raindrop829's stuff - Page 4 - EvBoard

ROCKERWB · 01-06-2005, 05:06 AM

i really like it- very figurative. you kind of took me with you through that walk in the woods....and made me think about the loneliness issue...

i especially likes these lines:
His voice, more silent than a whisper,
and yet, it echoes through all the trees.

VanillaDreams · 01-06-2005, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raindrop829

k i wrote this one awhile ago but i kinda rewrote it today...its just a poem, so here goes...

THE FOREST

as i walk through the forest,
all is quiet except for the chirping of the birds.
perhaps warning of my presence.
i smell the freshness of the pine.
i feel dead leaves being crushed below my feet.
i think of people, and how they say
that they hate to be alone.
how they need someone to share this beauty with.
but for me, it's different.
because you don't always have to see someone
to know that they are there.
His voice, more silent than a whisper,
and yet, it echoes through all the trees.
He says to me,"do you see,
as you hear the birds and smell the pine,
the beauty i have given you?
but i want you to know
that this is but a mere glimpse
of the home i am preparing you
that will last for all eternity."
He tells me these things, and more
as i walk through the forest.

kinda weird, but oh well i like it

thanx you guys for all the comments you've given me, you guys rock! God bless

I think this is different from your other work..I guess because of the nature references. Good work!

raindrop829 · 01-06-2005, 11:43 AM

thanks for all your comments guys! i really appreciate the fact that my poetry is being read my talented writers like yourselves...and you guys think its good, which is awesome. well, i'm leaving today for a winter camp, and i won't be back till saturday, so i'll see you guys then! God bless

Morgan le Fay · 01-06-2005, 07:18 PM

LOVE the new poem. beautiful imagery, and i really like the idea of being alone in the forest and sharing the moment with those above. hope you have a good time!
morgan

raindrop829 · 01-10-2005, 01:04 AM

thanx morgan lefay! i had a blast at the winter camp, there was so much snow and it was awesome! while i was there, i kinda rewrote a poem so i'll post it here! oh and i dont want anyone to get offended by this poem, its just a statement of my beliefs. God bless.

the door

faded footprints lead
to an open door.
this path, taken by many,
who simply want to know more.
walked by those who knew inside
they needed something to make them whole.
"who am i?" they'd ask themselves.
"what is this emptiness in my soul?"
day after day, their strength weakened,
and the coldness inside would only grow.
and soon, a voice would speak to them,
"is this the life you wish to know?"
"no," they'd answer,"but the real question is this:
what is out there that will complete me?
by what means do i exist?"
"go," said the voice,
"find the thing that will make you whole.
go in search until you discover
what will fill the deep spot in your soul."
needing to find completition.
hoping to change from the time before.
searching and searching, until one day,
they stumbled upon the door.
they hear of love, they hear of mercy.
they hear of life, they hear of You.
and all of this is there's to have
if they just believe, and step through.
but just before they walk inside,
they look back, and find
the things of the earth, the things of darkness,
the things they'll have to leave behind.
"no, i can't let go of it all.
there's just too much i can't take back."
so they walk away from the door,
and leave the one thing that they lack.
why do they turn their backs upon
everything they know is true?
after all you have to offer them,
why do they still say no to You?
the reason why they turn away
is because they want
their own strength to suffice.
they feel that,somehow,
they have earned
a ticket to paradise.
so they forsake the door, forget the truth,
and follow the world's call.
but no matter where they go from here,
they're still trapped inside the fall.

not one of my bests, but i felt like typing!

Blitzkrieg · 01-10-2005, 06:18 AM

That was good. I really liked the way in which you questioned and answered yourself. Very effective. The rhythem wasnt consistent at times making it harder on the eye, but apart from that it read well. Good effort.

raindrop829 · 01-11-2005, 10:31 AM

thank you blitzkrieg! i love your stuff by the way...you're an amazing writer! God bless

raindrop829 · 01-13-2005, 12:39 AM

hey guys i just kinda scribbled this on a piece of paper yesterday...here goes...

Only You

Only You can make me holy.
Only You can make me true.
Who else can give me this joy?
Only You. Yes, only You.

Chorus
So I give You my love.
I give You my soul.
I give You my life.
I give You my all.
I give my everything
To the one thing that's true:
Only You.

Only Your love will be perfect.
Only Your strength can pull me through.
Who else can give me this peace?
Only You. Yes, only You.

Chorus

There's plenty of room in my heart.
Your home, may it forever be.
Because only You can complete my life.
Lord Jesus, be alive in me!

Chorus

not the best song in the world, but hey i still wrote it

ChiaraRosa · 01-21-2005, 04:52 AM

Wow your songs are amazing you really make your point in each one and you write really well!!! Good luck if you ever record any of these because they're really inspiring!!

Kljaka · 01-21-2005, 03:29 PM

Hi there!

I read a part of the thread becouse I have no time... and just wanted to let you know you really have a way with words! Nice!

p.s. after I have seen how so many people are talented here at the board, I almost feel ashamed of my own work...

01-06-2005, 05:06 AM	#31 (permalink)
ROCKERWB n00blet Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: home Posts: 13 Points: 107.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 107.00 Donate	very nice i really like it- very figurative. you kind of took me with you through that walk in the woods....and made me think about the loneliness issue... i especially likes these lines: His voice, more silent than a whisper, and yet, it echoes through all the trees.

01-10-2005, 06:18 AM	#36 (permalink)
Blitzkrieg Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Wales Age: 22 Posts: 1,784 Points: 2,917.53 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 2,917.53 Donate	That was good. I really liked the way in which you questioned and answered yourself. Very effective. The rhythem wasnt consistent at times making it harder on the eye, but apart from that it read well. Good effort. __________________ ...My Thread Resurrected...

01-21-2005, 03:29 PM	#40 (permalink)
Kljaka Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Split, CROATIA Age: 23 Posts: 47 Points: 1,219.85 Bank: 128.54 Total Points: 1,348.39 Donate	Hi there! Hi there! I read a part of the thread becouse I have no time... and just wanted to let you know you really have a way with words! Nice! p.s. after I have seen how so many people are talented here at the board, I almost feel ashamed of my own work...

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

01-06-2005, 11:43 AM	#33 (permalink)
raindrop829 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On the Boulavard of Broken Dreams Age: 18 Posts: 223 Points: 194.25 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 194.25 Donate	thanks for all your comments guys! i really appreciate the fact that my poetry is being read my talented writers like yourselves...and you guys think its good, which is awesome. well, i'm leaving today for a winter camp, and i won't be back till saturday, so i'll see you guys then! God bless

01-06-2005, 07:18 PM	#34 (permalink)
Morgan le Fay n00blet Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Georgia Age: 19 Posts: 20 Points: 615.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 615.00 Donate	LOVE the new poem. beautiful imagery, and i really like the idea of being alone in the forest and sharing the moment with those above. hope you have a good time! morgan

01-10-2005, 01:04 AM	#35 (permalink)
raindrop829 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On the Boulavard of Broken Dreams Age: 18 Posts: 223 Points: 194.25 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 194.25 Donate	thanx morgan lefay! i had a blast at the winter camp, there was so much snow and it was awesome! while i was there, i kinda rewrote a poem so i'll post it here! oh and i dont want anyone to get offended by this poem, its just a statement of my beliefs. God bless. the door faded footprints lead to an open door. this path, taken by many, who simply want to know more. walked by those who knew inside they needed something to make them whole. "who am i?" they'd ask themselves. "what is this emptiness in my soul?" day after day, their strength weakened, and the coldness inside would only grow. and soon, a voice would speak to them, "is this the life you wish to know?" "no," they'd answer,"but the real question is this: what is out there that will complete me? by what means do i exist?" "go," said the voice, "find the thing that will make you whole. go in search until you discover what will fill the deep spot in your soul." needing to find completition. hoping to change from the time before. searching and searching, until one day, they stumbled upon the door. they hear of love, they hear of mercy. they hear of life, they hear of You. and all of this is there's to have if they just believe, and step through. but just before they walk inside, they look back, and find the things of the earth, the things of darkness, the things they'll have to leave behind. "no, i can't let go of it all. there's just too much i can't take back." so they walk away from the door, and leave the one thing that they lack. why do they turn their backs upon everything they know is true? after all you have to offer them, why do they still say no to You? the reason why they turn away is because they want their own strength to suffice. they feel that,somehow, they have earned a ticket to paradise. so they forsake the door, forget the truth, and follow the world's call. but no matter where they go from here, they're still trapped inside the fall. not one of my bests, but i felt like typing!

01-11-2005, 10:31 AM	#37 (permalink)
raindrop829 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On the Boulavard of Broken Dreams Age: 18 Posts: 223 Points: 194.25 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 194.25 Donate	thank you blitzkrieg! i love your stuff by the way...you're an amazing writer! God bless

01-13-2005, 12:39 AM	#38 (permalink)
raindrop829 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On the Boulavard of Broken Dreams Age: 18 Posts: 223 Points: 194.25 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 194.25 Donate	hey guys i just kinda scribbled this on a piece of paper yesterday...here goes... Only You Only You can make me holy. Only You can make me true. Who else can give me this joy? Only You. Yes, only You. Chorus So I give You my love. I give You my soul. I give You my life. I give You my all. I give my everything To the one thing that's true: Only You. Only Your love will be perfect. Only Your strength can pull me through. Who else can give me this peace? Only You. Yes, only You. Chorus There's plenty of room in my heart. Your home, may it forever be. Because only You can complete my life. Lord Jesus, be alive in me! Chorus not the best song in the world, but hey i still wrote it

01-21-2005, 04:52 AM	#39 (permalink)
ChiaraRosa Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: West Yorkshire England Age: 21 Posts: 193 Points: 644.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 644.00 Donate	Wow your songs are amazing you really make your point in each one and you write really well!!! Good luck if you ever record any of these because they're really inspiring!!

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)