The thoughts inside Violette's head - EvBoard

Violette · 12-12-2005, 08:54 AM

I've been reading poetry by many of you here, and have been very impressed. I've been debating if I should post some of my poems and whatnot on this board, but I figured, hey why not?

So here's the first one I'd like to share with you guys. Any comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome. If you think it sucks, let me know that, too. *lol* I'm thinking of putting some of my poems in my school's literary magazine at the end of the year, too, so let me know which ones would be best for that.

Writer’s Block

She swims
In an ink-black sea
Her arms flailing
Groping for her surroundings
Her heavy body
Sinks deeper
And deeper
As if she’s falling
Into an endless abyss of misery

She screams
But no one answers
She tries to think
But too much is happening
All at once
She’s lost
Misguided
Helpless

Suddenly
She finally grabs hold
Of a jagged rock
Begins to pull herself
Towards the surface

Light…
She closes in on that spot
Violet, then navy, then sky blue, then white
Climbing
Struggling
She pushes herself up
Up up up
Driven by her inspiration
The will to succeed

Splash!
Her head breaks the water’s surface
Air rushing through her mouth
Filling, reviving her lungs
Her skin soaked
Emerging into freedom
From the dark nothingness
That held her
Captive

Now she can breathe
She can live
Now she can share her thoughts
And tell her story

SoundOfSilence · 12-12-2005, 09:29 AM

wow, ... emotional, you used nice words to describe those feelings. awesome poem, i love it. the first stanza is the strongest, i think.

keep it up, seems that you have talent.

<333

Matise · 12-12-2005, 09:32 AM

yay nice, it is amazing it really have scence on every life...if you think on it

i want to see more ok?
that is what i know that is talent, the one i don't have =(,well congratulations that poem rock!
i see you around

Violette · 12-13-2005, 07:14 AM

Thanks to both of you for posting.

I have plenty more poems to post here, but I'll wait a day or so. I have 2 finals tomorrow, then I'm moving out for the end of the semester.... so the next couple days will be hectic. But please do come back when I post more poems!

GirlWithAMic · 12-13-2005, 03:57 PM

Hey there...you stopped by my thread, so I figured I'd check out yours

I REALLY REALLY like that poem, it describes the feeling of writer's block so perfectly, much better than anything I've ever read or been able to write myself on the subject. I also thought it was interesting there's a lot of cliche goth poems with similar language: falling, drowing, screaming, alone, etc...but those all deal with "oh boo hoo i'm in such pain no one understands me"...and this was something totally fresh and different. Awesome work, and I'd luv to read more!!!!

Violette · 12-14-2005, 09:47 AM

Thanks a lot! I really like how Writer's Block turned out... I will definitely post more poems in the future - keep an eye out for them.

Violette · 12-20-2005, 09:59 AM

Here's a poem I wrote this summer while visiting my relatives in Maine. If you're careful enough, you'll be able to see this particular creature in the suburban/rural areas of Maine, flying around the right kinds of flowers.

Hummingbird

Late summer evening
The heat dying down
A light breeze cools off the land
Buoying my tiny body
As my wings beat up-and-down
Tirelessly, incessantly
I drift from one place to another
Until a brilliant mass of pink and white
Captures my beady eye's attention
My head peaks inside
Sweet fragrance slips through my nostrils
I dive in, drinking my ambrosia
It disappears before I'm satisfied
So I buzz on to my next treat
Wait!
A noise!
Startled, I make my escape
Morphing into merely
An emerald green fairy
A miniature blur of beauty
And you will never catch me

praetextus · 12-20-2005, 07:31 PM

You are so original! I simply love both poems and could not possibly ever write anything to compare.
(is speechless)

Violette · 12-22-2005, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by praetextus

You are so original! I simply love both poems and could not possibly ever write anything to compare.
(is speechless)

Awww, you're too kind, praetextus. Thanks!

Kyren · 12-22-2005, 10:56 AM

I like hummingbird.
This is your thoughts? :O
Congratulations!

12-12-2005, 08:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	The thoughts inside Violette's head I've been reading poetry by many of you here, and have been very impressed. I've been debating if I should post some of my poems and whatnot on this board, but I figured, hey why not? So here's the first one I'd like to share with you guys. Any comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome. If you think it sucks, let me know that, too. lol I'm thinking of putting some of my poems in my school's literary magazine at the end of the year, too, so let me know which ones would be best for that. Writer’s Block She swims In an ink-black sea Her arms flailing Groping for her surroundings Her heavy body Sinks deeper And deeper As if she’s falling Into an endless abyss of misery She screams But no one answers She tries to think But too much is happening All at once She’s lost Misguided Helpless Suddenly She finally grabs hold Of a jagged rock Begins to pull herself Towards the surface Light… She closes in on that spot Violet, then navy, then sky blue, then white Climbing Struggling She pushes herself up Up up up Driven by her inspiration The will to succeed Splash! Her head breaks the water’s surface Air rushing through her mouth Filling, reviving her lungs Her skin soaked Emerging into freedom From the dark nothingness That held her Captive Now she can breathe She can live Now she can share her thoughts And tell her story __________________ Come join!

12-12-2005, 09:29 AM	#2 (permalink)
SoundOfSilence Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Berlin, Germany Age: 17 Posts: 522 Points: 329.33 Bank: 0.42 Total Points: 329.75 Donate	wow, ... emotional, you used nice words to describe those feelings. awesome poem, i love it. the first stanza is the strongest, i think. keep it up, seems that you have talent. <333 __________________ Alessandro Del Piero is teh best guy ever.

12-12-2005, 09:32 AM	#3 (permalink)
Matise Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: under the blue sky Age: 17 Posts: 1,219 Points: 924.06 Bank: 6,024.90 Total Points: 6,948.96 Donate	yay nice, it is amazing it really have scence on every life...if you think on it i want to see more ok? that is what i know that is talent, the one i don't have =(,well congratulations that poem rock! i see you around __________________ ThE LaSt FaLlEn AnGeLs EvAnEsCeNcE FaN cLuB

12-13-2005, 07:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Thanks to both of you for posting. I have plenty more poems to post here, but I'll wait a day or so. I have 2 finals tomorrow, then I'm moving out for the end of the semester.... so the next couple days will be hectic. But please do come back when I post more poems! __________________ Come join!

12-14-2005, 09:47 AM	#6 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Thanks a lot! I really like how Writer's Block turned out... I will definitely post more poems in the future - keep an eye out for them. __________________ Come join!

12-13-2005, 03:57 PM	#5 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	Hey there...you stopped by my thread, so I figured I'd check out yours I REALLY REALLY like that poem, it describes the feeling of writer's block so perfectly, much better than anything I've ever read or been able to write myself on the subject. I also thought it was interesting there's a lot of cliche goth poems with similar language: falling, drowing, screaming, alone, etc...but those all deal with "oh boo hoo i'm in such pain no one understands me"...and this was something totally fresh and different. Awesome work, and I'd luv to read more!!!!

12-20-2005, 09:59 AM	#7 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Here's a poem I wrote this summer while visiting my relatives in Maine. If you're careful enough, you'll be able to see this particular creature in the suburban/rural areas of Maine, flying around the right kinds of flowers. Hummingbird Late summer evening The heat dying down A light breeze cools off the land Buoying my tiny body As my wings beat up-and-down Tirelessly, incessantly I drift from one place to another Until a brilliant mass of pink and white Captures my beady eye's attention My head peaks inside Sweet fragrance slips through my nostrils I dive in, drinking my ambrosia It disappears before I'm satisfied So I buzz on to my next treat Wait! A noise! Startled, I make my escape Morphing into merely An emerald green fairy A miniature blur of beauty And you will never catch me __________________ Come join!

12-20-2005, 07:31 PM	#8 (permalink)
praetextus Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Massachusetts Age: 17 Posts: 68 Points: 114.64 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 114.64 Donate	You are so original! I simply love both poems and could not possibly ever write anything to compare. (is speechless) __________________ =D My Thread

12-22-2005, 10:56 AM	#10 (permalink)
Kyren Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Portugal (Beja) Neverland Age: 20 Posts: 745 Points: 1,784.61 Bank: 0.27 Total Points: 1,784.89 Donate	I like hummingbird. This is your thoughts? :O Congratulations! __________________ Burning my dreams..

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