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Yukio: Muchas gracias, mi amigo! Unfortunately, I don't remember much Spanish. Eight years of learning in language in middle and high school, but I was surprised how well I remembered the commands. I will definitely make that little edit from "Digame" to "Dime," since both you and rosan recommended it.

Thanh: I wanted a darker coloring for the text, but I just wasn't sure how well you guys would be able to read it. No worries now, though. As for the Spanish... you might get an idea of what each word means if you re-read each stanza. They're all verbs - commands, actually - I'm asking this person to do several things for me.

Alyssa: Thanks for coming back, as always. Btw, I saw your post last week in the Lacuna Coil thread. Hope the competition goes well (I think it was for a competition?). Comalies doesn't sound like an easy song to sing, but I have faith in you. And I didn't know you could sing before I read that post, either!

Felicity: Thanks a lot for your compliments, too. I'm sort of in a dark poetry mode right now. I wrote one poem last week with those feelings in mind, and I've got another one going right now (although I have no idea when I'll have time to finish it). And in your thread I was trying to describe the "Sunrise" and untitled poems... the way you described "My Command" is exactly how I would describe yours!

Rosan: Ha ha, yeah I noticed shortly after I made that post that you had your own poetry thread. I will definitely check that out when I have time and when I'm feeling closer to 100%. Wow, thanks for checking out the rest of my thread. It must have taken a good deal of time! I'm happy you enjoyed so much of what you read, and I hope you'll continue to come back.

Carmen: I appreciate your feedback as well. Glad you liked that particular line from "My Command." I thought it sounded too cliche at first, but in the end I kept it the way it was.



Sorry for the wait for something new. As most of you know from me posting in your threads tonight, I was sick most of last week with a bad head cold. So I was here either briefly or not at all. I'm feeling better now, but still tired and a little congested. Oh and I have 29 days left until the final day of classes at my college. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! At least I'm on top of everything and not too stressed out.

Ok, enough babbling from me. This one is also different from my other poems I've posted, but not in the same way "My Command" is. Let me know what you think, as always.

~Sara~

That Girl

See that girl in the corner?
The one with the geeky glasses and braces?
She’s new here
And she looks kinda weird
We like making fun of her because of that
She tries hard to be friends with everyone
But she’ll never be cool like us

See that girl writing in her notebook?
Who barely ever talks, acts like she knows everything?
No one here really knows her
Except her few friends
Just leave her alone, and if she dares
To join your conversation, ignore her
And she’ll go back to her own little world

See that girl sitting at her computer?
The one who’s always doing work and never parties?
She’s ‘mommy’s little girl’
And she’s got no backbone, either
Doesn’t drink or do anything we think is fun
Probably thinks she’s better than we are
So we don’t want her here

See this little girl in the clown costume?
Her smile as big as her ballooned belly?
She’s my daughter
All grown up now
She’s questioned her dreams, her character, and her life
But always found a way to get back on her feet
I’m so proud of her

See that girl standing next to me
As we beam in our white graduation gowns?
She’s my best friend
Since ninth grade, and even now
Never forgets birthdays, always tolerates my antics
Calls when I’m lonely, listens when I need to vent
Who could ask for much more than that?

See that girl at the far table
With brown hair, jeans, and a green tank top?
I think she’s really pretty
And I’ve seen her around
Shy at first, but friendly once she opens up to you
A good student, too, and she laughs at my jokes
Maybe I should ask her out….

© S.E.L. July 2005

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Hmmm...interesting idea, getting all these different perspectives on one person. Actually, I wasn't totally clear on that the first time around, but then I got it the second time through. I would suggest maybe making that clearer by mixing in some of the more positive perspectives with the negative ones, because right now it's kind of split in half that way. If there's a specific reason for that, then don't mind me

And thanks for the good luck wishes...it's actually not a competition, more of an international varoety show thing. I'm a performance whore, so I had to do something for it

hi Sara, hope you will recover completely very very soon..

umm I like 'That girl'.. It's like the different ways to describe a girl; I mean, all of we have had some "girl", maybe a friend, maybe a daughter, a sister, etc..is this the idea of the poem,isn't it?, the description of 'that girl' that maybe we are ourselves?... It remembers me some e-mail I received from a very good friend called 'Las amigas de nuestra vida', in english: 'The friends (women) of our life' and It describes all the friends we can have, each one in a role of our life... well I made myself a mess trying to explain *lol*, but definetly I like the poem and yes it's kinda different but it keeps your 'personal signature' present in all your poems .. I hope see you soon visiting my thread, and want to see more of your stuff, I'm your fan ..

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'my drops of ink' (poetry thread)(abandoned for a long time) Wanna see amazing poetry? click here! WR
Bodoquia's kingdom

Hey I found this poem really unusual, but good!!! At first it sounds kinda like a teen angst poem but then all of a sudden it opens up to be beautiful, warm, emotive and very sentimental and then the last 3 stanzas tie the whole thing together!

See this little girl in the clown costume?
Her smile as big as her ballooned belly?
She’s my daughter
All grown up now
She’s questioned her dreams, her character, and her life
But always found a way to get back on her feet
I’m so proud of her

I think this ^^^^ is just great... EVERYTHING about it!!!! I can just visualise exactly what the writer is thinking/feeling!!!!!! I can see a child in a clown costume!!! Great imagery! I can't wait to see what you post next!!!!!

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Thanh: Thanks for the get-well wishes. Yay, great that you got the idea behind My Command! And glad that you liked That Girl. I wanted to write a poem about how different people view the same person. At the same time, I think it also shows a progression. The poem starts when she's in high school and then ends several years later, probably in college. So the girl in a sense grows as a person, and parts of her change along the way.

Alyssa: No worries about your suggestion. It makes sense, but I had planned to have the negative stanzas come first, then the positive ones. If you read the last couple sentences on my paragraph to Thanh, that's the main reason why I did it that way. And did you perform Comalies yet for the variety show yet? Just wondering how it went.

rosan: Thanks for your kind thoughts, too. I'm visiting even though I should be doing work. *bad Sara!* Anyways, yes, you're right on about That Girl, about the different perspectives of one girl. It is kinda personal for me (since it's based on myself, but I don't want to emphasize that too much). I got what you were trying to say about the email, and that sounds like it would've been such a sweet thing to read. I think I did visit your poetry thread recently... But it's always worth another look.

Felicity: That's one of my favorite stanzas in that poem. My parents have this picture of me in this black and orange clown costume when I was 2 years old, and I was about to go trick-or-treating for Halloween. Mom stuffed a balloon in the belly part of the costume to make it HUGE, and my smile was just as huge.



I haven't really been in the right frame of mind for writing much lately. That's what happens to me when things really start to get busy. On a high note of sorts, I'm going to submit two of my poems and a short story for consideration for my school's literary magazine. The two poems I chose are "Writer's Block" and "Guardian Angel". And the story I haven't posted here yet, but if it makes it into the magazine I think I can split it into parts and let you guys read it, if you'd like.

So here's something I wrote a while ago. Hope you like it. And see you guys around. ~Sara~

BROKEN WINGS

Is love a fictional character
Simply entertaining me?
Are these raw emotions
Some things I can’t truly feel?
Nothing’s quite as it seems
I twist and I turn
All because of you
You chase me in dreams
You don’t want to learn
My own point of view

Chorus
‘Cause I’ve been hurt
I’ve been swayed
I’ve been chained
Now I’m left with broken wings
And I will leave
I will try
I will fly
But not with these broken wings

Is my heart too vulnerable
Too weak to take the pain?
Are you real, or are you just
A figment of my imagination?
I’ve been tricked out for sure
Who do you adore?
I know it can’t be me
But before this can end
My wings you must mend
Piece after piece

Chorus

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Oooooh, me likey. You captured some great emotions here, feeling desperate and tortured and frustrated. I also just liked the way it was written, to me it seemed like the "you" you were talking to could have been love itself (as was hinted at the beginning) or to a lover or someone who broke your heart. Great work!!

Oh yeah, and the variety show was Friday night, it was awesome. I had so much fun, and I think I did pretty good. It was kinda hard to hear myself, so I was afraid I was kinda off, but everyone who heard me told me it was fine. Thanks for asking!!

Woot! Nice to see you around, Sara.

That Girl simply rules. I loved the way you changed the viewpoint throughout the poem, and the message it gives. People have many faces, more than the one we see without getting to know them... we shouldn't judge others without knowing them first...

Broken Wings has a very nice beat to it. Flows very smoothly, and the chorus is powerful. These lines just got to me:

Is my heart too vulnerable
Too weak to take the pain?
Are you real, or are you just
A figment of my imagination?

You rule, Sara. Good luck on the mag, and I think you chose two amazing poems. *hugs* \m/

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