When You Look At Me, What Do You See? - Page 4 - EvBoard

sweetwater · 10-06-2004, 11:23 PM

very beautiful eyes of loneliness...keep it up.

raindrop829 · 10-07-2004, 12:09 PM

i liked it a lot. one thing i'd change 2 make the poem a little deeper, instead of referring 2 the person speaking as "some loser" i would change the word loser to something a little deeper sounding like "failure" . but if you like it the way it is, keep it that way, its a great poem. keep writing. God bless

SMuRF@2099 · 10-07-2004, 12:47 PM

Romantic

that is my take

eternal_tears · 10-08-2004, 07:22 PM

omg thats awesome! i love it! i'd really like to hear more, i like the style and how its kind of abstract.

**Eyes_of_lonliness** · 10-10-2004, 01:46 PM

Hey you guys, thank you very much. This is to my boyfriend and i wanted other people critiques before i give it to him (if i do, I probably will)

So thank you all very much!

**Eyes_of_lonliness** · 11-14-2004, 02:22 AM

I just got over another point in my life were i wasnt so stable and often found myself hurting those around me. And I've just woken up to that recently and i fell horrible and stupid. One that I ended up hurting the most was my boyfriend, of over 9 months, and yet he never gave up on me...which really means alot that he didnt. I mean, he knows I love him... but I just feel horrible for what I put him through and what not. So if you don't mind... please leave a comment about this poem, positive critisism is more then welcome. I am planning on giving thise to him soon, but I may tweek it up a bit. So yea, I just wrote it and decided I'd put it up! Hope you all enjoy!

It has no title yet either, so yea:

To the one I love,
You’ve seen me go through hell
And at the worst times of my life
And you proved to me you weren’t like them
Because you never went away
…You never gave up on me
Even after all the times I pushed you away
I found myself with you right beside me again
You were holding me so I wouldn’t slip away

You’ve changed my life in so many ways
I’m not sure if you knew that
You guided me, as if you were my angel
You led me to a safe place that I can call home
No longer lost

When you are holding me I want to live in that moment
I feel so safe in your arms; everything disappears
The pain disappears; all of my painful memories
And when I am in your arms I forget all about my past hurts
The ones that dragged me down so far in life
If I could die in those arms of yours, I would die happily

I want to savor all of our memories
They will always be locked up in my heart
And I’m still praying that this happiness will remain in me
I’ve told you before: I Love You
And I’ll tell you again: I Love You

Its kind of crazy that I feel this way
But I know I am not being deceived

whimsical · 11-14-2004, 02:58 PM

Your poem nearly made me cry. You don't need to tweak it whatsoever, for once in this world there is something perfect, and it isn't fake.

jack sparrow · 03-08-2006, 11:48 AM

cuando te miro veo a la clase de alma con la que me gustaria ver pintado un pais.hermoso poema,la verdad me encanto.besos
los pies en el suelo ganan un cielo azul!!!!!

11-14-2004, 02:22 AM	#36 (permalink)
Eyes_of_lonliness n00blet Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Illinois Age: 19 Posts: 20 Points: 105.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 105.00 Donate	A Poem to My Boyfriend I just got over another point in my life were i wasnt so stable and often found myself hurting those around me. And I've just woken up to that recently and i fell horrible and stupid. One that I ended up hurting the most was my boyfriend, of over 9 months, and yet he never gave up on me...which really means alot that he didnt. I mean, he knows I love him... but I just feel horrible for what I put him through and what not. So if you don't mind... please leave a comment about this poem, positive critisism is more then welcome. I am planning on giving thise to him soon, but I may tweek it up a bit. So yea, I just wrote it and decided I'd put it up! Hope you all enjoy! It has no title yet either, so yea: To the one I love, You’ve seen me go through hell And at the worst times of my life And you proved to me you weren’t like them Because you never went away …You never gave up on me Even after all the times I pushed you away I found myself with you right beside me again You were holding me so I wouldn’t slip away You’ve changed my life in so many ways I’m not sure if you knew that You guided me, as if you were my angel You led me to a safe place that I can call home No longer lost When you are holding me I want to live in that moment I feel so safe in your arms; everything disappears The pain disappears; all of my painful memories And when I am in your arms I forget all about my past hurts The ones that dragged me down so far in life If I could die in those arms of yours, I would die happily I want to savor all of our memories They will always be locked up in my heart And I’m still praying that this happiness will remain in me I’ve told you before: I Love You And I’ll tell you again: I Love You Its kind of crazy that I feel this way But I know I am not being deceived

11-14-2004, 02:58 PM	#37 (permalink)
whimsical Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Somewhere... Age: 18 Posts: 65 Points: 379.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 379.00 Donate	Your poem nearly made me cry. You don't need to tweak it whatsoever, for once in this world there is something perfect, and it isn't fake. Last edited by Diamon : 11-01-2005 at 10:59 AM.

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10-06-2004, 11:23 PM	#31 (permalink)
sweetwater Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 862 Points: 142.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 142.00 Donate	very beautiful eyes of loneliness...keep it up.

10-07-2004, 12:09 PM	#32 (permalink)
raindrop829 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On the Boulavard of Broken Dreams Age: 18 Posts: 223 Points: 194.25 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 194.25 Donate	i liked it a lot. one thing i'd change 2 make the poem a little deeper, instead of referring 2 the person speaking as "some loser" i would change the word loser to something a little deeper sounding like "failure" . but if you like it the way it is, keep it that way, its a great poem. keep writing. God bless

10-07-2004, 12:47 PM	#33 (permalink)
SMuRF@2099 Member of the Banned PERMA BANNED Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Slum Sector Age: 24 Posts: 95 Points: 219.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 219.00 Donate	Romantic that is my take

10-08-2004, 07:22 PM	#34 (permalink)
eternal_tears Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the shadows of a lie I've created Posts: 65 Points: 113.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 113.00 Donate	omg thats awesome! i love it! i'd really like to hear more, i like the style and how its kind of abstract.

10-10-2004, 01:46 PM	#35 (permalink)
Eyes_of_lonliness n00blet Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Illinois Age: 19 Posts: 20 Points: 105.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 105.00 Donate	Hey you guys, thank you very much. This is to my boyfriend and i wanted other people critiques before i give it to him (if i do, I probably will) So thank you all very much!

03-08-2006, 11:48 AM	#38 (permalink)
jack sparrow n00blet Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: bs as argentina Posts: 1 Points: 100.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 100.00 Donate	cuando te miro veo a la clase de alma con la que me gustaria ver pintado un pais.hermoso poema,la verdad me encanto.besos los pies en el suelo ganan un cielo azul!!!!!

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