The Weekly I-Don't-Know-How-to-Feel-About-This Thread

[AdamantEsuna]

Mmmkay.. so.. Im in a very wtfucked up position here..
Around the beginning of the year, one of my best friends started hanging out with this high school dude, and slowly began to change.
Let me explain first: Last year she and I were really close, and she was super hyper and I could always be myself around her.
Now, after she started hanging out with this dude, she pretty much started idolizing him. She hung out with him all the time and walked home with him every day after school(ditching me and other ppl), and just would not shut up about him(normal teenage-girl-ness, no prob.).
Pretty understandable, but then she started to change.
She stopped hanging out with me and my other friend, she would always yell at me, saying things like; "You need to grow up and be more mature, you're too loud, you're too annoying.. blah blah blah" because she was so concerned about what her new high school buddies would think, saying that she was too mature for behaviour like mine now.
Which eventually started to become very stressful because she was basically attacking every aspect of me.
It started getting so ridiculous that when we'd be around school or anything(my school and the highschool are the same school) she'd tell me to shut up and stop being so loud/bitch at me saying that what I was talking about was innapropriate or embarressing to her(sorry, I'm loud and I like telling dirty jokes, not a crime!?)
And it got so out of hand one day when we were outside the highschool, i was just talking normally and NO ONE else was around and she just turns and says to me "you know what? you're so fucking annoying, why can't you just shut up? this is why no one likes talking to you becuase you're so fucking embaressing!"
Well, I don't take crap like that from people. so I slapped her across the face
Soo.. obviously our friendship began to deteriorate and became a very fragile thing, and I stressed alot about it.
Eventually we got back to being friends and she ended up going out with this high school dude, but then had to break up with him because their parents didnt approve of the age difference(her dad went to his house and yelled at him) So they ended up breaking up and pretty much stopped talking to eachother cause I think he was a little freaked out and pissed.
But anyways, becuase of how I believed he influenced her into becoming psycho-bitch, I obviously hated him, and according to my "friend" the feeling was mutual and that I WAS NOT aloud to go near him.
Well, a week or two ago.. I ended up hanging out with him through mutual friends.. and we got along pretty well.. and he ended up kissing me!
Well, this confused me enough, like, I thought we were enemies dude!
But then.. last weekend.. we hung out again... and ended up doing "it" O_O
AHA I AM SO CONFUSED
my first time too... so not only those "first time" emotions but all this baggage too!
I told my friend about us kissing(NOT ANYTHING ELSE.. god no) and she told me hes probably just using me, becuase she didnt even kiss him until 6 months after knowing him and I did... after 2 hours. Well, I didnt think that was too wierd, becuase thats how alot of my flings/relationships are, so I didnt really stop too much to think about that part of it... and I also thought that in all probability she was just hurt and angry because I basically "stole her man".. but now I'm not so sure and I've really been thinking hard from all viewpoints about it.
He also has a girlfriend... so it makes it even more complicated
I've had(as I'm sure you could guess) every emotion on the spectrum about this... and I just CANNOT decide what to think of it.
I like him i guess.. but I've just started getting over another past relationship and I've also been used many times...
SO....GRR!!!

[Jane]

I'm not even going to go into a lot of things because I flat out disapprove of the way you went about things with this guy and I certainly take issue with you having sex so quickly and at such a young age... so I won't bother. It just makes me incredibly sad to read this because you are, no doubt, not alone in situations such as these.

Flat out, stop seeing the guy. I don't care how well you get along with him, he has a girlfriend and you're a real bitch for sleeping with a guy that was in a relationship. Cheating is not okay. I'm not okay with people that cheat; it's a really selfish, ignorant thing to do. I'm sure you'd feel pretty shitty if you were dating a guy and found out he had sex with another girl behind your back. It would hurt, more than you can even comprehend right now.

I don't know what else you're asking advice on. You need to stop seeing this guy, because it's obviously only going to lead to trouble. He caused a lot of problems between you and your friend also and it'd be a shame to let a guy come between the two of you again, if you really care about that friendship.

You need to start making better decisions and start thinking about the consequences of those decisions. When you make decisions, sometimes there are other people involved that your decision is going to affect and you need to start thinking about that more as well.

[AdamantEsuna]

Yes, well I know that it was irresponsible of me to do all this so quickly.. But it all seemed to happen so fast and I just didnt think, I didnt really take a step back and look at the situation until after it happened, I just kinda went along with it without thinking of the consequences afterwards(i kept it safe though.. thankfully)
Ya, thanks for calling me a bitch. I didnt even know he had a girlfriend until AFTER the fact, and I was pissed off enough as it was.. becuase now I'd have this weird guilt. methinks you've been cheated on?
Plus I'm really starting to think, do I really care about the friendship THAT much? I mean, she treated me straight out like shit and still does, and really, I know its not gonna last much longer becuase after this year I wont even be going to school with her.
And really, with things like this, Im basically pretty smart, I dont do drugs or drink or anything.. and really, I don't think having sex will really affect anyone except me, him, and his girlfriend, but from what I hear, she lives far away, and its not a very serious relationship, seeing as they dont really communicate and they havent been going out for very long.
But still, I DO know what it feels like, and I yelled at him after I found out, for cheating on her. But I think, having sex isnt that bad, as long as you're careful, comfortable, and its not like I'm having sex with tons of people, its only happened once so far, and I dont think I'm going to be doing it often anyhoo.

[Jane]

Originally Posted by AdamantEsuna

But it all seemed to happen so fast and I just didnt think, I didnt really take a step back and look at the situation until after it happened, I just kinda went along with it without thinking of the consequences afterwards(i kept it safe though.. thankfully)

You better get tested for STDs and get a pregnancy test. Even with perfect use condoms and birth control aren't 100% effective for a reason.

Ya, thanks for calling me a bitch. I didnt even know he had a girlfriend until AFTER the fact, and I was pissed off enough as it was.. becuase now I'd have this weird guilt. methinks you've been cheated on?

No offense, but you deserve it. I have been cheated on and you not knowing doesn't help your case in the slightest. It says a lot if you don't know this guy well enough to know he had a girlfriend, especially since you seem to have found out rather quickly. That's just about being responsible and making good decisions. Knowing how devastating that can be for other people involved, you had a responsibility to make sure you weren't hurting anyone. That's another example of what I meant about being mature and making good decisions while thinking about the consequences. You should feel guilty, but there's nothing you can really do about it now. You messed up, made a mistake, but you have to move on.

Plus I'm really starting to think, do I really care about the friendship THAT much? I mean, she treated me straight out like shit and still does, and really, I know its not gonna last much longer becuase after this year I wont even be going to school with her.

Get used to that. Girls are like that at your age, and it's really easy to just fall in with a crowd and conform due to peer pressure. It happens to lots of people, but it's really a factor of immaturity. As you get older, you get wiser about those sorts of things and you're less willing to let other people influence you. Teenagers are just more susceptible to pressure situations than older folk.

But I think, having sex isnt that bad, as long as you're careful, comfortable, and its not like I'm having sex with tons of people, its only happened once so far, and I dont think I'm going to be doing it often anyhoo.

Unfortunately, that's just a side-effect of being young. Not a care in the world, oh how those were the days.

[Sonja]

AdamntEsuna, even though you like this bloke, and the feelings might be mutual, he has a girlfriend. The fact that she lives far away does not make the fact that you two did the naughty no-no okay, no matter how fast it happened and how confused you were. Hell, his girlfriend could be living in south-east Bumble fuck, but it still wouldn't be okay.

My mother has been cheating on my father for around 5-6 years or so, so believe me when I say that I have seen the devastating damage and hurt cheating can cause to everyone remotely involved in one way or another. Cheating is just a big noisy mess and I advice you to stop seeing (or whatever you choose to call it) this bloke, pronto!

Also, keep in mind you are only 14. From what I've seen, people our age are not emotionally mature enough to handle serious relationships, let alone the consequences of sex, IMHO. Sweetie, believe me when I say that in the future, there will be plenty of nice, single fish in the sea that won't use you. Just be patient.

/semi-long-post.

[AdamantEsuna]

Thanks Sonja.. I think you pretty much wrapped everything that Jane was trying to say up and said it in a very understandable and relatable(and somewhat less-meanbwuah ha) way...
I think I shall have a talk with him and then if nothing postive comes out of it(hmmm, like maybe a little GUILT on his part) I will definately turn around and walk away from this strange thing... If maybe we can try to figure it out more soundly though then I want to still be FRIENDS with him.. He's pretty cool, and I wouldnt mind being friends, but with the current situation, it's just too complicated to be more.

[Jane]

I don't know how to feel about being such a goddamn bitch. Mostly, I feel proud of the fact, but sometimes I wonder whether or not I should feel kind of bad.

Anyway, I think you're all assholes. <3 (Seriously.)

[AdamantEsuna]

Well, at least you can love yourself im so proud of you <333

[Jane]

Originally Posted by AdamantEsuna

Well, at least you can love yourself

But I don't... ::Cries::

[TearsofShadows]

Fine. We'll love you FOR you.

HA. what're you gonna do about that?