The thoughts inside Violette's head - Page 25 - EvBoard

Return To Chaos · 09-01-2006, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Violette

Wandering
I am the lone survivor of a forsaken land
Far from beginnings, charting a course
On the path less traveled
Though I still guess which way to go

My walking stick splinters when I stumble
Strangers point me in every direction
Rain pours down on days I try to make up for lost time
I push myself to move forward

The night sky watches over me
A mystic intuition is my guide
Solitude my one true friend
But should I always walk alone?

Crossing vast fields and swamps
I’m too gentle to hunt and prey upon
Yet too ambitious to rest or pause
I refuse to waste away

Entering abandoned buildings
With shuttered windows that block out all light
Floorboards creaking from ghostly weight
I do not belong here – or anywhere

So I continue on foot for countless miles
Searching for the unknown that only I believe in
Where doors and arms alike will open to me
Where I will learn how to feel at home

© S.E.L. 8/16/2006

I love this one. Everything you have posted is excellent, but this one really stood out to me. I guess it's because I can relate to it. Awesome choices of wording.

Violette · 09-03-2006, 11:03 AM

Thanks, GirlWithAMic and Return to Chaos! I'm glad you were able to relate to "Wandering", Nicole. I can, too, and I think that's why I wrote it.

Here's another new one. It's my submission for the "Blurred Identity" topic for the Writer's Group. Please let me know what you think, as always.

Blurred Identity

Blurred at the edges
Is your aging reflection
Mirroring your distress
The static of your state of mind
Disconnected thoughts
Make no sense or meaning
Just like the very room where you lie
You’re not exactly there
And you are not exactly you

Somehow, it has all become distorted
The faces of loved ones
The shapes of everyday objects
And every expression you wear
Doesn’t even belong to you

Silhouettes of reality
Creep past like camouflaged demons
Memories flow over you
Though their origins have been long forgotten
Where has the innocence gone?
How – and why – did it flee?
Questions you’re too fearful to ask
Because you pray the answers have changed since last time

But can your hope be so threadbare?
Or did you pull the wool over your own eyes?
So you could not see, and you could disregard
As this mask is lowered… and smothers

Obscured your sight may be
Yet you should bear this burden no more
Lift the veil
Of the torment you fabricated on your own
Speak a certain name
The one you had nearly abandoned
And then think for a moment

Something about this place
Would be less whole if you had succumbed
Something about this life
Would mean nothing if you had passed over…

© S.E.L. 9/1/2006

myimmortalenemy · 09-04-2006, 03:59 PM

Wandering: I really like this one. The narrator seems to be someone who lacks trust in other and close him/herself from the rest of the world. I see that the person's blindness is a way of not seeing the kindness in others, therefore isolating themselves, but finds that it is also hard to live alone. At least, this is what I think about it. Oh, this was written so well! The use of a blind wanderer is a great comparision to someone who is an outsider.

Irreplaceable:
A faceless, nameless emptiness
A struggle to relive and recall
Even the words ‘mother’ and ‘father’ don’t feel like home at all

These last lines hit me hard. I find that it relates to me in so many ways that it almost made me cry even if it is fantasy-ish. I know that in reality it's something almost everyone goes through, but to put it out in words like that makes me feel a little less alone.

Of You I Will Dream: Yeah, I agree with GirlWithAMic. This version is much better. It has more of a constant flow now.

Blurred Identity: I liked how you went with a darker approach on this and then kinda scrolled into a wakening of the person in the poem. Beautiful wordings too. There's a very nice descriptive imagery at the beginning. What I meant by "dark" approach is how it starts off with this gloomy scene of losing a part of oneself and then regaining the sense identity through the battle of loss. <I hoped I made sense, I can just say things sometimes that only I understand.>

Return To Chaos · 09-04-2006, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Violette

Blurred Identity

Blurred at the edges
Is your aging reflection
Mirroring your distress
The static of your state of mind
Disconnected thoughts
Make no sense or meaning
Just like the very room where you lie
You’re not exactly there
And you are not exactly you

Somehow, it has all become distorted
The faces of loved ones
The shapes of everyday objects
And every expression you wear
Doesn’t even belong to you

Silhouettes of reality
Creep past like camouflaged demons
Memories flow over you
Though their origins have been long forgotten
Where has the innocence gone?
How – and why – did it flee?
Questions you’re too fearful to ask
Because you pray the answers have changed since last time

But can your hope be so threadbare?
Or did you pull the wool over your own eyes?
So you could not see, and you could disregard
As this mask is lowered… and smothers

Obscured your sight may be
Yet you should bear this burden no more
Lift the veil
Of the torment you fabricated on your own
Speak a certain name
The one you had nearly abandoned
And then think for a moment

Something about this place
Would be less whole if you had succumbed
Something about this life
Would mean nothing if you had passed over…

© S.E.L. 9/1/2006

Simply amazing, as always. I really love the use of language and the imagery. Wow! This one is definitely one of my favourites of yours. I think my favourite stanza is this one, even though it IS difficult to choose:

Obscured your sight may be
Yet you should bear this burden no more
Lift the veil
Of the torment you fabricated on your own
Speak a certain name
The one you had nearly abandoned
And then think for a moment

<3

FelicityS · 09-05-2006, 08:58 PM

Okay so you know i liked of you i will dream, very pretty and well written with illustrations of nature.

The static of your state of mind

Far out, i started a poem 2 weeks ago, the first line was
'we all walk around with such static in our heads'.... then it went off on a weird tangent to i left it alone, i actually think i threw it out! I love this piece, the theme really makes you think!

<3

Violette · 09-10-2006, 11:05 AM

Thanh: I understand exactly what you were trying to say re: Blurred Identity.

Thank you as always for your thoughtful, beautiful comments!

Nicole & Fliss: Thanks for your input, too! "Blurred Identity" didn't start off so great - I think you had read the first version at WR, Fliss, but it just made no sense to me at all. But now I like this second version much better.

Well, the 5th anniversary of 9/11 is tomorrow.

I think I'll share this piece because it's very appropriate for the time. I actually wrote it three days after the event, because I just felt like I needed to make sense of the tragedy. It deeply affected me, even though I didn't know any of the victims. And at the end of that school year (I think I was a junior, so it was the '01-02 year), this was published in a special section of our school's yearbook. So... yeah. It's kind of patriotic, and I don't know if it's more of a poem or a set of potential lyrics... but...

Let me know what you think, as always.

Off in the Distance

You will go your own way
And I will have to stay
Stranded in the wreckage
Of a world we once knew
Thousands cry on the streets
Many fear for their safety
I'm afraid, too
Since now I know you're gone

But off in the distance
It waves endlessly
Through this terrible hardship
Through this tragedy
Our symbol of freedom
That has lasted through war
Off in the distance
More brilliant than before

What were we supposed to think
As the walls crumbled down?
How can we explain this
To children so young?
Yet I'm smiling with pride
At those who volunteer their time
At those who are risking their lives
To do what is right

It will make the difference
Once and for all
That united we will stand
And united we shall fall
We're surely a nation
Of justice and truth
And off in the distance
The world sees it, too

I tell you to be strong
Courage is what we all need
You will survive, I am sure of it
Oh, you've got to believe
And I'm not pointing the finger
At who I think is to blame
There's already so much prejudice
That has this world plagued

But off in the distance
That symbol remains
So vibrant in my mind
It eases the pain
So let it take forever
To do whatever we must do
Off in the distance
Is our red, white, and blue

And off in the distance
I still see your face
Someone who meant the world to me
Now in a better place
I'll always remember
I will carry your flame
Off in the distance
Is where you will stay

Off in the distance
Your spirit is true
Off in the distance
Our red, white, and blue

Written 9/14/2001

GirlWithAMic · 09-10-2006, 12:02 PM

Wow...absolutely incredible!!!!! Definitely one of your best pieces. The first three lines were some of my favorites, they really grabbed me and drew me in. But the whole thing just had the most beautiful flow to it, which I think may have been it's strongest point. The rhyme you used was awesome and really worked here. Excellent job, as usual!!!!!

FelicityS · 09-11-2006, 08:32 PM

An Absolutley beautiful peice <3

myimmortalenemy · 09-11-2006, 10:55 PM

There's so many things I could say for that poem, but I'm so at loss of what to say. I think 9/11 deeply effected everyone, even the ones who didn't know any of the victims. Just waking up that morning, turning on the tv and seeing that disastrous moment where the two towers collapse struck a low chord in everyone's heart. I think you conveyed your emotions perfectly here as well as for many other.

Apryl · 09-13-2006, 02:20 PM

A mystic intuition is my guide

I really like that line. That's a really cool idea.

09-03-2006, 11:03 AM	#242 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Thanks, GirlWithAMic and Return to Chaos! I'm glad you were able to relate to "Wandering", Nicole. I can, too, and I think that's why I wrote it. Here's another new one. It's my submission for the "Blurred Identity" topic for the Writer's Group. Please let me know what you think, as always. Blurred Identity Blurred at the edges Is your aging reflection Mirroring your distress The static of your state of mind Disconnected thoughts Make no sense or meaning Just like the very room where you lie You’re not exactly there And you are not exactly you Somehow, it has all become distorted The faces of loved ones The shapes of everyday objects And every expression you wear Doesn’t even belong to you Silhouettes of reality Creep past like camouflaged demons Memories flow over you Though their origins have been long forgotten Where has the innocence gone? How – and why – did it flee? Questions you’re too fearful to ask Because you pray the answers have changed since last time But can your hope be so threadbare? Or did you pull the wool over your own eyes? So you could not see, and you could disregard As this mask is lowered… and smothers Obscured your sight may be Yet you should bear this burden no more Lift the veil Of the torment you fabricated on your own Speak a certain name The one you had nearly abandoned And then think for a moment Something about this place Would be less whole if you had succumbed Something about this life Would mean nothing if you had passed over… © S.E.L. 9/1/2006 __________________ Come join!

09-05-2006, 08:58 PM	#245 (permalink)
FelicityS Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 1,403 Points: 700.64 Bank: 41.06 Total Points: 741.70 Donate	Okay so you know i liked of you i will dream, very pretty and well written with illustrations of nature. The static of your state of mind Far out, i started a poem 2 weeks ago, the first line was 'we all walk around with such static in our heads'.... then it went off on a weird tangent to i left it alone, i actually think i threw it out! I love this piece, the theme really makes you think! <3 __________________ My Space My Stuff

09-10-2006, 11:05 AM	#246 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Thanh: I understand exactly what you were trying to say re: Blurred Identity. Thank you as always for your thoughtful, beautiful comments! Nicole & Fliss: Thanks for your input, too! "Blurred Identity" didn't start off so great - I think you had read the first version at WR, Fliss, but it just made no sense to me at all. But now I like this second version much better. Well, the 5th anniversary of 9/11 is tomorrow. I think I'll share this piece because it's very appropriate for the time. I actually wrote it three days after the event, because I just felt like I needed to make sense of the tragedy. It deeply affected me, even though I didn't know any of the victims. And at the end of that school year (I think I was a junior, so it was the '01-02 year), this was published in a special section of our school's yearbook. So... yeah. It's kind of patriotic, and I don't know if it's more of a poem or a set of potential lyrics... but... Let me know what you think, as always. Off in the Distance You will go your own way And I will have to stay Stranded in the wreckage Of a world we once knew Thousands cry on the streets Many fear for their safety I'm afraid, too Since now I know you're gone But off in the distance It waves endlessly Through this terrible hardship Through this tragedy Our symbol of freedom That has lasted through war Off in the distance More brilliant than before What were we supposed to think As the walls crumbled down? How can we explain this To children so young? Yet I'm smiling with pride At those who volunteer their time At those who are risking their lives To do what is right It will make the difference Once and for all That united we will stand And united we shall fall We're surely a nation Of justice and truth And off in the distance The world sees it, too I tell you to be strong Courage is what we all need You will survive, I am sure of it Oh, you've got to believe And I'm not pointing the finger At who I think is to blame There's already so much prejudice That has this world plagued But off in the distance That symbol remains So vibrant in my mind It eases the pain So let it take forever To do whatever we must do Off in the distance Is our red, white, and blue And off in the distance I still see your face Someone who meant the world to me Now in a better place I'll always remember I will carry your flame Off in the distance Is where you will stay Off in the distance Your spirit is true Off in the distance Our red, white, and blue Written 9/14/2001 __________________ Come join!

09-11-2006, 08:32 PM	#248 (permalink)
FelicityS Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 1,403 Points: 700.64 Bank: 41.06 Total Points: 741.70 Donate	An Absolutley beautiful peice <3 __________________ My Space My Stuff

09-13-2006, 02:20 PM	#250 (permalink)
Apryl FROGS FTW Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Edmonton, AB. Age: 21 Posts: 3,210 Points: 756.91 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 756.92 Donate	A mystic intuition is my guide I really like that line. That's a really cool idea. __________________ ...i can't breathe...

09-04-2006, 03:59 PM	#243 (permalink)
myimmortalenemy Sex Muffin Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: There, There Age: 19 Posts: 887 Points: 1,302.53 Bank: 13,504.11 Total Points: 14,806.64 Donate	Wandering: I really like this one. The narrator seems to be someone who lacks trust in other and close him/herself from the rest of the world. I see that the person's blindness is a way of not seeing the kindness in others, therefore isolating themselves, but finds that it is also hard to live alone. At least, this is what I think about it. Oh, this was written so well! The use of a blind wanderer is a great comparision to someone who is an outsider. Irreplaceable: A faceless, nameless emptiness A struggle to relive and recall Even the words ‘mother’ and ‘father’ don’t feel like home at all These last lines hit me hard. I find that it relates to me in so many ways that it almost made me cry even if it is fantasy-ish. I know that in reality it's something almost everyone goes through, but to put it out in words like that makes me feel a little less alone. Of You I Will Dream: Yeah, I agree with GirlWithAMic. This version is much better. It has more of a constant flow now. Blurred Identity: I liked how you went with a darker approach on this and then kinda scrolled into a wakening of the person in the poem. Beautiful wordings too. There's a very nice descriptive imagery at the beginning. What I meant by "dark" approach is how it starts off with this gloomy scene of losing a part of oneself and then regaining the sense identity through the battle of loss. <I hoped I made sense, I can just say things sometimes that only I understand.>

09-10-2006, 12:02 PM	#247 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	Wow...absolutely incredible!!!!! Definitely one of your best pieces. The first three lines were some of my favorites, they really grabbed me and drew me in. But the whole thing just had the most beautiful flow to it, which I think may have been it's strongest point. The rhyme you used was awesome and really worked here. Excellent job, as usual!!!!!

09-11-2006, 10:55 PM	#249 (permalink)
myimmortalenemy Sex Muffin Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: There, There Age: 19 Posts: 887 Points: 1,302.53 Bank: 13,504.11 Total Points: 14,806.64 Donate	There's so many things I could say for that poem, but I'm so at loss of what to say. I think 9/11 deeply effected everyone, even the ones who didn't know any of the victims. Just waking up that morning, turning on the tv and seeing that disastrous moment where the two towers collapse struck a low chord in everyone's heart. I think you conveyed your emotions perfectly here as well as for many other.

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