I'm kind of hesitant to post my lyrics, many are personal, and a lot of this stuff doesn't sound as good on paper as it does in my head, or as a song. Also, I am constantly refining and rewriting, so almost all of my poems are works in progress, but I might as well give it a shot. I'm ready for criticism.

This one is a nice slow song, with acoustic guitar, and I want a violin or cello, but I don't know exactly how it should sound yet.
THE EXECUTIONER
so now we tear off the rubber bands connected to our wrists
i tried to pulll off these lazy hands and turn them into fists
but i
never could get a good grip
around your neck
when i would, my hands would slip
have you had enough yet?
i need to pull down the paper noose and slowly reel you in
i cannot tear down...there is no use, we start this all again
and i
never could get a good grip
around your neck
when i would, my hands would slip
have you had enough yet?
i spit out an apology as we continue this dance
you try to gain conrol of me, i try to tighten my hands
but every time i see you cry, i can't follow throgh
althogh you well deserve to die, it's just too hard to hurt you
and i
never could get a good grip
around your neck
when i would, my hands would slip
have you had enough yet?

I really like this! Very nice, and I got a good feel for the emotions of it. This reminds me of some of the music I like to listen to. Just going by the lyrics, though, it seems more like a heavy rock song than a slow acoustic one, lol. But I guess I'd have to hear it. Great job!

Thank you very much GirlWithAMic. I should try it as a heavy song, I recently realized that the current song sounds too much like Chevelle's "Bend the Bracket". A heavier version would be cool. Gah, I have so many words crawling in my head right now, I feel like posting everything I've ever written, but I'll be good and just post two right now.

Here's my first sappy love song. Sadly, I wrote a lot of them, I went through this....phase. Anywho, here it is.
CHUCK NORRIS (Don't Ask)
i find it much too hard to say
the things inside my mind
i can't convey the way i feel
no matter how hard i try
i can't begin to explain to you
what you'll never know
how much i love and cherish you
the love i try to show
but everytime i try to say
what i really mean
my clumsy words get in the way
so you will never see
that i really try to listen
and i really do love you
but my head is just so messed up
i can't seem to follow through
'cuz i'm trapped inside my own mind
but i'm trying to break out
you inspire me to be so much more
i'll let you know somehow
i hope that you can hold on
until i come around
i'm sorry that i fuck things up
when words cannot be found
i never want to hurt you
so everytime i do
i cry for you and hurt myself
for ever wounding you
i want to take your pain away
and dry up all your tears
i'm hoping that you can feel safe
forever with me here
'cuz i really try to listen
and i really do love you
but my head is just so messed up
i can't seem to follow through
'cuz i'm trapped inside my own mind
but i'm trying to break out
you inspire me to be so much more
i'll let you know somehow

This song/poem is COMPLETELY different than the last one. It's also a work in progress. You have been warned.
CHILD'S PLAY
i'm just sitting in my room and
playing with my dolls, yes
playing with my toys and
dancing in my new dress
he is watching me, he's
standing in the doorway
i think he wants in, he
askes if he can please play
he comes in the room and
locks the door behind him
he says he loves dolls and
he loves to play with them
i hand him a doll, he
says he doesn't want it
he says he wants me, i
don't quite understand it
he touches my arm, i
tell him i don't like it
he says it won't hurt if
i don't try to fight it
he takes off my dress and
touches my bad places
i tell him to stop, he's
making funny faces
he takes off his pants and
he shows me his boy parts,
grabs me with his hands now
why's he pusing so hard?
he calls me his doll, i
feel something inside me
"why are you hurting me?"
"i thought that you liked me?"
why? (please stop)
why? (please....)
WHY? WHY? (WHAT DID I DO WRONG?)
WHY DADDY, WHY?

This one is an awesome metal song, just reading the words doesn't really do it jusice, but it's not bad.
IDOL WORSHIP
define us by stupidity
this is not reality
another cheap ploy to strangle me
the death of creativity
bow and worship your t.v.
ignore the next fatality
falling ill to fatuity
open you eyes to this TRAGEDY
insulting my intellegence
screaming out for decadence
empty minds take no OFFENCE
I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED
I WILL NOT BE PACIFIED
idle worship, idol worship
slanted views on community
bring a false sense of unity
disguising lies as prophesy
believing every falacy
feed on negativity
finding joy in brutality
i'm tired of incompacity
the time is now, WE SHALL BREAK FREE
insulting my intellegence
screaming out for decadence
empty minds take no OFFENCE
I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED
I WILL NOT BE PACIFIED
(breakdown)
entertainment has a price
YOUR MIND
YOU'RE BLIND
YOUR MINE

Here's one of my emo death poems. The rhythm seems off, but it works with the tune in my head.
FUNERAL MARCH
i placed my heart in a sepulcher
a deadly shelter where it can't get hurt
the moistened ground caves in with every step
as i march to the place where you are kept
the blades of grass now, bow, down, before your headstone
it sounds, loud, now, the cry of your bones
i kneel before you, i adore you, stay beside me, i implore you
my tears will rest upon your grave
my heart within your casket save-til my return
i bid the mausoleum doors to open
come in where i have been before, broken
tired, bleeding on the floor, lonesome
let me go into the place where you now sleep
can't go on without you here to comfort me
the dew-kissed rosed in my hands
sing a song of lost romance
gone but not forgotten
memories in your coffin
in an empty grave i'll lie, stay forever by your side
the cemetary, my new home, i no longer am alone
and i can finally sleep
so now i fall asleep
forever i will sleep
forever we will sleep

Here is another slow acoustic song, but it's still being worked on. I really like the first half, but the verses after the chorus will probably be re-written.
WEARY
i've lost control
of self control
i've messed things up again
i'm giving up
and waking up
i realize there's no chance
the feelings creep
i'm such a creep
so i'll lay my head down
and let the sin
flow through again
and fill our eyes
with severed lives
and wasted tries
to stop the pain
still i give in
let evil in
why can't i fix myself?
drink from the well
until i get well
healing just takes so long
so i'm letting go
won't you please go?
you shouldn't witness this
i let the sin
flow through again
and fill our eyes
with severed lives
and wasted tries
to stop the pain
countless times i've tried
countless tears i've cried
too sick to revive
too fatigued to try

I like this one, but it needs work. The chorus talks about water and drowning, and I'm trying to figure out how to tie that in with the verses, Maybe I'll change the chorus and tie it all in with the "infection" theme. I dunno.
FINAL SOLUTION
"you poison everything you touch"
how can you hate your child so much?
why can't you realize that you're killing off the hope that you once loved
"and it's in everything we see
infecting all the air we breathe"
they just don't realize the things they say are really about me
do you think i chose to be this way?
do you know that every fucking day
i wake up, praying for a change
i'd give anything just to feel the same
do you know that i feel so disgrased?
can you feel, i'm so out of place?
i try hard not to be ashamed
i'd say anything if i weren't so afraid
you pull me down and make me drown in your attempt to wash me clean
didn't even recognize my face as one that you shoved underneath
the water rose and then it closed the gap between the strong and weak
you didn't even notice all your detestation was aimed at me
the symptoms are starting to show
but i can never let them know
i must contain the sickness, and make sure the swelling doesn't grow
why should i change so you'll be pleased?
i'm not the one with the disease
your bitterness fill our lungs making it to hard for us to breath
do you think i chose to be this way?
do you know that every fucking day
i wake up, praying for a change
i'd give anything just to feel the same
do you know that i feel so disgrased?
can you feel, i'm so out of place?
i try hard not to be ashamed
i'd say anything if i weren't so afraid
you pull me down and make me drown in your attempt to wash me clean
didn't even recognize my face as one that you shoved underneath
the water rose and then it closed the gap between the strong and weak
you didn't even notice all your detestation was aimed at me

I don't know why more people aren't relying to this thread. It's really amazing in my opinion.

This line really jumped out at me. It's a really striking thing to say.

All in all the poem really is excellent. I don't know if I "got" it exactly, but is it about someone getting an abortion, and feeling ashamed? I interpreted the line above that the family was trying to make an "honest" woman of her, by getting her to marry the man instead of getting an abortion, but she really doesn't want to.

Child's play was sickly beautiful, and another stand out poem so far.

Btw, is your name from the dresden dolls song "half jack?"

I love the dresden dolls.

Thank you very much Darko. The song is not about an abortion, but it really could be. It's kind of about general dissapointment. It's about people you love bringing you down, though they don't even know it. I've used some specific quotes, but I'd rather not get into a lot of the details, the real subject matter is kind of touchy for me.
Next Subject: "Half Jack" is one of the best songs ever written. I love the Dresden Dolls too. See Jack Run- I picked that as my name because that line reminds me that I am my own person. Many times I feel that my father's qualities are in me, and I am like my father, but this line chases him out.

Anywho, this is a happy little diddy I wrote last night after I listened to Alice In Chains' "Nutshell" about a million times. This song is about the frailty of time. Sadly progress can be reversed just by not moving. The song "In The End" by Linkin Park really captures the same idea.
WITHDRAWAL
i can't believe i held you in my hands and let you slip away
i can't believe i tread through holy lands, to fall and decay
all my progress erased
with two fell words
all the pain i can't face
all the things that i've heard
the sound unplugged, i come undone
stripped down to the bone
a waste of blood, a taste of what
i am left alone
i can't believe i'm falling in this hole i've worked so hard to fill
i can't believe this is all happening just because i sat still
all that i have achieved
it all unwinds
all that i once believed
all that i left behind
the battles won, the things i've done
everything all for naught
a deeper cut, a question of
why i ever fought

THE EXECUTIONER stands out a lot for me. I would love to hear it with music.
The lyrics are more intense than a lot of the lyrics I've read on the ev-board so far, which is exellent.

A suggestion though If I can make one, in the line;

althogh you well deserve to die, it's too hard to hurt you

I think it would sound better if it was;

althogh you well deserve to die, it's just too hard to hurt you


CHILD'S PLAY, You brought across the story very well in this piece. You bring out a lot of emotion in this, which I like. Although the whole piece is very sad. You've written it very well.

And yes Indeed, IDOL WORSHIP sounds like an amazing metal song, you need music to go with it

I really like the lines;

falling ill to fatuity
open you eyes to this TRAGEDY


Keep writing because one day something will become good out of all that you've written. If you make an album or lyric book with those lyrics in it I'll buy the cd and book garanteed. Amazing work.

And yes, I have to agree with Darko, I also don't know why there an't more replies in this thread cause yes, it IS an amazing thread with Amazing lyrics in it. Well done on all your lyrics!!

<3
- Nina

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I know exactly what you mean. I've posted some of my stuff on here and i kind of feel naked letting everyone read it. Like 'breathe' by anna nalick lol. That song describes the situation well. your stuff is good