The thoughts inside Violette's head - Page 14 - EvBoard

myimmortalenemy · 04-26-2006, 12:02 AM

I very much enjoyed that. Although it might have been about something else, I can totally relate to that because of the overwhelming stress and other stuff that fuels the fire which burns me down.

Your poem sounds very controlled. Even with some of the morbid words, it still manage to savor a rhythm of a softness to it. It was quite deploring, but it still makes me think.

You seem to express those little emotions well...And I always love feeling what your poetry expresses.

OdeToTheMuse · 04-26-2006, 03:33 AM

Those poems are great!!! I love your kind of language and writing...awesome

-claudine

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 04-26-2006, 06:32 AM

It's great! As usuall

My thoughts of the title - it's just ideas
It's too much, Under the World, Pressure, No escape, After the Pain, More Than the Pain, Beeing Forsed, Cry, Painful World, Painful ...

(I'll think more)

GirlWithAMic · 04-29-2006, 09:15 AM

Whoa, how did I not get around to replying to that last one until now? Well, better late than never. Anyway, I wasn't all that crazy about Untitled, to be honest. It felt like a bit of a poetic you-had-to-be-there moment-like you as the poet surely know what you're refering to, but to the reader, it could be anything. I thought it was kind of vague, and as I was reading it I felt like I didn't have enough information about what was going on. I did really like this stanza, though:

Quote:

I cannot breathe – my lungs have been crushed
I cannot walk – my stride has faltered
I cannot sleep – I’ve grown restless, fearful

Just the wording and the structure of it was very cool.

Anywho, there are my thoughts, for better or for worse

Violette · 05-05-2006, 12:21 PM

Felicity: Wow, musical? I wasn't even thinking of songs or music when I wrote this. Thanks for the title suggestions, too. I'm not really sure what I'll end up calling it in the end... but I'll let those ideas perkolate (sp?) in my head for a while.

Thanh: I wanted to try and make people think about this piece. Not in a sociological context, obviously, but in a personal way. I was feeling extremely stressed out when I wrote the piece and wanted to convey the different kinds of feelings associated with stress, but at the same time I wanted to see if people to relate to it in other ways, too.

Claudine, Svetlana: Thanks as always for stopping by.

And thanks for your title suggestions, Svetlana.

Alyssa: No worries. I appreciate what you had to say - I don't always expect to hear positive feedback on my work, but then again I don't necessarily think this poem is one of my best. But I still thought it was worth a shot in posting it. I might've made it sound a little too vague (if you read my note to Thanh, you'll find out why).

Well, I'm out of school finally!

Between all the papers I had to write, the end of my internship, and the school dance shows last week (which went really well!), I had my hands full last week. So now I'm home for the summer, although I don't know how often I'll be over here once I go back to work next week. I'm running out of poems to share with you guys, too - so the posts may not be as often, but please continue to come here if you'd like. I'm also joining the Writer's Group thread, so you may seem me post some stuff there from time to time.

Anyhoo... here's something wrote a little while ago. As always, let me know what you think.

Adoration Buried

A rare and precious ruby lies buried in the sand
Dark red, dull in shine – most would leave it behind
But once it’s in your presence, unearthed by your hands
Its glow is more radiant, its color bold and bright

This gem is a gift, like the love kept in my heart
Fresh and invigorating like morning’s drops of dew
Stronger than the magnetic forces pulling us apart
A flame of passion, sparkling, burning only for you

Yet this jewel remains lost in the cold dirt
Of no value to anyone, no beauty to admire
I prayed you’d keep digging, aware of my worth
Not quitting your search or ignoring your desire

My love, this ruby, buried and out of sight
Undiscovered once again – I must wait another night

© S.E.L. 1/16/2006

GirlWithAMic · 05-05-2006, 01:01 PM

Wow-WOW. Absolutely beautiful!!!!!! The extended metaphor throughout the whole thing was great, and the langauge you used was awesome. I can't think of anything to say other than it was awesome, and I loved it!!!!! One of my favorites of yours.

Carmen · 05-05-2006, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Violette

Shivercide: Thanks for coming back. You've always had some incredibly nice things to say about my stuff, and I appreciate it. Yay about you liking "Moonlight Path". It was weird how I wrote that one... I thought of the title first, and then the rest of it came to me. But usually it's the other way around! *lol* Please do come back again.

Carmen: Did you really write something similar to that line from "Broken Wings"?

Great minds think alike, as they say. I'd be interested in reading your poetry at some point, but that's completely up to you.

Well, go figure... once the work load settled down, my creative juices started flowing again. I wrote this poem last week. But with this one I need a little help... I can't think of a title. So if anyone has any suggestions, I'd really appreciate it. Even if they're just ideas.

Untitled

It’s too much
This weight on my shoulders
Dumped on me all at once
Only to slip off gradually

A pressure so intense
It throbs inside my head
Pulsating in my brain

It overwhelms my heart
Beating twice as fast, twice as hard

It contorts my stomach
My insides squirming, imploding

I cannot breathe – my lungs have been crushed
I cannot walk – my stride has faltered
I cannot sleep – I’ve grown restless, fearful

Lying in a fetal position
On the floor of this darkened room
Sick in my mind, soul, and spirit
Suffering unmercifully for an all too common disease

Shuddering, shutting my eyes
I can only pray that escape will find its way to me
As I’m forced to endure night after night
The cruelty of the day

© S.E.L. 4/19/2006

I really love the rhythm in this one Violette

myimmortalenemy · 05-06-2006, 06:46 PM

It's great to hear you're now able to enjoy summer! And I'm very eager for your entry for the Writer's Group thread. I hope you'll have some more poems to share soon, but just about anything will have me visiting your thread!

Anypoo,

I love the symbol of the ruby. The images were very vivid. I liked how you introduced the ruby in the first stanza and then added the similies in the second. I very much agree with what you said about love is like something hidden in dirt and you won't know how much it's worth until you finally find it. Love is very precious, and so is this poem.

FelicityS · 05-06-2006, 10:17 PM

Wow, what a unique and refreshing peice of writing! I love the symbolisim of the 'ruby'. The way you've related 'love' in contrast to a hidden jewel, i think its really powerful! And relatable, im sure we've all felt like our love was hidden, lost and/or ignored at some point!

My fav bit is this...

I prayed you’d keep digging, aware of my worth
Not quitting your search or ignoring your desire

Violette · 05-10-2006, 09:47 AM

Thanks bunches to everyone!

Alyssa: I wasn't sure if I was overdoing it w/ the ruby metaphor, but I wanted to write something along that line. I also wanted to try something with true structure, and there's a member here at EvBoard named Marcassa who wrote some beautiful sonnets. So I decided to try and write one of my own.

Carmen: Glad you liked that Untitled poem. Still don't have a proper title for it, but it'll come to me eventually.

Thanh: The vacation hasn't been too bad so far. But the weather forecasters are saying it's gonna rain all through the weekend... and I'm supposed to go camping this weekend with my college buddies. Looks like that might not happen now. *sighs* Back to your comments, though. I can't say much, because you always give such great comments (not just on my poems, either). Oh and I read your poem for the Writer's Group, so I'll give you my comments very soon.

Felicity: I like those lines, too.

I finally had a chance today to post my poem for the EvBoard Writer's Group. I'm just going to post a link for you guys to visit, and then you can leave your comments here, okies?
Click here to read my new poem, "Birth of a Sleeping Soul".

04-26-2006, 03:33 AM	#132 (permalink)
OdeToTheMuse Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: I am floatin' in serenity... Age: 18 Posts: 713 Points: 123.16 Bank: 1,210.48 Total Points: 1,333.63 Donate	Those poems are great!!! I love your kind of language and writing...awesome -claudine __________________ DeviantArt. FlickR. ArtThread.

04-26-2006, 06:32 AM	#133 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 24 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	It's great! As usuall My thoughts of the title - it's just ideas It's too much, Under the World, Pressure, No escape, After the Pain, More Than the Pain, Beeing Forsed, Cry, Painful World, Painful ... (I'll think more) __________________ My stuff ... My band... My land ...the children of chernobyl...

05-05-2006, 12:21 PM	#135 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Felicity: Wow, musical? I wasn't even thinking of songs or music when I wrote this. Thanks for the title suggestions, too. I'm not really sure what I'll end up calling it in the end... but I'll let those ideas perkolate (sp?) in my head for a while. Thanh: I wanted to try and make people think about this piece. Not in a sociological context, obviously, but in a personal way. I was feeling extremely stressed out when I wrote the piece and wanted to convey the different kinds of feelings associated with stress, but at the same time I wanted to see if people to relate to it in other ways, too. Claudine, Svetlana: Thanks as always for stopping by. And thanks for your title suggestions, Svetlana. Alyssa: No worries. I appreciate what you had to say - I don't always expect to hear positive feedback on my work, but then again I don't necessarily think this poem is one of my best. But I still thought it was worth a shot in posting it. I might've made it sound a little too vague (if you read my note to Thanh, you'll find out why). Well, I'm out of school finally! Between all the papers I had to write, the end of my internship, and the school dance shows last week (which went really well!), I had my hands full last week. So now I'm home for the summer, although I don't know how often I'll be over here once I go back to work next week. I'm running out of poems to share with you guys, too - so the posts may not be as often, but please continue to come here if you'd like. I'm also joining the Writer's Group thread, so you may seem me post some stuff there from time to time. Anyhoo... here's something wrote a little while ago. As always, let me know what you think. Adoration Buried A rare and precious ruby lies buried in the sand Dark red, dull in shine – most would leave it behind But once it’s in your presence, unearthed by your hands Its glow is more radiant, its color bold and bright This gem is a gift, like the love kept in my heart Fresh and invigorating like morning’s drops of dew Stronger than the magnetic forces pulling us apart A flame of passion, sparkling, burning only for you Yet this jewel remains lost in the cold dirt Of no value to anyone, no beauty to admire I prayed you’d keep digging, aware of my worth Not quitting your search or ignoring your desire My love, this ruby, buried and out of sight Undiscovered once again – I must wait another night © S.E.L. 1/16/2006 __________________ Come join!

05-06-2006, 10:17 PM	#139 (permalink)
FelicityS Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 1,403 Points: 700.64 Bank: 41.06 Total Points: 741.70 Donate	Wow, what a unique and refreshing peice of writing! I love the symbolisim of the 'ruby'. The way you've related 'love' in contrast to a hidden jewel, i think its really powerful! And relatable, im sure we've all felt like our love was hidden, lost and/or ignored at some point! My fav bit is this... I prayed you’d keep digging, aware of my worth Not quitting your search or ignoring your desire __________________ My Space My Stuff

05-10-2006, 09:47 AM	#140 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Thanks bunches to everyone! Alyssa: I wasn't sure if I was overdoing it w/ the ruby metaphor, but I wanted to write something along that line. I also wanted to try something with true structure, and there's a member here at EvBoard named Marcassa who wrote some beautiful sonnets. So I decided to try and write one of my own. Carmen: Glad you liked that Untitled poem. Still don't have a proper title for it, but it'll come to me eventually. Thanh: The vacation hasn't been too bad so far. But the weather forecasters are saying it's gonna rain all through the weekend... and I'm supposed to go camping this weekend with my college buddies. Looks like that might not happen now. sighs Back to your comments, though. I can't say much, because you always give such great comments (not just on my poems, either). Oh and I read your poem for the Writer's Group, so I'll give you my comments very soon. Felicity: I like those lines, too. I finally had a chance today to post my poem for the EvBoard Writer's Group. I'm just going to post a link for you guys to visit, and then you can leave your comments here, okies? Click here to read my new poem, "Birth of a Sleeping Soul". __________________ Come join!

04-26-2006, 12:02 AM	#131 (permalink)
myimmortalenemy Sex Muffin Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: There, There Age: 19 Posts: 887 Points: 1,302.53 Bank: 13,504.11 Total Points: 14,806.64 Donate	I very much enjoyed that. Although it might have been about something else, I can totally relate to that because of the overwhelming stress and other stuff that fuels the fire which burns me down. Your poem sounds very controlled. Even with some of the morbid words, it still manage to savor a rhythm of a softness to it. It was quite deploring, but it still makes me think. You seem to express those little emotions well...And I always love feeling what your poetry expresses.

05-05-2006, 01:01 PM	#136 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	Wow-WOW. Absolutely beautiful!!!!!! The extended metaphor throughout the whole thing was great, and the langauge you used was awesome. I can't think of anything to say other than it was awesome, and I loved it!!!!! One of my favorites of yours.

05-06-2006, 06:46 PM	#138 (permalink)
myimmortalenemy Sex Muffin Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: There, There Age: 19 Posts: 887 Points: 1,302.53 Bank: 13,504.11 Total Points: 14,806.64 Donate	It's great to hear you're now able to enjoy summer! And I'm very eager for your entry for the Writer's Group thread. I hope you'll have some more poems to share soon, but just about anything will have me visiting your thread! Anypoo, I love the symbol of the ruby. The images were very vivid. I liked how you introduced the ruby in the first stanza and then added the similies in the second. I very much agree with what you said about love is like something hidden in dirt and you won't know how much it's worth until you finally find it. Love is very precious, and so is this poem.

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