The thoughts inside Violette's head - Page 11 - EvBoard

GirlWithAMic · 03-21-2006, 10:05 PM

Oh...my...dear...Lord...

I cannot BELIEVE that last piece!!!!!!! Violette, 'Guardian Angel' has to be my very FAVORITE piece of yours so far. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!! It's so sweet and beautiful and just awesome. To be honest, you had me sold on it from the very first line. That line totally drew me in, and I knew just from that line that I would love it. You have SO much talent, girl. You are getting teh rappage for that last one...if not now, than as soon as it lets me

FelicityS · 03-21-2006, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Violette

Lullabye

It’s almost like the end of the world
The walls closing in on you
Suffocating you
Afraid no one will understand
Your fears and your pain
All your dreams that have slipped away
I miss your smile
How you waltzed zealously through life
Why do you blame yourself
For a part of you that you can’t quite explain?

Now I remember the not-so-distant past
A gentle soul who made me laugh
You’re still the same in my eyes
And I remember how you welcomed me warmly
With true kindness and sincerity
Nothing has changed in my eyes

It happens to the best of us
Teetering back and forth
Between darkness and light
But rain clouds hover around your head
Vivid colors disappear
And insecurity interferes
Why can’t you see
That so many love you genuinely?
You have the strength to share your story
Stand up and inspire us all again

Chorus

I know this feeling well
Tortured, lost, and alone
But there’s a way for you to return
To the beautiful world you’ve always known
I’ve watched you die
Now it’s time to bring you back to life
Let me take your hand
Lift you up so I can see you fly

Chorus

2004
S.E.L.

This would make such an awesome song... i love it, the chorus is awesome and completes & compliments the whole peice of work beautifully... good work!!!!!!!

& Guardian Angel is really touching!

Uriel Coleridge · 03-21-2006, 10:27 PM

Hey Sara!

Wow, amazing poem, Sara. Loved it. I could feel the emotions in it so strongly I was amazed. I loved how vividly you described it, and how the angel stayed with the character throughout his/her entire life. My favorite lines were:

I will linger on your lips when you first taste true love
And do my best to ease the pain when it’s gone

Probably beacuse I think I've found someone special in this last few days... but that's a story for another time.

The message you give is so beautiful, this poem completely stands out from many others I've written, from both you and many others. Amazing job. And IAW GirlWithAMic, me thinketh reppage is in order.

Violette · 03-22-2006, 12:19 AM

You are all so incredibly awesome. I don't think I've ever seen so many people respond to one of my poems on this thread before. Or have gotten so much reppage from one poem.

Karen: Glad you liked 'Guardian Angel' so much. I wrote the poem around the time when my grandmother died last July... can't remember if it was before or after her death... but that's weird, because it never struck me until tonight that I wrote this particular poem when she was sick. Hope things are going OK for you. I'd read some of your posts on your photo thread and the Weekly Whine thread, so I hope that things are on an upswing for you now. Oh, and I wanted to rep you tonight, but darn rep system wouldn't let me do it.

Thanh: Your comments mean a lot to me! They don't suck, trust me.

Thanks for always taking the time to stop by. I wanted this poem to be a peaceful one, making this angel to almost be like a fairy. Delicate, tiny, yet having a great presence in this person's life.

Carmen: Thanks for coming back. That's a pretty high compliment, 'crazily beautiful'. Glad you liked the mood as well.

Svetlana: Great to see you back here, too! I will answer your PM when I have a chance. Getting kinda sleepy right now... but I had to come over and respond to everyone's comments before thinking of going to bed.

Alyssa: I loved your response! *lol* And I was gonna give you reppage just for that, but the system wouldn't let me.

Oh well. It'll let me do that soon enough.

Felicity: Thanks for your comments on 'Lullabye'. It was one of those things that just came to me... I didn't write it for anyone special. I like how the chorus came out, too.

Yukio: Dude, I'm just glad you keep coming back. Thanks as always. And yes, I wanted that angel to stay with that person for its whole life. Kinda like that idea that someone is always watching over you, no matter. And a story? Oooooh, I love stories. You will have to share it at some point... if you don't mind.

Thanks again, everyone. This really put a big smile on my face tonight. Off to bed now to find an equally happy dream.

Violette · 03-24-2006, 10:15 PM

So much for stopping the double-posting. *lol* Oh well.

Here's one of my more recent poems. I think it's a tad different from the others, but I like to mix things up once in a while. Y'all know the deal - lemme know what you think!

P.S.: Also let me know if the poem is hard to read because of the color. I wanted a dark one because of the subject matter and tone, but I don't know how it really looks.

My Command

Digame
Not tales from your world of make-believe
Or the lies that poisoned my fragile heart
But the truths you’ve swallowed to keep them unspoken

Escuchame
I ask for forgiveness – I was frightened, unsure
But anger and bitterness cracks in my voice
Because you prefer to dodge your past mistakes

Muestrame
That your blood is red and warm, not cold and black
That your eyes are blind, your soul can see beauty
That you want to feel love, not just make it

Mirame
Time dried my eyes and healed my wounds
My smile masks even the dullest spasm of pain
And maintains the guard that I refuse to let down

Dejame
Fly away to a foreign land, never pausing or looking back
Or stumble onward, shackled by your own grief
Let us see who the strong one is now

© S.E.L. 3/20/06

Uriel Coleridge · 03-24-2006, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Violette

So much for stopping the double-posting. *lol* Oh well.

Here's one of my more recent poems. I think it's a tad different from the others, but I like to mix things up once in a while. Y'all know the deal - lemme know what you think!

P.S.: Also let me know if the poem is hard to read because of the color. I wanted a dark one because of the subject matter and tone, but I don't know how it really looks.

My Command

Digame
Not tales from your world of make-believe
Or the lies that poisoned my fragile heart
But the truths you’ve swallowed to keep them unspoken

Escuchame
I ask for forgiveness – I was frightened, unsure
But anger and bitterness cracks in my voice
Because you prefer to dodge your past mistakes

Muestrame
That your blood is red and warm, not cold and black
That your eyes are blind, your soul can see beauty
That you want to feel love, not just make it

Mirame
Time dried my eyes and healed my wounds
My smile masks even the dullest spasm of pain
And maintains the guard that I refuse to let down

Dejame
Fly away to a foreign land, never pausing or looking back
Or stumble onward, shackled by your own grief
Let us see who the strong one is now

© S.E.L. 3/20/06

Wow. Wow. Wow. Excellent! The use of those spanish words really added a very powerful and universal feel to the poem. The only thing I have to say is to use "Dime" instead of "Digame". While the second is still gramatically correct, "Dime" fits better in the context of the poem. It's less harsh. Lovely message, and excellent imagery. Sara, eres una berraca pa esto!

(You rock!)

myimmortalenemy · 03-25-2006, 03:26 AM

Great wording! I absolutely love that poem...though I don't know what the Spanish words mean. I'm glad you did something different. I always love the diversity of poetry and how the poet sets out a variety of things to write about.
Not only is this one of your darker poems, but you structured it differently. And I REALLY like that! You're great Sara, keep it up. This is a terrific poem, I hope you will post more soon.

Oh yeah, the coloring didn't bother me (Green is my favorite color!). Imagery is great, but the visuals are too. The color takes you deeper into the poem and helps you understand it better...at least, that's how I feel...

GirlWithAMic · 03-25-2006, 11:08 AM

BEAUTIFUL piece...another of my favorites. I really liked the Spanish words as well, that definitely added to it. Just beautiful idea and language use overall. Keep 'em coming!

FelicityS · 03-26-2006, 08:46 PM

Violette, this last poem is different from your others but i think its wonderful!!!
i also don't know what the spanish words mean... but it doesn't matter! hehe! i actually tried to write a poem incorporating different languages but it didn't work cause i'm not good with languages!!!! But yours works great!

i love reading dark poetry that isn't morbid but finds a sweet balance between darkness and beauty Eg. Poisoned/fragile, eyes are blind/soul can see beauty... they're great contrasts! your poems also always seem to remind me of lyrics... with there structure and way they flow!!!

can't wait to read more

rosan · 03-28-2006, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Violette

. And yes, be sure to start your own writing thread when you have a chance. I'd like to check out your stuff sometime!

I actually have my poetry thread

, Hope you will visit it someday..

Well,As I promised I was reading through all your thread bit by bit because I get online a few times.. I liked so much everything. 'Absence' is an amazing poem, 'Misadventure' is incredible, it kept me kinda trapped when I was reading it, and the end

What a shame
One commanding, motherly sentence
Turns a little girl’s extraordinary playground
Into a rumpled heap of clothes and toys in a walk-in closet

It is awesome maybe because I like so much to dream awake,

I felt identified with this poem.

About your songs, well what can I say, they are terrific!, I like so much this piece; very deep..

Let me breathe your scented air
Run my fingers through your hair
Help me break the spell that has kept me here in the dark
Let me look into your eyes
See who you really are inside

'Seaside meditation' simply transported me there, to the sea, I almost felt the breeze touching my face, I think the description in that poem is very real, definitely your poems rocks! So do your article, again a very good use of description, girl you have talent for writing, it’s a fact…

Well continuing through all your thread I must say Lullabye is another golden piece of your art, I love the feeling inside the song -I don’t know- between sadness and missing.
“Mine”, I get myself identified with this one too; in my personal life I had once my own “mine”, in fact how many times I’ve been trough the paradox: I loathe you, but I love you… This poem simply rocks!

'Guardian Angel' means so much to me, it’s so tender I simply love it, It’s amazing how you can express your feelings, thank YOU for sharing it with us..

And what more can I say?, 'My command' is kinda universal, with the use of Spanish in your poem I love it for the fact Spanish is my language

and I suggest you the same of Yukio, (I guess (Uriel Coleridge)) of using “Dime” in the place of “Digame” because Digame is the formal way and don’t fix in the poem, but no more suggestions, what can I say ‘bout a girl that rocks when she writes

. See ya

03-21-2006, 10:27 PM	#103 (permalink)
Uriel Coleridge Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Medellin, Colombia Age: 18 Posts: 386 Points: 250.00 Bank: 1,154.45 Total Points: 1,404.45 Donate	Hey Sara! Wow, amazing poem, Sara. Loved it. I could feel the emotions in it so strongly I was amazed. I loved how vividly you described it, and how the angel stayed with the character throughout his/her entire life. My favorite lines were: I will linger on your lips when you first taste true love And do my best to ease the pain when it’s gone Probably beacuse I think I've found someone special in this last few days... but that's a story for another time. The message you give is so beautiful, this poem completely stands out from many others I've written, from both you and many others. Amazing job. And IAW GirlWithAMic, me thinketh reppage is in order. __________________ My poems and stuff... Honest critiques for your work. Punish him. I've got a question for you... think you can answer it? ...'Cause all we are is what we're told, And most of that's been lies...

03-22-2006, 12:19 AM	#104 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	You are all so incredibly awesome. I don't think I've ever seen so many people respond to one of my poems on this thread before. Or have gotten so much reppage from one poem. Karen: Glad you liked 'Guardian Angel' so much. I wrote the poem around the time when my grandmother died last July... can't remember if it was before or after her death... but that's weird, because it never struck me until tonight that I wrote this particular poem when she was sick. Hope things are going OK for you. I'd read some of your posts on your photo thread and the Weekly Whine thread, so I hope that things are on an upswing for you now. Oh, and I wanted to rep you tonight, but darn rep system wouldn't let me do it. Thanh: Your comments mean a lot to me! They don't suck, trust me. Thanks for always taking the time to stop by. I wanted this poem to be a peaceful one, making this angel to almost be like a fairy. Delicate, tiny, yet having a great presence in this person's life. Carmen: Thanks for coming back. That's a pretty high compliment, 'crazily beautiful'. Glad you liked the mood as well. Svetlana: Great to see you back here, too! I will answer your PM when I have a chance. Getting kinda sleepy right now... but I had to come over and respond to everyone's comments before thinking of going to bed. Alyssa: I loved your response! lol And I was gonna give you reppage just for that, but the system wouldn't let me. Oh well. It'll let me do that soon enough. Felicity: Thanks for your comments on 'Lullabye'. It was one of those things that just came to me... I didn't write it for anyone special. I like how the chorus came out, too. Yukio: Dude, I'm just glad you keep coming back. Thanks as always. And yes, I wanted that angel to stay with that person for its whole life. Kinda like that idea that someone is always watching over you, no matter. And a story? Oooooh, I love stories. You will have to share it at some point... if you don't mind. Thanks again, everyone. This really put a big smile on my face tonight. Off to bed now to find an equally happy dream. __________________ Come join!

03-24-2006, 10:15 PM	#105 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	So much for stopping the double-posting. lol Oh well. Here's one of my more recent poems. I think it's a tad different from the others, but I like to mix things up once in a while. Y'all know the deal - lemme know what you think! P.S.: Also let me know if the poem is hard to read because of the color. I wanted a dark one because of the subject matter and tone, but I don't know how it really looks. My Command Digame Not tales from your world of make-believe Or the lies that poisoned my fragile heart But the truths you’ve swallowed to keep them unspoken Escuchame I ask for forgiveness – I was frightened, unsure But anger and bitterness cracks in my voice Because you prefer to dodge your past mistakes Muestrame That your blood is red and warm, not cold and black That your eyes are blind, your soul can see beauty That you want to feel love, not just make it Mirame Time dried my eyes and healed my wounds My smile masks even the dullest spasm of pain And maintains the guard that I refuse to let down Dejame Fly away to a foreign land, never pausing or looking back Or stumble onward, shackled by your own grief Let us see who the strong one is now © S.E.L. 3/20/06 __________________ Come join!

03-26-2006, 08:46 PM	#109 (permalink)
FelicityS Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 1,403 Points: 700.64 Bank: 41.06 Total Points: 741.70 Donate	Violette, this last poem is different from your others but i think its wonderful!!! i also don't know what the spanish words mean... but it doesn't matter! hehe! i actually tried to write a poem incorporating different languages but it didn't work cause i'm not good with languages!!!! But yours works great! i love reading dark poetry that isn't morbid but finds a sweet balance between darkness and beauty Eg. Poisoned/fragile, eyes are blind/soul can see beauty... they're great contrasts! your poems also always seem to remind me of lyrics... with there structure and way they flow!!! can't wait to read more __________________ My Space My Stuff

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03-21-2006, 10:05 PM	#101 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	Oh...my...dear...Lord... I cannot BELIEVE that last piece!!!!!!! Violette, 'Guardian Angel' has to be my very FAVORITE piece of yours so far. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!! It's so sweet and beautiful and just awesome. To be honest, you had me sold on it from the very first line. That line totally drew me in, and I knew just from that line that I would love it. You have SO much talent, girl. You are getting teh rappage for that last one...if not now, than as soon as it lets me

03-25-2006, 03:26 AM	#107 (permalink)
myimmortalenemy Sex Muffin Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: There, There Age: 19 Posts: 887 Points: 1,302.53 Bank: 13,504.11 Total Points: 14,806.64 Donate	Great wording! I absolutely love that poem...though I don't know what the Spanish words mean. I'm glad you did something different. I always love the diversity of poetry and how the poet sets out a variety of things to write about. Not only is this one of your darker poems, but you structured it differently. And I REALLY like that! You're great Sara, keep it up. This is a terrific poem, I hope you will post more soon. Oh yeah, the coloring didn't bother me (Green is my favorite color!). Imagery is great, but the visuals are too. The color takes you deeper into the poem and helps you understand it better...at least, that's how I feel...

03-25-2006, 11:08 AM	#108 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	BEAUTIFUL piece...another of my favorites. I really liked the Spanish words as well, that definitely added to it. Just beautiful idea and language use overall. Keep 'em coming!

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