|08-30-2006, 12:17 PM||Some of my poetry Post #1|
Some of my poetry
Hey Guys .. just putting some of my poetry up to see what people thought of it and maybe get a bit of feedback.. so here goes
For every lie you said was true.
For everything you say and do.
For every tear ive ever cried.
For every part of me that died.
For every insult i wish you'd take back.
For your cold heart that has turned black.
For every promise broken by you.
For all that sh*t you put me through.
For every cruel and evil deed
For every time you made my soul bleed.
For every time I gave you my all.
For every time you watched me fall.
For everything you swore you would never do.
For all the time i wasted helping you.
For everything you took from me.
For everything i just couldn't see.
Now i wish i had saved all the tears you made me cry so i could drown you and watch and laugh as you die!
i came up with the idea for this last night .. so it may not be up to scratch yet .. take a look anyway
The Girl In the mirror ..
Who's is that reflection .. that image i see
In The Mirror Staring Back at me
Im Sure I have known that face before
Only not looking as tired and worn.
Her eyes tell a story
Her tears weave a path
Of Bittersweet memories
Of Hatred Anger .. betrayl and wrath
I see that smile
I can tell that it's fake
I know in truth it's her heart that aches
For times that broken girl once felt alive
Times she relives once again in her mind
The sharp shards ..cracked and destroyed
Much like her soul ,torn up inside.
The Light At the end of her tunnel Won't show.
She can not find a glimmer of hope
She searches frantically inside her mind
But help and safety she can not find
I stare into the shattered glass
Hours seem to have now past ..
I stare i stare i stare
Just one more glance ..
As i Turn and walk away ..
So does she ..
The girl in the mirror
The Reflection of me.
i don't like the fact that i always have a rhyme scheme in my poetry .. it really annoys me .. i don't try an make it rhyme .. there are a few other poems i wrote ages ago but i don't like them enough to put them up ...
i think these are two of my best anyway .. tell me what you think =]
|08-30-2006, 08:19 PM||Some of my poetry Post #2|
Join Date: Oct 2004
Total Points: 457.27
I definitely think you should try to write a poem that doesn't rhyme...I think you'll feel less constrained when it comes to what words you choose. I'm also not rhyme's biggest fan in general, but that's just me. That said, I do really like what you have here so far. The repetition in the first piece really worked well, but I think I like the second one best. I like the wording you used and the story you told with it. "Her tears weave a path" was a great line. Nice job!
|08-31-2006, 05:44 PM||Some of my poetry Post #3|
Thanks for the comments =] im currently working on a none rhyming poem and currently im quite happy with what im producing ... i am more happy with the second poem i have put here .. my first one was an early poem about a year and a half ago .. and i was a lot less mature and my use of words show that .. thanks for taking the time to read my work much apprieciated
|09-01-2006, 11:16 AM||Some of my poetry Post #4|
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Buenos Aires/Los Angeles
Total Points: 10,263.55
Those are great. And I know what you mean. When I first started to write poems that didn't rhyme, it was really hard for me to break that habit. But just practice, and pretty soon deciding to rhyme or not will become second nature.
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