? Was he so sure that she would leave him? He’s been thinking lately, that he might never know . . . He wonders: Will he always be alone? Sitting down; resting his face in his hands He knows he made a choice; he knows he'll have to live with it. Regretting only seems to make it worse. He asks himself now… how could he have let it go this far? [He never really learned from his mistakes] He starts to think it's not his fault; that fate has dealt these cards. But burning deep inside him; he knows what’s in his heart . . . He’ll always be alone . . . . . . He knows that now. He knows she won’t forgive him after this . . . Reaching for the phone, the image drifts away . . . [Ringing] . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . “Hello?”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“Hello?”. . . . . . . __________________________________________________ Music coming soon, thanks to phantasmagoria . . . Edit OK - What the hell, here's a few songs too: Picture Perfect: ------------------------------------------------------------ Sour tang of urine, Bites the nostrils. Shit stained alabaster floor; Dishes shattered... You thought, You’d gain, A sym-pathetic glance. . . . Like it really mattered. What I’ve got, You want, . . . A whole lot more. Sweat slipping into the seems. Blood pumping furiously, Through worn elastic veins . . . I’m a thousand pounds; A thousand feet tall . . . And insects, Like you, Don’t mean anything at all. [Festering] [In my own filth] [And ugly] [. . .] [And so very hungry] [. . .] [But you’ll help me] [. . .] [Feed me] __________________________________________________ Spiritual War: ----------------------------------------------------------- Dragging my heels, But pushed into a corner none the less. I’m displeased, and dissatisfied. With everyone, and everything, And every other something out there... I know who I am and how I feel; I know the deepest darkest secrets, That lie patiently in hiding. Waiting for each, and every man, At the boundary of his brief lifetime. * And I can’t hold it this in; not anymore... I won’t hide these feelings; not anymore... I must try; must fight, And win this spiritual war... So I don’t have to hide; So I won’t have to hide my face... ... ... ... ...Anymore... * Dragging my heels, But pushed into a corner none the less. A dissident, labeled distant; Compared to everyone and everything, And every other something, out there... I know who you are, and how you feel. I know the deepest darkest secrets, You think patiently, you’re hiding.... Weighing down each and every man, Throughout the extent, of his brief lifetime... Weighing you down . . . Dragging YOU* down . . .* Dragging your heels . . . . . . But pushed into a corner none the less. Last edited by Nameless : 08-05-2004 at 12:44 PM.

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08-04-2004, 02:58 AM	#86 (permalink)
phantasmagoria Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ACT, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 31 Points: 130.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 130.00 Donate	I'd love to hear those songs too. You'll be able to post your MP3s up on my.soundclick.com, it's pretty good for your purposes. I'm not sure what you mean by "streaming mp3s", but you can upload mp3s for free there. There may be better services but not that I can think of. And don't worry man, I like your stuff too.

08-05-2004, 01:00 AM	#88 (permalink)
Nameless Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ??? Age: 25 Posts: 216 Points: 4,504.32 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 4,504.32 Donate	To whom this may concern: ------------------------------------------------------------ My entire life I’ve felt, like I’ve existed, On a separate plane of reality. Every thing, and every one, Was moving on, And carrying on... But I’ve been standing still. . . . Frozen, spectator, Forced to view this spectacle; Remaining skeptical, Of everything, that everyone has ever told me. I refuse to let these fools conform me... ... The rift continues forming... *** Opening up my eyes, never burned so much before. I never, imagined, That I was made like this; I’m not made for this... How can I control the urge to shoot myself? To disengage myself, From this semiconscious state? Why should I believe, in another shallow lie? I can see beyond the boundaries, That you’ve set before me. You place, Your ways, *As entertainment.* But I find it boring... *** Like a steer, slaughtered soundlessly, Just to feed the hungry. How can I relate to someone who cannot speak? Who cannot hear; ... Cannot feel my fear. Maybe I’m insane, and everyone was right. Should have stopped myself before I could: Lose my control and shoot myself. Disengaging myself, From this semiconscious state. Abandoning all my reason, and accepting something beautiful: . . . Oblivion. *** Why, am I different? Why should I be different? Why can’t I live, and enjoy this plastic world? Why, is everyone falling for this silver plated piece of shit? They’re laughing at me... ... But I don’t mind it.

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